delajoonal Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 hello all... i have a question for ALL the spouses that were walked out on, cheated on, abandon, etc....(if it is OK today, something was brought to my attention..again...and i have not thought much of it..really..until today, so i thought, what a great question/issue for my LS friends, because i sure would like to know, if I AM THE ONLY ONE...LOL ok, so here are the questions: 1- do you still wear your wedding ring/engagement ring or both? 2- do you still call your spouse/stbxw/h, "...my husband" or "...my wife" ? 3- are you divorcing or separating? OK..so here is what is bugging me..and today, i even finally told my best friend of 30 years, to KNOCK IT OFF...i know she loves me, and has my best inerest at heart, and i love her for that ...she has been my rock thru this nightmare (H had online EA and asked for Separation and left me 5 months ago) so, i felt bad telling her the following, BUT, i was nice and just needed HER to know how my heart feels right now, and even tho she has seen first hand the CRUELTY my H has bestowed upon me...that she must understand how i feel and please respect IT...and she did and does and that well, was pretty amazing... so i am wondering if anyone else in 'this' type of situation has had these issues?.....men and women members ...??? first here is what happened to me in keeping in line with the above questions: 1- NO one has really said anything about ME wearing my wedding ring/band, i do NOT wear my engagment ring, big rock, TOO much of am in ur face reminder, but would still like to remain faithful to my vows and YES even my H at this time. 2- THIS is the one i was really miffed at today... my BFF (how the kids say it) told me she noticed i still say in convo's ,,,"my husand..blah blah...etc...". so i still say MY HUSBAND!!! ..well, 14 years is kinda hard to just stop at the drop of a hat...i even still call H Honey and H calls me Sweetie..LOL..and we catch each other and laugh, my H even said, well, we have been together ALONG time, those pet name will stick for a while...? well, there is a PART B to number 2... i also still say my Husband in convo's when out in public, etc....as i do NOT feel like IT is anyone else's busniess to know that my H left me ... so i explained THIS to my bff, i am just not ready for the world to know i am separated yet. is this wrong? 3- ok, so last question...my H has never asked for a D, just Leg Sep... so i know IT is NOT all because he MAY or may not be still in love with me or if he is not sure if he should leave the marriage for GOOD/indefinatley... but because it is just actually cheaper for H at this time., medical, etc...whatever... so, in a convo with my bff yesterday... bff is going on about some OTHER convo with another friend and how my bff told this other friend , that i am going thru a 'DIVORCE' and omg! how sorry they are for me etc...blah blah... well HORSE SH**! WTF??? i am PO'ed! not because my bff told someone about MY current marital issues.. BUT because i currently am NOT GETTING A DIVORCE...my H and i are only Separated....i just felt and feel like my friend is pushing me into being a Divorce` BEFORE my time....LOL..ya know?? so i kindly told my bff, please do NOT tell people i am getting a divorce! my H and I are only Separated and NOT even legally at this time.. (kinda..long story, another thread...LOL) i asked my friend to please STOP rushing the DIVORCE word, as i still am very much in love with my H..or at least i think i am... but isn't IT up to me and MY time to deal with that D WORD??? and to stop telling me that i say "MY HUSAND" in convo's ..argh! ok, so i sound a bit neurotic..LOL...but i really think there will be some of you that completely GET IT??? thanks for reading and any posts that mirror or are similar to my situation:) thanks again all!
edpowers Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 my wife left me and we are heading for divorce.. should I ask for her wedding ring back? also she has my wedding ring... I should also ask it back right?
Author delajoonal Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 hmm? good question... i asked my H when he said he was leaving IF he wanted my rings back... H said absolutely NOT! they are my rings and he said for me to keep them both... on the other hand, he took OFF his wedding band, i had specially made for him.. SO..i did ask for IT back, he knows i was going to put it with our wedding pics and other memorabila..so he gave IT back to me..OMG...i can still feel the knife in my heart that day..he had alread taken the ring off and put IT on his key chain...ack! what a stab in the gut..right?
Author delajoonal Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 oh...to answer your question about asking for her ring back.. i think IT all depends on YOU and her, and how long you have been married, if you are divorcing FOR SURE or just separating, etc... each situation has dif circumstances.
Gunny376 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 The last time I saw my BF? I stuffed him in a body bag in Beirut. He was from MA, I was from AL! We had a couple of soldiers from the Army attached to us! I was trying to explain the difference between the Army and the Marine Corps? I told the soldiers I was a Gunny ~ an essentially a god! To which my Corporal responded? So I guess that makes me a "prophet!"
HollowedOut Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 after you find out its over... does it get any easier to sleep?
tojaz Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 1- do you still wear your wedding ring/engagement ring or both? 2- do you still call your spouse/stbxw/h, "...my husband" or "...my wife" ? 3- are you divorcing or separating? ok, so i sound a bit neurotic..LOL...but i really think there will be some of you that completely GET IT??? thanks for reading and any posts that mirror or are similar to my situation:) thanks again all! Dela, I get it. i think all people in our situation go through these questions. It's very hard to make these changes when you don't want them 1.>> . I later found out that she only wore hers when she was with me towards the end. I took mine off when she refused to participate in our one and only MC session. i realized her mind was made up and looked down and her ring wasn't there. A few days later I took mine off. I kept mine and she never offered to return hers. I hope she kept it, but she probably threw it into a lake some where. 2.>> I still refer to her as my wife, even when we where talking I found it impossible to just call her by her name, it just came out sweetie, or babe. "So you got your own apartment sweetie" Arghhhhh 3.>> My divorce went final today. TOJAZ
phineas Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Divorce is a good 5 months away due to the bakruptsy needing to be filed first. she is my EX. She stopped being my wife the day she registered on a dating site. I just didn't know it then. I rarely wore my ring unless I was out with her or on guys night out. I'm a very hands on type of DIY person & wearing any ring while doing that is a good way to get hurt. she would leave the house wearing hers but would come home with it off. Just another thing that made me suspect something was up. I've got her ring. we used her engagement ring as her wedding ring. Far as i'm concerned she did not uphold her part of the bargain when I gave it to her so I get it back to do with as I please. It will please me to hawk it & buy something useful.
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