Did NC work?So she tells me everything I want to hear, is it for real?

[New_life]

Just got off the phone with the ex, she breaks down saying she misses me and I was right about telling she would regret it.

 

Says she wants to work it out And I'm the best person she ever met. That she doesn't love the guy she went out but cares alot for him saying it's different.

 

As you saw in my other thread she said that she was tired of looking for me. And now this, she cried and everything I asked if she wanted back and she says she wants to date and get to know each other. However I tell her that I don't want her tAlking to the other guy and she says their just friends that I have to accept that.

 

I don't want to get hurt anymore, could NC work or is she clinging on to me to not let me go? And what about this whole dating thing?? I told her it's all or nothing... I'm suppose to give her a response later today. What do I do?? I don't want to get hurt anymore.

Thank you for everything, this place feels like home.

[alphamale]

What do I do??

she's playing you like a cheap fiddle...tell her to ffuucckk off

[Thaddeus]

However I tell her that I don't want her tAlking to the other guy and she says their just friends that I have to accept that.

You've told her what you want and from the sounds of it it's a deal-breaker.

 

She refused.

 

Therefore, deal broken.

 

You cannot give in. If that's the foundation upon which any reconciliation sits, and she's not willing to agree, then you cannot have her in your life.

 

While I wouldn't have put it in the terms that Alphamale wrote above, his advice is sound (though I wouldn't actually tell her to f-off, that's over the top).

[Thomas X Forever]

Actually I disagree with them.

 

I think you should give it another shot. Don't let anyone who has been jaded, tell you what they would say for you if they could. (No offense. <3 thaddeus)

 

I say give it a shot. At least you can tell yourself you tried.

[Thaddeus]

I think you should give it another shot. Don't let anyone who has been jaded, tell you what they would say for you if they could. (No offense. <3 thaddeus)

No offence taken, my friend, none at all.

 

The only reason I suggest that this might not be a good match is her refusal to give something up so she can be with him, something that he (the OP) obviously feels strongly about. I also don't think it's unreasonable if she asked him the same thing - that is, no more contact with an ex - if that would be important to her.

 

It's not the contact with the ex that's the problem, at least as I see it. It's the fact that the other party is very uncomfortable with it, and given that all relationships require a degree of compromise, if she wants to be with him that much than she should be agreeable to help keep his mind at ease.

 

But maybe I'm wrong, I've been wrong before. And I'm DOG tired, off to bed.

[Beeotch]

Diving into a relationship is not best.

 

Whatever issues and problems that lead to the break up need to be eliminated before trying again or else the cycle will resume...

 

We have heard many stories of people who get back together only to breal up 3 week, 2 months later etc.

 

You need to assess the situation and take it SLOWLY. Discuss why the relationship did not work and what will be different now.

 

Whatever you do...do not forget lessons learned and jump back in because you miss this person or they are lonely etc.

 

How long did you do NC by the way?

[New_life]

Thanks for the replies, its true about the guy and her not wanting to drop that, I think I just have to talk completly good with her. For some reason, all this doesn't feel right. She probably hurt me that much that I just don't believe her. I do love her, but I didn't say it today. She did.

 

I know if we talk things I'll probably go back, but I feel it's not true all this.

[New_life]

beeotch, thanks for the comments, so her saying let's take it slowly and date would be the best??

 

We date for 4 years, broke up 3 months ago since she found this new guy and was confused, I begged for 1,5 months and told her I need nc for the next 1.5 months however she always contacts me from other numbers so the maxium of no anything from me was one week.

 

I hope she is saying the truth about missing me, but why slowly?? Wouldn't she want me all like before?? Arggggg

[Exit]

I hope she is saying the truth about missing me, but why slowly?? Wouldn't she want me all like before?? Arggggg

 

Slowly is a good thing, brother. I would want it to be that way if my ex came back. When I met her, she left a relationship, and the next day we were in each other's arms, and things kept moving quickly from there. We weren't friends first, we didn't date first, we didn't get to know each other, we just fit together so easily. It is NOT a good foundation.

 

Be happy that she wants to move slow, I think it's a good idea.

 

As for her still talking to that other guy, it's up to you to decide if that's the deal breaker or not. If you want to see that she is committed enough to leave him behind, and she won't, then don't go through with it. On the other hand, she went out with him, and came running back to you, so why sweat him.

 

It's a tough call that only you can make.

[Thomas X Forever]

I have an idea.

 

I'm a model and God's gift to women. You should hire me to test her. I'll drop a few lines on her trife self, and if she bends to my will, you'll know you can never trust her.

 

This test is absolutely full proof and will never fail.

[hoping2heal]

I have an idea.

 

I'm a model and God's gift to women. You should hire me to test her. I'll drop a few lines on her trife self, and if she bends to my will, you'll know you can never trust her.

 

This test is absolutely full proof and will never fail.

 

Sweet. I'm trustworthy then.

[Thomas X Forever]

Sweet. I'm trustworthy then.

 

 

You're a man.

[Trialbyfire]

New Life, you were together for 4 years. She's known this guy for 3 months, in a dating relationship. Who's willing to risk someone you purportedly love and want a second chance with, for a 3 month guy? Something doesn't smell right.

[hoping2heal]

You're a man.

