She made out with another guy...we had our 2 yr anniversary coming up in 3 weeks!!!

[yipeekayay]

So I just had a bomb dropped on me yesterday...I will set it up so you guys can give me an honest opinion on the situation. It had been a week or so that I had noticed that my gf didn't seem as affectionate or interested as she normally is. I thought we had a great relationship, we talk about how great we have it constantly. She just started hanging out with some girlfriends from work which I encouraged because I wanted her to have some same sex friends and people she could turn to if she needed something. I felt it would be healthy to have since she had lost touch with several of her other close friends before. She had asked if it would be ok to go to a club with them for a "girls night" to help one of her friends deal with a break up last weekend on 7/19/09. I said that would be fine and for her to have fun. She goes out again this past weekend 7/25/09 and I still notice a lack in attention compared to before. I do some investigating cuz I have a gut feeling about something and I notice some texts with her talking to some dude saying "good morning", "have a great day", "muah", another one talking about "we just talked for like 2 hours" which was sent late at night, and one where her friend tells her that she saw her kissing him in a parking lot. I lost it, I confront her and she tells me that she is so sorry and that it happened this past saturday after they had been drinking and so forth. I dont know what to believe, I am sad and mad and incredibly shocked. I never would have expected it. She was very emotional as was I, she told me she knew it was stupid and that she felt terrible about it. What should I do??? I asked for time because I didnt want to rush a decision on the spot but i have a strong disdain for people who cheat and breaking a trust that was nearly 2 yrs in the making. I dont know if it really just happened this weekend or if it had been going on for longer, the texts hurt me almost as much as the act of her kissing this dude.

[AAlike]

the texts hurt me almost as much as the act of her kissing this dude.

 

as they should, because the texts are the real deal-sealer here.

 

unlike many in this forum, I am fairly lenient as far as where the point of no return would be regarding cheating, and I could potentially get over "we made out for a minute," depending on the circumstances and provided she showed the proper remorse and was honest about it by either telling me outright or when confronted. Not that I'm saying that this is ok or should be permissable - where you choose to place that line is completely up to you - but just that for me personally, I could probably allow one strike.

 

However, the fact that regular communication with this guy exists completely dispels the possibility of a momentary lapse in judgement or "getting caught up in the moment" or however else I (and from what you say here, you) could possibly justify this, especially if you had noticed a change in her behavior prior to your discovery. in all honesty, if she had felt guilty after the incident, I'd expect her behavior to you to be overly warm (overcompensating) - the fact that she seemed distant would suggest that she had been thinking about this guy, and if she really felt that she had made a huge mistake, she should have cut off communcation immediately.

 

Given that, I think that you'll have a very difficult time repairing the trust in your relationship, unfortunately.

[lovers69]

Do a sweet revenge or if you can, forget her.

 

I know it's tough because you'll be having your 2nd anniv, but you don't like that to happen again, right?

[samspade]

What should I do???

 

Dump her. The relationship is done.

 

A "girls night out" is an excuse for bad behavior, and a big red flag. She clearly wants to be single. Your gut is usually correct.

[SueBee3490]

If she truly felt bad, why would she still be in contact with him?? Ask yourself that. The fact that she also didn't tell you, you had to do a little investigating yourself says alot too. If he had contacted her and she shut him down, telling him it was wrong, she's with you, etc. then I would be more apt to believe she regrets and is sorry. This doesn't sound that way - it sounds like she is sorry she got caught.

 

Now I'm sorry

[leonar]

I am sorry that it happens, but the relationship will never be the same. It will take time to heal and you can't get over this incident that easily. She is not perfect and only you know if you can deal with it. If you can live with it, give her another chance. Else, it is better to ended.

[Bryanp]

I agree with the others. Her actions do not match her words. If she so bad about kissing him why did she continue to texting him afterwards? This is the real deal breaker. I am sorry but she is playing you for a fool. How do you think she would have been acting if the roles had been reversed? Do you think she would have been so accepting as you appear to be?

[in_absentia]

Dump her, it's over. She thinks so little of you she pulls another guy, and can't even claim it was heat of the moment becuase she's been continuing to keep in contact. Get out with some dignity now!

[Dexter Morgan]

What should I do??? I asked for time because I didnt want to rush a decision on the spot but i have a strong disdain for people who cheat and breaking a trust that was nearly 2 yrs in the making.

 

how about for your anniversary, you get her a card from an adult bookstore, Spencers, or whatever, that has someone flipping the bird and write on the inside..."its been nice knowing you, I'm outta here"