I'm engaged, but have secrets.

[Lalalauren]

So me and this guy have been dating now for almost a year. He asked me to marry him on Christmas day. I was estatic. He is the perfect guy..almost.

 

He has a good head on his shoulders. He knows what he wants in life. He's working on a good paying career. He's a good worker. He wants kids, a nice home, a loving family. What more could a girl want?

 

A better sex life. Plain as that. You see, he has a little problem. He was in a car accident a few years ago that messed up his back pretty bad. He says he's a 20 year old, trapped in a 90 year old body. I believe it.

 

He can't keep an erection for very long. Maybe about 10 minutes tops. It takes me a little while to get satisfied, ya know? Plus, he "ejaculates" very quickly. Never takes him more than 10 minutes, and if he does "ejaculate" before he goes soft, there is no hope for it coming back up again. If he goes soft before he gets off, I always have to finish him off with a blow job. And he roles over and goes to sleep, while I'm still laying there, aroused like crazy.

 

He gets the blow jobs, I get the vibrator.

How unfair is that?

 

So.. he had a big porn problem too. Says its entertainment to him. He LIKES to watch it, even if he doesn't masturbate to it. I told him I dont like him sneaking out of the bedroom at night, and watching it without me, because it feels like I'm not sexually attractive to him anymore, and that he would rather watch his porn, than come in there, and try getting me ready to go, so we can both enjoy it.

 

Now, I can wake up in the morning with his woody against my leg, and him humping me. I can wake up with him playing around with me, but if I tell him to stop, then he gets all upset, and throws an attitude. So I end up letting him have it anyway. But whenever >>I<< try playing with him, he still gets upset, and says that his back hurts, or his leg hurts and to stop.

 

His back is always hurting. I'm 18 years old! I want a sex life! I want to be able to experience more than what I get.

 

So.. I've cheated on him. with 4 different people. Yes, its awful, I know.

 

The first time, I almost got caught. It was with a friend of mine. A girl.

 

The second time, was with 2 people at once. They were friends of ours.

 

The fourth, and most recent time, was with a guy I worked with.

 

He doesn't know about any of these because if I tell him, he will leave me with no questions asked, and no explaining. He has already made that perfectly clear.

 

I love him, don't get me wrong. I really do love him. But I need good sex, and I'm just not being fully satisfied. I know it was wrong of me. But survey shows that most women in marriages these days do cheat if they have bad sex with their partner.

 

I'm not married to him yet, but I'm afraid I'm going to be one of those people.

 

So how do I get him to get interested in me, and to stop watching porn?

How do I get him to realize, that I need sex. That I'll just be this grumpy old girlfriend if I don't get it?

I tell him this, but it just ticks him off. He doesn't want to hear about it. And when I do talk to him about it, he talks about how bad his back hurts.

 

Wtf do I do? I mean, how can I spice things up, and try to at least keep him "up" for more than just 10 minutes??

 

I want us to last. I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. But I don't want to be cheating on him the entire time! I want him to understand how much this means to me. Advice, please?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Your joking right?!?!? wtf is wrong with you!!!

 

Girls, guys, threesomes,

 

Dont marry this guy if you cant be faithful matter of fact dont be in a relationship with anyone if you cant keep your legs closed for one person.

 

He's wasting his time with you and your wasting your time being someone your obviously not.

 

Wow. just leave him alone. If anything you need to confess and get it over with. How could you live with yourself if you keep this a secret and get married and he finds out anyways down the line. your whole relationship and marriage would have been a joke in his eyes.

[Sanafa]

Chrome is a charmer

 

I am new here but most likely much older than you.

 

I do agree with Chrome in the fact that you cannot continue to lie to this man, for so many reasons.

 

Most important because it will eat at your relationship in every other area no matter how much you love him or how good the other areas are.

 

Talk to him, but openly - let him know that you enjoy him, you enjoy sex and don't do it when you are upset because he is turning you down. Do it when you are sittting chatting or having dinner. Explain that your problem with porn is that you're not included but also share that you are open minded and start with being intimate with him which includes really being honest and accepted for who you are.

 

As for the other comments regarding alternative sexual activites, ignore them

 

Just because you are not traditional does NOT mean you are doing anything wrong.

 

You might find the man you are with isn't the right one, but if you remain true to yourself you will find someone who can accept your openness in the bedroom and may even join you.

