Jolene Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Sooooo, hello all. You may know me from a previous post about my boyfriend and his online dating profiles. He still has his speeddate profile active and won't give it up, says he's just looking and harmless but I know he is winking and chatting and comes accross like a single dude and all that. Thing is, we've been together exclusively for three long months. I say that because he has always been resistive of the emotional side, more than most guys would be. He sure likes sex and he sure likes women...lol. See, this guy has some great qualities but he is good looking and can't seem to resist the chase....meaning I have reason to believe that given another option he will create distance from me (find a reason to spend less time with me) so he can explore the other option. It happened once early on and he picked a fight over something stupid and didn't call back for a day and a half and I guess he didn't get very far...he doesn't know I made a fake profile on Plenty of Fish to lure him into giving out his phone number, and then he acted up with me and waited around at his home on a Sunday but she never called. Of course he slithered back to me, and I made him affirm a commitment, exclusive and all. Recently, I've seen a sudden change in attitude just out of the blue once again, and since he uses my computer all the time, I saw in his email that a girl on Monday sent him a message to say she just broke up with her boyfriend and would "love to get together". So at that pivotal moment I realized why he suddenly was complaining that helping me do things around my house was becoming an imposition and that he'll be spending more time at home getting personal time and adequate rest. The very day before, he was asking me if it would be okay to stay the night again. So, I think it is highly coincidental. And he picks a fight with me, this creates distance, conveniently so he can play the game. This is what I think anyway. Does it sound like something anyone else has gone through. Seeing as this is the second time he seems to be able to push me to the side one foot in and one foot out, how do I nicely (because he really does have some nicer qualities and he has helped me tremendously moving and fixing up things in and around my house), yes how do I nicely steer him in the direction away from me....BECAUSE....it hurts too much to keep going through the emotional drama just because he thinks he is God's gift to women and can't seem to make a real commitment. He is 38 and has a great job but still lives with his parents to save money, which works fine but most of us take the risk and get involved, get married and all that grown up stuff!! ha ha that's a diss I guess. Right now he is ignoring me under the presumption that he is angry with me....because he sealed in my wasp nest with caulking but I called the pest control anyway and that pissed him off.
JustLooking123 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 You can't make him change if he doesn't want to. He is cheating on you. I don't care how handy he is around the house - not worth it! Don't you deserve better?
Author Jolene Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I am not supposed to know about the email, and I can't prove that it is the reason for his sudden change in attitude, but .... it probably is and whether or not he gets lucky today or tomorrow, he's gonna ditch me if I don't ditch him first right? Is that what it looks like by the way I describe the sequence of events recently? Some girl send him an email saying hey lets get together and so he has a temper tantrum on me and ignores me for awhile....is he figuring out his options or what? I know I have to get rid of him it's just how do I do it and still come out looking like a rose? That's the way I want it to go down. No drama, no psycho display of anger or hurt feelings necessarily. I just don't understand how a grown man can act this way.
