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How does dating/exclusivity work...


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Posted

Hi guys and girls, this is my first post, do u think u can help? :o

 

I've just gotten out of a long-term relationship and have started dating again. Now i haven't been dating for 9 years (i'm in my late-twenties) so i'm not too familiar with dating rules thesedays. Everyone says u should date around a bit and figure out what u want, and that way u're not too hung up on one particular guy b4 u know he's serious. BUT that's easier said than done! What happens if Date A is walking on the street and sees me having a coffee/holding hands with Date B? Does that mean Date A and i are finished? I don't really know at what point exclusivity comes in, or is it wrong to date more than one guy at the same time? (i'm have NOT slept with any of these dates)... please help!!:bunny: Thanks...

Posted
Hi guys and girls, this is my first post, do u think u can help? :o

 

I've just gotten out of a long-term relationship and have started dating again. Now i haven't been dating for 9 years (i'm in my late-twenties) so i'm not too familiar with dating rules thesedays. Everyone says u should date around a bit and figure out what u want, and that way u're not too hung up on one particular guy b4 u know he's serious. BUT that's easier said than done! What happens if Date A is walking on the street and sees me having a coffee/holding hands with Date B? Does that mean Date A and i are finished? I don't really know at what point exclusivity comes in, or is it wrong to date more than one guy at the same time? (i'm have NOT slept with any of these dates)... please help!!:bunny: Thanks...

 

There are no dating rules. Just do what feel natural or right for you.

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Posted

i know, there are no cold hard rules, but what is the norm? I mean, it is alright (like, socially acceptable) to go on dates with different guys or is that downright wrong and slutty? I really have no idea! :confused:

Posted

what i have found in dating is that if you are dating more than one guy or girl its usually not spoke of unless they ask. Its usually good to be honest if someone asks but its not something to just talk about. I would definitely avoid places if I new one of the people i was dating would be there or if there was a chance they were there. This gives you the opportunity to find someone suitable.

Posted

Some people will tell you to date many people at once, and in that's fine (and widely accepted until the exclusivity talk) but not everyone can do it. I find that I usually prefer one person strongly over the other right off the bat, and just don't care enough to actually date or take initiative with the "lesser" guys. But then again, I'm pretty busy with work so it's hard to make time for one guy, let alone two or three!

 

Honestly, it's up to you. Do what you feel comfortable with. Never assume the guy is only seeing you until you talk about it, keep an open mind to new possibilities until you are serious about someone, but don't think everyone "has to" follow certain rules.

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Posted

Thanks for the insight! :laugh: So the situation now is:

Guy A: 3 dates so far, older, seem to like me a lot, nice to be with.

Guy B: first date, younger, doesn't want anything serious, i'm deadly attracted to him.

 

I need more time to decide what i like. But the problem is, guy A saw me with guy B holding hands in a coffee shop. He hasn't called or texted since (it's been a few days)...we're supposed to have our next date tomorrow but the exact time and place hasn't been confirmed yet. Should i text him and ask, or are my chances with him already blown?

Posted

Well, without the communication about you multi-dating, maybe guy A thinks guy B was your boyfriend and that by dating A, you were cheating. Damage control after the sighting would have been good. Something to the effect of: "Hey! Saw you at the coffee shop Tuesday. I was out on another date. Didn't want you to think it was my boyfriend, or something. Just exploring my options. Exclusivity hasn't been discussed, so I hope that's okay?"

 

The only reason I added asking if it was okay was because if he's NOT okay with it, at least you're being sensitive to his feelings. But then if he comes back saying he is not okay with it, you have the option to say you're not ready for anything exclusive.

 

But you know, this goes back to what someone said earlier - you have to do what feels comfortable with YOU. Some people are okay with multi-dating, some aren't. You're going to run into some that are NOT okay with you being out with other guys. Everybody has their preferences.

Posted

Gosh Americans are weird. What an alien culture... More than one guy at once? That's cheating.

Posted
Gosh Americans are weird. What an alien culture... More than one guy at once? That's cheating.

HG, I agree that it's a strange practice. While I couldn't do it MYSELF, I don't necessarily consider it cheating. I don't understand multi-dating because generally I know pretty early on how I REALLY feel about somebody. I don't need "more time" to decide.

Posted

I am wondering the same thing. I went out with a guy today but have a date with another later this week. At which point is it no longer ok? If you havne't had the exclusivity talk doens't that mean it's not exclusive? It seems silly to limit urself to one guy that u aren't even sure you like!

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