Lizzie60 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I came here looking for LOVE..... Did you find it?
SoAddicted Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I am a single OW to a MM. We have worked together for 3 yrs and have been involved for close to 2 yrs. I found LS by doing a search on Google and I love reading everyone elses perceptions on things. I am still trying to get confident enough to post and get peoples honest opinions.
dobler33 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 i found this site after the end of an EA with a MM who was my husband's best friend. my H had struggled unsuccessfully with depression for years and had pushed me away to the point that i was ready to leave, and the MM had apparently been in love with me for years and saw his chance to capitalize on my unhappiness. i had totally stopped policing my boundaries and fell hook line and sinker for his promises of a new life. when he ended it to go back to his wife i nearly died - literally - and found LS in an attempt to reach out for support in a situation i had never in a million years expected to find myself in. when i came here i was in more pain than i had ever been in in my life and was looking for any inch of dry land in a sea of heartbreak. since then my H and i have reconciled and rebuilt stronger than we ever were before. my experience of the other posters on this forum back then was mixed - some supported me unconditionally, some attacked me unconditionally. neither was what i needed. the folks who made the biggest difference in my process were the people who gently and compassionately challenged me, forcing me to look hard at my own accountability, while still supporting me in my humanity and my struggle to find the kind of relationship i have wanted and needed my whole life. those folks - and you know who you are - have been instrumental in our journey of rebuilding our marriage, because they both understood the anger and resentment i was coming from and at the same time asked me to hold onto my empathy and compassion for my husband and my responsibility for my own actions. in the end the EA was less about this other man and more about the corrosion and decay we had allowed in our marriage, and the folks that helped the most were the ones who aided me in understanding that. i can say quite emphatically that i'm VERY glad i came on here as a former and not current OW, because the treatment some of them receive is frankly abominable. then again, for those of us who've gone through this it can be very difficult to deal with what looks so much like naivete, from here on the other side of the trauma. that's part of why i don't really come around here so much any more. i know there were people in my life who wanted to throttle me when i was in the middle of it and i didn't and wouldn't and COULDN'T listen. we all of us think that we have re-invented the wheel, and that THIS time it will work. when the bleeding stops and the wounds heal up into scars you start to see how blind you were, and watching others go blindly into the slaughter can twist your guts. i wish you all love, those of you who are struggling now. i want to gather you all up and carry you away into safety, but there is no safety but what you gather for yourself, and i know for a FACT that words like these would have been like the charlie brown teacher voice to me when i was in the middle of it. so i poke around here from time to time, but for the most part save my energies for those who can hear me. if i can be of any help i will. this sh*t is bloody as hell. take care of yourselves.
Jess75 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I am here because I am being “tempted” by another man. Hoping this site may give me some insight as to how to stop now before it gets out of hand
dobler33 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I am here because I am being “tempted” by another man. Hoping this site may give me some insight as to how to stop now before it gets out of hand *monty python voice* RUN AWAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bentnotbroken Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 *monty python voice* RUN AWAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or Jennie's advice, RUN FORREST, RUN.
Aquarius Rising Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I stumbled upon LS in a desperate search for help and support and guidance six weeks after meeting my xMM and he had just thrown me under a bus. The journey from there to here has been nothing short of torturous (but it's the road I chose). THANKFULLY, I am now in recovery from the A. I am also separated from my H (my decision) and ever so slowy I am piecing the broken parts of me back together. The LS community have been the most amazing source of support and strength and the embrace of this community is (with the odd exception) warm and genuine and strong. I don't believe I would have pulled through the darkest moments without the help of LS (In particular FO, Owl, JJ33, GEL and many others here of course!) Love Shack has been somewhat of a temple for me ..... a place to come ... anytime of the day or night .... and to bare myself .... and to learn about myself through the wisdom of others. I am forever grateful ...... and I hope to stick around and continue to learn and to support others where I can ..... AR
ednadean Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I came here as a girl in love with her older coworker -- stuck in an EA -- thanks to LS, it "got it" and it never went PA. I also came here thinking my situation was SO different -- and realised that I was the same as most other OWs here...and that my MM wasn't all that much different from the other MM's people had encountered. I came here thinking that it was the OW who usually "won" the contest between MM, OW and BS. I no longer think that at all. I feel sorry for both parties now equally. I come here when I have a mental lapse and think "maybe it could work out....."
OW_WS Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I guess this is a useful thread. Despite everyone having their own story thread or giving out bits and pieces in others this is more to the point and clear. "Hello, my name is OW_WS and I'm involved (soon to be in a M but not yet) as well as in a no-strings-attached PA with a MM at work and have just exited an off-and-on 7 years long online EA with a MM." With that said, I have briefly been a BS before as well. So have been/am on all sides of all fences.
