Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 We had two visitors at work a few days ago from our counterpart office in Texas including a woman in her mid-20's. When I initially met her, it was a "standard" handshake. I briefly discussed one of the projects with her over a group lunch, but that was the most I talked to her one-on-one. She was very attractive and I looked at her a few times, and once our eyes met, she smiled. Before leaving, she gave me one of those "encapsulating" handshakes with one hand on the bottom of my hand and the other covering the top. What could this mean in the circumstances I described?
lovers69 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 From my perspective, it's just means nothing. But hopefully I'm wrong. I want you to ask yourself, what have you done to her during that time to think that she likes you?
Athena Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 We had two visitors at work a few days ago from our counterpart office in Texas including a woman in her mid-20's. When I initially met her, it was a "standard" handshake. I briefly discussed one of the projects with her over a group lunch, but that was the most I talked to her one-on-one. She was very attractive and I looked at her a few times, and once our eyes met, she smiled. Before leaving, she gave me one of those "encapsulating" handshakes with one hand on the bottom of my hand and the other covering the top. What could this mean in the circumstances I described? Both hands = gratitude, genuine feeling of being pleased to have met you...?! what was YOUR take on it?
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Both hands = gratitude, genuine feeling of being pleased to have met you...?! what was YOUR take on it? I guess I was hoping it was her giving a sign of attraction, but I suppose I was hoping for something along those lines and therefore looked too much into the gesture...
likeORIGAMI Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I interpret this as absolutely nothing (she was being polite).
New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I interpret this as a polite, friendly woman whom you found attractive gave you a handshake.
boogieboy Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Youre looking for too much too soon. You will have to put in more work to get a real indication of interest.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Can anyone give recommendations as to how to start to approach her through email (that is the only method I currently have to communicate with her as tying up an office phone line for this would not be good?) I would think I would start out with apologizing for looking at her, say that I think she is very attractive and would like to get to know her better - or is that too strong?
New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Can anyone give recommendations as to how to start to approach her through email (that is the only method I currently have to communicate with her as tying up an office phone line for this would not be good?) I would think I would start out with apologizing for looking at her, say that I think she is very attractive and would like to get to know her better - or is that too strong? I don't think you should apologize for looking at her. That just sounds creepy. She probably didn't think anything of it at the time, and calling her attention to it after the fact is going to come across creepy, IMO. I would also steer clear of commenting on how she looks, period. And DEFINITELY don't state that the REASON you would like to get to know her better is because of how she looks. Most likely she'll be a) annoyed b) think you're just looking for sex or c) both a and b. I also think that email is just hands down a bad way of asking someone on a date, if that's what you're trying to do. However, if by emailing her you're just looking to strike up a rapport for a future date proposition, I really have no idea how you could go about doing that without knowing more about you two and your company and your interaction, etc.
Lucky_One Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I'd think long and hard about emailing her about a personal connection on company computers and company time.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 However, if by emailing her you're just looking to strike up a rapport for a future date proposition, I really have no idea how you could go about doing that without knowing more about you two and your company and your interaction, etc. U.S. Government agency, our two offices do the same thing but each office cover different areas of the globe. Every so often, we have a few employees go to their site for a couple of days and vice-versa. I'd think long and hard about emailing her about a personal connection on company computers and company time. Like I said, it's the only manner I have now besides phoning. I fully intend to try and exchange outside email addresses with her if it gets that far. I tried finding her on email lookup sites but to no avail, and even if I did find her email, I would have the choice between emailing at work or sending one to her personal account, which would probably get a "how did you find my email?!?!" reaction. Using work email (initially) is the lesser of two evils IMO.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I'd think long and hard about emailing her about a personal connection on company computers and company time. Ditto. As for the change in handshake, I saw that as her being slightly more comfortable with you on the way out than she was on the way in. I would definitely NOT do any sort of apologizing or profess your lust, or any of that sort of thing. The only way to do it is to find a way to casually run across her path (with the help of someone who might know more about her), and talk to her like a normal person would as a colleague (rather than one who is enthralled so to speak), and then go about your business without spending too much time with her in that first conversation - work in a "we should get together some time for dinner so that we can continue the conversation", or something to that effect. Exchange numbers or emails if you get a good reception from her. If she says the word 'busy' or 'not sure' or anything like that, that can be seen as waffling, then you may as well chalk your losses. A woman knows nearly right away whether she wants to get to know a guy better. Remember - you want casual nonchalance right now. A genuine 'wanting to get to know her' rather than 'working it into an immediate date'. There is no game playing here, no special tricks. Just a guy who wants to get to know more about a girl without looking overeager or creepy.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 How does this sound: I email her at work with the message "I really enjoyed meeting you last week. I have something non-work related I would like to discuss with you. At your earliest convenience, please email me at <my personal email address>. Thanks!" When she emails me, I respond, what, simply "if it's all right with you, I'd like to get to know you better?"
