fiser360 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Okay, here it goes. (Probably going to be long.) My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago after being together for 3 years. We were actually on a "Break" the last several weeks of our relationship and things were going great, she started to stay over with me and we talked about everything, and she said to just give her a few more days and we would most likely resolve everything and get back together. I was ecstatic. Well, after not getting back together we still continued to see each other and stuff everything was going great I thought. Then one day she says we need to talk, (being a guy I know what those words mean), she kept putting our "talk" off so I texted her one night and asked for her to tell me what's going on. She said that she had started talking to someone else. -Fast forward 2 weeks- My ex is now dating this new guy and it all seems to be going well with them. I haven't been contacting her what-soever, she will message me about every 3-4 days to see what I'm up to and everything. Well, today she called me and asked me if I was in town and could meet her at her house and give her back some of the things I still had of hers and she had a couple of things of mine as well. I went to her house, everything seemed to go great. I acted happy and confident she said I looked great (I have been exercising quite a bit) and I returned the compliment. We traded things and talked for about 5 minutes. She kept asking if I was okay, and I replied that I was good. I left feeling pretty good about our first meeting in 2+ weeks. I get home, and despite my wonderful self-control that I had exhibited the last 2 weeks by not calling her and letting her have space and such, I text her and tell her I just wanted to talk a bit. And she says that's fine so we chat, and she apologizes for upsetting me, and says that she can see right through my facade that she knows me way better than I think. Well, things start going downhill a little, she asks if I had any hope that we were getting back together and to be honest about it. I was wary at first, but long-story short she says it's over forever and she likes talking to me, but feels guilty about it because of her new boyfriend. So, since she said I couldn't push her away any farther (what I was trying to avoid by begging and pleading), I poured my heart out to her. Telling her how I have been bettering myself, and reading relationship books and things. She says it's really great but we aren't getting back together. Now, I know for a fact that our love was extremely strong while we were together. And the only thing that broke us up, was poor communication skills, mainly on my part. And we argued about silly/trivial things. But I mean, what relationship doesn't have that? So I have been praying for us, and I'm learning about the Laws of Attraction hoping that if I can just wait it out, even though she said that she doesn't want to get back together..that maybe sometime soon we will. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do. I love her dearly. And I even had started saving for her engagement ring we had picked out. I want her back so badly, but I'm just not sure what to do. The new boyfriend and her hang out quite a bit from what I understand. I have run into them on several occasions by accident and it hurts. But can she really be over me that quickly after 3 years? Maybe he is just a rebound. Thanks everyone. If any additional information is needed, I'd be glad to tell. I just really need some advice from some people that have been through the same thing.
Adidas84 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I skimmed through this but she has a new BF? She is not thinking about you AT ALL. I'd say move on and move on quickly.
wontgohomewou Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 She left you for another guy and you want her back? This isn't a rebound guy dude, she has been planning this for quite a while now. Forget her dude, she left you for another guy and you want her back... I can't believe you're that stupid. Three years down the drain, once an ex... ALWAYS an ex. Live that.
LostInLimbo Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I agree with most answers in here, except for the part of wanttogohome Are you stupid... lol.... but they are right, don't get sucked in, she left and told you, No way you are both getting back, saviing up for a ring is holding onto something thats not there and may not be, don't hold onto the past, look towards the future, as for her wanting to talk, thats just you being there for her convenience, you need to look out for number 1 and thats yourself, if she had said anything but " We are not getting back together" I would feel it out, but its in her court, she has moved on, rebound? yes and no, planned? absolutely believe so....try and stay NC and if its hard, atleast stay LC till your able to get stronger. I wouldn't ask about her, look for her, talk to mutual friends, unless your willing to have them tell her whats going on in your life, if thats what your wanting, then by all means, but I would be scares the best I can andjust let her go, if she wants to be with you, she will seek you out, as for the talking I will touch on that again, I wouldn't because it may, MAY only put you back to square one, every time you are feeling strong. Hope all the advice helps s a guidance... LiL
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 She probably got over you and checked out of your relationship like 6 months ago. Then she stayed with you just so she wouldnt be alone and hid it from you. Let her go, she isnt coming back. Once a girls flame dies out, it isnt coming back. She probably thinks that her new BF is an upgrade, which makes going back to you a downgrade, so theres no turning back for her. Not only that, but if she sees that you still want her, you take the chase away, which isnt attractive at all. So theres no way for that to work in your favor. Your ebest best is to make her jealous, and to let her see you with a new girl. But if you hyave a new girl, you will be over her and wont want her back anyways. read this thread though and you will realize...from women on this board...why telling all your feelings to a woman doesnt work. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t196251/
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Here's the deal. She KNEW, she blatantly KNEW she was over you, and yet she made comments about seeing through your facade, and wanting praise and ego stroking from you with all the "tell me did you have hopes of us getting back together?" Etc. For this reason ALONE, not to mention the other 10 or so that popped out when I read your post, this is NOT a good girl to be dating. Anyone that will intentionally make another person suffer for their own ego boost, ugh. It's appauling.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Forget all these people's answers. I say you beat the hell out of her new bf. Then tell her she's ugly, fat, you dated her out of pity, and she should probably hit the treadmill. Tell her to shave her mustache too, she looks like Alex Trebek LOL *awaits crucification from people*
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Forget all these people's answers. I say you beat the hell out of her new bf. Then tell her she's ugly, fat, you dated her out of pity, and she should probably hit the treadmill. Tell her to shave her mustache too, she looks like Alex Trebek LOL *awaits crucification from people* Excuse me Tom, but I do hit the treadmill and I didn't break it so there . lmfao@she looks like alex trebek.
