confusedinkansas Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 It is very much possible to move on past an affair & NEVER tell you spouse & have a very fulfilled / happy / satisfied / happy & DID I MENTION HAPPY marriage. SO - those of you that are hell bent on everyone ALWAYS telling....It's not always THE thing to do. Each situation is different. she would be back with the MM in an instant if he wanted her back.] Where did she say that? I read that she was glad that he was gone & told him that if he contacted her again she'd call the police:rolleyes: You people are so busy fussing at each other........Sheesh!!! Anyway OP - Good for you for 7 months with NC. Your XMM sounds like mine. Serial cheater...Only mine keeps polking his nose in my biz bout every 2 months or so. I just keep ignoring him. I do think about the xmm and I still do care because he is a person and a person I thought I loved no matter how wrong it was. Those feelings while I will not act on them don't go away so easily. This is VERY VERY Common. If you didn't have feelings for him in the first place the affair would have never taken place. SO - sure, you'll think about him from time to time. But you're not acting on the "thoughts" & they will eventually subside to where you won't think about him for months at a time -....I think you're doing fine....And it should be even easier not having him right next door.
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 It is very much possible to move on past an affair & NEVER tell you spouse & have a very fulfilled / happy / satisfied / happy & DID I MENTION HAPPY marriage. SO - those of you that are hell bent on everyone ALWAYS telling....It's not always THE thing to do. Each situation is different. It is very possible to have the illusion of a happy marriage by never telling the truth. The liar lives the lie, the bs lives a lie, and the whole mess is a house of cards. A strong gust of wind. A well placed whisper. A vindictive ex AP. A sneaky suspicion. A slip of the tongue. These are all possible catalyst to disaster. One that could be avoided. Not only does it speak of the character of the liar who is willing to let another human live the lie they created, but it shows fear and lack of faith in the person they proclaim to love. No faith in the marriage that is said to be strong and happy. No respect for the family that is being held up by something other than the truth. The fear is clear. It is all about saving the persona created by the liar. It is all about how one is viewed, not about the substance. Doing the right thing is never easy. If it were, the world would be a much better place. There will always be people willing to settle for less and will force others to settle as well. There will always be people who are living a lie because someone else made the decision for them. There will always be families cleaning up the mess caused by one person. There will always be people who show a lack of respect for themselves and those they profess to love to hang on to some manufactured persona to keep from being a genuine person. That in itself is the true tragedy.
lkjh Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Mino, you obviously have the intelligence of a 3 year old if you honestly believe FF is working on her marriage. It's cool that you want to stick up for the cheater, but the least you can do is attempt to use some common sense and read stuff first. 7 months is no reason to give ff a medal when all she cares about is the MM. I like how you couldn't answer one of the earlier questions and yet you still stick to your previous point. She hasn't tried any of the things necessary to move forward. I have read all of her post and she hasn't made any progress. At one point she was even using her kids to continue a affair with this MM. The only reason the affair is over is because the MM pulled back. FF, wants to believe it was her but go back and read her earlier post. She was ready to leave her H, if the MM would have her but all he wanted was a** on the side. She made a huge fool of her H and now she claims she loves him. The poor guy is stuck with her because she refuses to do anything honest. The lowest thing anyone can do is manipulate the people they claim to love for their own happiness.
lkjh Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 It is very much possible to move on past an affair & NEVER tell you spouse & have a very fulfilled / happy / satisfied / happy & DID I MENTION HAPPY marriage. SO - those of you that are hell bent on everyone ALWAYS telling....It's not always THE thing to do. Each situation is different. Where did she say that? I read that she was glad that he was gone & told him that if he contacted her again she'd call the police:rolleyes: You people are so busy fussing at each other........Sheesh!!! Anyway OP - Good for you for 7 months with NC. Your XMM sounds like mine. Serial cheater...Only mine keeps polking his nose in my biz bout every 2 months or so. I just keep ignoring him. This is VERY VERY Common. If you didn't have feelings for him in the first place the affair would have never taken place. SO - sure, you'll think about him from time to time. But you're not acting on the "thoughts" & they will eventually subside to where you won't think about him for months at a time -....I think you're doing fine....And it should be even easier not having him right next door. If you think lying and misleading your SO is a form of a happy marriage then I feel bad for your SO. Love is about putting your spouse first and treating them like this is not doing that. You can not build a house on a cracked foundation.
lkjh Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Mino, after reading your post and seeing your train of thought it really doesn't surprise me that you would allow yourself to be a mistress.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Should she tell her H? I think so. I've read so many stories about spouse's who found out about an A YEARS after the fact. It's like it happened yesterday to them, no matter how long ago it was and the WS has moved on. From what I read the BS questions every memory they have. I don't know how you could alleviate the guilt without coming clean. How could you even start to work on your own issues when you aren't honest about them? Plus, the upside to YOU telling and your spouse finding out is you get to control the information they get. And it looks like you're actually sorry instead of mad you got found out. I get not telling because your spouse might leave you. I just think that should keep more people from cheating. A perfect world this is not. GEL
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 A perfect world this is not. GEL No truer words.
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