Just not sure whats going on...

[NightLord1]

Hello everyone new here to the forum and just would like some input into my situation i have here.

 

I was seeing this girl since the end of May and everything was going really good. We seemed to click really well and got along great.

 

Last weekend of june we went up to Wisconsin to her girlfriend's parents cabin for the weekend with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's fiance. We had a great time and we got even closer together and decided to make it "official."

 

Well the next weekend my family had a little get together for my birthday and i invited her to come over to meet them.

Everything seemed good until after everyone left and me and her were alone in my room chilling out.

 

We got into an arguement over something really stupid and I do admit i did blow up on her a little bit too much but it was brief and I calmed right down. That weekend was really stressful for me and it had nothing to do with her just other things in my life and I told her about this in full detail and that she didn't do anything wrong and I overreacted.

 

I thought we had worked it out that weekend but the following monday she seemed to be withdrawn and distant. She was still texting me but not as often as she normally does. I knew something wasn't right so i had asked her what was wrong.

 

She said she was still bothered by how i reacted over the arguement we had. Once again i told her i am not normally like that i was just extremely stressed out and didn't mean to take it out on her.

 

Well she was still bothered by it and she did not seem to be able to let it go and the next day after a few discussions through texts once again about the whole ordeal she said "i don't know...i just need time to think right now." I told her "ok thats fine i understand."

 

Well very next day she text me and I thought ok well looks like we are ok now. As the day went on however she really wasn't sending me any texts again and I knew things were still not right.

 

Later that night she sent me a text saying "i don't know...i just don't feel the same anymore." I texted her back saying "if you need more time thats cool get a hold of me when your ready to talk."

 

Well i didn't hear from her at all for four days after that. I went to her myspace and she still had "in a relationship" but under her mood setting she had "selective" needless to say i didn't see that as a good sign so i text her and said "hey. I would like to come by and return the books you borrowed me and pick up the one that I wrote and lent you." she text back and said "sure thing." so we agreed to meet up the next day at her place.

 

I drove over there and we started to talk. I told her I know I had hurt her and I can't take it back but wish I could. I told her I want to make this better and is there anything I can do that would. She said "i don't know. When i said i don't feel the same i meant about being comfortable around you. I still want to hang out but i just don't know if i am comfortable right now to be alone with you in your room." I told her I understood and that I still want to see her.

 

Before I left she said "call me." i said "tonight?" she said "whenever" so later that night i called her and she didn't pick up.

 

Next day she sent me a text saying "sorry i didn't pick up last night. how are u?" we went back and forth a few times but it was brief. After that I didn't hear from her for four days and she got a hold of me last Wednesday to say "hey how are u? how was your weekend? Me and brandon have been sick :(" (Brandon is her son) i texted her back and again we talked most of the afternoon and things seemed to be ok.

 

Well last Thursday I didn't hear from her until Thursday night at about 11 when she called me(Which she NEVER calls me that late) and when I answered and asked what was up she said she was dropping her son off at a relatives house for a few weeks and wanted to see what I was up to because she knew i would be up at that time.

 

We talked and it was just normal stuff. Before we got off the phone she said "I wanted to hear your voice its been a while." I said "Ya...well i'm glad to hear your feeling better."

she said "get a hold of me tomorrow" and i said "ok"

 

On Friday i texted her and we went back and forth and I asked her if she wanted to meet up saturday sometime so I can give her a copy of this new book I wrote. She said "Ya...i'm going out tonight and tomorrow night but we can try to meet up saturday." i said "ok cool whens a good time?" she said "i'm not sure I can be out late without brandon being here :)" so i told her "well let me know what would be good...before or after your plans." she said "how about I get a hold of you tomorrow and let ya know?" i said "K" and she replied back with "k :)"

 

Well I did not hear anything from her at all on Saturday and it seemed like she completely blew me off and I still haven't heard from her. This is unlike her as normally when we would make plans and she couldn't make it she would always let me know.

 

I don't know what to think hear and just looking to see if anyone can offer some advice about it. I know about the whole NC thing and I haven't sent her anything since Friday and when we have talked I've been very calm and cool.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks

[boogieboy]

You have the same exact situation, word for word that happened to me.

 

"I need time to think" means "im over you since 2 months ago, and I dont want to tell you the real reason, but I dont want to deal with the real guilt of telling you its over permanently". Once a girl loses her love for you, its gone permanently, it never comes back, at least not for years.

 

Then she still calls or texts you "how are you?" and avoids talking about you two. Shes checking up to make sure you havent moved on. Dont tell her your business. She knows shes keeping you on a string and keeping you hoping. Only awful people do this. She had it done to her by a guy at some point no doubt, and now shes doing it to you.

 

Shes doing it for validation that you still want her. Its an ego boost. When she says "Call me" it means "Keep my head inflated that you still want me, while I know I will never want you again". She wants to stay in your head.

 

Also When you talk to her and hang out with her, it makes her get over you and her guilt faster. So the more you hang with her, the less she misses you.

 

So stay away from her, dont take her calls or texts, although youre dying to still fill the void then she opened up for you. Meet new people so you can get over her faster.

 

Also for the next time, if a girl says to you "i need time to think" make sure you cut her off right away, for at least a month. Because if you stay in touch, it will solidify that she made he right decision to break it off with you. Get it?

[NightLord1]

I agree with you in every way Boogie on the exception that she was really good with me (not being distant or acting like anything was wrong) until after that Saturday at my place. She was like her usual self even when we woke up the next day because she had said "this is where I like to be right in your arms." So ya here I am thinking it was resolved and later on that Sunday turns out she does some thinking and it led to what it is now.

This is why i am not sure. I have been in relationships before where the women begin to get real distant and cold and you just know something isn't right MONTHS before the actual break up. But this....well this was just literally within a day of it happening.

I can totally believe she has been doing it this way as you said to "validate" herself and to "try and get over me faster" but there is that always "what if" factor. What if there is more to it then just what appears on the surface? Sure typically it always does appear as it seems but who knows for sure.

I had no intentions of picking up the phone if she were to call again. If she were to text then I may reply back but ya right now no more phone calls unless i know she isn't stringing me along for sure.

Appreciate your input. Anyone else have something similar like this happen to them?

Regards.