BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I have been drinking. please forgive me. i can't handle alcohol. i am pretty hypotensive. my husband is the worst. i just wish i would die. i really do. i really really do. i have 3 kids. they are 8, 4 and 4 months. he won't stop going on these singles sites. tears are pouring down my face and i can't stop crying. i am so depressed that i wish i could die sometimes. he is my high school sweetheart. he tells girls on hornymatches.com and onlinebootycall that he wants discreet sex. oh god, please kill me now. i don't know what to do. is anyone awake right now that can help me? I am so scared , more than you realize. i can't live like this anymore. he denies everything and tonight he even threw me around. oh please help me i hope i die. i really.
crissie Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I'm awake...Really don't know if I can help. Only thing I can say is that you have 3 wonderful children at home...If something happens to you, you will be leaving them with that monster...If he throws you around and has a problem with sex then I wouldn't want my children to be raised by them...And put the bottle down!
NoIDidn't Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 (((((betrayedmama))))) I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Stop drinking as soon as you can before you drink yourself into a stupor. I did that before I found any online sites to help me deal with my feelings from my H's infidelity. And at the time I only had three kids to deal with (and close to the same ages almost). There is someone online that will keep you company for a little bit. Be strong for you. You've made it this far. Don't let his insensitivity win. Write your heart out instead of drinking. Write in a journal somewhere. Call a friend, forget about intruding on them or their time - you really need to talk to someone now. Someone will step up and be there for you. I'm sure of it. Hugs. I'm so sorry that you are hurting so. But I know it will get better. I will get better. You have to believe that, sweetie.
headlesschicken Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 drink some water, go to sleep, come back here in the morning when you've sobered up and talk to us, we can help you through this. but for now keep yourself and your little ones safe until you can take action. hugs.
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I just dont get it. there isnothing wrong with me. sorry i never drink so i am really shaky here. i am a personal trainer, so i am fit. i am just saying that b/c his posts always say;s he wants someone fit. i am nice and pretty i guess. i have always been good to him. what did i do to deserve this? he denies it all adn tells me that i am a lunatic. but i promise i am not. i am a good girl who takes care of kids all day and then works as a trainer early mornings and nights. i do all that i can do. why does he lie. why does he make me feel crazy. why did he bash my head into a recliner tonight but say it was only a cushion and i was being a drama queen. my head hit the hard part but he mocked me. i am so scare.d
angie2443 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I'm awake. I don't know what to say to help, but I do know you need to get out of that situation. I agree with the other poster who said to write your heart out rather than drink. Talk to friends and make a plan to leave this situation. Stay strong!
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 i also just ate four sandwiches in a row. i am just saying that i am really scared right now. i can't hanlde my wine. what should i do? i can't take this anymore. i am so scared.
angie2443 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I just dont get it. there isnothing wrong with me. sorry i never drink so i am really shaky here. i am a personal trainer, so i am fit. i am just saying that b/c his posts always say;s he wants someone fit. i am nice and pretty i guess. i have always been good to him. what did i do to deserve this? he denies it all adn tells me that i am a lunatic. but i promise i am not. i am a good girl who takes care of kids all day and then works as a trainer early mornings and nights. i do all that i can do. why does he lie. why does he make me feel crazy. why did he bash my head into a recliner tonight but say it was only a cushion and i was being a drama queen. my head hit the hard part but he mocked me. i am so scare.d I don't know if it's the alcohol talking, but his behavior has nothing to do with you. Please get that out of your head. He is a sick individual. There's nothing you can say or do to change that.
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I'm awake. I don't know what to say to help, but I do know you need to get out of that situation. I agree with the other poster who said to write your heart out rather than drink. Talk to friends and make a plan to leave this situation. Stay strong! ok...thanks...
crissie Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I'm in the same kind of relationship right now, the man cheats on me all the time and then tells me I make it all up, I'm in therapy right now because I have no idea which one of us is crazy (him or me)... Men like this do that sort of thing-- and nothing is wrong with you- promise.. Same in my situation, I'm 10 years younger then him, way out of his league (so i've been told)... I'll give you the same advice people give me: Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve! go get some sleep and come on here tomorrow to get a game plan together...
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I feel pathetic crissie. i do. i never drink but i saw some red wine so i drank it. not good since i usually workout or train early. you don't understand. i am reallllly a good wife. sure you are too. like, really good though. have lots of men maybe that would maybe want me. but love him. very much. keep finding him on singles sites with his pic and even admits he is married but wants sex. i try to buy the best outfits ( so pathetic) and i workout like a crazy person. put on my outfits and flex my abs. puff my lips. but he is never into me. but you can't get emotional in front of him or he flips out. he is scary. he knows how to kill. he is special forces/highway patrol trained. he thinks he is so cool. so suave. i hate myself. i can't stop crying. i can't sleep. i can't.
