Jake13 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Hey everyone, My girlfriend of several months and I recently broke up a bit over a month ago. For about the first month of our relationship, things were going great. We had a great time when we spent time together and talked 24/7, although our time together was pretty limited on account of the fact that we lived on opposite sides of town and were both busy with work, school, and other commitments. However, after a while, things seemed to head downhill, or at least it seemed to me they were. I figured I was being somewhat paranoid, as my previous relationship of about a year was a complete mess and I essentially allowed myself and my emotions to be played with or whatever you'd like to call it. Because of this, I sort of let things slide and stopped putting as much effort into my current relationship and my girlfriend began to feel like things weren't working out as a result. After a while, she brought up that things were not going as well as she felt they should be at that point in the relationship and that she was unsure of the where the relationship was headed. I agreed with her and admitted that I had been feeling somewhat the same way and we eventually decided to just "take a break" from dating for a bit, and after a while we would see how things were going between us. Since we weren't still officially dating (I pretty much considered this a break up), I felt I couldn't be as close as I was with her when things were going well, and, as a result, we ended up breaking up as things hadn't improved, but she told me she still wanted to be friends regardless. The break up was more or less mutual, but I really felt like things could have been fixed in retrospect. It's been a little over a month since we've broken up and I've seen her a few times since, but I've seemed to feel worse about the break up with each time I've seen her. I've tried no contact and every time I have she's contacted me after a while. I figured I'd give it another shot and stopped talking to her altogether about a week ago. She's headed out of the country to visit some family in a few days so I probably won't have any contact with her for at least two more weeks. I think that nearly a month of not talking will do us both some good, but I honestly feel like our break up was a mistake due to my letting past issues get in the way of our relationship, and I'd like to eventually get back together with her as I know we could work. What should I do?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 What should I do? Blackmail her. ...What? Why's everyone looking at me like that? Ok, let's see where to begin. How old are you, and how old is she?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Alright, and are her parents divorced or still together? Does she have a close relationship with them?
Author Jake13 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 They're divorced, but she still sees both of them pretty regularly.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Ok, so she has maintained at least a decent relationship with them. This is good. Now, can you tell me about you? How is your relationship with your parents, and are they divorced or together? And I'd like to hear more about this past relationship. What was it that scarred you from this past relationship? And how did it affect this new relationship EXACTLY? What did you do?
Author Jake13 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 My parents are still together and everything is good between them. The past relationship was actually with a girl who happened to be pretty good friends with the new girl for several years up until a few months before the new girl and I started talking. Anyways, I dated the first girl for a while and it went decently for a few months. We never officially broke up but eventually just stopped talking for about three months. After a while the she contacted me and we started talking again and stuff was good and we both got along just fine, but we weren't dating or anything. A bit later I asked her out again and she excitedly agreed, and then I come to find out she starts dating someone else a few days after I had asked her out. Long story short, we stop talking, she eventually breaks up, comes back to me again, things go well, we're about to date again, same thing happens (stupid of me to stick around, I know). Eventually I think I just got used to sort of retracting and getting less involved after she and I would start talking again each time the cycle repeated itself. Eventually I wised up and realized she was just using me and I broke contact with her for good. The time between when we would start talking and when things would go sour again and I would pull back was almost exactly the same amount of time between when I began dating the new girl and when that relationship headed south. I think that I just got used to it from the first girl and didn't even notice I was doing it anymore, so I'm pretty confident that's what I let happen with the new girl, even though I had no reason to do it.
fiser360 Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Man Thomas I wish you would go one on one with me. Ha. You're like an online shrink.
Author Jake13 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 So...any advice? sorry to seem impatient.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Man Thomas I wish you would go one on one with me. Ha. You're like an online shrink. I'd be happy to help you As for you jake... you're saying you have trust issues. And rightfully so. I used to only go for one single girl at a time, when I was younger. I put all my attention and trust into one, before we were even official. Long story short, I got burned multiple times, and as a result, began "Talking" to multiple girls at once. Ended up doing more harm than good, as I got called a player by about 40 girls and none trusted me. ****. Sorry, that was irrelevant. What I mean to say is... You recognized your flaws. You understand what you did wrong. You realize where these trust issues came from; you realized where your issues in general arose from. So there really isn't much advice to give. You know what you need to change, and you know where the change will have to come from. So you can either change, and try to explain it to this new girl. Or you can move on and be conscious not to repeat the same mistakes. You have done more than I or any psychologist could; you have the ability to help yourself right off the bat, without the need for me to delve deeper. I just needed to hear about your parents and hers, to determine if there was really any other things that were out of your or her hands. And there really isn't. Maybe a bit on her part, depending. So try to explain it, and be honest. Tell her why you were that way. If she still shoes you aside after you pour your heart out, then tell her she looks like Rosie Odonnel
Author Jake13 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Sounds good, thanks for the advice. She left this morning for her trip so I probably wont have any contact with her for about two weeks so I suppose I'll try and go out a bit more and try to get my mind off things a bit and just have some fun. I'm just trying to avoid getting stuck in the dreaded friend zone for the time being.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Yes of course. Where exactly did she go on vacation to, if you don't mind me asking? And did she go with her family, or by herself?
Author Jake13 Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Costa Rica. She went with her mom and brother to visit some of her family that live there.
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