Mustain2234 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 My ex-gf and I dated a short while (two months) and she broke it off because she "wasn't ready for a relationship" and the "best thing for her was to be single." Which was more than likely just meant she wanted to **** around and not be with me exclusively. We've always been in contact since the breakup. Although I have dated other woman, so I don't want to give the impression I've sat around waiting. We rarely see each other, but when we do, it's almost always on her terms. Last weekend my friends and I went to a bar she frequents because it was hosting a festival. We met, had a good time; even kissed and held hands. By the time the night ended we had a few beers in us, but nothing ridiculous. We left, said goodnight, and she kissed me on the lips. I went home really thinking nothing of it. Then I get a phone call from her at 3am. We talk back and forth for awhile before it transitions into a sexual discussion. Note, we haven't done anything to each other (aside kissing) in the 1.5 years since we've been broken up. She wants me to come over to her house; I want her to come to my house. No one is budging. Typical on her part, neglecting to do anything aside from on her terms. So, at this point we talk about the future and FWB. She immediately seems open and it kind of throws me off guard. I think, well, it'd be naive of me to believe this could lead into a relationship; but I suppose its a good sign I'm not in the friends zone. We basically leave it to the idea of a rain check. Although I'm very hesitant with the idea. I don't have very strong feelings for her, but I know for damn sure I would if we were having sex and a regular basis. Before ending the conversation my phone runs out of batteries, and since I have no reception in my house I just text her goodnight. It was 5am at that point anyways. No reply back. Ok, kind of strange, but nothing really to over analyze. The following day I text her around 6pm and ask how she's feeling, and that I kind of sore from last night. It's a harmless question with nothing sexual in nature. She again doesn't reply back immediately (and usually she's good at that). This absence of a reply drags out from last Sunday thru today. She has NEVER taken this long to reply. And I'm fairly sure it isn't a case of her not receiving it, or running out of minutes. What would possess my ex-gf to be all over me, propose this FWB (when it has never happened before), then refuse to answer my text the following day? She definitely wasn't drunk. If she really wanted me for a FWB, I'm sure she'd show more initiative than not replying to my texts. What I feel is that she is attempting to either give me just enough to keep me on, or is feeling regret/shame for what she did. Am I far off? I always read things like "woman form attachments through a repeated sexual partner," and I think to myself, if we have the emotional attachement already (which we do), could the sexual part possibly lead into a relationship? I'd probably be more receptive if she didn't just fall off the planet. It'd be better if I found a scenario like mine. I spent a good amount of time looking through the forums. Even the guy who posted his story several below this one admitted he broke it off, and that he gf was needy. Neither are similar in my case; the dynamics are different.
norajane Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 What would possess my ex-gf to be all over me, propose this FWB (when it has never happened before), then refuse to answer my text the following day? She definitely wasn't drunk. If she really wanted me for a FWB, I'm sure she'd show more initiative than not replying to my texts. What I feel is that she is attempting to either give me just enough to keep me on, or is feeling regret/shame for what she did. Am I far off?Are you sure she wasn't drunk? Because that's exactly what it sounds like. Drink and dial. She doesn't REALLY want you as a FWB. It just sounded like a good idea at 3am, but not so much in the morning. Anyway, it doesn't sound like you could handle a FWB without getting attached, and no, she won't want more of a relationship with you if she starts an FWB with you. She was already in a relationship with you, and didn't want it. She wants to play the field, not tie herself down in a relationship with you.
Author Mustain2234 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Are you sure she wasn't drunk? Because that's exactly what it sounds like. Drink and dial. She doesn't REALLY want you as a FWB. It just sounded like a good idea at 3am, but not so much in the morning. Anyway, it doesn't sound like you could handle a FWB without getting attached, and no, she won't want more of a relationship with you if she starts an FWB with you. She was already in a relationship with you, and didn't want it. She wants to play the field, not tie herself down in a relationship with you. Yeah, I probably should have phrased it "She definitely wasn't **** your pants drunk." I'm sure she had enough in her to impair her judgment. Thanks for the reply. I'm actually kind of relieved to read your post, because I too felt that a FWB scenario wasn't going to lead into a relationship. The only benefit, as I previously mentioned, was that I could consider myself out of the friend zone. And that evolutionary psychology suggests women have continuous sex with men they'd consider long term options. Although, obviously, none of those two points mean much. By ignoring me, she's essentially saying all she needs to say without saying anything at all.
samspade Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 It's pretty simple, here is the deciphering: "I saw you earlier tonight and after some beers was feeling a little horny and alone. So I called at 3 a.m. to test you and see if you were still on my hook. You picked up, which was a good sign - you were probably alone. Then I thought I'd test the waters to see if you still find me desirable, as right now I'm in need of sexual as well as emotional satisfaction. You not only agreed to my FWB feeler, but you talked to me for two hours, until your battery ran out, then texted good night. The next day, not having heard from me for a whole 12 hours, you texted me again, ostensibly to see how I was feeling. I haven't responded yet because I already know you'll pick up the phone the minute I feel like calling you to drop my hook in your mouth. In the meantime, I'm going to go out and find some fresh meat, but if it doesn't pan out, I may come calling for some dependable FWB sex since I know you'll be around."
northstar1 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 It's pretty simple, here is the deciphering: "I saw you earlier tonight and after some beers was feeling a little horny and alone. So I called at 3 a.m. to test you and see if you were still on my hook. You picked up, which was a good sign - you were probably alone. Then I thought I'd test the waters to see if you still find me desirable, as right now I'm in need of sexual as well as emotional satisfaction. You not only agreed to my FWB feeler, but you talked to me for two hours, until your battery ran out, then texted good night. The next day, not having heard from me for a whole 12 hours, you texted me again, ostensibly to see how I was feeling. I haven't responded yet because I already know you'll pick up the phone the minute I feel like calling you to drop my hook in your mouth. In the meantime, I'm going to go out and find some fresh meat, but if it doesn't pan out, I may come calling for some dependable FWB sex since I know you'll be around." Agreed totally.
Soul Bear Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 it's pretty simple, here is the deciphering: "i saw you earlier tonight and after some beers was feeling a little horny and alone. So i called at 3 a.m. To test you and see if you were still on my hook. You picked up, which was a good sign - you were probably alone. Then i thought i'd test the waters to see if you still find me desirable, as right now i'm in need of sexual as well as emotional satisfaction. You not only agreed to my fwb feeler, but you talked to me for two hours, until your battery ran out, then texted good night. The next day, not having heard from me for a whole 12 hours, you texted me again, ostensibly to see how i was feeling. I haven't responded yet because i already know you'll pick up the phone the minute i feel like calling you to drop my hook in your mouth. In the meantime, i'm going to go out and find some fresh meat, but if it doesn't pan out, i may come calling for some dependable fwb sex since i know you'll be around." spot on!!!!
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