my story

[museumoflovers]

my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me sunday. we have been together since we were 15 years old. we broke up senior year for 9 months because he said he did not feel the same and did not want a girlfriend any longer. i gave him his space and he came back on his own and we picked up where we left off. everything was great up until a year and a half ago. i had never seriously dated anyone else and i started to feel bored i guess. i started hanging out with a coworker (male) and it was almost like i was cheating on my boyfriend except i would just hang out with this other person. i loved the attention and everything was great. i started to develop feelings for this person and so did he, so i cut him out of my life. i realized on my own what i had. and i did not want to lose my boyfriend. i fell in love all over again.

 

this past january i found out my boyfriend had been having an affair (i guess it is an affair when you are married and cheating when it is a boyfriend, but we were practically married). he told me he was super hurt about what i had done to him we ended up talking and i asked him if he wanted to stay with her and he said no. i told him he could pursue it and if things didnt work out, we would see what happened with us. sort of like a seperation. he refused and said he wanted to be with me only and that he was sorry for what he had done. he said he wanted to spend more time with me because at that time i was always at work or school so we would only see each other about twice a week. i agreed to spend more time with him and i took him back. everything was fine, until the beginning of july. he told me he had been seeing her again. she had been calling him and he went to her house. it had been going on for 2 weeks. he broke it off with her again and at that moment i was hurt because i really felt betrayed. i had taken him back no questions asked and did everything i could to make things work. i feel like i made it easy for him to do it again, because he didnt know just how much it hurt me or made me feel. so he broke it off with her and stayed with me. things were a little tense because i was sort of mad at myself for allowing it to happen again, but when we hung out together everything seemed fine. saturday night he picked me up from work and we hung out, he dropped me off and told me he loved me. the next day after work he told me we needed to talk. he told me he felt like a jerk for cheating on me and that he did not want to continue to hurt me. i asked him what he meant by continue? he had slept with her the night before, after he dropped me off. he called her at 4 in the morning and she let him come over.

 

i guess he is going to start seeing her now. he said she was "spomething new" and that she was exciting. it breaks my heart so much. this is the person i have loved with all of my heart for a huge part of my life. i understand wanting to see what is out there, since we had been together since we were 15 years old it is only natural. but now i am crushed. i feel ashamed because i love him and would take him back in a heartbeat. but i just dont want him to think it is okay for him to do that to me. i am not calling him and he is not calling me either. i feel like i got blindsided. how can he say that to me from one day to the next? i told him he could have his space so why did he stay with me and then just hurt me? i hate this. i feel so empty and alone