DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Here is my story- it's a fkn novel so grab coffee or smokes, beer or even watch a little tv and come back now and then. I find stopping to check myself out in the mirror, combing my hair, making sure my sex is on fire- is a nice way to take a break. So I met this man first when I was in jr school. I was part of the spirit squad and we had to pull someone from the audience to bring on stage and dance with. I saw him, his insane blue eyes and I pulled him up. It was dark when he sat back down and so I never saw him again- couldn't remember his face just his eyes, didn't know his name, I think I was taller then him. We went to jr and sr school together (checked the yearbooks the other day) but during school I never found him, didn't even know his name. Then 2ish years ago I found him in the strangest and most unexpected place. I was picking my boys up from the sitter and he pulled into the driveway. He was picking up his son. Our boys had been at this sitter together for sometime and I never knew who daddy to X was until he showed up. I looked up saw his eyes and said outloud omg you were that boy I pulled on stage- just right out my mouth- and he said yes I am( isn't it funny he already knew who I was ). So days past I'd see him but didn't chat, moms with babies and xtra weight don't look for attention, then I pulled my boys out of care as I was on mat leave. So I never saw him until later when I added him to my fb acct but we still didn't talk. Now present time and not that long ago I updated my fb status saying I was at a ****ty bar and could someone please come by....he decided to msgd me and then he arrived said he paid $20 for a cab which I said I felt bad for as he'd pay it again to get home and I told him after feeling bad that I wasn't putting out (yes I'm blunt). But when he sat down and looked at me, I melted and I just knew. I knew I'd fall in love with him and I did. Before I realized and accepted this I told him I was worried my feelings would complicate things he said he wouldn't run from me, he'd catch me, he wasn't interested in anyone else(oddly we have the same song as our ring tone which says someone come and save my life), so anyway we had fun, we laughed, we sat close, we felt that heat and we used our cab ride well. We spent time together, talking, walking, kissing and enjoying. Then one night I went to his place and while talking he started thinking, he rubs his head when he has something going on but can't say it, so I got upset because he wouldn't say anything and left and also blurted out how I really felt.- yeah I hear everyone gasping and saying dumbass- so I got home and we chatted online, well I did, he was quite, he simply said he knew I was falling but wasn't fully sure so I said if you knew and didn't run- what does that mean from his side?- really what does that mean? He knew before I went over he could have said he was busy. This man is lovely and smart, handsome and charming, quite and cautious, a man and a very good father. He takes care of his family, he smells good, he's nervous always-his heart never seems to calm down, his hands never seem to settle, he kisses me from the inside out, he attacks me as if to show he can't get enough, he just seems to fit...so I told him how I felt and he said it was too much too fast and too much pressure, that he didn't feel the same way and he needed time to think so I accepted that. Why did I fall so hard so fast? I'm 30 not 16 (no offense) So I stayed quite enough but let him know thru too many msgs that I was around and that I meant what I said. But he ignored me for weeks. Then one day I msgd him to say I saw his son at an annual carnival, I didn't think he'd reply but he did and so we text a bit and he told me with a hell yeah that he wanted me. we msgd back and forth had delayed txt msgs cause confusion-thank you pos Rogers-, so after this spontaneous txting he ignored me again! Wtf!! until this past week/end, we went out, we had fun we agreed I msgd too too too much, he asked again what those qualities were that I liked which I decided not to advise him on as I was trying to just be cool and not give added pressure, and when we laid quiet in bed ( he told me when we first got together that if he wasn't interested in a woman he'd be rude and kick them out) he didn't let me go, we just stayed together, at one point I moved and he quickly grabbed tight, looked at me and kissed me and stayed holding me (we were falling asleep and he knew I had to go) I had to work an 11 hour day-it was 330am. He said sure when I asked if he wanted to hang out the next night and I said ok. I kissed him said see you later turned the lights off in his room and drove home. I msgd him the next day asking if he was cool to hang and----it's now wednesday and he hasn't talked to me. I msgd him a couple of times but nothing. Yesterday I found out I am sick and need to sort it out- so I told him this and to just not ever msg me again. -even this guy will take a step back when it comes to my health and I don't want to have him feeling like I'm using this as a guilt trip. I just cannot understand this, I do not get it. I am angry. Why would he after deciding to reconnect and make it seem like he wrapped himself into me then stop. He said when I told him how I feel that it was too much too fast, but he came back and I let him because I missed him, just him. I msgd too too too much and tried too too too hard. I did tell him this was worth fighting for, and I believe it still is. But at what cost? Maybe there was red flags, maybe I have blinders on, maybe he's a douche and after a while I'll figure it out, maybe I'm ( not being selfish just quoting a song) too pretty for him, maybe I am too intense and too honest. Maybe I've spent way too much time thinking about this- being ignored does tend to do this tho- Maybe telling someone how I feel isn't a good idea but its what I needed to do. What if tomorrow never comes right? Wouldn't you want people to know what you feel? What I do know is that when he asked me how do I know I love him if I don't really know him- I think it takes a long time to love someone, people change and grow all the time which causes you to either grow in your love for that person or decide to grow it out, but just like first impressions, I think knowing I can and want to love him is what makes me just