Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Hi guys, Obviously my first post here. My GF of almost a year ended it recently saying that she had changed for me and I never said I loved her and blah, blah, blah. We were a fun/party/chill couple for a while until we became too comfortable & relying on eachother. What happened was that we both met the last semester of College and were both very attractive/socialites who knew everyone and were constantly partying - that took up most of our activities. Also, we were intensely physical and we always all over eachother - suprisingly, for me, after months & months. We both moved back home a few months ago and things changed. We lived far away. Not only did we barely see eachother since we both work full-time, but every time it was a process to do so. I changed my lifestyle too - less going out, more working out and being healthy which is very important to me. Physically we lost it due to not sleeping in the same bed almost every night, our sessions, living w/ parents, etc etc. Now, OK. Initially I was pretty hurt because I really liked her - awesome girl. She's SMOKING hot and I am still very attracted to her. We used to have some pretty mindblowing sex..sometimes all night and morning. So now I am coming to grips with the fact that we aren't together. Which is fine..less drama, less comittment, no boring relationship stuff. But I still think about sleeping with her, almost every day. I always get bored of girls physically after a certain time frame. Not the case here...Everything about her physically drives me nuts and now that I can't have her I want her even more. I recently got wrecked (drunk) with the guys and texted/called her like crazy which ultimatley lead to her being officially "it's over". I called/txted a couple times after that and she has ignored completely. Obviously, now I have cut off all communication, deleting her #. Thing is, I'd love to keep hooking up casually once every two weeks, or once a month. She had stated before our huge fight that she'd like to do the same. Any advice? I don't want to be the 1st to communicate. But if after a month or so, I just might. Our sexual chemistry was out of this world and we were eachother's best. Thanks!
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks buddy, your obviously the man.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Lol sorry, but you were asking for it. Bragging about yourself, trying too hard to appear cool, and saying you just want to bang her. Seriously, dude, that WOULD qualify you for the next season of Tool Academy. You need to hear this. My real advice? Humble yourself.
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Lol sorry, but you were asking for it. Bragging about yourself, trying too hard to appear cool, and saying you just want to bang her. Seriously, dude, that WOULD qualify you for the next season of Tool Academy. You need to hear this. My real advice? Humble yourself. OK I'll take criticism. I'm sorry I came off like that. Trust me I am not trying hard to be cool on a message board. But seriously, I thought some of those points were important when asking for advice (such as how our relationship got started -- partying) etc. Anyways, I do truly want to bang her. I'd like to hang out with her too, just not GF.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Ah, the fact you could take criticism shows you are intelligent and not hot headed. Therefor, you aren't without hope. I take back my earlier words. Ok let's see. Yes, first off, meeting at parties in my opinion is never solid. The typical party girl in my opinion is not a trustworthy one. In fact, I'd bet a lot on that. But tell me. Do you actually WANT to be with her still? Or are you happier single?
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 You remind me too much of that guy from Hitch, the one who says he can't get that girl out of his mind, he can't see straight, the colors are less bright. All he actually wants is to bang her, once he does buh-bye. That's the image you are projecting right now. Personally, I suspect that's about it too. I am guessing this is all about physical/sexual gratification for you, and your heart isn't really in it, just your head is, and by head I don't mean the one that has ears. Is she fine with this? I am betting not, since one of her main complaints was that you didn't tell her you loved her. I think she was right, I can't imagine anyone who ever was in love with someone, gets dumped and is "cool" with that and just wants to keep hooking up for sex.
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks bud..I would have edited some of it but it didn't let me. Trust me, her ending it with me hit me VERY hard because I really, really liked her (I can't call it love though). I mean...sleepless nights, crying, constant worry, you name it I was a wreck. It was very recent. Yes, I would like to be with her still. But she has shown me that she doesn't want to do it anymore and I have accepted this. It was also a huge hassle - we lived far away and were always stressed out to drive and see eachother. Single life again? It's been OK, I guess. I had the chance to sleep with a girl the other night. We made out, but I passed. Why? I was thinking about how much more turned on I'd be with my x... So now that I am getting over the emotional crap and moving on, I want her physically. Am I like the guy from hitch? I mean, maybe. Our physical connection was a huge part of our relationship. I assume that once some time passes, she will still be interested in hooking up (as we talked about once or twice). I'd like to know how to approach.
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Shes ignoring you, and wants nothing to do with you, so you cant get anything, let alone have her as a booty call, just because you arent bored with her sexually. You know what happened? she found someone new. Otherwise she wouldnt have found such a crappy reason to cut you off. It was convienient for her to tell you its over when she wanted to move on. You lost this one, you can get hot girls, you can get another one.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks bud..I would have edited some of it but it didn't let me. Trust me, her ending it with me hit me VERY hard because I really, really liked her (I can't call it love though). I mean...sleepless nights, crying, constant worry, you name it I was a wreck. It was very recent. Yes, I would like to be with her still. But she has shown me that she doesn't want to do it anymore and I have accepted this. It was also a huge hassle - we lived far away and were always stressed out to drive and see eachother. Single life again? It's been OK, I guess. I had the chance to sleep with a girl the other night. We made out, but I passed. Why? I was thinking about how much more turned on I'd be with my x... So now that I am getting over the emotional crap and moving on, I want her physically. Am I like the guy from hitch? I mean, maybe. Our physical connection was a huge part of our relationship. I assume that once some time passes, she will still be interested in hooking up (as we talked about once or twice). I'd like to know how to approach. I'm confused. Very confused. Curious..how many times would you say you've been in love, not "in like" but in love?
