dianna Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I felt sick today..dizzy,mood swings,no apetite,missed him like hell ( the usual).Well let me tell you what i did . I went to take a shower because im leaving tomorow morning for a couple of days to stay with a aunt ( im not looking foward because she will ask me the same things ,reminding me of him..etc ) and i literally started to cry..cry as much as i can..took me 15 minutes then i looked in the mirror and I DIDN'T RECOGNISE MYSELF..like ..I didn't know the person in the mirror, I started to analyze myself and GOD I remembered the good old times when he kissed those parts and told me I was beautifull and I started to cry again..I prayed to God to bring him back on my knees ..in the bathroom. I feel..like a wreck..im waiting for my mom to sleep so I can start crying again..3 days of NC and 20 days since the break up.. broken...
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Sorry you are having such a hard day. I had a really hard day too. I had been doing well and then last night I heard a song that reminded me of him. I really wanted to call him but I did not. Well today I almost emailed him. I told my roommate and he talked me out of it. I cried my head off. I hadn't cried like that for a few weeks. I just kept crying and saying things like "God help me," "I can't take this aymore," "Why did he do this to me?" "He abandoned me." I just wailed and wept. My roommate asked me to look at all the stars I had on the calendar- one for each day I did not contact him, So many stars. My roommate asked me "Do you really want to give all of that up for him?" I did not because he's not worth it. I felt better after thatl and then took a nap. I'm much better now.
DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 What does it mean when you don't cry over it? I almost wish I could cry this **** out to help get past it but I can't seem to do it. I've gone places that remind me, I've watched movies like p.s. I love you----just to get the damn cry out. Nothing works. Maybe I'm just still to angry. I'm sorry you are still crying. But be proud of your stars. That means you are healing everyday.
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Thanks so much. Yes I am healing, but sometimes I have bad setbacks. With my other ex, I could not cry and it felt terrible...like something was stuck in me. It was terribly uncomfortable. I hated feeling like that. Dianna, I feel for you. I know that if I lived with my mom, I wouldn't be able to really let out my sadness the way I can do here. I hate going thru a break up when I am staying at her house...I feel embarassed and feel as if I have to put up a brave front.
ahotmess Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 dianna- I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know it doesn't really help to know this, but eventually it will: You are NOT alone. I remember vividly the day that I looked into the mirror and didn't recognize myself. It soometimes hurts to look in the mirror because I no longer feel like I have a future without him. I've been strong, and I've been weak. I've cried until I puked more times than I care to admit. It hurts. I keep holding out that time will heal this wound as it has healed other wounds in the past....though this one is different than the others, but aren't they always. Be good to yourself right now. Spoil yourself a little. Do what makes you feel good, cry, don't cry, just go with the flow. Sometimes I take it one breath at a time.....Hang in there!
moo Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I was reading a post I made in this thread before. Earlier today in this thread, I wrote my ex wasn't worth breaking NC for. I still believe it. (Sigh) I keep acting as if I lost something beautiful and precious and wonderful. I know what I lost was a relationship that was hurtful, dysfunctional and a person would most likely leave me sleeping in a burning building if he woke up and saw fire. I am serious about that. He is the most selfish person I have ever known. Why is it that sometimes I feel he is still the greatest thing since chocolate shakes? I know it's not true. Ugh.
AnswersPls Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 hey gals.. I am feelin the same thing over and over again as well. I can understand the situation becoz I am still stuck in in.! Its been a month plus. and I heard that my ex is busy focusing on his work.. I cannot believe he walked out on my. on our 4 yrs of relationship.. i m sick of feelin depressed and lonely.. AHhHhH... why are there heart aches.. I thot he was the one.. but.. he is obviously not too!
Beeotch Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Sorry about how you feel..but trust that it does get better. Believe me. It is frustrating to hear this especially when you feel horrible and you want a pill to be over the whole thing, I remember those feelings CLEARLLLY...but from where I am standing now and looking back to about 5 mths ago...it has gotten A LOT better. Have not shed a tear in months and am moving on and living life everyday...... I am not 100% over him...still think of him daily, still remember the good times, still makes my stomach churn to imagine him with someone else, still think of hm returning and making tings right....and all that stuff but with waaaaaaaay less intensity and less frequency. So trust me...you can cry as much as you need to and express your feelings...but remember that it WILL get better and you have to find things ti do that will help you along the process and not harm you.Do positive things..even when your heart isn't in it, because it is better than for example stalking him or feeling so sorry for yourself that you feel despair. Find time fillers: hobbies, friends, movies, trips, family etc. And slowly but SURELY it will get better and better.
mickleb Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this dianna. All the terrible crying is important. You are healing yourself by letting it out. It's very hard if you think someone might hear because then you feel guilty about worrying them and ashamed that you should be able to cope better - but hey! - this IS you coping! This is the way people cope with the loss of a loved one. It might be easier to say this to your mum - of course she will worry about you but you can explain that it will make it easier, in the long run, if you can get all of this misery OUT. I don't know - it's up to you. The important thing to remember is that so many of us have been there, some of us will be again and again and that - crazy as it makes us feel for a while - it is just a sign that we are healing. Treat yourself as soon as you've got the energy to do so. I had a CRAP day today. I've barely eaten in a week then I pulled myself off the couch and managed to get to the supermarket and bought myself lots of tasty stuff. I couldn't really afford it but knew I had to invest in myself right now. I feel SO much better for it! Do whatever works for you. Whatever gets you (not TOO unhealthily) through the night, honey. xx
contax Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Awww, I know exactly how you feel Dianna. You sound like a pure woman. A week after my break up, My thoughts raced in bed, I got up and fell to the bathroom floor crying. Wanting to puke. On the floor, I was dying. I'm a guy, I couldn't ever imagine myself doing that, but I did. I had to get it out. It's been 6 months since the break up and she went with another guy (we were together for 5 years 4 months). 3 months of no contact (Woo hoo!), a few days since she sent me 2 emails beging me to speak to her cause she's unhappy with the new guy. My goal is to get her out of my head, no anger, torture etc. Forgive her, keep my integrity, principles and move on. I hope you heal too. Don't break no contact, please....you can read the horror stories here. You will find love again. (Ps Micleb says wahtever gets you through the night - not too unhealthily- please avoid all alchohol and drugs during this time...honestly...I'm happy I quit ciggarettes and alchohol for months
Recommended Posts