BobSacamento Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 So I have emailing with this woman for about a month. It would be an email here and there maybe once a week. She started off telling me she's new, friend talked her into it and not interested in meeting someone. I figured what the heck I'll keep it going. Interestingly enough she still would email back and fourth. Eventually she gave me her name and I guess I worked my non creeper magic and she agreed to meet in the last email. That was about a week ago and I sent her a day when I was free and asked if she wanted to get coffee. Since then she has closed her account. I've taken this as a bad sign but I have a feeling it wasn't because of me. I figure if it was because of me she would have closed her account the day after she read my message. Who knows. Anyway, I did some creeper/detective work and found her on Facebook. Would it be in bad form to send her a request? I feel like if I don't I might be missing out on a nice opportunity but then I feel like I'm breaking my non creeper code of conduct. I figure if I send it and she rejects it then it's over and I can forget about her.
JustLooking123 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I'd let it go. If she were really interested, she would have given you her real email address or phone number. If I were her and you tried to friend me on facebook, it would creep me out a bit.
Author BobSacamento Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Yeah. She mentioned she was very shy so I figure maybe she just chickened out. I also just realized if she really did want to contact me again she could just create another account and get back in touch.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Oh just send her a message. Tell her you were really interested in meeting up, were sad she deleted her account, so you looked to see if she was on facebook so you could give it one last go, and if you don't hear back from her then it was nice talking to her. It's hardly turning up at her door is it?
Confusedalways Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Oh just send her a message. Tell her you were really interested in meeting up, were sad she deleted her account, so you looked to see if she was on facebook so you could give it one last go, and if you don't hear back from her then it was nice talking to her. It's hardly turning up at her door is it? totally agree with this. Getting messages from people you only 'kinda' know really have become the norm these days. People that I know tend to look it as more flattering than anything else, that someone took the time to find them. I see no problem with shooting her a quick message.
lofi_tokyo Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 totally agree with this. Getting messages from people you only 'kinda' know really have become the norm these days. People that I know tend to look it as more flattering than anything else, that someone took the time to find them. I see no problem with shooting her a quick message. It may be the norm getting messages from people I hardly know, but I still pick up "creeper" vibes from guys I was talking with but walked away from. You never know though, if shes super shy, and you're not afraid of sticking your neck out, it can't hurt to message her. If she does think you're a bit stalkerish, well, you tried, and you won't have to see her in the future, so who cares.
PrincessOfDarkness Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 All is fair in love and war. If you aren't breaking the law, you aren't stalking. Just go for it.
Author BobSacamento Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I think I'll give it a shot and if she ignores it/blocks me, I'll take the hint lol.
Ariadne Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 All is fair in love and war. If you aren't breaking the law, you aren't stalking. Just go for it. :love:
WineCountry Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I think I'll give it a shot and if she ignores it/blocks me, I'll take the hint lol. I think she already gave you the hint. You just arent accepting it.
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 :love: But you break the law Ariadne I think Wine country is right Bob.. you should just finish the blow off and move on... She isn't interested...
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Don't do anything. If she likes you, she'll contact you..All those times she was emailing you back, she never did ask you out or ask for your number.
hoping2heal Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Maybe she isn't who she says she is? One of my friends used to make profiles, using fake pics and then she'd get a thing going with a guy, when he'd keep pressing to meet or anything, she'd close her acct. and make a new one.
Ariadne Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 But you break the law Ariadne I think Wine country is right Bob.. you should just finish the blow off and move on... She isn't interested... Nope. I just sent emails. And looked at someone from afar once.