 

Love isn't Sex, it's amazing how many STILL don't get that.

 

Good luck

[Woggle]

Dump him and let him find a better woman. You will never be a faithful and commited wife to him so let it go. If it is not this issue it will another thing.

[boldjack]

OP, You are lying to him and lying to yourself. You don't love or respect him, at all. You don't cheat on someone you love, repeatedly. You are far too young and selfish and dishonest to be married. Grow up first, learn to be a good person who is honest and respectful, then you can have a good relationship.

[Woggle]

OP, You are lying to him and lying to yourself. You don't love or respect him, at all. You don't cheat on someone you love, repeatedly. You are far too young and selfish and dishonest to be married. Grow up first, learn to be a good person who is honest and respectful, then you can have a good relationship.

 

Harsh but true. Not trying to insult the OP but she has a whole lot of work to do on herself before she commits to another person.

[Adunaphel]

I think you would be doing *both* of you a favour if you broke up with him, or at least if you told him about the cheating.

 

You do not *have* to stay with him.

You could start all over again, you know.

 

You could break up and find someone else to fall in love with, not do the same mistakes with, not to cheat on and possibly to have a happy and fullfilling relationship with. And give him the chance to find someone else who might be more compatible with him.

 

Or you could come clean about the cheating and see where you go from here. You might break up or start over again...only, with him.

 

If you just do nothing you are probaly just going to be even more unhappy and cheat again.

[mark982]

simple solution. pack bags,move out! there's no respect on your part,plain and simple. do it b/4 you give him a gift that keeps on giving.

[Bryanp]

Let me get this straight: You are engaged and you have screwed 2 people at once who are friends of both you and your boyfriend in addition to screwing aroung 2 other people. You clearly have absolutely no respect for him whatsoever. You humiliate him (when he finds out) that you were screwing around with his friends and you are engaged to him? What is wrong with this picture? You have a total broken moral compass. You are lying and cheating with his friends and are engaged to marry him. How can you marry somebody while doing this to him? You are a real piece of work.

[sally4sara]

His back problems and lack of concern for your sexual pleasure will only exacerbate your lack of restraint and honesty.

 

OP, you are far too young to believe this guy is your only shot at marriage. Even if he had his back problem mended for good and became willing to eat at the Y so you could get off too, your age makes you unlikely to even know what you want in life just yet.

 

Now stop jumping on people bones in sexual desperation, own up to you fiance about you actions, and go find something to occupy yourself with or someone else to date with the intent to be honest from here on out.

 

I know it felt nice to have some guy ask you to marry him; getting chosen tends to do that, but please, don't go getting married till your at least 25 and hopefully have learned how to talk to the person you're dating about your needs before things become such a mess!

[reservoirdog1]

Either tell him the truth and see what happens, or break up with the poor bastard.

 

Yes, he'll be heartbroken. But if you marry him - and especially if you do so and then keep screwing around on him - he will, quite rightly, hate you. You will not only have broken his heart, but wasted a big chunk of his life.

 

And frankly, if you simply can't keep your legs together while in a relationship with him, you shouldn't be in one with him. Period.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Tell him the truth and set both of yourselves free. You two have no business marrying.

[fakobako]

ok, i just posted a thread about me cheating on every person that ive been with. BUT im not this young and never thought about marrying these guys. marriage is a HUGE commitment which youre obviously not ready for, just like me. so, do not get married, simple as that. break up with him cause getting with a girl and than two people at the same time is really bad. but, youre human, yure young and you have needs. but since he has his condition or whatever, and you dont really like it, you have the choice to leave.

[You'reasian]

Let me get this straight: You are engaged and you have screwed 2 people at once who are friends of both you and your boyfriend in addition to screwing aroung 2 other people. You clearly have absolutely no respect for him whatsoever. You humiliate him (when he finds out) that you were screwing around with his friends and you are engaged to him? What is wrong with this picture? You have a total broken moral compass. You are lying and cheating with his friends and are engaged to marry him. How can you marry somebody while doing this to him? You are a real piece of work.

 

Another situation that reminds me of Jack Nicholson's quote in the film "As good as it gets". sheesh.

[Lalalauren]

I'm not a whore.

You're answers thrilled me.

I do love this guy, no matter how f*cked up that sounds.

I know what I did was wrong, and I have made the decision months ago not to fool around him, and I've kept to my word.

