forbidden fruit Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Well I have been in NC with xmm for 7 months who was also my next door neighbor. The last time I ever had correspondence was to tell him I would call the police if he came near me. So he finally moved out of his practically brand new house to god knows where. While I have learned tons of lessons and whole bunch about myself, he has learned nothing. As far as know he is in affair again. I run him into everywhere( small community) and I just walk by him while he gives me dirty looks. 7 months ago that would of bothered, but now I just see him as pathetic and I am grateful I did not end up with him. I have to say not one day goes by that I regret everything I did. How I let myself for such a loser and liar. Not one days go by I do not think about what I did to my family and how much guilt I feel. Not one day goes by that I wish my xmm the worst. I still am hating myself and do not know if that will ever go away? So for anyone in a affair, thinking about an affair or ending an affair I would have to say it definately is not worth it. Noone is worth the self-doubt, self pity, guilt, anger, resentment and the list goes on...... My happy ending is not end up in funny farm, and still have what is so important to me and that is the love of people who truly care about me not some mm loser
joybean72 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm sorry you have been hurt by this man. Hold on to the people that truly care about you and care for your well being. You deserve someone that loves and cares for only you for ALL that you are! Good luck to you! Make every moment count girl!
bentnotbroken Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Did you ever tell your H about everything or are you still sitting on that little tidbit?
lkjh Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 You are still lying to your H, so you haven't learned anything. For years you have treated your H like dirt and just remember.....what goes around comes around.
lkjh Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 OM was not the problem, you are. You were the one obsessing about him for years. You were the one that didn't care about your family. One day in the future you will look back on this and really understand how horrible you treated your H. You will wish that you came clean but by then it will be to late.
Mino Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 OM was not the problem, you are. You were the one obsessing about him for years. You were the one that didn't care about your family. One day in the future you will look back on this and really understand how horrible you treated your H. You will wish that you came clean but by then it will be to late. Good Gawd, What do you have that "you will burn forever in Hell" attitude??? Give her some credit will ja, Mrs Perfect. She has come a looong way, she went nc with the mm, she is working on her m. If you cant say anything nice and support her, dont say anythinbg at all. It like all you do is Bitch, bitch bitch, Do you do that to your H as well? I bet he loves that about you, right? Just rub is freakin face into everyday that he cheated, let me guess he tuned you out a long time ago so you come her and nag, GEEEZZZ!
Mino Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Well I have been in NC with xmm for 7 months who was also my next door neighbor. The last time I ever had correspondence was to tell him I would call the police if he came near me. So he finally moved out of his practically brand new house to god knows where. While I have learned tons of lessons and whole bunch about myself, he has learned nothing. As far as know he is in affair again. I run him into everywhere( small community) and I just walk by him while he gives me dirty looks. 7 months ago that would of bothered, but now I just see him as pathetic and I am grateful I did not end up with him. I have to say not one day goes by that I regret everything I did. How I let myself for such a loser and liar. Not one days go by I do not think about what I did to my family and how much guilt I feel. Not one day goes by that I wish my xmm the worst. I still am hating myself and do not know if that will ever go away? So for anyone in a affair, thinking about an affair or ending an affair I would have to say it definately is not worth it. Noone is worth the self-doubt, self pity, guilt, anger, resentment and the list goes on...... My happy ending is not end up in funny farm, and still have what is so important to me and that is the love of people who truly care about me not some mm loser FF, I am happy for you that you are able to move forward now, I know it was hard with him living next door, I wish you all the best FF;)
Mino Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Did you ever tell your H about everything or are you still sitting on that little tidbit? And Bent, I cant believe you are stirring the pot.....
bentnotbroken Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 And Bent, I cant believe you are stirring the pot..... I asked a fair question. She still didn't act if she only waited for XMM to move. She still is sitting on a powder keg if her H is still in the dark. If that is stirring the pot...then I stirred the pot.
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I've been thinking about you FF. Glad to hear he's moved away. While I have learned tons of lessons and whole bunch about myself, he has learned nothing. As far as know he is in affair again. Great that you've learned alot, but - WHO cares about exMM! If he hasn't learned anything or he's in another affair, that's his choice and it shouldn't weigh on your mind. It's a waste of timing giving this thought!
