syd Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 My boyfriend and I were about to celebrate our one year anniversary but we decided right now we both have things we need to work on within ourselves before we can be successful in a relationship. He says if I can learn to love myself and be happy he will marry me in a heartbeat! I know that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with but my depression and lack of self worth have had a huge impact on our everyday life together! My question is where do I go from here? I moved in with him a few months ago, changing states and leaving my job behind. My options are to move back home with my mom or stay with him (he has the space) since there still is the likelihood we will be together again in the future. I'm confused because don't want to have to move back home and start all over again knowing that if we get back together I will just be going back. I can't really afford to live alone right now so that's why these appear to be my only options right now.
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Your depression? I thought he has an attachment problem? Why do you have a lack of self worth?
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I hate when people break up to work on themselves. You can work on yourself IN A RELATIONSHIP -- and in fact, if the relationship is truly valuable, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. You don't break up to get better. A relationship is a support system. This break up is faulty and flawed. The only time we grow as people, is when we're in a relationship. Seriously, that's a fundamental of psychology. When we are too alone, independent, etc., we are NOT growing. (The exception is if you lost something/someone major in your life - you will grow while you're getting over it. But once you're back to normal, alone = no growth). I call BS on this break up. You two won't ever get back together. I call it! I bet 305 dollars and 52 cents.
Author syd Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 He does have an attachment disorder which he has been working on and that has significantly improved. I have insecurties with my self image because things that have happened in my past that I have yet to deal with. Its hard to stay in a relationship and work on yourself because the other person becomes a distraction in the process that's why people make this type of decision
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Its hard to stay in a relationship and work on yourself because the other person becomes a distraction in the process that's why people make this type of decision NO. Couldn't disagree more with this statement. If the other person is a DISTRACTION to your well being, then you have no business ever getting back together. He's a fool for speaking of marriage. No marriage will EVER be successful, when both your and his logic is a fundamental CONTRADICTION to marriage. In marriage, you become ONE, you WORK AS ONE, you HEAL as one, you HELP each other as if you were helping yourself. People make the faulty decision of breaking up to fix themselves so that they can be together, not because the other is a distraction.... but rather, people make this decision out of lack of logic, reasoning, knowledge, and understanding. If you can't heal together, you don't EVER belong together. That's why I'm so sure that this relationship will not ever work with the way things are now. So I suggest you either contact him and tell him you want to work it out together, or forever accept this is DONE. There are no gray area's here. What I'm telling you will prove to be prophetic. Count on it.
urbangirl Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Sounds like what has just happened to me... My ex said maybe we could have a future one day when we've both grown up and got we wanted (we're 23 and 24). I left a really good job and moved to be with him, couldn't find another job that was anywhere near as good as the one I left. But I was happy just being with him but he says I deserve more etc... There were of course other problems in our relationship but I was faced with moving back in with my mum a long way away. Sounds like from Thomas X Forever's post that getting back together is completely off the cards... As this only happened within the past few days i'm still in shock but i'm seeing although I really want him back that it would just never be the same and be too hard. I wish you luck x
NightLord1 Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I agree with everything Thomas said. Took the words out of my mouth
edward-e Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 thomas x hit my exact feelings about this right on the head....i was formulating my words then started reading other posts and bam what i had to say was already said...
Beeotch Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 One moral of the story is: never up and move to another state and rearrange your life for a boyfriend with no backup plans. If you had a great job and all that...you need to think twice. Whichever party has less to lose in moving should do the moving and if the persn who has less to move insists they don't want to move...that is a HUGE CLUE that they are SELFISH! And the relationship is probably going to be one with you making ALL the sacrifices and them doing what is convenient for them. Don't do it people...PLAN out a big move. Relationships fail. Remember that. If the ONLY good thing about a move is your bf/gf....think again. Factor the move as you would a move without them...think about jobs, do you like this environment, friends, family and ofcourse..."If this relationship should end where will I be in this place? Can I quickly be on my own? Will I be depressed and alone with no one else around except my ex? Can I easily go back to my old life?"
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