lorilynne Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I read a quote today: Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. Ralph Waldo Emerson I thought about this quote for a bit today. After work I completed my grad work & even took a mid-term. Then I took a depression nap(this has become a regular occurence for me). It was three hours long. When I woke up I thought about the quote again and it inspired me. I cleaned my house, tended my landscaping, did laundry, went through the mail, then I cried. I cried because as inspiring as that quote is, I'm still alone. I'm alone and pregnant. After three years, this man felt that the day I tell him I'm pregnant is the day he should tell me he's met someone new. Someone with a child. Someone who he loves like he's never loved before and wants to spend the rest of his life with. What kind of man wants to raise someone else's child over their own? I wanted to be pregnant WITH someone. Someone who'll ask everyday how I feel. Someone who'll rub my belly with me as it grows. Someone who'll talk about the future with me and be invested in making that future happy. How did I get here? Back to the quote: Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine...I just want to add that some shadows are caused by pathetic a**holes that suck the life right out of you! Sorry for being so down. It just crept in and I gotta let it out!
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Cmon Lori, seriously, you got there because first you wanted to keep the baby to prove a point. Now youre worried about having it alone? it was your choice to be alone and pregnant. You thought the baby would bring him back and it backfired. You dont really want to go though this alone, you want a complete family. Well ,theres always the next baby......
Author lorilynne Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I don't know why you would respond in this manner. First of all, I didn't keep this baby for him. I kept it for me. I may not attend church as devoutly as I should but I don't believe in abortion. That doesn't mean I won't be sad. Please don't respond to my posts, if your tone and advice indicates that I put myself here. I don't know what your situation is, but I am sure that I would not respond to you in the same manner you have. This should be a place to come and share feelings without being criticized by people I have already explained myself to. I am a 34 year old woman with a great job & a house. I know logistically I can handle being a single mom. I'm devastated at the reaction I received from the man I've loved for 3 years and known for 15. I think I'm entitled to express these feelings. Please don't take away a place where I feel safe sharing. Your response was cruel and unnecessary. Please don't respond to anymore of my posts.
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Hey there hon. Sorry you are hurting and I'm sorry you feel alone. You know when your baby is born, he or she is going to bring you such joy. I really think you should join a group for single mothers. Check on the internet, with human service organizations in your area and in the hospitals. I think it would really help you. That way you can support each other. If you need help finding a group, let me know and we can help you. We care about you. You are a great person. You have great posts and you care about others.
t0ri Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Cmon Lori, seriously, you got there because first you wanted to keep the baby to prove a point. Now youre worried about having it alone? it was your choice to be alone and pregnant. You thought the baby would bring him back and it backfired. You dont really want to go though this alone, you want a complete family. Well ,theres always the next baby...... Um, it absolutely was not her choice to be alone and pregnant! She didn't get pregnant intentionally, and she didn't choose for her ex to leave her for someone else. Do not blame her for that! And from what I've read, she kept the baby for moral obligation, not to prove a point. Anyway, I really feel for you Lorilynne. Keep your chin up and be strong for your baby. I seriously cannot believe your ex...talk about scum. For him to tell you he is upset he's having this child with you, wow. You deserve better than that. Is this the same ex that couldn't decide what he wanted with you for a long time? You deserve some stable ground to raise your child on, and if that has to be provided by yourself, I'm sure you're a strong woman and can do it! I'm very sorry you're going through this pregnancy alone. I hope you at least have family and friends that can be there for you?
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you have any pets? You might want to consider a dog. If it won't be a problem to walk it, a dog can provide great comfort. Maybe an older one so you don't have to stress over the puppy years? Retrievers are great but I read they shoudn't be around babies because of their retriever aspect, but in general, a dog will great you when you come home it will great you, listen to your woes, snuggle up with you in the bed and they are so warm and soft.
