DunnoWhat Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I'm in a long distance relationship. Everything good. We chat online every night for 2 or more hours. Tonight she went out with a friend. A friend who is single. She said she'd text me. So today she tells me that shes tired and she hopes she won't be tired on the night out. She said it would be until about 2am. She also sends me a picture of the dress she's wearing. It basically leaves the shoulders uncovered etc. It was revealing but I didn't say anything. She wears dresses for family dinners too because she likes dresses. So we exchange texts throughout the night. I get alot at first but then theres an hour between them. Its 2:30 and after her sending me a text asking was I awake I reply and say I'm going soon. I ask her was she at home and she replies 1 min later "no we're still in the club but if the music doesn't improve we'll go soon, lol. Have a nice sleep honey". Also when sending the texts back they were short and didn't answer my questions like she usually goes ie her mind was somewhere else. Her friend isn't a slutty girl. In fact she never had a boyfriend and probably is reserved around men but 2 girls alone in a club will get alot of attention and if the music is bad then something was keeping them at the club. I know this might sound 'old fashioned' but I don't think people in relationships should allow themselves get into situations where they're interacting with members of the opposite sex who are looking to hook up. Any thoughts?
JustLooking123 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Relax. Let the girl go out with her friend without keeping her on a texting leash all night. Has she ever given you a reason not to trust her? Sounds like she has not. ... I don't think people in relationships should allow themselves get into situations where they're interacting with members of the opposite sex who are looking to hook up. Then they should never leave the house...members of the opposite sex, potentially looking to hook up, are everywhere!
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Well she has never cheated on me I'm certain of that. Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it.
headlesschicken Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it. well that's nice and controlling. it almost sounds like...a threat..... why shouldn't she go to a club? people go to clubs to hang out with friends, drink and socialize. it's not such a scandalous thing.
JustLooking123 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Her single friend probably just wanted a wingwoman .
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 well that's nice and controlling. it almost sounds like...a threat..... why shouldn't she go to a club? people go to clubs to hang out with friends, drink and socialize. it's not such a scandalous thing. Theres dozens of places people can go to socalise. Cinema, resturant, go shopping, go for a drive, a walk, zoo, exhibition, go to somebodys house etc. People go to clubs for obviour reasons (to meet and hook up with people). People who like clubs tend to cheat more and are generally less able to control themselves. Whats attractive about being in a place where you have to shout into peoples ears to talk, its dark, shady charachters there, and everybody is drunk and talking sh*te. Luckily my gf don't like clubs.
sxyNYCcpl Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it. Wow. If you are so convinced that mere exposure to other males will make her want them more than she does you, perhaps you are right. Better tie that bitch up and make sure she knows her place!
Hkizzle Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it. Notice everyone is quoting this line. This statement says a lot about you. It's not so much about your GF going to a club. You're right, lots of people go to clubs to hook up, but most people go to clubs just to have fun. It's a good buzzing atmosphere. If your GF wanted to cheat in a long distance relationship, nothing you can do about it. But your statement shows you're insecure and possessive. That's not healthy, and one of the things that drives a partner away. You might not be like that all the time, but it shows in this situation and will show in other situations where you feel insecure.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I wouldn't call it being insecure I'd call it being realistic. Women are led by their emotions not logical thinking. So naturally enough unless I can read somebodys mind I cannot trust them 100%. Maybe 99.9% but its that .1% that mad me start this thread.
New Again Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I wouldn't call it being insecure I'd call it being realistic. Women are led by their emotions not logical thinking. So naturally enough unless I can read somebodys mind I cannot trust them 100%. Maybe 99.9% but its that .1% that mad me start this thread. ....Oh. So it would also be fair of me to say that men are led by their penises, not logical thinking? So naturally no woman (including yours) could ever trust a man 100%? Maybe 99.9%.... .......