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 And Bent, I cant believe you are stirring the pot..... I disagree Mino. If FF has not truly faced the issues within herself and the contributing factors in her M...then how can she truly be happy? So she stays married but unhappy because she FOCUSES on the OM and not herself and her M. TO me, it leaves her vulnerable to another one...and the cycle continues. Or, should she prove strong enough to resist the next Prince Charming (and nothing she posts indicate she is)...then she stays in an unhappy marriage. Either way she loses. She needs to face herself and her hubby. I think BNB is spot on asking that...its not to stir the pot but to help FF live a better life... JW
Mino Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I disagree Mino. If FF has not truly faced the issues within herself and the contributing factors in her M...then how can she truly be happy? So she stays married but unhappy because she FOCUSES on the OM and not herself and her M. TO me, it leaves her vulnerable to another one...and the cycle continues. Or, should she prove strong enough to resist the next Prince Charming (and nothing she posts indicate she is)...then she stays in an unhappy marriage. Either way she loses. She needs to face herself and her hubby. I think BNB is spot on asking that...its not to stir the pot but to help FF live a better life... JWoh I agree that she needs to figure out WHY her marriage was or is broken. She obviously had a broken M, enough to try to escape the issues and hence her cheating. I think she does need to comunicate to her H that they should attend MC, and let him know how unhappy she is in the M. But why does she need to admit the cheating? I mean, Its over, they guy is moved. Why cause her H more pain? The only thing a confession would bring at this point is maybe relieve some guilt that FF is feeling, other then that I see it doing more harm then good, jmho. Obviously pretending all is well and happy is living in denial, and I am sure if the oppurtunity comes up again where a new Prince charming crosses her path, she could end up making aother mistake.Thats why I recommended that she does open up to her H and share her feelings on the M, and then seek MC. But admitting the A is adding more hurt. If I remember correctly she did admit to H that it was an EA, just not a PA, He does not need all the gorey details.....He has enough knowig about the EA
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I am happy for you that you are able to move forward now The only way for her to really move forward is to stop thinking stuff like this: he has learned nothing. As far as know he is in affair again. Not one day goes by that I wish my xmm the worst FF, the way to cope and get over this is do counselling, alone so you can deal with your own issues and with your husband so you two can reconnect again and make the marriage better.
lkjh Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Good Gawd, What do you have that "you will burn forever in Hell" attitude??? Give her some credit will ja, Mrs Perfect. She has come a looong way, she went nc with the mm, she is working on her m. If you cant say anything nice and support her, dont say anythinbg at all. It like all you do is Bitch, bitch bitch, Do you do that to your H as well? I bet he loves that about you, right? Just rub is freakin face into everyday that he cheated, let me guess he tuned you out a long time ago so you come her and nag, GEEEZZZ! For starters genius I am a guy. But it must be nice living in lala land if you actually believe she is working on her marriage. She is still lying to her H, her post is still focused 100% on the married man, and she is obviously emotionally involved with him(even if they are not talking). There is a reason why she has so must anger towards him, its because she still cares about him. After reading her post anyone can write pages about the OM and his character, but nobody can put together 5 sentences about her h and kids. You want to know why? It's because all she talks about is the OM Before you jump the gun and give her a pat on the back why don't you tell us what she has done to work on her marriage? Has she gone to MC? Has she confessed? Has she apologized to anyone? Has she seen a IC?
lkjh Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Mino, I really don't know where you got that I was a married woman when in reality I am a single guy. But maybe next time before you make up a scenario in your head about my past you should get your facts straight.
JamesM Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 FF, I am glad for you. Now that the MM has moved away, how often in a day do you still think of him? If even once, then he still has not moved away. I do think though that out of sight is out of mind. But if you live in a small town and whenever you go out you wonder if you will meet him, then he is not out of mind. The question has been asked and I do not think the direction to take is clear...I am guessing you have not told your H, or I think you would have said so. At this point, I don't know if telling will change much. Yet I do wonder if this affair will remain as a guilty stain in your mind for the rest of your days. Two things happen if you tell...the affair is no longer a secret and the guilt will no longer be hidden. You may be surprised at your husband. My guess is that he will not leave you and your marriage will only improve after the initial shock is over. Are you happy, FF?
Mino Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Mino, I really don't know where you got that I was a married woman when in reality I am a single guy. But maybe next time before you make up a scenario in your head about my past you should get your facts straight. lol, ok... sorry, you Bitch like a girl...Feel better now?
Mino Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 For starters genius I am a guy. But it must be nice living in lala land if you actually believe she is working on her marriage. She is still lying to her H, her post is still focused 100% on the married man, and she is obviously emotionally involved with him(even if they are not talking). There is a reason why she has so must anger towards him, its because she still cares about him. After reading her post anyone can write pages about the OM and his character, but nobody can put together 5 sentences about her h and kids. You want to know why? It's because all she talks about is the OM Before you jump the gun and give her a pat on the back why don't you tell us what she has done to work on her marriage? Has she gone to MC? Has she confessed? Has she apologized to anyone? Has she seen a IC? That I do not know, if she has worked on her M. But 7 months nc is worth a whoe lot in FF case. I am proud of her. maybe you were not aroud and read all her threads. She has made progress, and I dont deny that she needs mc with her H. She comes her to vent about her feelings on the A, not her M, so i dot expect her to write much on her H.
fooled once Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Mino, Bent's question was fair. She isn't stirring the pot. And FF isn't working on her marriage. She would be back with the MM in an instant if he wanted her back. But he dumped HER. She obsessed about him constantly. She would still be with him if he would let her. Her H should know of the affair if only to have himself checked for STD's. Plus he should know his wife cheated, his wife cheated with the neighbor who he used to hang out with. Talk about rubbing his face in it. And FF still can't cut ties with the MM She still wants him. She still thinks about him. How fair is that to her H?
