Katherineos123 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I was watching Sex and the City tonight.... Yeah, I know, how cliche... But there was a quote during the show that got me thinking, It goes a little something like this: "In love relationships, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain... In fact it is a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some pain implies growth. But how do we know when the growing pains stop and the pain pains begin?" Do you think this is true? That a relationship without some degree of heartache or "pain" isnt worth it? Maybe most of the turmoil we all experience in our relationships is fabricated? .... Note, I said MOST, because there are certainly real life, difficult situations that couples get into, and thus, must work through together... But do you think that most of the time, the drama that occurs in romantic relationships is created out of boredom? Maybe we all like to play the victim, or in some cases, the perpetrator....
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Guy dont like to feel emotions and have them toyed with, but some women get addicted to liking roller coaster emotions because they find it exciting and they dont get bored. That could be what that quote meant.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you think this is true? That a relationship without some degree of heartache or "pain" isnt worth it? No. I don't. Lessons learned through joy are equally as powerful if we choose them to be. Depends on what you want out of life - joy or pain. And yes, I do think people screw around in their relationships (meaning doing unintelligent stuff on purpose even if subconsciously) out of sheer boredom. Or it could also be because of the relationship models they've seen around them, so they think it's "normal."
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I think relationships are supposed to be fun and easy, with a little compromise. They shouldn't be mean or masochistic, though. That's kind of evil, IMO.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you think this is true? That a relationship without some degree of heartache or "pain" isnt worth it? IMO, it's about compatibility. If one of the partners believes the above and the other does not, there is going to be a problem with the health of the relationship. Personally, I don't think a healthy relationship should be intrinsically painful, nor should growth be necessarily so. Flagellating oneself at the altar of another or a relationship isn't exactly what I want to look back on as I draw my final breath. YMMV, of course
Author Katherineos123 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I agree with you Carhill. I think that as long as the two people involved are on the same page.... then some people might actually ENJOY the emotional rollercoaster.... I know some couples, as Im sure all of you do as well, who fight constantly.... break up just to make up.... and even though THAT kind of relationship would drive me OUT OF MY MIND! It seems to work for them.... I call them functionally dysfunctional.
samspade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Relationships are supposed to be fun. Not work or struggle, as Dr. Phil/Oprah would have you believe. Sure, there are some hurdles to clear, and differences to iron out. But the minute a relationship becomes painful, you extricate yourself from it. Better to be alone and happy than in a miserable relationship. Some people, however, are gluttons for punishment. They're all over this website.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I know some couples, as Im sure all of you do as well, who fight constantly.... break up just to make up.... and even though THAT kind of relationship would drive me OUT OF MY MIND! It seems to work for them.... Yes, I've seen my share and some from the inside (the details) and, IME, the psychology of this dynamic reflects the participants understanding of what a loving relationship is, often a reflection of how their minds were formed as children. I grew up in a relaxed, non-dramatic home with the care and love of two committed parents, so that's what I think a relationship is supposed to be like, for better or worse. Many of my wife's and my incompatibilities stemmed from our very different perceptions of relationship dynamics, not to be confused with how we felt about each other. It's a case of where you can love someone and be incompatible enough with them for the relationship to be unhealthy. Personally, I'd rather be alone than see a masochist when I look in the mirror of a future relationship. Life's too short
EddieN Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 If by pain and heartache, you mean shoving objects into places that were not meant to have objects inserted into, then yes, that's exactly what relationships are about.
Sam Spade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 My ex was definitely a masochist - she'd invent reasons why we're not meant to be and went as far as to sabotage the relationship for no particular reason. I'm not a masochist (couldn't be happier with my sane, down to earth gf).
Woggle Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 No sane person is. Nobody who is stable and normal actually enjoys pain and emotional drama.
in_absentia Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you think this is true? That a relationship without some degree of heartache or "pain" isnt worth it? No, I think a relationship that goes perfectly for its entire duration without a single ounce of pain can still be worth it (do they exist? ) but still, I tend to feel like the feelings aren't very strong if there isn't some kind of tension in there sometimes, which can ultimately cause pain. And when you've been through really painful times with someone, you sometimes appreciate the good times more in comparison.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Healthy pain - dealing with spouse's depression from going through cancer treatment Unhealthy pain - dealing with spouse's infidelity Comparatively, one might have a different perspective on the 'good' times when faced with these polar opposites of pain. Extreme? Sure, but it makes a good point about masochism in a relationship. Does growth occur? Interesting...
in_absentia Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Healthy pain - dealing with spouse's depression from going through cancer treatment Unhealthy pain - dealing with spouse's infidelity Comparatively, one might have a different perspective on the 'good' times when faced with these polar opposites of pain. Extreme? Sure, but it makes a good point about masochism in a relationship. Does growth occur? Interesting... If there was any kind of infidelity in my relationship there'd be no 'good times' afterwards to compare it to
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 OK, scratch the infidelity thing....that's too extreme. How about something more innocuous, like attention/validation seeking behaviors which cause the spouse/partner pain and keep them on edge? Or a vice, like drinking/gambling/drug use? In the healthy pain area, complicate that cancer with it being lung cancer and the person being a life-long smoker. Draw the connection between the habit, the disease, the cure and the depression and process the pain. Interesting stuff
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