trahn Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Bob, I think the answer to your question is simple in the sense that it would NOT be creepy to email her off of facebook. When I saw the title of this thread I thought it was something relating to persisten and relentless emailing (one-way street) style. In your case you had good convo with this lady and she disappeared on you. As someone else stated, obviously you weren't important enough for her to reach out to so I personally wouldn't extend any invitation to her regardless of what form, but that is your decision and it's understandable that you feel you may be losing out on a good opportunity. If you do email her, what i'd say is something simple such as: "Hi this is Bob, we emailed off (whatever site) and I thought the conversations we had were great and I was anticipating meeting up for coffee as we planned but as mentioned, I had no means of contacting you. I did a quick search and saw you on facebook and thought that if you were still up for it, i'd love to meet as we previously planned. I hope this doesn't come off as peculiar to you, I Just feel like you were really worth trying to get to know better and when I saw you were on facebook I didn't see any harm in messaging you. I hope all is well with you and i'm sure you have your reasons for cancelling your account as you did. I hope everything is alright and if you get the chance, I hope to hear back from you. If not, I certainly respect that and won't take up any more of your time. Take care....Bob Doesn't necessarily have to be that long, but in a nutshell you're explaining why you wanted to continue to get to know her, you hope she's alright (like she wasn't really stalked), and that if she's up for it you'd still like to move forward with previous plans. Basically, facebook myspace, etc, are all sites exactly for this...to reconnect with someone you knew in the past or have met at some point in time so writing to her once isn't gonna be "creepish"....if she doesn't respond or responds in a fashion that declines your invitation all of a sudden and you continue to persist, then it becomes creepish. I personally wouldn't email her but you certainly can and it wouldn't be creepish. Good Luck.
Trialbyfire Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Bob, she knows your email address, therefore, if she closed her account and wanted to stay in touch, she would have given you her new one. Don't send her a message through FB. She'll know you stalked her.
WineCountry Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 [quote=trahn;2305811 I personally wouldn't email her but you certainly can and it wouldn't be creepish. Good Luck. As a woman, I would most definitely find that creepy. Bob, you asked her about getting together for a coffee date or something, and you guys never set that up, and she ends up closing down her account without giving you a way to reach her. Im telling you, she is NOT interested. I know that if i shut down an account thereby ending my communication with someone, and he showed up on Facebook looking for me, I would NOT be happy. Yes, she could have just TOLD you she wasnt interested, but a lot of people DONT do the right thing. They do what she did to you....Just cut it off, or disappear. Forget about her.
trahn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 As a woman, I would most definitely find that creepy. Bob, you asked her about getting together for a coffee date or something, and you guys never set that up, and she ends up closing down her account without giving you a way to reach her. I can respect your viewpoint but I certainly don't have to agree with it. I think the main problem with women is that you're all nuts....lol. Everything a guy does is considered "CREEPY"....we're all just big Creeps fresh out of a Thriller video. I can give plenty of examples, but i'd get carpal tunnel typing them all. My guess is that you're old school "wine country" and at least in your mid 40's or older, right? I'm in no way direspecting you, but this is the age of Technology and an era where people MEET people on a computer. Facebook and myspace are sites for that VERY REASON. You can look someone up in the BLINK OF AN EYE, so why is this CREEPY? This isn't creepy at all. The guy probably spent a total of 2 minutes IF THAT checking this chick out. By his own statements, things went well in his conversations with her and it's highly unlikely that he's the reason she cancelled her account. All this "creepy" stuff is silly...it really is. If he got her address and was texting her from outside her damn house, that would be creepy....emailing her is not....really. This lady may have things going on in her life and be going through emotional turmoil (like every other woman) so by Bob just saying hi and seeing how she is, and explaning that he didn't "hunt her down" he just was confused at how well he perceived things to be going and wanted to say Hi when He saw she was on facebook. By ending it by saying if I don't hear back I won't take up any more of your time, is very gentleman like and all he is trying to do is be just that, a gentleman. It's classic that you women always have ample creepy classifications, but never see yourselves as creepy. I remember in the mid 90's all the chicks I worked with were dogging people as "creepy" or "loonie" for joining dating sites...they'd say how can "anyone" do that...that's just weeeeirrrrddd. Here we are now in 2009 and women by the MILLIONS are joining and meeting people off of dating sites.....guess it ain't so "CREEPY" anymore, huh? Yeah, real interesting how that works. By this guy sending A SINGLE EMAIL that is far from creepy, but people are entitled to their own opinions. I still think you should do it if you feel you really want to Bob, then when you find out she cancelled her other account for some other personal reason and you end up getting that date you can come back and post your "CREEPY" experience here with everyone. Good luck man.