know. Maybe after reading posts from this wonderful site I found yesterday has me thinking I did all the work, that I simply created a relationship for me but not for him and I. I feel like saying we or I rushed it is almost untrue simply because until he ignored me, he was rushing with me. What I didn't tell you is while I went through NC I allowed myself to just take everything in, signs started showing up. The number 7, or Dallas Green or Alexisonfire, cars, words, books, movies, the damn outdoors. Everywhere I go something references this man. So I decided to let these signs in and I decided to just keep believing in him. Now who am I kidding. Thomas, I read your posts and wish to tell you #1 that guy is a tool and #2 I am someone who makes that other person worth it. If only both sides could meet together. I would like advise on why I was ignored. Was it simply because I fell in love and told him? Because he came back after. Nothing changed. I don't want to hear so much on why I am stupid and should move on. I get that, I just don't get being ignored. I deleted msgs between us, took him off any lists, removed phone numbers. Just to avoiding communication, not because I want to. But because I have to. I know he felt something right from the start, hell he admitted he felt it. We made silly plans, had silly common things, we fit well, we just had something and I want it back.- when you have nothing to lose and so many possibilities to gain, why take a bit then leave behind a possibly good thing. When someone says I just really like you and like hanging out with you, why does this become too much? When first intentions bring unexpected relations and both parties agree and move forward but then one backs down then ignores---i don't get it. So, please be kind, this whole thing is so fresh for me, I can't take harsh words just yet, just positive logical critisim. Thanks, Di
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Just curious, am I not getting feedback because my post os too long? Or because I already know the answer and don't need feedback?
Jilly Bean Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 It's way too long, hon. Cut it to 10 lines, and you'll get responses.
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Thank you! I don't seem to have the option to edit it??
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Here's the short version. The guy I want knows I want him because I told him. He said he needed to think about it, he ignored me but then showed up, we had a great night, no issues- that was friday. Since then he's ignored me again and this time I have no idea why. Is it possible he likes me but isn't ready? You don't hold tight to someone if you're not interested. If you read my big post, all details are there. Bottom line, why did this guy suddenly ignore me after such a nice, regular, pressure free time?
Jilly Bean Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Because he's lukewarm (at best) about you. I wouldn't put much energy or thought to him.
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Is it just me or does it always seem like the guy puts more effort into it then he really is and the woman always takes the smallest thing and turns it into the biggest thing. I wish men would just be straight up, and I wish I could learn to calm down.
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Is it just me or does it always seem like the guy puts more effort into it then he really is and the woman always takes the smallest thing and turns it into the biggest thing. I wish men would just be straight up, and I wish I could learn to calm down. DidiLu, you're pretty spunky. When you say you had a good night, does that mean you had sex?
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Lol, thanks Sadly no. He was so nervous and I mean like shaking nervous that he couldn't get it up, twice. Am I allowed to say that here ?? But my blinders and lyrics from a song had me finding his nerves somehow sweet and endearing. I never once put him down for this, I didn't even bring it up. I simply said allowed it must be because you like me too much, later he said he didn't think he'd be good enough for me...again blinders had me thinking positive thoughts. I thought I did everything right.
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Lol, thanks Sadly no. He was so nervous and I mean like shaking nervous that he couldn't get it up, twice. Am I allowed to say that here ?? But my blinders and lyrics from a song had me finding his nerves somehow sweet and endearing. I never once put him down for this, I didn't even bring it up. I simply said allowed it must be because you like me too much, later he said he didn't think he'd be good enough for me...again blinders had me thinking positive thoughts. I thought I did everything right. Whoa. Here's my thoughts. I think he's ignoring you because he's embarassed. Honestly, you know how when you do something that really embarasses you, who is the last people you want to see? The people who witnessed your embarassing moment, right? Make sense enough?
Jilly Bean Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Sadly no. He was so nervous and I mean like shaking nervous that he couldn't get it up, twice. Um, ok, this was the most critical detail of anything. lol Don't even need to know anything else. Your post could have been, "went out with a guy I'm into, and he couldn't get it up twice, and is now ignoring me. Why?" And the answer is pretty obvious, no? He's ashamed. Impotence is huge to guys. Even if you were cool about it, he's got to be feeling like a weinie. Well, a limp weinie. lol
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Interesting. Even tho I didn't put him down or make him feel he had any reason to be, he'd still ignore me? When we met up last week I asked if he had been with anyone else and he said no- kinda happy about that. I just really wanted to be able to have fun with him, and I wanted him to have fun with me. I never lied to him, never put him down, never did anything but be present when with him. And I thought he did the same with me. Its worse moving forward when ignored, you're just stuck wondering all the time. I was pissed last night and msgd him last night seriously like 10 times, thought he'd get pissed and say stop or say something but nothing. Nothing makes me think possibility. Isn't that sad.