You'reasian Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Sooooo, hello all. You may know me from a previous post about my boyfriend and his online dating profiles. He still has his speeddate profile active and won't give it up, says he's just looking and harmless but I know he is winking and chatting and comes accross like a single dude and all that. Thing is, we've been together exclusively for three long months. I say that because he has always been resistive of the emotional side, more than most guys would be. He sure likes sex and he sure likes women...lol. See, this guy has some great qualities but he is good looking and can't seem to resist the chase....meaning I have reason to believe that given another option he will create distance from me (find a reason to spend less time with me) so he can explore the other option. It happened once early on and he picked a fight over something stupid and didn't call back for a day and a half and I guess he didn't get very far...he doesn't know I made a fake profile on Plenty of Fish to lure him into giving out his phone number, and then he acted up with me and waited around at his home on a Sunday but she never called. Of course he slithered back to me, and I made him affirm a commitment, exclusive and all. Recently, I've seen a sudden change in attitude just out of the blue once again, and since he uses my computer all the time, I saw in his email that a girl on Monday sent him a message to say she just broke up with her boyfriend and would "love to get together". So at that pivotal moment I realized why he suddenly was complaining that helping me do things around my house was becoming an imposition and that he'll be spending more time at home getting personal time and adequate rest. The very day before, he was asking me if it would be okay to stay the night again. So, I think it is highly coincidental. And he picks a fight with me, this creates distance, conveniently so he can play the game. This is what I think anyway. Does it sound like something anyone else has gone through. Seeing as this is the second time he seems to be able to push me to the side one foot in and one foot out, how do I nicely (because he really does have some nicer qualities and he has helped me tremendously moving and fixing up things in and around my house), yes how do I nicely steer him in the direction away from me....BECAUSE....it hurts too much to keep going through the emotional drama just because he thinks he is God's gift to women and can't seem to make a real commitment. He is 38 and has a great job but still lives with his parents to save money, which works fine but most of us take the risk and get involved, get married and all that grown up stuff!! ha ha that's a diss I guess. Right now he is ignoring me under the presumption that he is angry with me....because he sealed in my wasp nest with caulking but I called the pest control anyway and that pissed him off. Yeah, living at home is not a good sign, especially at 38. If you want him away, just be straight forward and tell him that you want nothing to do with him. Short. Simple. Does he need the chase? Allow him to chase all he wants as a single guy.
Bejita463 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I just don't understand how a grown man can act this way. Cheaters cheat, and their gender does not even factor into it. The story as you present it sounds a lot like he is going to cheat sooner or later if he has not already. This one does not seem worth your time, to me. he sealed in my wasp nest with caulking That almost looks like a very clever euphemism.
stace79 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 he's gonna ditch me if I don't ditch him first right? This is ludicrous. You should ditch him because he doesn't really care about you. And because every woman (and man for that matter) deserves to be with someone that actually gives a crap about your feelings.
Unique9513 Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 I think you should let him go he doen that computer love put it dis way he internet cheatin and he 38 and stay wit his parebts thats a no np bt only u can make the dicison wether to b it him or nt follow your heart only it can tell u wat to do u seem like a sweet person and u can do better dnt waist time wit a relashion ship that wnt b goen no where at all
Fay Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 That almost looks like a very clever euphemism. Yes, I BET he injected her nest with some good thick caulk. Sorry, I had to.
Devil Inside Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 This dude sounds shady. Hate to say but my sense is he is collecting options...just a matter of time before he does cheat, if he hasn't already. Sorry...it sucks.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Textbook narcissist. He will never change. Repeat x1000. That said, you have a choice - stay and suffer, or leave. I can guarantee you that if you do stay you will regret it a thousand times over and wish you had walked away when you had the chance. I found this site to be helpful dealing with the entanglement I had with my own N. My story is not unique, nor is yours. You'll find plenty of other stories, and it does help to share with people who are in similar situations. Do a Google search for Lisa Scott and narcissist. It will take you to her site, and the forums there are helpful as is reading all the other stories.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 You shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. If your intuition tells you he's cheating, he's doing just that. Why stress yourself over a guy who won't respect you or still committed to you? Dump him and give yourself the dignity to walk away.
Teslacoil Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 it hurts too much to keep going through the emotional drama just because he thinks he is God's gift to women and can't seem to make a real commitment. He is 38 and has a great job but still lives with his parents to save money, which works fine but most of us take the risk and get involved, get married and all that grown up stuff!! ha ha that's a diss I guess. Right now he is ignoring me under the presumption that he is angry with me....because he sealed in my wasp nest with caulking but I called the pest control anyway and that pissed him off. Wow. Leave! He's 38 but still thinks he's 22! He's going to have a rude awakening later on when the only people he can meet through speed dating are women who are going through menopause! Lives with his PARENTS?
Thornton Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I would dump him if I were you. He obviously doesn't love you and is messing around behind your back, or at least trying to. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.
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