SunnySad Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I will try and be as brief as possible. I met a guy on an online dating site shy of a year ago. He has 3 kids, an ex-wife. He is 30 I am 26 we live about 65 miles away from easchother. I still decided to give it a shot, on the first date he told me he was taking his online profile ad. He was calling me his girlfriend before we made it official. I made it exclusive 2 months later, but in the first month he said he was falling in love with me. I met his kids and family, i am a very shy person so I was quiet, but slowly warmed up to his kids. He invited me on a vacation with his entire family, people who I hardly knew. I tried to be communicative but it failed, the conversation never lasted. On the 3rd day his ex called to speak with the kids, I felt a bit upset about it and the lack of affection he was giving me. I cried the entire next day spending time with his kids mostly walking with them in disney. This was both our second relationship, we were both married before and with that one person since teenage years. I dated alot before him even had a small relationship whish I felt was going no where before I put my ad back up. We would have these arguments every 3 weeks or so, and instead of flipping out I guess I put up a wall which seemed like attitude. His ex threatened to beat me up on his bday party at his local club meanwhile she was with her new boyfriend, we had alot of excess and unnecessary stress on us. We were good on dates, in bed, on the phone, everything was good except this arguments. Many times I tried to break it off with him but he sent flowers or began to court me again. Now on this trip I tried to be part of his family but I was not accepted or I just felt it was too soon. I never spent more than 2 or 3 nights with him at his house (he lived with his mom and setp dad since he got divorced because he worked night shift and had no one to watch the kids) basically he broke up with me because of the icing on the cake which was me putting my 2 cents in about how he hit his son when he was bad (4 yr old) made him cry and then a minute later grabbed him hugged him and apologized. I am a child psychology major and know this is not positive reinforcement. He said this is coming frmo someone who cant even walk her dog. I got upset, the son wanted his legos at 1230am from my ex's brother room which he bought for them to build together at home, I said you can't give into him. He gave in got them, the son started to play with the light switch, me and my ex both had to take our showers as we were leaving the next morning and he kept crying and whining, I rolled my eyes and went into the bathroom I did not do it to the sons face but my ex saw and said why you rolling your eyes at my son I said it was not at him it was about the crying,etc and I walked into the bathroom and said A-hole under my breath which he heard. Of course he did not appreciate it. He broke up with me on the plane ride home. When we got to his house we talked breifly he said for now its over but if he feels he made a mistake we'll take it from there and he said he wanted space to think about it. Last night I drank wine like an [COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR]and drove to his house 65 miles away tipsy(I know it was wrong it was a big mistake) he yelled at me like I have never seen b4. today he and my sister spoke and he said we could be friends and he will respond to my email when he gets back from his friends house at the end of the week. he said I made matters worse by coming there last night cause his step dad does not want me at the house. I am in such pain, I know it will probably be 2-3 months before I get over him but I was wondering why he would want to still be friends if he told me he never wanted to talk to me again. I am doing NC with him, don't know if I should respond to him if he makes contact. I wrote him this email....is it because of my email? How can I explain myself to him and his family? I eft you a voicemail on your cell number. Please listen to it in its entirety. I know your extremely angry with me for going there tonight, but I am not PSYCHO or PSYCHOTIC. I mad a drunken poor judgement, I had wine saw the water bug in the kitchen corner and thought it was a baby mouse then I looked closer and well I sprayed it but it ran away. I got scared and panicked and drove to you somewhat hoping that you would hold me one more time before I let us go, I came for closure not realizing it is too soon. Again I made a huge mistake. Please do not tell anyone about this because who knows maybe one day we will be friends. I know your angry so I won't contact you, I'll clear my head from the stress and concentrate on myself so I will be ready to date again one day. I hope that you do the same thing, clear your head find out exactly what made you so unhappy and figure out if your expecting too much from a woman who enters a ready made family. It was extremely tough dealing with the ex situation and not taking away time from your kids, and then dealing with your household, it was alot to just jump into. I think the vacation was a bad idea with your family because I did not know them all well enough to open myself up to them like I do to you and your kids, I know in time I would have opened up more, it was just so overwhelming. I apologize deeply for it. I do not regret being with you, you have helped me grow in many ways and I thank you for that. Our love was something good, i just wished that some things were easier. I still love you and I am sure