I wouldn't be doing us both a favor if I just broke it off with him.

Everyone thinks we were meant for eachother, even his parents.

His whole family LOVES me.

Now the fooling around with his friends? They were engaged also, the two I messed with at the same time. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned those two, since me and my fiance had a foursome with them anyhow.

Everytime I've messed around on him, I was under the influence of something or other. I know its wrong to keep it hidden from him. I'm not afraid of being alone, but I'm afraid of letting go the one that was meant to be mine.

I know I'm young. I know I've got my whole life ahead of me to get hitched. But how many of you have actually let go of your one true love, and regret it?

I'm not going to go through life regreting letting him go.

He's better off not knowing, and I'm better off forgetting about it.

I am the type of person who can set their mind to something, and keep to it.

I've promised myself, and for the well being of my guy to not cheat on him anymore, and like I said I've kept to that. I don't like critisism. I posted this to see if anyone would tell me how to keep things lively so I wouldn't have to resort to doing it again, or not get any sex at all.

Not to be practically called a whore in all of your answers. I've only screwed 3 guys in my life time. So no, very far from being a whore.

Thank you.

[whimsical_memory]

I'm not a whore.

You're answers thrilled me.

I do love this guy, no matter how f*cked up that sounds.

I know what I did was wrong, and I have made the decision months ago not to fool around him, and I've kept to my word.

I wouldn't be doing us both a favor if I just broke it off with him.

Everyone thinks we were meant for eachother, even his parents.

His whole family LOVES me.

Now the fooling around with his friends? They were engaged also, the two I messed with at the same time. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned those two, since me and my fiance had a foursome with them anyhow.

Everytime I've messed around on him, I was under the influence of something or other. I know its wrong to keep it hidden from him. I'm not afraid of being alone, but I'm afraid of letting go the one that was meant to be mine.

I know I'm young. I know I've got my whole life ahead of me to get hitched. But how many of you have actually let go of your one true love, and regret it?

I'm not going to go through life regreting letting him go.

He's better off not knowing, and I'm better off forgetting about it.

I am the type of person who can set their mind to something, and keep to it.

I've promised myself, and for the well being of my guy to not cheat on him anymore, and like I said I've kept to that. I don't like critisism. I posted this to see if anyone would tell me how to keep things lively so I wouldn't have to resort to doing it again, or not get any sex at all.

Not to be practically called a whore in all of your answers. I've only screwed 3 guys in my life time. So no, very far from being a whore.

Thank you.

 

 

 

Okay, remembering that you are very young..I will say this, and I am saying it with kindness.

 

You do not love him. You may be extremely fond of him, but as far as love goes? I'm not reading any of that in your post. You are engaged to a man that you cannot be faithful for, you've already made that comment yourself. I would suggest that you leave him, and let him find someone that will love him and be faithful to him, this road leads only to heartache. Please listen to the posters when they suggest that you stay out of a relationship until you're just a little bit more matured.

[Island Girl]

His whole family LOVES me.

 

Let them know what you have been up to. We'll see how much they "love" you.

 

 

Now the fooling around with his friends? They were engaged also, the two I messed with at the same time. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned those two, since me and my fiance had a foursome with them anyhow.

 

It is cheating even in the swinging world if the partner doesn't know about it.

 

You cheated. Yes it "counts".

 

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

 

Everytime I've messed around on him, I was under the influence of something or other.

 

More excuses.

 

Adults who are ready to be in long term mature relationship take responsibility for their actions.

[boldjack]

Nobody sid that you were a whore,OP. What they are trying to tell you is that a true, love, never cheats. All you have done in your posts is make excuses for your behavior. You have blamed your BF, you've blamed you libido, and you've blamed drugs/alcohol. You will fail, because you haven't the maturity to be honest. Your whole relationship is based on lies and more lies. You have not said one mature, honest thing. Listen to the posters, and try to see the truth. It's your only hope. BTW, if you think that everyone loves you, wait until they find out about your cheating and see if they love you then. And be assured, they will find out. Sooner or later. If you tell the truth to your BF, you still have a chance, if not you are going to fail.

[Woggle]

You are not a whore and you are not a bad person but you have a whole lot of growing and maturing to do before you commit to a marriage.

[justpassingthrough]

I'm not a whore.

You're answers thrilled me.