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 ....Oh. So it would also be fair of me to say that men are led by their penises, not logical thinking? So naturally no woman (including yours) could ever trust a man 100%? Maybe 99.9%.... ....... Yes because humans make mistakes.
fakobako Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 when a guy starts acting like that, i start to pull away. most people will be like that, they dont like to be controled and will push away if they feel like they are. happened to me plenty of times and its usually not the best outcome for them. you have to make her feel like shes able to come and go as she please or she'll only be going out the door and not coming back to you. its human nature for someone to react defensivly if they feel like theyre being controlled, ive done it and so have my ex boyfriends, so let her go out with her friends. now, if she makes it a point to never invite you and only wants to go alone, than theres a problem. ive done that plenty of times if i dont want my bf to find out something.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Reasons for her to go to a club that don't involve cheating: 1. Her friend wanted a wingwoman. 2. Your GF likes to dance. 3. Clubs have a different atmosphere than any of the places you mentioned, and she wanted a change of scenery. I agree with the others - your analysis of her texting pattern and your comments sound excessively controlling. If she hasn't given you a reason to be suspicious before now, I strongly suggest you give her the benefit of the doubt. Remember, her knowing that you don't want her to cheat won't prevent her from doing so. What will prevent that us you keeping her happy and satisfied in the relationship. And not being unreasonably jealous or controlling will contribute to her happiness. Remember, displaying those things makes you seem needy and unattractive. And THAT'S what will make her stray.
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 So we exchange texts throughout the night. I get alot at first but then theres an hour between them. Its 2:30 and after her sending me a text asking was I awake I reply and say I'm going soon. I ask her was she at home and she replies 1 min later "no we're still in the club but if the music doesn't improve we'll go soon, lol. Have a nice sleep honey". Also when sending the texts back they were short and didn't answer my questions like she usually goes ie her mind was somewhere else. Yuck. It is so very rude to text all night to someone when you are out with another person. It's really annoying to be trying to have a conversation with someone who is glued to their phone all night. You must be very insecure to need her on the text leash all night like that. But, don't worry. Her friend is probably thoroughly pissed off at your gf's rudeness and won't ever go out with her again.
fakobako Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Yuck. It is so very rude to text all night to someone when you are out with another person. It's really annoying to be trying to have a conversation with someone who is glued to their phone all night. You must be very insecure to need her on the text leash all night like that. But, don't worry. Her friend is probably thoroughly pissed off at your gf's rudeness and won't ever go out with her again. yes, this is true. i get so annoyed when my guy texts me when im out with friends, texted me a whole bunch of times if i dont reply right away. theres lmore life out there besides you, let her enjoy her time than spend time with her later. when my guy starts acting like that, it actually will start to make me stray, and i doubt you want that. you do need advice from someone who has cheated plenty of times to know when someone has cheated or will cheat. she will cheat if you dont stop trying to control her with something as simple as her going out with friends.
sally4sara Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My thoughts are that you should lighten up. You will score no points with her by acting like she'd drop you the moment some other guy pays her any attention. The more you act like any guy out there is enough to get her away from you, the more she might consider you could be right and drop you for someone who wants to see her have some fun. "Hold on loosely, but don't let gooooo" "If you cling to tightly, you're going to loose controooolllll"
reservoirdog1 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 The more you act like any guy out there is enough to get her away from you, the more she might consider you could be right and drop you for someone who wants to see her have some fun. Very well said. Ever heard of a "self-fulfilling prophecy", OP? Perfect example.
Samari Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I would never bother my girlfriend when she is at a club. Or just out with friends. That shows insecurity and clingyness. Very obnoxious.
LDR Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Wow, OP your image of us women is terrible. We do have logical thinking, you know? Im in a LDR too, and even if I go out sometimes to Pubs with my single female best friend, its just to relax, have a drink, not to meet or flirt with men. If someone comes up to me, I turn them down in a polite way as Im in love with my boyfriend, and very happy in our relationship. If my boyfriend acted the way you do, I would pull away. If you cannot trust the person you are with, then you shouldnt be in a relationship with them.