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Interesting. Even tho I didn't put him down or make him feel he had any reason to be, he'd still ignore me? Let's put it this way, you are out at the beach, when you notice you have cellulite showing all over. The guy you're with compliments you regardless. You still mortified, no? When we met up last week I asked if he had been with anyone else and he said no- kinda happy about that. I just really wanted to be able to have fun with him, and I wanted him to have fun with me. I never lied to him, never put him down, never did anything but be present when with him. And I thought he did the same with me. Its worse moving forward when ignored, you're just stuck wondering all the time. I was pissed last night and msgd him last night seriously like 10 times, thought he'd get pissed and say stop or say something but nothing. Nothing makes me think possibility. Isn't that sad. Hun, don't text stalk a guy. Woman to woman, it isn't good. Here's the deal, like jilly said- impotence is a huge issue. He's really embarassed and ashamed right now. He feels inferior and that's a common reaction once you've been fully embarassed in an intimate way.
Author DidiLU Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Omg ladies, it never crossed my mine. Here I thought it was due to too many texts- yes I agree no more. Ok but when I asked him how many he's been with it's a huge number. So that made me quitely question why he's having a issue with me but not the others. Besides this issue he knows what he's doing. I guess I'll never know. This sucks. How do we gets some guys in on this post?
Author DidiLU Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 I just asked a couple guys and they agree. Damn it!! I seriously don't care. It's not even an issue. Damn damn damn!!!!!!
hoping2heal Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Omg ladies, it never crossed my mine. Here I thought it was due to too many texts- yes I agree no more. Ok but when I asked him how many he's been with it's a huge number. So that made me quitely question why he's having a issue with me but not the others. Besides this issue he knows what he's doing. I guess I'll never know. This sucks. How do we gets some guys in on this post? He could be lying about the number. He may suffer from sort of erectile dysfunction, and he fabricated a number because he's embarassed. As far as you not caring, it's kind of like how we don't want to go out of the house to see the man we like unless our hair looks nice, we smell good, etc. Notice how sometimes they say "come on, I don't care! I just want to see you!" Still, we won't budge, right? It's kind of like that. My suggest? Have a heart to heart with this guy, IF he allows it.
Soul Bear Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I just asked a couple guys and they agree. Damn it!! I seriously don't care. It's not even an issue. Damn damn damn!!!!!! ok, you wanted a guys opinion, so here i go. and btw, im scottish and 6'3''...i dont think you can get much more of a 'guy' than that....lmao he obviously likes you so much he is too shy to perform..... now i could go on all night about this, but just make him relaxed, feel special, and you will have him up in no time...any more questions? i hope i dont have to spell it out, but try some music, sofyt lighting..yada yada....go down on him....er...getting graphic now...ill let you take it from here
georgia girl Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Unfortunately, to them, honey, it's a huge issue. It's how they define themselves as a man. If they only knew how often we faked it... He'll get over it and believe me, if he's really into you, he'll come back. But, you need to give him space. He doesn't want to feel like your charity case and he wants to let dead dogs lie (bad pun) long enough that you'll both have "forgotten about it" before he comes back.
Author DidiLU Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 What if I said I offered but nada. It would certainly be nice if he did like me. Somehow having faith keeps me going.
Author DidiLU Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Thank you everyone. Maybe you're right, maybe your all wrong and just helping. Maybe I'll keep my head up with fingers crossed.
boogieboy Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Thank you everyone. Maybe you're right, maybe your all wrong and just helping. Maybe I'll keep my head up with fingers crossed. Ill offer up another twist on this. Its possible (albeit shallow) that his impotence has been a problem for a while, and he hasnt yet found a women that can get him going naturally. Once he found out you couldnt get him going as well it distressed him even more. He might be in the middle of figuring out that he might have a problem that has nothing to do with arousal. or he could be MAJORLY stressed. Im sure once he takes some pills, or figures out how to fix his dysfunction he will come looking for you...if hes smart he'll figure it out too-sweet.
Author DidiLU Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 If only the lovely words being said in regards to him liking me too much and him taking time and space until he's ready to come back were true. I said my piece to him enough, he knows where I am, he knows I'm not with anyone and he knows I want him. If a woman works this hard only to get nothing back, it cannot be my loss. Any woman who just is because of him, any woman who makes a choice to wait a bit longer...is either crazy or willing to take a risk.
Author DidiLU Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 ok, you wanted a guys opinion, so here i go. and btw, im scottish and 6'3''...i dont think you can get much more of a 'guy' than that....lmao Scottish eh....that's pretty much a 'guy'. he obviously likes you so much he is too shy to perform..... What makes you think this? How do you know he likes me? now i could go on all night about this, but just make him relaxed, feel special, and you will have him up in no time...any more questions? He's ignoring me- making him feel special takes him seeing me. Not happening. What do men want? Men who are able to be passionate and caring---what do these personality types really want?
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