Author BobSacamento Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Well I know some women who have said they have been harassed on dating sites. So her being scared and closing out her account because of some psycho is not out the question. Now me sending her a message could look like psycho behavior however I also know women who feel contacting a man on FB is creeper behavior on their part. I mean if she trusted me enough to give me her name what's the harm in sending a message. Honestly, I'm getting to the point where I think she might be a little strange lol.
trahn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Bob, I was just reading another thread on this site where the chick is like 23 and the guy 30 years older. She gave him her number and he REPEATEDLY CALLED her the SAME NIGHT basically saying something like I want to talk to you but you don't answer your phone. This chick is still contemplating whether to talk to this guy or not and even possibly start a relationship with him....and I haven't heard anyone say that was CREEEPY....but yet your little email is creepy....get real. Send the message man.....you may be right, she may be the one "creepy" but at least send it if that's what you want to do and get it over with. It isn't like you're sending it from outside her window in your limo tinted car off your wireless laptop....send it man, if she doesn't write back move on, if she does write back it may be positive...give it a shot.
Author BobSacamento Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Yeah I sent it. Now I play the waiting game. What's it going to be? Positive response or restraining order? Place your bets.
WineCountry Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I can respect your viewpoint but I certainly don't have to agree with it. I think the main problem with women is that you're all nuts....lol. Everything a guy does is considered "CREEPY"....we're all just big Creeps fresh out of a Thriller video. I can give plenty of examples, but i'd get carpal tunnel typing them all. My guess is that you're old school "wine country" and at least in your mid 40's or older, right? Good luck man. Yes..good luck, cause he will need it. Dude..are u serious?? Follow me slowly. He was talking with this chick. He asked her about getting together for a coffee date. She ends up closing her account, WITHOUT setting up that date, and WITHOUT giving him a way to contact her. You think she didnt KNOW what she was doing?? Yet, you STILL think he should just show up on Facebook with a cheery, " Hi there! I guess you just forgot to give me your contact info before you closed your account in my face!! But SURPRISE!! I found you!!" No, im NOT one of those woman, as you say, that finds EVERYTHING creepy. But THAT right there, would NOT be cool. Im hoping the OP has better glasses than you obviously have. You know, so he can see things a bit more clearly. Since you made assumptions about me, may i ask about you? Are you the guy who just wont go away? The one a woman can just diss, and there you are like a puppy, still wanting a pat on the head? Do you also like to spend cash on women, cause that would be a perfect combination. And I know some women i could hook you up with who would love that. All YOUNG, of course, and into technology. Follow me again, slowly. Follow me in your tricycle if you must, seeing as you are so much younger than me. Now, listen, Pumpkin. Finding an old high school classmate on Facebook, or a child hood best friend you lost track of, and using all that there new fangled technology to send them a message saying "hi' is fine. Searching for a chick that you asked out, but who never went out with you, and shut communication off with you without giving you a way to find her, and sending HER a message is NOT cool. See, Pumpkin, in THAT circumstance, it's best just to let that woman contact YOU if she wants to. Because she may have cut off communication with you because she just.. well...doesnt WANT to communicate with you. And you popping up on her Facebook page may just...here it comes..wait for it..wait for it..creep her out! Can you understand that, lil' buddy? Now, why dont you go ride your trikie, and let grown folks talk.
Author BobSacamento Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I do not use that many exclamation points!
WineCountry Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Yeah I sent it. Now I play the waiting game. What's it going to be? Positive response or restraining order? Place your bets. Here's what I think. If she is a kind hearted girl, she will answer you back. She may even go on a date with you. But, the relationship will not go anywhere because she is just not that into you. That's my bet.
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