Hkizzle Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I wouldn't call it being insecure I'd call it being realistic. Women are led by their emotions not logical thinking. So naturally enough unless I can read somebodys mind I cannot trust them 100%. Maybe 99.9% but its that .1% that mad me start this thread. This is not about her. This is about what drove you to even worry about it....... Saying it's being realistic is an excuse. It's insecurity driving the action of worrying in the first place. Control that insecurity because it's not a good thing in relationships. There's no upside because it doesn't stop her from cheating if she wanted to. What are you going to do? Lock her up? That will just drive her away.
in_absentia Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well she has never cheated on me I'm certain of that. Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it. You sounds like a creepy, controlling freak. Your girl should be able to go out with her friend anywhere the hell she wants without you obsessing over making sure she's constantly texting you, if I were her friend I'd be annoyed she spent all night on the phone. Not everyone goes to clubs to pull, people go to have a laugh, see their friends who are out, dance and get drunk. Whether anyone comes onto her or not should be irrelevant, if you trust her you'd trust her to decline and carry on with her night. If I were her and I felt this kinda behaviour from you you'd be out the door. Urgh.
stace79 Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 This is about as possessive and controlling as I've ever seen a guy! Relax!! The fact that she was texting you from the club is a good sign. The point was that she was going out to have fun with her girl friend. If she wanted to talk to you allllll night long she'd have stayed home and had another 2+ hour chat with you! I'd be annoyed and sending snippity texts back, too, if my fiance was texting me all night while knowing I was out with my friends. If you can't trust her to go out with friends, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.
relationship_learner Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Theres dozens of places people can go to socalise. Cinema, resturant, go shopping, go for a drive, a walk, zoo, exhibition, go to somebodys house etc. People go to clubs for obviour reasons (to meet and hook up with people). People who like clubs tend to cheat more and are generally less able to control themselves. Whats attractive about being in a place where you have to shout into peoples ears to talk, its dark, shady charachters there, and everybody is drunk and talking sh*te. Luckily my gf don't like clubs. I used to feel like how you do right now. She went on vacation with bunch of her lady friends and guy friends without me. She got drunk and I felt like some guy would eventually take advantage of her. However, her lady friends are still sober to protect her, and that's a good thing. I understand that you feel unsecured and helpless since you are away from her. But as long as she's going with her good friends who can protect her and that she hasn't done any cheating before hands. You shouldn't be so worry about it. Otherwise, her friends will feel like you are a controlling bf and give those guys chances to take advantage of her...
Dexter Morgan Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Any thoughts? why do you want a girl that goes clubbing anyway?
girl68 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Why should a girl want to go out to a club if shes in a relationship? She better not make a habit of it. Why? I'll tell you why. 1- Dress to impress, is it nice to be admired by girls and guys alike? Uhh, yeah. Does it mean I'm a cheap, cheating, skanky hobag? Uhh, no! 2- Good tunes and no blaring music in my car, stereo, computer, or TV does NOT compare. 3- Hang out with friends. Do I ALWAYS have to go for coffee, dinner, beach? Women will get hit on ANYWHERE, club or not. 4- To dance. Once again, dancing by myself in my house, friends house, or the like does NOT compare. Once again, does this make me a cheap, cheating, skanky hoebag? Not even close. 5- To have a few drinks in a "different" atmosphere. Must I always end up in a little lounge to have a drink? Am I not entitled to a "night out"? Theres dozens of places people can go to socalise. Cinema, resturant, go shopping, go for a drive, a walk, zoo, exhibition, go to somebodys house etc. People go to clubs for obviour reasons (to meet and hook up with people). People who like clubs tend to cheat more and are generally less able to control themselves. Whats attractive about being in a place where you have to shout into peoples ears to talk, its dark, shady charachters there, and everybody is drunk and talking sh*te. Luckily my gf don't like clubs. Ok wrong again. No where do I list the reason to hook up at clubs as the reason I go, nor ANY of my friends. Yes, it happens- but does that mean ALL girls, ALL guys go for the reason you list? Hells no. In fact, not even close. And please provide a link where you got the idea the "clubbers" are more likely to cheat/ can't control themselves? Please- I beg of you. Because once again- not ture. I club all the time, and I mean all the time. I have a bf- and never ONCE have I crossed the line. Am I an exception to your little rule? No, I am the majority. If you want to cheat, you will cheat- you don't need to be a clubber to cheat- nor will it increase the chance that a person does cheat. And yes, your gf does like clubbing, if she didn't she wouldn't have gone. Nor would she have stayed till 230am. why do you want a girl that goes clubbing anyway? A better question is- why would any girl want a bf who texted her 50 times a night and then gets upset when she doesn't respond for an hour?
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