Author forbidden fruit Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 He did not dump me I dumped. He would of continued the affair. I told him would call the police if he came near me and also I told him my H was more of a man than he will ever be. How is that him dumping me. He told me he could keep the a going for the next thirty years. Thank u Mino-it really has been the hardest thing I have ever done I am really not bothered by all the bad comments. They are justified and eeryone is entitled to their own opinion. Thanks for the support. I do think about the xmm and I still do care because he is a person and a person I thought I loved no matter how wrong it was. Those feelings while I will not act on them don't go away so easily. We knew each other for a long time and the whole thing is not easy all the way around. My main focus has been my kids and my h. no matter what anyone thinks and the answer to the question is am I happy is yes because my kids are healthy and my husband and I are healthy and that is really all that matters. Mino, Bent's question was fair. She isn't stirring the pot. And FF isn't working on her marriage. She would be back with the MM in an instant if he wanted her back. But he dumped HER. She obsessed about him constantly. She would still be with him if he would let her. Her H should know of the affair if only to have himself checked for STD's. Plus he should know his wife cheated, his wife cheated with the neighbor who he used to hang out with. Talk about rubbing his face in it. And FF still can't cut ties with the MM She still wants him. She still thinks about him. How fair is that to her H?
Mr. Lucky Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 And FF still can't cut ties with the MM She still wants him. She still thinks about him. How fair is that to her H? Have to agree. Every thread FF started in the last two years (and there have been plenty) was about her MM. Were she not still fixated on him, his moving wouldn't be such a big deal. Her history with the A aside, her H at least deserves to know where her focus is now. And it's not on her marriage... Mr. Lucky
me003 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Mino, Her H should know of the affair if only to have himself checked for STD's. Plus he should know his wife cheated, his wife cheated with the neighbor who he used to hang out with. Talk about rubbing his face in it. Don't know all the background, but why does H have to check for STD's.. I think if she checks herself and she is clean, he should be too. I think that should be a good "payback" as some of you would like to call it. There are so many STD test which are not the regulars ones. I thought i read that people with herpes can still donate blood, and since it is blood and not bodily fluid, that people don't get tested for it. She does need to go to MC to find out what made her start an A to begin with. I believe that if you are happy or if your spouse is making you happy, then no one can come into your marriage. I do admire that she had NC for 7 months. 7 months is a long time for anything. Most people cheat, Even for weight watcher you are given a cheat day (extra points) As her telling her H. The guilt of an A is too much for anyone. If you wish to hurt yourself like that, that's you, but t least see a MC to find out why it is.
bentnotbroken Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Don't know all the background, but why does H have to check for STD's.. I think if she checks herself and she is clean, he should be too. I think that should be a good "payback" as some of you would like to call it. There are so many STD test which are not the regulars ones. I thought i read that people with herpes can still donate blood, and since it is blood and not bodily fluid, that people don't get tested for it. She does need to go to MC to find out what made her start an A to begin with. I believe that if you are happy or if your spouse is making you happy, then no one can come into your marriage. I do admire that she had NC for 7 months. 7 months is a long time for anything. Most people cheat, Even for weight watcher you are given a cheat day (extra points) As her telling her H. The guilt of an A is too much for anyone. If you wish to hurt yourself like that, that's you, but t least see a MC to find out why it is. You're right you don't know her background. :eek:And why would you equate cheating in a marriage to cheating with food? You have got to be kidding. The destruction of lives compared to a few extra calories.
fooled once Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Don't know all the background, but why does H have to check for STD's.. I think if she checks herself and she is clean, he should be too. I think that should be a good "payback" as some of you would like to call it. There are so many STD test which are not the regulars ones. I thought i read that people with herpes can still donate blood, and since it is blood and not bodily fluid, that people don't get tested for it. She does need to go to MC to find out what made her start an A to begin with. I believe that if you are happy or if your spouse is making you happy, then no one can come into your marriage. I do admire that she had NC for 7 months. 7 months is a long time for anything. Most people cheat, Even for weight watcher you are given a cheat day (extra points) As her telling her H. The guilt of an A is too much for anyone. If you wish to hurt yourself like that, that's you, but t least see a MC to find out why it is. Are you kidding? Some people are just carriers. You don't have to have it yourself to not give it to someone else. Good luck with that logic. You don't think her husband deserves to know that she was screwing his close friend, their neighbor, and that she still thinks of this guy and all that????
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