moo Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 My ex is a runner. There is a race in town coming up soon. I asked him to stay away. Breaking NC has been building up and building up. I'm disappointed in myself, but not too much. My ex thinks I blocked him so he wont' be writing me back and he doesn't have the courage to call, so I'm covered I guess. The letter was insulting, but way less insulting than before. I guess I'm growning. Anway, time to get back on the NC wagon.
ahotmess Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Get back on the wagon Moo! No reason to seek out the source of the greatest emotional pain you've ever had. NO good can come from it, but I know you know that already. I would LOVE to have a few words with my ex-boyfriend and wwwhhhoooorrreee ex-friend. Oh the things I would like to say. I've debated breaking NC just to say my piece.....but I will continue to have dignity....above all else..be a lady. (and when you cant, cry like a baby then pretend like a school girl) LOL! I know you'll jump back on the wagon, but I'm secretly a lil jealous you got to vent your frustrations to the offender:) I hope you made it good....did you copy some of your venting posts from here? LOL
Thomas X Forever Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 You broke NC, I broke THE WORLD RECORD FOR NARCISSISM. We both are awesome. ESPECIALLY me.
Author moo Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 oh no, it was relatively civil. I wish I could post it. I just deleted it. I just asked him to stay away from my area, that I accepted the fact that he didn't think I was worth his time and effort, but I have trouble accepting the fact that he threw women in my face. I told him "why should I expect you to treat me differently when you cut off your whole family?" (except his son). Why should I have expected him to treat me differently that the two women he convinced he was dating exclusively while cheating on them both? Told him I feel sorry for his current gf and that his ex gf before me was right. She told him that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. She was right. I know I shouldn't have done it. My roommate is going to be sooo disappointed in me. This time I went 3 weeks NC, maybe next time I can do 4 weeks or NC forever. Still I know I should not have done it. But I got immedicately back on the NC wagon. And hopefully, here I will stay.
Author moo Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 I know I have to get over him. Sometimes I think it's between breaking NC with him or going back on the dating service websites. But I dont' want to date because I need to. I want to date because I want to. I just hate suffering through the loneliness, the heartbreak, and the intense disappointment. I know, I know...stay strong. One day Thomas told me to strive to be better. I am going to do that.
Author moo Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Okay, so I admit it..I went backwards in my recovery. I don't know. My angst got the best of me...forgot to do the square/deep breathing. And yes, today the day after I emailed him, I feel worse. But not as bad as I did 9 weeks ago. Still, I feel like crap. I know I will never get an apology. I know I will never get answers to my questions..but every once in a while I convince myself to try and contact him again...I know...foolish...esp. with I try to help other do the NC dance. (Sigh). It still hurts so much when someone says they love you and two weeks later they are in a relationship with someone else and no longer want you in their life WTF? I know, I was stupid for getting involved with a narcissistic bombaclot. All he did was wreck me. I hate him. I wish really bad things to happen to him. I sorry, I can't be gracious about this. I want him to suffer. I want him to call me up and ask me for a kidney and I will laugh in his face. I have all these fantasizes where he is doing horribly in life and comes to me for help and I laugh. I just can't be gracious about this...I'm too torn up. I hope his face falls off. I hope he develops oozing sores all over his buttocks. I hope one day he smiles in the mirror and all his teeth crumble and fall out of his head. I hope the cops can prove he did embezzle that money. I hope he develops a condition causing his feet to stink permanently. I hope he finds his current gf in bed with another man. Heck, I hope he finds his current gf in bed with another woman and they kick him out of the bedroom. I hope his gf's ex beats his arse. I hope he becomes sterile. I hope he develops erectile dysfunction, the type that there is NO cure for. I hope he loses all of his hair overnight. I hope it is found out that genentically, he is actually a female. I hope all of his ex's contact each other and get together for a down-home, old fashion butt kickin'.
