possession1 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Im afraid that i should give up on the guy ive been friends with online/on the phone with for 2 years. We started dating when I broke up with my boyfriend and found out i will be moving to his city sept 1 for work/school. we've had several really good dates. the last one was 10 days ago and i thought things were going great. ive travel 2.5 hours to his city for the last 3 dates and thought this time he would offer to come see me (he has two cars and there a great train that runs between our cities.. so its easy to see each other) well i notice he has been on match.com 3 times this week. he updated his whole profile and also he has his IM on match turned on i asked him about he and he called it a 'science experiment' well today is wednesday and instead of asking my plans this weekend he is on match. with his IM turned on which bother me the most. (my profile is now hidden there) should i take this as a bad sign and give up ? (he has called me 3 times since our date and also emails me once a day a quick note.... but not asking me out)
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Sounds like it to me. Unhide your profile and find someone new.
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 should i take this as a bad sign and give up ? Yup, or at very least, reset the clock. Probably was those two years as 'friends' that did it for him. Honeymoon period is over
Author possession1 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Yup, or at very least, reset the clock. Probably was those two years as 'friends' that did it for him. Honeymoon period is over What ticks me off is he literally spent 6 months worming his way in to undermine my relationship with my ex bf. he would inquire about him and say things about my now exbf to make me feel like he wasnt right for me. he was super dreamy and romantic acting and talked about the near future and how he wants a great wife and kids ... he did everything to make thing he was into me before and while dating... he did tell me on our last date that all my wonderful compliments really gave him the biggest ego boost. so i almost feel like he's thinking he thinks im attractive cool whatever but wants to press his luck until i move there and try and bump up his luck a notch.
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 OK, first, he was not your friend if he was trying to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. He was a romantic competitor and not very mature about it. Don't kid yourself. Second, I'll bet he's a chaser. Over the top. Larger than life. Pedestal builder. What do you think?
Author possession1 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 OK, first, he was not your friend if he was trying to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. He was a romantic competitor and not very mature about it. Don't kid yourself. Second, I'll bet he's a chaser. Over the top. Larger than life. Pedestal builder. What do you think? he made valid points about my ex. And my exbf was the overthetop larger than life chaser. Im now used to a guy hotly pursuing and wooing me. The current guy acts lazy about things
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 He was romancing you while you were getting laid by your BF. I call it the forbidden fruit theory. The longer it goes on, generally, the shorter the burnout time. IMO, he's not really 'lazy' now, rather just not that interested. It has nothing to do with you personally. He was inspired by the dream rather than reality. Reality is now. Check back in a couple months and hopefully prove me wrong
amymarieca Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 OK, first, he was not your friend if he was trying to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. He was a romantic competitor and not very mature about it. Don't kid yourself. Second, I'll bet he's a chaser. Over the top. Larger than life. Pedestal builder. What do you think? Carhill definitely makes an awesome point! The guy you were dating sounds like he talks big, but is really a crappy person deep down inside.
Author possession1 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 He was romancing you while you were getting laid by your BF. I call it the forbidden fruit theory. The longer it goes on, generally, the shorter the burnout time. IMO, he's not really 'lazy' now, rather just not that interested. It has nothing to do with you personally. He was inspired by the dream rather than reality. Reality is now. Check back in a couple months and hopefully prove me wrong well i never actually had sex with my exbf.... it was along romantic courtship and we did everything but it.... Anyway long distance guy called again last night i was kind of a brat becaus ei was finally annoyed he keeps calling late at night to chat for 30-40 minutes but doesnt ask me out... i said something like isnt he cute to keep calling. hmm he doesnt like the word cute it seems... anyway i have no idea what his deal is. it may simply be that his shallowness and practicality override feelings for me. he would rather wait to see me when i live locally and am thinner/richer than i am now. sick but im afraid it as brutally simple as that. which of course makes it a no go since i do have self esteem and want a man who appreciates me for the cool caring attractive chick I ALREADY am. (im rather easy on the eyes and being super thin soon is for health reasons, not looks. curves can be good, theyre just aging from a caloric restriction/longevity stanpoint (more mass more calorie input = more wear and tear = aging) anyway my exbf was hard on my heart but he treated me the way i wanted to be treated for a long time. this guy is acting more like a frat boy than a grown man courting me. heck he even called ME dude a couple times when he got excited.
Thaddeus Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 OK, first, he was not your friend if he was trying to undermine your relationship with your boyfriend. He was a romantic competitor and not very mature about it. Don't kid yourself. Second, I'll bet he's a chaser. Over the top. Larger than life. Pedestal builder. What do you think?Carhill nailed it. It's classic chaser mentality. You were the quarry to be chased and prized because you were already in a relationship. You may have led him on (even if it was unintentional). But chasers aren't interested in the relationship, they're just interested in the chase. That's why a woman should never, ever attempt to get a man to chase her, because this is what you'll attract.
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