In_Repair Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I came here looking for cheap, dirty, meaningless sex. I heard there were lots of loose married women running around here... Just kidding. I started lurking around the infidelity board back in 07, searching for some answers regarding my wife's affair and how it was impacting my life. I learned a great deal and I stuck around for quite a while, but I left the site for my own sanity. I was getting bitter and couldn't handle reading the stories any longer without wanting to scream at other BSs for being so damn "stupid" and naive, or wanting to lash out at OW/OM for doing to others what had been done to me. Fast forward to now... I got separated towards the end of last year, and I am now seeing a married woman. She was displaying some behavior that I found odd, and remembering how much help I got from LS previously, I made an account and started posting.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 well everyone knows my story by now. X-BS, living the single life and loving it. Still believe in relationships, and although I respect the institution of marriage and will not be a party to destroying it for anyone else, I myself have decided I will never be married again. My hopes are that hopefully I can help many betrayed folks see that life with a cheater is no life at all. If they decide to stay with them, I wish them the best of luck and happiness. But I know there is a better life out there for them and will always strive to help them realize that. And also that the chances of their cheating losing the desire to bone other people is pretty slim. Winning the lottery has better odds.
Owl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Like Dex, I think pretty much everyone here probably knows where I'm coming from. Ex-BS, a bit more than five years post d-day in a WONDERFULLY recovered marriage. I still post to do the exact opposite of Dex tho...I post to let people know that marriages CAN recover from infidelity. It's not a given, by any means, but it can work out great if both parties are capable of doing what they need to in order to recover. I tend to post advice to all sides of the triangle...and I'm not 'bitter' or 'hateful' to the OW/OM/MM/MW. Personally, I'd like to see everyone come out of the situation well...unfortunately that's a very rare occurrence.
LakesideDream Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Kudo's to you Owl, wise as ever. I've been here years no and still don't know where "I'm coming from" or where I'll eventually arrive. Good news is I'm reasonably happy, and healthier than I've been in 5-6 years. Do I believe in the institution of marriage? I don't think so. At least, I'm not sure I could do it again. 25 years was enough. I don't however enjoy being "single". See, I told you I don't have a clue.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I have been lurking around and registered recently. I am not involved with a married man. I'm a woman that is still taking the time to be in a relationship because I had a few bad relationships in the past. I haven't started a thread because most of the stories I read on the Dating board are about the same as mine. For now, I am more comfortable reading the threads and giving my 2 cents.
Owl Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Kudo's to you Owl, wise as ever. I've been here years no and still don't know where "I'm coming from" or where I'll eventually arrive. Good news is I'm reasonably happy, and healthier than I've been in 5-6 years. Do I believe in the institution of marriage? I don't think so. At least, I'm not sure I could do it again. 25 years was enough. I don't however enjoy being "single". See, I told you I don't have a clue. Hehehehe, don't confuse the idea of 'marriage' as being the opposite of 'being single'. You can be in a great relationship without being married. I've known a number of people to do this successfully (one of my brothers is an expert at it). Glad to hear that you're doing well, LSD.
LakesideDream Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Single.. Owl I do miss having someone to hold and love, someone to emote with. And.. I realize that may be to much to ask at this point. Time will tell, I know it's true. True is little comfort though. Give up? No not really. Searching for inspiration is more accurate.
redtail Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I have been a BS with D-Day just over 10 years ago. It was a defining time in my life where hindsight gives it a much better glow than the actual experience. While I am now remarried to a lovely woman that I trust, I am wiser (read scarred) having gone through the emotional trauma. And my wife understands the baggage I bring. LS has helped me to understand and to not be alone in my feelings.
KonfusedinCanada Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 I found this site when I googled "how to end an affair". I wasn't really sure what I was expecting to read but was of course half hoping for some sort of magical internet fairy to appear and fix my life! What I did find was LS and I lurked for a while before I joined. I'm a MW in an A with a MM (AKA "Mr. Cake Eater") for 10 months, and am currently trying to figure out how to end it. (ok well i know "HOW" to end it, the truth is I'm trying to get the strength to end it) I haven't posted much but am really finding everyones insight, experiences and opinions very helpful.
becky2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 I am looking for answers.... I am the OW I need closure to this and can't seem to get it. If he doesn't want his marriage? He feels to damn guilty to leave? He loves me? blah blah blah I am hurting!
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Single.. Owl I do miss having someone to hold and love, someone to emote with. what happened to your MW?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I am looking for answers.... I am the OW I need closure to this and can't seem to get it. no offense, but your need for closure isn't his wife's problem. Her husband has done enough to her. How about not rubbing salt into an open wound?
HellionDeadwoman Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I'm here because I have been the OW twice. Each time it ended up in a relationship. Hopefully I can share some insight.
MistyK Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Just reminding the newbies that this thread is here if they want to introduce themselves.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 I tend to post advice to all sides of the triangle...and I'm not 'bitter' or 'hateful' to the OW/OM/MM/MW. if you got something to say, say it.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 What I did find was LS and I lurked for a while before I joined. I'm a MW in an A with a MM (AKA "Mr. Cake Eater") so let me get this straight, you are in an affair, or were, with a MM....you yourself are married, and you are going to call him "Mr. Cake Eater"....as if you are not the same as him?? Sorry, you don't get to cheat on your husband with a MM and call him names as if you are innocent in all of this, without being a hypocrite.
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