Thornton Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Big hugs to you, I hope you feel better to know that people do care and are here to support you. Firstly, please think of your kids and don't do anything silly - you say you want to die but I really hope you don't mean it, because your kids need you. Secondly, drinking will not help, it will just cloud your judgement - I know it numbs the pain somewhat but to deal with this you really need to avoid alcohol. Try to get some sleep and think about what to do in the morning - is there a trusted friend who you could discuss this with, or even a voluntary organisation such as the Samaritans? So your husband wants discreet sex with other women, and you know about it: this is not the worst thing that could happen. You're in a position to see him for the scumbag he really is and get out of the relationship. If he's being violent towards you, that's even more reason to leave him. Don't let him say "it's only a cushion" - any kind of violence is unacceptable and you have every right to feel upset. He is gaslighting you, telling you you're a lunatic in order to excuse his own bad behaviour - don't listen to him! This has nothing to do with your fitness, or your looks, or anything like that - he's a bad egg and he would cheat on anyone he was with, simply because it's in his nature. Please don't feel that the fact he is a bad husband and an unfaithful partner in any way reflects bady on you - this is not your fault. It's clear that he's violent and he cheats and lies - for your sake and the sake of your children please get out of the relationship. Is there somewhere safe you can go tomorrow with the kids - to friends or family, or even to a place that helps abused women? You need to get out of there before he seriously hurts either you or your kids.
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 while i know that i and my kids come first, i don't know how to handle this. i work out of my home. each day. my clients rely on me. i don't know how to take off time esp since i just started back up june 1st after my march birth. i don't want to lose clients. i am so trapped. i am the epitome of trapped. i want to leave. dont know how, dont know when. he wont leave b'/c he wont admit what he does. says he is being phished and scammed. trust me - he is doing this. he puts in these sites every single fact known to man about him all the way up to the fact that his password is something sacred to him. he is a cheater and i am soo soooooo scared that he has already cheated. i nearly died during my 3rd birth. okay that is true. i mean that. i am so hypotensive that they nearly lost me 3 times and then my baby was born upside down swallowing fluids and wasn'[t breathing. but it didn't stop him. oh please is there a way to do this. money isn't everythjing but i have so much to lose -= my house, business, kids, etc etc etc... :( :( :( he was supposed to love me forever. i have loved him since age 16. i just turned 30
Mino Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you have family around where you can go? Allowing him to throw you around is not acceptable. Dose he do this reguarly or is this the first time. If he lays another hand on you, call the police..You need to protect yourself and the children. The best would be is to find a way out of the house, or have him removed.. You need to get yourself well. Dont do anything stupid, your children need you. Go to sleep, tomorrow figure out how you can remove yourself from this situation ASAP. Get some space between the two of you and maybe get into mc if you think there is any hope left in your heart. ((hugs))
Thornton Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 You can rebuild your business after this situation is taken care of - your clients are less important than the personal safety of you and your children. Besides, I'm sure most of them will understand if you explain you're having personal difficulties and need to take a break for a while. If they don't understand, who cares - you'll find new clients. Your business is the least of your worries right now. Leave him - find a safe place to stay and take your children with you. Don't worry about the house, you'll probably get it in the divorce settlement anyway, together with custody of your children. You will not lose your kids, you will not lose your house, and you will not lose your business (you can rebuild it after this is sorted out). Who cares if he cheated already, he's a violent abusive man and you need to get away from him.
LaGazelle Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Darling, I'm really so sorry you are feeling like this. I will keep you in my prayers. Like others have said, try to focus on your children, and for the moment if he is not "throwing you around" , ignore him and keep your head straight to think about options for getting you and your kids out of the situation alive and well. You don't want to expose your kids to a lifestyle like this for longer than you absolutely have to. Do you have family or friends nearby? Is there a "women in distress" centre that you could contact? Could you also try a helpline with specialist helpline for those in dsitress? We can try to help, but it wouldn't hurt to try that too. Lots of Hugs (and Prayers). God bless.
jnj express Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 OK so you probably still love him, but he is abusive, and he doesn't get to do that TO ANYONE. Stand up for yourself, take your kids and leave, go to your relatives, go to friends, or a hotel, just get away from him, and whether you like it or not, you tell him the next time he touches you, you will bring charges against him for battery. If you do not stop him, this is just gonna get worse, until you are hurt to badly to take of your children, and then what happens to them. Forget your job, half of everything in the mge. is yours, plus your abusive H. will have to pay support. Stand up to him, he is nothing but a bully. Get away from him. And do not take him back if he all of a sudden changes his attitude, once he has you back under his control, he will just continue to abuse you. It is time to get out of this mge.
bentnotbroken Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Sweetie, please...I beg you, get some outside help. This can't go on and your depression is making it worse for you. I am praying for you.