you still love me. In the beginning you were in a relationship without me, you were calling me your girlfriend. a relationship was not what I wanted so soon because when I fall for someone I fall hard. That is why I wanted to take it slow so it could be done properly, the distance was another thing that was a burden on us. I think if you lived alone with the kids it would have been easier for us. I hope that you can understand my side. I think I put too much pressure on taking us to the next level I did not concentrate on the present. This is something I will work on, just going with the flow and slowing down when it is necessary. Please don't hate me, I never did anything intentionally, I think that you are more of a passive yet tough man and I was too sensitive too understand certain things. I also always said I would love you too much and I should have slowed it down when you did. I also wish that you talked to me after our last argument during those 2-3 weeks, this whole vacation mess could have been avoided. I would definitely like to keep in touch in the future, if you ever need to call me please do, I can't be angry at you for your decision. I do hope one day we can go out for dinner, a drink or coffee and just talk. I hope that you never forget that I loved you with all my heart and it was me not you that pushed you to do this. You had some faults as well, you opened and closed the I love you door on me so many times, it was confusing. I had tried to tell you that if you love me (you were the 1st to say it) then I would like for you to say it, You said you would work on it but you never did and it made me feel scared and it was as if I knew the end was near. Our arguements were frequent but not without reason. We somehow just had this miscommunication going on when it came to that and if we sat down and talked about how it can be avoided instead of other pointless things it could have been fixed. Everytime my ex cheated on me I begged him not to leave and each time I got more and more crushed. He was an addict, if it was not drugs it was sex and not sex than buying collectibles. There is no way I can ever compare you to him, you were very good to me, but somehwere along the line, whether it was the stress of the distance and calls or subconsciuosly your ex/kids we reached a fork in the road. I know that its possible to make a turn around back on the "us" road but I think time apart is necessary. I have too much stress and take it out on you which is not fair to you. So I don't know if this will give me closure, there is so much I want to say so I never regret not saying it. I think the next relationship you get into whether its with someone else or us starting new one day you need to make that person feel comfortable with your situation, don't scare them telling them about your mom not likeing the women who married into the family or tom not liking anyone. It will make that person feel insecure. wait a while b4 introducing her to your kids, because you seem to be looking for this women that may or may not exist and you may have to sift through the sand to find her. It is not healthy for them. I love you and your kids very much and I wish I could have been part of their lives with you, your a very good father. Sorry this email is so long! I will give you your space. Do not hesitate to call me or email me. I actually hope that you will email or call me one day maybe to catch up see how things are going, you can also call my sister I know she waited for your call tonight but you never called her and maybe you should sometime this week or next. Please don't ignore her calls, this is shocking to her and my family. Tell your family I am sorry for pmsing and quitting smoking at the wrong time and I wish I did not feeel like I was an outcast, I did not have the intention of doing any harm. I now know what I did wrong in the relationship and will concentrate on my sensitivity as it was the cause of all my emotional outbursts. And if you should ever feel like you want to start completely new, it could be possible depending on where we both are at that point in our lives. Good bye for now. we spoke on the phonelast night, asked eachother how we were doing and what we did for the week, he told me how beautiful and sweet I am and that I will be very successful and when I am 60 I will be sitting on a beach somewhere thingking back about how he told me that. The icing on the cake was that I called him an [COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR][COLOR=#fa7777]* [/COLOR]in fornt of his kids, and the arguing got to him. He said I sound better then the day he broke up with me and asked if he could save my number in his phone and if it would be alright to call me to see how I am, I told him that I do think we need the space and he should only call if he still has the desire to work it out, he agreed and said we still need time. He said he would concentrate more on his kids and work and has no plans on dating anyone right now. He does not rule us out but it is too soon to try again. So I said we could speak sometime next week, don't know if I should call him or wait for him to call me... he called me babe twice and said i meant chriistina, i said its ok for you to still thinkof me as babe, we laughed and got off the phone. I know from my previous relationship that words mean nothing its only talk, and the action is what counts. so this time I will try to handle this breakup differently, I will do my best to get over him, but still feel that it is possible for us to reconcile. Any input?
Recommended Posts