New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 How does this sound: I email her at work with the message "I really enjoyed meeting you last week. I have something non-work related I would like to discuss with you. At your earliest convenience, please email me at <my personal email address>. Thanks!" When she emails me, I respond, what, simply "if it's all right with you, I'd like to get to know you better?" Gotta be specific. Think of it this way: you email her "If it's all right with you, I'd like to get to know you better" - what kind of response do you expect to get from that? Unless her answer is "no" and she gives you an explanation of why, you're not giving her much to go with. Ha, unless you attach one of those email "about me" spam surveys for her to fill out and return to you I'd suggest asking her to do a specific activity at a specific time.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Gotta be specific. Think of it this way: you email her "If it's all right with you, I'd like to get to know you better" - what kind of response do you expect to get from that? Unless her answer is "no" and she gives you an explanation of why, you're not giving her much to go with. Ha, unless you attach one of those email "about me" spam surveys for her to fill out and return to you I'd suggest asking her to do a specific activity at a specific time. She's in Texas. I'm in Maryland. I'm hoping to start an LDR. Suggesting coffee is fine when you live within a certain distance of each other, but when one has to get on a plane first...
Lucky_One Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 LDR's are hard. Not particularly fun for most people. Why not put all of this effort into finding someone 1) close to home and 2) not in your company?
Author Drew2073 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I've tried and come up empty too many times.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 Update: I sent an email asking if I could "pick her brain" on a non-work issue and gave my email address. She said she only had her work and Army email addresses, so I went ahead and told her I was thinking of Texas as one of several options for my next vacation, starting with Houston to try and visit with some old friends and former classmates that live in that area (100% true) and then coming up to San Antonio, and could she recc. places for me to go and restaurants? She replied she would be glad to help and would look into any festivals and other events / places and get back to me. I'm going to take the vacation in early to mid-Oct. I will wait for the info she's looking up, mull it over, and in a couple of weeks I'll tell her I've made up my mind and ask if she'd be interested in joining me on a Sat or Sun at the particular festival. If she agrees and it goes well at that time, when we are about to part ways at the end of the festival day I'll tell her that I think she's very smart, very nice and very beautiful and ask if she would be open to getting to know each other better with the goal of possibly starting a relationship. In the meantime, I'll continue the occasional friendly email. Does that sound good?
Lucky_One Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 In your next 'friendly' email, I would ask her to ask her H or BF to recommend a really good golf/fishing/hunting store, as you want to find a gift for one of your friends down there. Let her have an easy opportunity to tell you if she is involved with someone or not. Of course, you can always Google her, find out her home address, and then find out whose name it is in on the register of deeds website for her city/county.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 In your next 'friendly' email, I would ask her to ask her H or BF to recommend a really good golf/fishing/hunting store, as you want to find a gift for one of your friends down there. Let her have an easy opportunity to tell you if she is involved with someone or not. Of course, you can always Google her, find out her home address, and then find out whose name it is in on the register of deeds website for her city/county. - No husband. There were no rings on her fingers. One of the first things I looked at after meeting her. - That's a good idea to determine whether she's involved. - I tried googling her, and could find nothing that fit her. I don't believe she would own a house because she's in the Army (getting out in 6 1/2 mos.) so wouldn't it be problematic to be an NCO and have to sell a house if she was ever reassigned? EDIT: Did a free search of Bexar County (San Antonio) mortgage records. Nothing matches, which would fit. Afterthoughts: I "gave" her several opportunities where she could have mentioned a BF but she didn't. I asked about sights and restuarants, and she answered that she "hadn't been to much of the touristy stuff" (wouldn't a BF have taken her?) but would look into festivals and try to get some discount tickets; she could have said "my BF likes to take me to X". I asked about the first weekend in October for us getting together, and she only said "if I'm not on duty then" where she could have added "and if my BF doesn't have other plans" and / or "I'll see if my BF would like to join us." Doesn't that seem logical? I'll still ask as has been suggested, but again she has not alluded to a BF even once. Which, if it indeed turns out she doesn't, is a very good thing for me.
Author Drew2073 Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 Asking for the store recommendation didn't work. She suggested a regional chain right off the bat, no confirmation or denial of a boyfriend. Any other suggestions? EDIT: I've been thinking that any more questions about a boyfriend (i.e. "would your boyfriend be joining us in October?") might throw up a red flag, so maybe I should just directly ask if she's involved with anyone? RE-EDIT: I asked if her BF would be joining us in Oct, and she said she doesn't have one!! :D
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