PhoenixRise Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 ((((BetrayedMamma))))) I hope you are feeling a little better this morning. I think you need to get some IRL help. You need someone who can give you a hug and look you in the eye and tell you that you are not crazy. You need someone who can help you look it your situation with objective eyes and help you come up with a strategy for getting out of this horrid situation. For now, stop believeing anything your H says. Stop expecting that he will tell you the truth. If it will help you get clear, stop even asking him any questions. YOU KNOW. You are not crazy, you know what he is doing. He can deny it till doomsday but it doesn't matter because you know. Don't let him convience you that him throwing you around and pushing you into a recliner are small things and you are making too much of it. A man using ANY level of violence to control or intimidate you IS a big deal. AND it will just get bigger if he gets away with it. AND you are right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your husband has a problem. Hell, your husband IS a problem. None of his actions are a reflection on you as a woman. I know that you are hurting but sweetheart, right now, you can't afford to let your pain immobolize you. Your babies need you. They are depending on you and you have to take action to protect yourself so that you CAN protect them. You are stronger than you think and you CAN do this. Good Luck Phoenix
Author BetrayedMama Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Well I am back today. I slept some. He slept like a baby of course. No worries for him right? He did nothing wrong. Never does. I used to know all the right words. Now I come on here and have so much to say and don't know how to say it. I want help. I need help. But I don't know how to get help. I have the little ones all day with me. I don't have anyone who can watch them for me. Kids can't go with me to therapy. I need to be hypnotized is what I need actually. I need to forget everything about him. I am sadder than I have ever been. I can't deal. I can't eat, can't workout, can't even smile. I feel like I am in a trance. His singles site this time, pic and all, said: What can I say? I am a married man, athletic, brown hair blue eyes. Looking for someone to share in discreet fun with me. Looking for someone to have 1on1 sex with who is white, fit and attractive. I have memorized this. I can't get it out of my brain. He has done it other times too, but this one just strikes me down the very most. I can't remember feeling this sad before. He isn't turned on by me. I try everything. I am a pathetic person, arent I? Please be honest with me. What is wrong with me? When I see him, personally, I still feel the puppy love, sort of, that I felt 15 years ago. I think something is seriously wrong with me. He thinks something is seriously wrong with me and wants me to believe it. Oh God can anyone help me?
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 OK.. .STOP IT!!!! Stop the drinking... that WON'T help you... get some friends or family (neighbours) to help you.. no one in an Internet forum can provide you with the help you need.. you need to get out of this situation... Your H is a jerk.. get out.. it will not get better.. don't wait for him to really hurt you. You're 'dramatization' of the situation will only put fuel on the situation, I'm not saying it's not important.. but stop the 'drama' .. he might really hurt you if you don't stop.. you don't need that right now.. you need to be there for your kids.. Isn't there a 'women's shelter' around.. you can get lots of help there... they will provide you with therapy.. will care for the kids.. etc.. check that.. but STOP THE DRINKING AND THE DRAMA!!!
GorillaTheater Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I sincerely hope I'm about to offer good advice, and not merely tapping into and projecting my own issues at the moment, but here goes: I bet that underneath the overwhelming and crushing feelings of depression, fear, and perhaps outright despair that there's an element of anger as well. Tap into that anger, and let it come to the surface, over-riding the despair. Not a loud, violent or destructive anger, but rather an ice-cold anger that he would treat you and your marriage the way he has. Once you're there, once the the anger dominates the other emotions that you're feeling, contact a lawyer and start a divorce (and have yourself checked for STDs, I'm very sorry to say). It may be something you'll have to follow through with, or maybe, just maybe, it'll be the wake-up call he needs, nothing else apparently having gotten through. I'm sorry. Please keep posting.
2sure Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Ive read all of your posts, and some brought me to tears. I wish I could fix everything for you personally. There are steps you need to take to fix your life. Specific ones. But you arent asking those questions yet so you arent ready to take them. And thats ok. You are a victim. From the sound of your posts, you have been one for quite some time . In your own eyes, in your predator husband's eyes and possibly even in the eyes of your family. Most people dont choose to be victims, but some come to accept the role. To even find comfort in the familiarity of it. You didnt choose the role, but you can choose to stop being a victim. You may not be able to change your circumstances or your husband right now. But you can stop being a victim of them. You need to know, first that you aren't crazy. That helps a lot. Look up: GASLIGHTING. Its all about baby steps.
Reggie Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I sincerely hope I'm about to offer good advice, and not merely tapping into and projecting my own issues at the moment, but here goes: I bet that underneath the overwhelming and crushing feelings of depression, fear, and perhaps outright despair that there's an element of anger as well. Tap into that anger, and let it come to the surface, over-riding the despair. Not a loud, violent or destructive anger, but rather an ice-cold anger that he would treat you and your marriage the way he has. Once you're there, once the the anger dominates the other emotions that you're feeling, contact a lawyer and start a divorce (and have yourself checked for STDs, I'm very sorry to say). It may be something you'll have to follow through with, or maybe, just maybe, it'll be the wake-up call he needs, nothing else apparently having gotten through. I'm sorry. Please keep posting.[/QUOT This seems right to me. You are dealing with a very messed up husband. He probably has NPD. These guys are really dangerous and extremely cruel. Thye isolate their victims and keep you in fear. You need support from family and friends to help you. You need to tell your family, if you can, about what is going on.
theBrokenMuse Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 If he is smacking you around, get out. Go to see someone at your local DV shelter and they can help you figure out a workable plan in order to get the ball rolling. If he is physically doing things to you HE IS ABUSING YOU. He is driving you to the point where you are contemplating suicide. Get help before your children end up without a mother. Get far, far away from this man. HE IS VILE AND 100% TOXIC TO YOU.
Recommended Posts