LostInLimbo Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Forget all these people's answers. I say you beat the hell out of her new bf. Then tell her she's ugly, fat, you dated her out of pity, and she should probably hit the treadmill. Tell her to shave her mustache too, she looks like Alex Trebek LOL *awaits crucification from people* Thomas Thomas Thomas...LOL see as said in one of my posts To The Point....lmao
LisaUk Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Hi, your post made me quite upset. You sound like a wonderful guy, saving for her ring and this must be terrible for you, it wasn't like you were together a few months, this was 3 years. I hate to say this but I think she was playing you for a fool. It sounds like those few weeks where you were on a break, she was hanging on to you before she decided to take the leap to this other guy. This is not a nice girl. Trust me when I say that there are plenty of girls out there that would not treat you like this, you deserve better.
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Forget all these people's answers. I say you beat the hell out of her new bf. Then tell her she's ugly, fat, you dated her out of pity, and she should probably hit the treadmill. Tell her to shave her mustache too, she looks like Alex Trebek LOL *awaits crucification from people* I ws gonna crucify you until you put in the Alex Trebek reference........
NightLord1 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 This new guy she is with isn't a rebound. I agree with some of the other posters that she had planned on leaving you months before she actually did. Women seem to do this A LOT no matter how long you have been together. I have noticed that women seem to easily be able to distract themselves and or move on from their ex's twice as easily as any dude can. Maybe its just programmed into their heads but either way its the truth. Its pretty sad but i have noticed a trend at least on this forum that many of the people who post about break ups seem to be men...hmmmm...wonder why that is? Anyway try to go about the steps to move on and if she contacts you i say ignore her and keep ignoring her. There is no reason why you should become her doormat and if you let her she will. Regards
Author fiser360 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 She didn't meet the guy until like a week before she told me she was talking to him. So it was not planned at all, she wasnt playing me.
nomoregummybears Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 She didn't meet the guy until like a week before she told me she was talking to him. So it was not planned at all, she wasnt playing me. Well dude, at the very least, she was looking for a back door out of the relationship for at LEAST the past few weeks, if not months (hence the "break"). What is absolutely unacceptable is her giving you false hope that everything would work out while in the process of meeting the new kid. In my eyes, hanging out with you until she was sure she found an exit is playing you to the nth degree. It's over. She is going to keep contacting you sparingly for the next month or so, but I say just give yourself some room to breathe and stay away from her and anything that reminds you of her. (INCLUDING watching Jeopardy if she actually looks anything like Alex Trebek)
lorilynne Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Forget all these people's answers. I say you beat the hell out of her new bf. Then tell her she's ugly, fat, you dated her out of pity, and she should probably hit the treadmill. Tell her to shave her mustache too, she looks like Alex Trebek LOL *awaits crucification from people* Too funny! Reminds of Will Ferrell playing Alex Trebex on SNL! Well, back to your original post Nathan, ignore her. She's moved on. It's so hard and believe me, I am in your exact shoes, except I'm a girl, oh and I'm pregnant from the a**hole! Just keep going to the gym and taking care of yourself and you may want to avoid those places that you run into them at because it's so painful for you to see them together.
NopeNah Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Well dude, at the very least, she was looking for a back door out of the relationship for at LEAST the past few weeks, if not months (hence the "break"). What is absolutely unacceptable is her giving you false hope that everything would work out while in the process of meeting the new kid. In my eyes, hanging out with you until she was sure she found an exit is playing you to the nth degree. It's over. She is going to keep contacting you sparingly for the next month or so, but I say just give yourself some room to breathe and stay away from her and anything that reminds you of her. (INCLUDING watching Jeopardy if she actually looks anything like Alex Trebek) This is spot on! You need to remove yourself completly out of her life,right now! Don't answer calls,texts,or emails at all! She WILL make it known to you if she wants you back but, DON'T set around holding your breath for that. Today is the start of your single life, enjoy it! Workout,hit the bars/clubs with friends,ect... you are now free to do whatever the hell you want to!
Author fiser360 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I like that Praying4Daylight. Thank you.
NopeNah Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I was in the same situation as you 4 mo ago. It gets better! My ex is now back in the picture but, I'm in the right frame of mind to handle it properly. I'm still dating others aswell,because I'm single! You can't control or manipulate someone else so.,there's no need in dwealing on the what if's and false hope bullsh*t...lifes way too short for that anyways.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 You can't control or manipulate someone else My friend, I beg to differ. Psychology 101: Antisocial Personality Disorder
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Dude if you're so good at being a psychologist, you should try to get paid for it.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Dude if you're so good at being a psychologist' date=' you should try to get paid for it.[/quote'] I do. I go to graduate school for a PhD in psych, and get paid to attend.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 In any case you should diagnose personality disorders in your armchair with that PhD framed, on the wall, instead of attempting to do so on a forum. Otherwise, you'll only end up with worthless glory and no money Diagnose me, I'm waiting.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Lovely advice. Where's Jimmy again? He's not such a smartass. And if you'd read at all what I posted, I didn't diagnose ANYONE. I stated a disorder that is famous for manipulation. I can't diagnose you based on how of yourself your little your frivolous opinion contains. But the need to attack someone you don't know, and accuse them of something they didn't even do, reeks of ignorance and passive aggressiveness. I suggest you try a new cologne.
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Dude, chill! I have all sorts of neurologic and personality disorders that make me act this way.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I can't diagnose you based on how of yourself your little your frivolous opinion contains. Whoops, too late at night, this came out wrong. I meant to say... You haven't spoken enough to be diagnosed. You have a low IQ, and repressed anger / most likely feelings of inadequacy (thus why you act out unprovoked) but I don't know what disorder you may or may not have. Caveman IQ disorder sounds relevant though. Back to selling Geico insurance!
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