I do love this guy, no matter how f*cked up that sounds.

I know what I did was wrong, and I have made the decision months ago not to fool around him, and I've kept to my word.

I wouldn't be doing us both a favor if I just broke it off with him.

Everyone thinks we were meant for eachother, even his parents.

His whole family LOVES me.

Now the fooling around with his friends? They were engaged also, the two I messed with at the same time. I guess I shouldn't have mentioned those two, since me and my fiance had a foursome with them anyhow.

Everytime I've messed around on him, I was under the influence of something or other. I know its wrong to keep it hidden from him. I'm not afraid of being alone, but I'm afraid of letting go the one that was meant to be mine.

I know I'm young. I know I've got my whole life ahead of me to get hitched. But how many of you have actually let go of your one true love, and regret it?

I'm not going to go through life regreting letting him go.

He's better off not knowing, and I'm better off forgetting about it.

I am the type of person who can set their mind to something, and keep to it.

I've promised myself, and for the well being of my guy to not cheat on him anymore, and like I said I've kept to that. I don't like critisism. I posted this to see if anyone would tell me how to keep things lively so I wouldn't have to resort to doing it again, or not get any sex at all.

Not to be practically called a whore in all of your answers. I've only screwed 3 guys in my life time. So no, very far from being a whore.

Thank you.

 

Stop blaming everything and everyone else in your life for your own behavior. IF and WHEN you can do that, you'll be a mature adult. Until then, you're irresponsible and child-like. Children have no business getting married.

 

Do this guy a favor and set him free. He deserves better.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Lauren, the problems are only going to get WORSE once you get married - not better. And you cannot be in love with a man for his potential. His potential to be a better lover. His potential to last longer. His potential to actually give a crap about your sexual pleasure. Sex is obviously important to you. It's good that you found this out before you got married.

 

I've been 18. I know exactly where you're at because of the way you said things in your most recent post. You won't listen to what many have said here because you assume it's coming from anger, disgust at what you've done, etc. So you'll go ahead and marry the guy, and things WILL fall apart. I hate to be the one to say that, but it's true. So go ahead.

 

But at least quit saying that you really, really love him. The form of love you show is very dysfunctional. It's really not fair of you to keep this a secret from him. The best thing you could do would to be HONEST and if he loves you, maybe he'll work on things with you when he sees how serious you are about this sex thing. But if he really wants to hold to this "I'll leave you if you cheat," then you'll be alone. But at least you honored him enough to let him make a decision with ALL the facts - not this fairytale you've let him believe.

[MrFun]

The first time, I almost got caught. It was with a friend of mine. A girl.

The second time, was with 2 people at once. They were friends of ours.

The fourth, and most recent time, was with a guy I worked with.

 

But I need good sex, and I'm just not being fully satisfied.

 

I have two goats and circus midget coming over in 10 minutes, you should come over and hang out. PM me.

[In Like Flynn]

Won't ever cheat again no matter what??? Well every newlywed couple believe that with all their heart and half of them cheat. Considering that you have already cheated and the excuses you gave...........you will cheat again!!

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with most of the posters in this thread. You're not mature enough to consider marriage. Woman up and tell him that you've been cheating, then let him decide if this type of behaviour is acceptable to him. He's the other half of your current relationship, one who you should be giving respect to.

[dreamergrl]

Honey 10 minutes is more than long enough. How long do you need?

 

I think you might be under the misconception regular guys can go for hours, well they can't.

 

I agree! Hey the last time I had sex, it was for about 10 minutes, and I enjoyed every second. And I didn't even get mine, but there were other factors that made it great for each and every second.

 

Back to OP....

 

No one is calling you a whore. But if you can't be honest with him and yourself, how do you plan on having an honest marriage? With marriage comes a great deal of respect, communication, team work, honesty, love, and responsibility. Most of all, for all it to work, you need maturity and selflessness. You're worried about getting yours, but you're not worried about how you are now getting yours will affect your fiance. The mature choice would have been to sit down and talk to him about everything. If nothing could be reached, then move on and realize it wont work out because one's needs are not and can't seem to be met.

 

You are still unwilling to fess up and tell him what's going on. You can't start a marriage off on lies, it wont work. Everything will fester, people will suffer. And if things are festering, how can you expect your bedroom time to get better? The best sex is with someone whom you've been completely honest and free with.