Author lorilynne Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Thank you T0ri & Moo. I will look into a group. I am going to a therapist. I started going the last time we broke up. It's so ironic because when we broke up in May, I asked him to leave me alone so I could move on. He text and called me constantly. One day in June he sent me a text stating that he dreamt I was pregnant and we were happily planning for the baby. When we talked later he told me it made him realize how much he missed me & that something was missing in his life without me. That's how I got roped back in & got pregnant. I never would have planned this. I didn't expect the response I got from telling him but I have reproductive issues (due to a major surgery I had 8 years ago) and getting pregnant didn't seem like it would be in the cards for me. I feel like this was a blessing and might be my only chance to have a child. T0ri, yes he's the same guy. I orginally posted about him over a year ago and like I said before, I've known him for 15 years so I was totally shocked when he reacted the way he did (not that our relationship was perfect by a long shot). I appreciate your feedback. Just wanted to share with people who understand and hear some positive thoughts. Thank you for helping me sleep tonight.
marmaliade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 A child is a great joy and be your biggest support... You are smart and strong woman. You just don't need someone who doesn't appreciate you and your child and treats you like that. It wil be fine
HollowedOut Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I find myself too seeking solace from the comfort of strangers. I hope Lori, that you are blessed with healthly and beautiful child. I further hope that the "prick" to use the term loosely finds himself soon and devotes his life to the child. Any woman that can be independent enough to take on this solo is a truly great person and you are welcome to email me anytime, I'd be glad to talk to you, now that my wife has hollowed out my chest, I have plenty of love to give to a new friend and her child. Dont get a pet right now, it will hurt you more if the child turns out to be allergic. Wait til the child is acclamated to the house a little more, then introduce a puppy (cats are bad for babies... ;( - and yucky, i mean they dont even flush)
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Bentnotbroken: It never ceases to amaze me that people post on a public forum and when they don't like what is said, they storm off in a huff. It is an opinion board, not a professional counseling session or a hand holding sing-a-long.
2sure Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Lori, My ex and I broke up when my daughter was 6 months old. Being a single mother was a struggle. But you know what? Having the baby, being a mother to your baby...is going to change all of your priorities and perspective immediately. Yes, I would have preferred to have had a complete family. Yes, I longed for someone to share the joys and struggles with. But , those things were no longer number one in my mind once I had her. The longing you feel is going to change in its nature.
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I don't really look at this place as an opinion board. Yes, opinions are shared all the time. But this forum, while not officially counseling, it is where people who are hurting come. Just that fact alone means that we need to treat everyone gently. There are many ways to say the same thing. You are free to have an opinion, but maybe if you do it gently it is easier for people to swallow. Gently, gently. And yes, people here do need some "hand holding" with words. And yes, sometimes it does pay to keep negative comments out of the forum esp. when dealing with pregnant women...they need as little stress as possible.
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I don't really look at this place as an opinion board. Yes, opinions are shared all the time. But this forum, while not officially counseling, it is where people who are hurting come. Just that fact alone means that we need to treat everyone gently. There are many ways to say the same thing. You are free to have an opinion, but maybe if you do it gently it is easier for people to swallow. Gently, gently. And yes, people here do need some "hand holding" with words. And yes, sometimes it does pay to keep negative comments out of the forum esp. when dealing with pregnant women...they need as little stress as possible. I tell you what Moo, everytime I post (and I wont stop either) you can reword my post to fit what YOU think is gentle words and get my message across. Hows that? She wanted to vent and share, and so did I, Im allowed to do so, gentle or not.
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Hey lori, I wish you lived near me. I would love to be friends, help you with your pregnancy and even be your lamazz (spelling?) partner. From here, all I can do is offer words, but just know that I am thinking about you.
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Hey lori, I wish you lived near me. I would love to be friends, help you with your pregnancy and even be your lamazz (spelling?) partner. From here, all I can do is offer words, but just know that I am thinking about you. I just checked and I think you can PM her Moo...get her on the phone...
utterer of lies Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you have any pets? You might want to consider a dog. Great advice, it's not as if taking care of the kid is going to be stress enough. Why not add another dependent.
moo Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 having a dog usually lowers the blood pressure. Petting a dog relaxes people. pets relieve stress.
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