a fallen leaf Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I lost feelings for my boyfriend of a year. Feeling very negative about him, and not quite sure why! Is there a chance the feelings will come back if we take a few months break?
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 You own your feelings. Resolving them resides within you. Can you take a break and examine your perspective without involving other males? IME, personally, once the dynamic has changed enough where my feelings of love and connection die out, they've never come back. The person fades to black (meaning they're no longer significant in my psyche). Sorry
Author a fallen leaf Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 The thing is - I'm moving to a different country anyway, so we won't be in touch. And I'm sorta fed up with dating so I think I want to have a break off males for some time. Ah, but I don't know - have lots positive memories but not sure they can supersede how I'm feeling about him now...
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 The thing is - I'm moving to a different country anyway, so we won't be in touch. And I'm sorta fed up with dating so I think I want to have a break off males for some time. Ah, but I don't know - have lots positive memories but not sure they can supersede how I'm feeling about him now... you probably wont be able to feel the same way about your boyfriend until you figure out why you lost your feelings for him in the first place. Usually he has to turn out to be a whole new person when you see him again for you to be attracted to, then you get new feelings, and it starts fresh.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Positive memories are a good thing. Any relationship of any length has them. I get sad when I think of all the good times my wife and I had, almost like she had died. Those memories are not a reason nor an impetus for trying to be with her again. That's gone, but, like a gift, the good memories remain. Over time, the sadness will go. Life goes on. Safe travels
Author a fallen leaf Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 It was weird - we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks - maybe I idealised him over that time, then we saw each other - and he seemed less attractive, more insecure or sth. All of a sudden I started feeling distant from him and it gave me a lot of anxiety. Well, things will change I suppose - he finished his studies and starts work next week. I suppose that may change him in some ways.
Author a fallen leaf Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Oh i understand the good memories are a great thing. But I just cannot get over the fact that someone who first of all was a dear friend to me, and then gradually became a boyfriend is all of a sudden so distant now! Will it always be so? Will I ever be able to look objectively at him? As I do at my other friends?
utterer of lies Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I lost feelings for my boyfriend of a year. Feeling very negative about him, and not quite sure why! Is there a chance the feelings will come back if we take a few months break? Very unlikely. But sometimes people are desperate enough or too afraid to be alone that they kind of settle with the remnants. Don't.
utterer of lies Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Oh i understand the good memories are a great thing. But I just cannot get over the fact that someone who first of all was a dear friend to me, and then gradually became a boyfriend is all of a sudden so distant now! Will it always be so? Will I ever be able to look objectively at him? As I do at my other friends? Yes and no. You will be able (after some months or years) to look objectively at him, but obviously there will always be something special, if only because of the memories.
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