wontgohomewou Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My ex is a runner. There is a race in town coming up soon. I asked him to stay away. Breaking NC has been building up and building up. I'm disappointed in myself, but not too much. My ex thinks I blocked him so he wont' be writing me back and he doesn't have the courage to call, so I'm covered I guess. The letter was insulting, but way less insulting than before. I guess I'm growning. Anway, time to get back on the NC wagon. It's all good. I broke NC two days ago by accident. I usually text songs that I want to dl to my gf's number since she didn't have texting. Guess who got texting. So I talked to her and she said that she doesnt want to be friends anymore or anything, so I told her I'll leave her alone. Guess who messaged me last night, yeah... I'm so over this girl it's not even funny. I want her out of my life for good now. -AK
Author moo Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 I went backwards...I always do after breaking NC, looking for emails of him that will never come, thinking this time he is going to call....I was really, really healing and now I've opened up the wound. I'm going to put a sticky note on my computer."NC, just square breath and breath deeply." If I had done that I would have been so calm I would not have to had contacted him. I called the depression hotline. I didn't think anyone would be there, as I have trouble getting them on weekends, but someone was there. I told my story and cried. She listened and was very nice and was encouraging. I will change the info in my signature.
Author moo Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 had another crying fit today. We had a phone with messages from my ex that we had put away somewhere and I couldn't find the cord to plug it in the wall so the messages could be erased. I freaked out with crying and everything and I asked my ex to throw the phone away. First I pounded into the pillow a few times and he did it as well. Then he threw the phone in the dumpster. We have other phones. We had three regular phones not cell phones. The other one was one I talked to my ex and nighttime on. It had gum stuck on the bottom that I could not get off anyway. My roommate threw that away too because I asked him to. I look toward the day when the crying fits stop.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 You broke NC, I broke THE WORLD RECORD FOR NARCISSISM. We both are awesome. ESPECIALLY me. Yeah, and this is most clearly evident in the fact that you just wrote about yourself right off the bat in someone else's thread. Moo, I've read your posts on Post Here. What are you doing? This guy is a gigantic turd. Don't ever contact someone like that again.
Author moo Posted August 2, 2009 Author Posted August 2, 2009 Thanks. I'm trying to stay strong. Sometimes I just so upset because I feel so used and lied to, but I know I allowed it to happen.
Author moo Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 I started a temp job and yesterday morning I BROKE down before I left for work. I was really, really, really in bad shape. I realize how destructive it was of me to break NC. At this point in the breakup, I thought I could handle it but I could not. Called the depression line twice this weekend and talked about my saddness. I'm better but could use words of encouragement. Since that time I broke NC, I've been mainting NC. Thanks.
utterer of lies Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I'm better but could use words of encouragement. Since that time I broke NC, I've been mainting NC. Good. You can do it. Go girl!
AnswersPls Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hey guys. just wanted to share that i broke NC today. I called him and we chatted for 45 mins.. I did share with him that i could not get him out of my head. But he told me to move on and be happy.. he's over me.. he happier without me.. guess i am back to NC.. and .. moving on.. I was glad i spoke to him thou.. Because at least i tried for the last time to talk to him as an adult, without begging. so no regrets for me! Share with me if you guys have similar experience.
Author moo Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Thank you Utterer. Thank you. Thank you.
Mimsicles Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I broke NC last night too. We are not split up but "on a break". I just felt that i had to ring him! Anyway i did and we were speaking for 2 hours! He didnt want me to go. I now feel that maybe time apart is doing us some good. I really do think he appreciates me a bit more now, as previously he couldnt wait to put the phone down. Dont want to get my hopes up that its good news because i always get let down. Anyway back to NC today! Its so hard i just want to talk to him but i know it will push him away!!
Author moo Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 My experience was not like that. He doesn't return my calls or my emails. When he spoke to me on the phone before he forced NC on me, he acted like I had the plague.
Author moo Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Thanks Jimmy's Brother, a Hot Mess, and to all of you who have helped me over the months. Tomorow makes a week since I've been on the NC band wagon. I'm starting to feel strong again. I'm going to post a list of things to do on my laptop in the corner- things to do instead of emailing him...deep breathing, exercise, take a walk, crafts, etc. etc. My recovery is more important to me than ever now. I realize tomorrow I can feel differently and on a very strong impulse contact him...but I am hoping this time never to initiate contact again. I feel stronger. I'm really trying.
edward-e Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 dont lie moo...you never contacted me! but in all seriousness, i hope you feel better. i know how hard it is to stay in NC BUT at least you only did so to avoid drama and unnecessary pain by having to see him and talk to him there. you are strong! you can make it. dont settle for less cuz he is a douchebag.
Author moo Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Yes, edward-e, I didn't want to be in pain, esp. if he was going to come with his gf, but also, I still wanted to break NC. That gave me the excuse I needed. I'm stronger now. I know I can make it without him. Thanks.
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