ppink1567 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 My boyfriend and I had a huge blow out due to my anger. When I get angry I really just change. Nothing can get through to me because I am so upset. I need some coping methods to help with this anger. Well, last night he and I spoke about the issues he is having with our relationship. One was the anger, the other was that we spend every second together. For me, that is okay. I am a jealous person who needs to be the center of attention from that one person I am with. Doesn't sound like a good friend or girlfriend. I just don't know what it is about my past that made me like that, maybe being an only, spoiled child. Well, he realized how unhealthy it is and has confessed that he needs breaks from me and has choosen to go to his friends house when need be. Of course I do not want to control him, but I cannot control my own lonliness this leaves me. For one, I do not have really any friends that I can call on that are not already consumed in their life (work, family, babies). So when he chooses to leave, I will already be feeling jealous and upset and alone. What are some coping tip to being alone and loving yourself so I can give my boyfriend the space he deserves? Is there something that I can do to help myself as well? Thank you for any advice.
NopeNah Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Get some hobbies. Join the gym,take a class,make some new friends,ect..
smookie Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 really I think it depends on why you are getting mad? What is it that is happening when you get so pist? I know one thing with me is when my ex did not listen to what I was saying to him... I am not talking about little things but big things that hurt me or things that matter to me... I started to whipser to him to make him listen ... this worked and I continued it... there are alot of things that you can do so why not pin point what upsets you first then you can get different ideas from people.
Author ppink1567 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 really I think it depends on why you are getting mad? What is it that is happening when you get so pist? I know one thing with me is when my ex did not listen to what I was saying to him... I am not talking about little things but big things that hurt me or things that matter to me... I started to whipser to him to make him listen ... this worked and I continued it... there are alot of things that you can do so why not pin point what upsets you first then you can get different ideas from people. You know, I think it's that selfish side that just wanted everything to be fair, but I have to realize things are not fair. Period. I like the whispering thing, it seems so small, but worth it. I just do not think my guy would go for that. He is very argumenative as in he wants to make his points, listen to all points and find the right one. Most of the time he is because he is much more logical over emotional (me). I am trying to pin point the things... slowly start learning to enjoy myself alone. Thank you so much!!
Author ppink1567 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Get some hobbies. Join the gym,take a class,make some new friends,ect.. Yes, those are some great ideas. Thanks
georgia girl Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Okay, your post disturbs me a little bit - and also because I read your other posts. My biggest concern is that when you talk about how you messed everything up and that caused your boyfriend to break up with you is that there is no balance - you'll do anything here to fix things and he's sitting back and letting you take all of the blame. All healthy relationships require negotiation. At our very center, we are all needy, self-centered beings. Thus, getting into a relationship means that each person has to give. You may be needy and need to recognize that you are a whole person and not just X's girlfriend. But, he may be unreliable and not put the amount of energy into a relationship that requires him to have a successful one. Please hear me. Relationships require balance. Both parties have to give. If he doesn't have to do any work in this relationship, he never will - and he'll never value it. Therefore, some other girl will come along, be a demanding you-know-what in your eyes and he'll fall all over himself being the boyfriend for her that he'd never be for you. Set expectations of yourself and of him. If you can't do that, it WON'T work, no matter how much you try and how much you change. On another note, if you have issues with anger, you must fix them. It's never acceptable to let anger rule your actions. That's a key responsibility in being an adult and there's no excuse for it. Sorry to be harsh, but it will serve you better in the end.
smookie Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Wow that is amazing what you just said georgia girl .... Truly amazing and more truthfull then anything!!
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