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 H2H - I guess never. I have never felt an overwhelming anything over a girl, I have always liked/been into them a lot but I don't think it's love. BB - I guess thanks for the honest truth. At the end I constantly asked if there was someone else. That I needed to know for closure and that we always said we'd be honest if someone else came along. I guess she's a good liar, who knows.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 H2H - I guess never. I have never felt an overwhelming anything over a girl, I have always liked/been into them a lot but I don't think it's love. BB - I guess thanks for the honest truth. At the end I constantly asked if there was someone else. That I needed to know for closure and that we always said we'd be honest if someone else came along. I guess she's a good liar, who knows. Okay, now the picture is begining to come into focus a little better. Your parents still together Adidas? What is their relationship like?
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Okay, now the picture is begining to come into focus a little better. Your parents still together Adidas? What is their relationship like? Mind you I've only had 2 GF's..both in college. Parent's relationship is unbelievable -married 35 years and still very much in love..its amazing.
2sure Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Soooo...you are thinking that after a month or so, after she has cooled off from your previous text assault.... You can call her and say, "Hey, lets get laid." Sure. Why Not. What woman isnt just waiting for an ex to call with that?
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 H2H - At the end I constantly asked if there was someone else. That I needed to know for closure and that we always said we'd be honest if someone else came along. I guess she's a good liar, who knows. They ALWYS lie. They lie under the guise of trying not to hurt you, but its really to avoid feeling guilty if they hurt you. Its very selfish really. So at the end of every relationship, expect the lies.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Mind you I've only had 2 GF's..both in college. Parent's relationship is unbelievable -married 35 years and still very much in love..its amazing. That's really great. I didn't want to assume so I asked. The thing is, as evidenced by the way you first posted about wanting your ex for a bootycall and being "oh so cool" with her dumping you. Then a few posts later you talk about how it hit you very hard, you cried, etc. You said you were with this girl for a year, yet you never allowed yourself to fully bond with her i.e fall in love. Is there a reason for this? Something you have been through in life that has made you afraid of being vulnerable?
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 2Sure...as I said before she was open to still hooking up. Yes that happened before I stupidly assaulted her phone, but still. And I wouldn't do it like that blatant, I'd ask her to have a drink or something. And H2H...I don't know what it is. I am a very loyal guy and I have been screwed over by girls before. And as time has passed since HS the girls have gotten a lot more attractive which makes me trust them less. This is not an insecurity issue as many will assume, it is an issue of seeing it firsthand. I have slept with girls who had BF's and who told me that night/next morning.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 And H2H...I don't know what it is. I am a very loyal guy and I have been screwed over by girls before. And as time has passed since HS the girls have gotten a lot more attractive which makes me trust them less. This is not an insecurity issue as many will assume, it is an issue of seeing it firsthand. I have slept with girls who had BF's and who told me that night/next morning. Bingo. Okay, I knew the golden ticket was in there somewhere, I just didn't want to assume things, and would rather ask to wait and hear from you. Firstly, you don't seem like a douchebag when you talk candidly and come out behind your mask. Your first post? You sounded like a complete D-bag, but we were able to see rather quickly that was just a "front". Don't act like someone you're not, especially when the someone you're not is a real beep beep beep, and the real you is NOT. I don't think it's an insecurity either, I think you have a fear of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) and it's very understandable how that developed in you. Other than physical gratification I don't see any good that is going to come out of sleeping with this girl for kicks. Of course, I'm also the type who doesn't really believe in sex just for sex- had that arrangement briefly with a friend, and I regret doing it, and hell I didn't even have romantic feelings for the guy! So I'm not just saying that because I got "hurt", I did but not in the way one typically expects. Now, can you really see a benefit to hooking up with this girl? Also, about this fear of intimacy thing, are you willing or do you have any desire to overcome it? Not that it happens overnight, of course not. But you know what I mean.