 

Shut up Tom. You are only God's gift to women who are dating men that rate at a 4 and you know it.

[Thomas X Forever]

Shut up Tom. You are only God's gift to women who are dating men that rate at a 4 and you know it.

 

Are you referring to you and your fiance?

[Thomas X Forever]

Something doesn't smell right.

 

 

Sorry, that's me. I forgot the lasagna in the oven. Thanks for reminding me. Carry on

[hoping2heal]

Are you referring to you and your fiance?

 

You know what, just because you modelled for calvin klein doesn't mean you're ****. Quit acting like you rule the school just because you took a few pictures for him. He peaked in 96 with ck1 and NO ONE has really given a **** since. Get over yourself, seriously.

[Beeotch]

beeotch, thanks for the comments, so her saying let's take it slowly and date would be the best??

 

We date for 4 years, broke up 3 months ago since she found this new guy and was confused, I begged for 1,5 months and told her I need nc for the next 1.5 months however she always contacts me from other numbers so the maxium of no anything from me was one week.

 

I hope she is saying the truth about missing me, but why slowly?? Wouldn't she want me all like before?? Arggggg

 

 

From the way you're talking about it....it seems that you need to sit down for yourself and really figure out what it is that you want, need etc.

 

Sounds like you just want to pick up where you left off....and lots off people have that mentality...that often leads to failure. As 1.Where you left off was a bad place more than likely since you broke up and 2. Since it is a second go around some things NEED TO be different and BETTER. You can't and SHOULD NOT want things to be like what they were before...because obviously something was problematic so this time things should be different.

 

So based on what you have said...she sounds like she has a more clear and rational grasp of the situation and realizes in some ways her mistakes and the need to be slow and deliberate and smart about things...

 

One of the goals of NC is to have that time away to clear your head and to analyze the situation so that if a reconciliation scenario comes up...you are not all emotionally blinded so that you make the same mistakes. You might not have gotten to that point...

 

Anyway...of course you have to do what you feel is best for you and I cannot tell you what to do or not do but it won't hurt to take it slow as she said.

[boogieboy]

DO NOT get back with her unless she cuts it off with the other guy. She is holding HIM as a backburner just in case it doesnt work out with you. If she doesnt cut him off, its a deal breaker. Let him keep her.

[utterer of lies]

Just got off the phone with the ex, she breaks down saying she misses me and I was right about telling she would regret it.

 

Says she wants to work it out And I'm the best person she ever met. That she doesn't love the guy she went out but cares alot for him saying it's different.

 

As you saw in my other thread she said that she was tired of looking for me. And now this, she cried and everything I asked if she wanted back and she says she wants to date and get to know each other. However I tell her that I don't want her tAlking to the other guy and she says their just friends that I have to accept that.

 

I don't want to get hurt anymore, could NC work or is she clinging on to me to not let me go? And what about this whole dating thing?? I told her it's all or nothing... I'm suppose to give her a response later today. What do I do?? I don't want to get hurt anymore.

Thank you for everything, this place feels like home.

 

It all depends if you want to be happy, or if you want her to be happy.

 

For you to be happy, you have to remove her from your life.

 

For her to be happy, you have to allow her to continue perusing you as time-filler, second class, so she can always be with you when the guy that really interests her doesn't show her the affection she desires.

[mickleb]

DO NOT get back with her unless she cuts it off with the other guy. She is holding HIM as a backburner just in case it doesnt work out with you. If she doesnt cut him off, its a deal breaker. Let him keep her.

 

I'm with boogieboy.

 

Horrible as this must be for you, she DOES NOT LOVE YOU if she won't do this little thing for you.

 

She wants to have her cake and eat it and she is in NO position to be calling the shots.

 

In fact, you could do a little dating around yourself and see how she handles it. If she does love you, she'll still be there in about three months AND she'll be without fallback guy.

 

Words are cheap - remember this. x

 

Good luck, hon. I know how hard it must be for you to have this conversation. And bless your heart. You're a good 'un. x

[wontgohomewou]

Tell her to PISS OFF and 'Once an ex, always an ex'. Also tell her that you just want to be friends. It's going to eat her up inside. Getting back with your ex isn't worth it dude, it will never be the same again.

[mark982]

she's playing games with you. probable cause the other guy won't commet to her. man she's playing you for a fool, just drop her,forget her whatever you wanna call it,cause she's up to no good,to hell with her tears.

[New_life]

you guys are probably right... If she wants me back she would try harder...

 

So far I havent answered her, she texted that she fainted or something ( she is out on vacations right now). If we ever talk correctly when she gets back, Ill tell her I cant accept the guys friendship period. And tell her that then Ill keep taliking to my other ex (she came to me when she found about the break).

 

I trully am not getting my hopes up, I dont know her anymore. And dont trust her. I told her to not hurt me anymore and she texted yesterday night saying: I miss you. lets work it out.

 

For me its moving on until I see her trying. I have suffered for 3 months to just get my hopes and cry more again..

 

You guys keep me real, although the truth hurts, I am no longer the optimist that got hurt by her. Im keeping strong for myself.

[New_life]

and a funny thought: she tells me that yesterday. I go to sleep and dream about kissing my other ex (recent ex hates her)....

 

A sign? At least a dream about someone else was nice.