Author Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Bingo. Okay, I knew the golden ticket was in there somewhere, I just didn't want to assume things, and would rather ask to wait and hear from you. Firstly, you don't seem like a douchebag when you talk candidly and come out behind your mask. Your first post? You sounded like a complete D-bag, but we were able to see rather quickly that was just a "front". Don't act like someone you're not, especially when the someone you're not is a real beep beep beep, and the real you is NOT. I don't think it's an insecurity either, I think you have a fear of intimacy (not sexual intimacy) and it's very understandable how that developed in you. Other than physical gratification I don't see any good that is going to come out of sleeping with this girl for kicks. Of course, I'm also the type who doesn't really believe in sex just for sex- had that arrangement briefly with a friend, and I regret doing it, and hell I didn't even have romantic feelings for the guy! So I'm not just saying that because I got "hurt", I did but not in the way one typically expects. Now, can you really see a benefit to hooking up with this girl? Also, about this fear of intimacy thing, are you willing or do you have any desire to overcome it? Not that it happens overnight, of course not. But you know what I mean. Well thanks for reading my crap and care enough to respond Sorry I came off as a D-Bag..in real life sometimes I may as well but once people get to know me they realize I'm NOT like the rest of them and an actual very nice & loyal guy w/ pretty deep feelings. I might use the "Front" to get girls who always liked the *******s in HS instead of me. But that's a diff story. And YES, I have a desire and want to overcome it so that the next girl I meet this won't be an issue. But how? An do I see a benefit? I mean, besides really incredible sex, no. I know if we did it we'd not only be physical during the act, but afterwards we'd be intimate (holding hands, playing w/ her hair, ya know..). We were also very aggressive in bed and I think that after all the fighting the past few weeks we'd let it out and it would feel good. Sorry to get graphic. She just did it better than any girl ever has for me, physically and I am having trouble getting over that. I'm also not in College anymore so meeting girls is more and more difficult and I'm full of testosterone.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well thanks for reading my crap and care enough to respond Sorry I came off as a D-Bag..in real life sometimes I may as well but once people get to know me they realize I'm NOT like the rest of them and an actual very nice & loyal guy w/ pretty deep feelings. I might use the "Front" to get girls who always liked the *******s in HS instead of me. But that's a diff story. Firstly, it's to your benefit and not mine that you don't front as a d-bag. That's why I suggested you don't do that, no apology needed to me. I'm not offended . Second of all, girls who date and only like bad boys? PFFFFFT. I'm a REAL woman, and let me tell you I wouldn't be caught DEAD these days with some jerk off who talks more in his rear view mirror to his hair gel than me. Or who doesn't listen to a thing I have to say. Women who LIKE that bs? They need to grow up and they aren't the type of girl you want to settle down with. And YES, I have a desire and want to overcome it so that the next girl I meet this won't be an issue. But how? Well, I suffer from the same thing. Different reasons for the cause. Mostly let's put it this way, from the time I was an infant I was sexually abused, then when I was a "kid" I was physically abused severely, including broken bone at one point; to give you an idea this wasn't like "horseplay" by my brother, and during the greater majority of my life I was emotionally and mentally (yes they can be 2 seperate things) abused by my father. That is what caused MY fear of intimacy. You know what? I don't need to live that way though and I know that now. For a long time I was convinced I was damaged goods, and that I had to put on a "front" too and never let anyone too close. I knew how to be smart, how to be funny, and how to be charming. What I didn't know was how to be transparent, intimate, and ultimately honest. I couldn't trust people because the only people who were family to me or that I did trust at some point abused me in some horrible way. But I'd say I'm at about 65 percent now in the overcoming part. It's all about atitude and being humble. You have to be willing to face what you don't want too, hear what you don't like hearing, and do what you're not used to doing but it's possible. Have you considered going to counselling for this issue? An do I see a benefit? I mean, besides really incredible sex, no. I know if we did it we'd not only be physical during the act, but afterwards we'd be intimate (holding hands, playing w/ her hair, ya know..). We were also very aggressive in bed and I think that after all the fighting the past few weeks we'd let it out and it would feel good. Sorry to get graphic. She just did it better than any girl ever has for me, physically and I am having trouble getting over that. I'm also not in College anymore so meeting girls is more and more difficult and I'm full of testosterone. Don't worry about that right now, I understand your point and if it feels good who WOULDN'T want to do it again? But that's not always the best thing for us. I think the best thing you could do for you right now is work on what you've discovered about yourself and not be too focused on her or any other girls at the moment. Because once you DO get your **** together, you're going to regret anyone you had for a pleasure bang. You're going to be like .."ugh why did I do that". Or at least, you run the risk of feeling that way.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 some jerk off who talks more in his rear view mirror to his hair gel than me. That's me. When I'm not staring at my own reflection, I'm looking in my cell phone at one of my hundred modeling pictures that I transferred to it. Not joking.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 That's me. When I'm not staring at my own reflection, I'm looking in my cell phone at one of my hundred modeling pictures that I transferred to it. Not joking. Tom-Z (oolander) it's fine for you, for you we make exceptions because you are exceptional. Okay, the real truth is, I don't have to put up with you and that's why it's okay .
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 BTW- Is it okay that I call you Tom? Your name is TH and I keep leaving out the H, now I feel kind of rude.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Yes of course you can call me Tom. Thomas, Tom, TXZ, T Zam, and Fox are the various names I am called. Oh, and conceited, vain, narcissistic jackass too. Any ones fine, they're all lovely
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Yes of course you can call me Tom. Thomas, Tom, TXZ, T Zam, and Fox are the various names I am called. Oh, and conceited, vain, narcissistic jackass too. Any ones fine, they're all lovely What? Whaaat? Sorry! Can't read you! Am too busy looking at my own beautiful face in my avy right now. Maybe type a little bigger?
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