shadowplay Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 One of my housemates, whom I like but don't see very often, is a divorced guy in his early fifties. For the past six months he's been dating a girl of about 22. She looks like she might still be in college. She often comes around with a book bag and text books. She wears pink converse shoes with little hearts drawn on. Admittedly I'm creeped out by their relationship, but maybe I'm just not being open-minded. It doesn't help that they have very loud sex every time she stays over. How do other people feel about generous age gaps? Do they make you at all uncomfortable when you observe them in others? I always find myself wondering why would they want to date somebody at such a different maturity level? I mean, I can see what's in it for him, but I really can't understand what's going on from her perspective. Then again who am I to say what makes other people happy. Thoughts?
lord alfred douglas Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Yes! I was just thinking that reading some other thread Really when it gets much past a decade it starts to get rather
joseffrost Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I think that once you get past about 35, then big ages gaps are fine (within reason - not a 35 yo and a 87 yo...) But that's because once you hit that age, you are (usually) 'grown up'. Having said that, I'm 25, so what do I know???
lord alfred douglas Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I think that once you get past about 35, then big ages gaps are fine (within reason - not a 35 yo and a 87 yo...) But that's because once you hit that age, you are (usually) 'grown up'. Having said that, I'm 25, so what do I know??? I dont know I just hit 35 and it seems like 30's and 40's seem natural at this point, but 20's or 50's seem very unnatural I dont think the range gets all that much broader as you age
missdependant Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Geez, that's a huge age gap, and yeah I'd say it can be awkward. When I was 17, ALMOST 18, I was with a guy that was almost 28. Even that seemed awkward whenever our friends were around. I always felt weird around his friends that were nearly 30, and he always felt weird around my friends who had just gotten out of high school. He acted really immature whenever my friends were around and it really bothered me. Around my 21st birthday, I broke up with him. My friends told me about how weird they thought it was to hang out with him, because he seemed like such an old man compared to all of us. My dad told me about how disgusting he thought the guy was for going for a girl that was practically still a kid. My family gave me hell about it, and said it made them uncomfortable. They said all sorts of things about how weird it was being around him. To be honest, it hurt my feelings to hear it at the time. But I guess it made me want to date someone my own age, so it was probably a good thing.
joseffrost Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I dont know I just hit 35 and it seems like 30's and 40's seem natural at this point, but 20's or 50's seem very unnatural I dont think the range gets all that much broader as you age But you were up to no good with Oscar when he was in his 40s and you were 21! (If you are who you say you are...)
grogster Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I find big age gaps creepy, and I'm in my 50's. Thirty years is a chasm, not just a "gap." The MLC "mid-life crisis" guy should know better. But heck, he's happily having viagra-fueled sex with some youngster. Most likely, his last big sexual hurrah. Silly man.
Author shadowplay Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I find big age gaps creepy, and I'm in my 50's. Thirty years is a chasm, not just a "gap." The MLC "mid-life crisis" guy should know better. But heck, he's happily having viagra-fueled sex with some youngster. Most likely, his last big sexual hurrah. Silly man. Yeah, he does seem to be going through a MLC. He purchased a motorcycle about a year ago, and he bought her a pink helmet.
Trialbyfire Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 The age gap of early fifties and a twenty-two year old, doesn't feel right. It makes me think of daddy/pedophile/mid-life crisis issues. If he were early eighties and she, early fifties, I'd still wonder what she got out of it but can understand that age gap better. Most but not all people 25 and under, aren't even fully developed adults yet, from all aspects of physical (their brain), intellectual and emotional development.
lord alfred douglas Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 But you were up to no good with Oscar when he was in his 40s and you were 21! (If you are who you say you are...) haha! who do you think put me off old men (the dirty bastard )
Author shadowplay Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Geez, that's a huge age gap, and yeah I'd say it can be awkward. When I was 17, ALMOST 18, I was with a guy that was almost 28. Even that seemed awkward whenever our friends were around. I always felt weird around his friends that were nearly 30, and he always felt weird around my friends who had just gotten out of high school. He acted really immature whenever my friends were around and it really bothered me. Around my 21st birthday, I broke up with him. My friends told me about how weird they thought it was to hang out with him, because he seemed like such an old man compared to all of us. My dad told me about how disgusting he thought the guy was for going for a girl that was practically still a kid. My family gave me hell about it, and said it made them uncomfortable. They said all sorts of things about how weird it was being around him. To be honest, it hurt my feelings to hear it at the time. But I guess it made me want to date someone my own age, so it was probably a good thing. I can see why that might make others a little uncomfortable since you were still basically a kid. At the same time, I can understand how a guy in his late twenties would have appeal to a girl in her late teens. The guy would seem older and experienced but still young. The only thing you have to question is why he'd want to date a teenager.
lord alfred douglas Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 If he were early eighties and she, early fifties, I'd still wonder what she got out of it most likely a rather substantial inheritance (its a sad world)
joseffrost Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 haha! who do you think put me off old men (the dirty bastard ) Filthy old Fingal O'Flahertie...
Author shadowplay Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Another May-Dec relationship I personally know. A friend of my mother's is a psychiatrist in his early sixties who left his ex wife for one of his late twenties students. That was four years ago and now they're married. We were all kind of shocked at the time, because he's a really nice guy. His ex wife was very controlling, and his new wife is pretty submissive. I asked my mother (a therapist) what she thought of it, and she said "Nothing shocks me anymore. People will do strange, terrible things when they're unhappy."
MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well, I tend to like men of all ages. The last guy I had a crush on was 47 years old, I thought he was much younger but was surprised to learn he was almost 50. And I'm 23. And I liked another guy who was a tad bit younger than me, around 19, 20. I attract guys of all ages actually some as young as 16, maybe its because I still look like a teenager. With the guy that I am talking to, I really don't feel the age gap. We have a lot in common, and have similar interests despite our age differences. I mean, I'm not exactly a kid. Not every older person acts really old. Some of them have a young spirit that I can relate to.
Author shadowplay Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Well, I tend to like men of all ages. The last guy I had a crush on was 47 years old, I thought he was much younger but was surprised to learn he was almost 50. And I'm 23. And I liked another guy who was a tad bit younger than me, around 19, 20. I attract guys of all ages actually some as young as 16, maybe its because I still look like a teenager. With the guy that I am talking to, I really don't feel the age gap. We have a lot in common, and have similar interests despite our age differences. I mean, I'm not exactly a kid. Not every older person acts really old. Some of them have a young spirit that I can relate to. I suspect that the age differences become more pronounced as you get to know the person better, once the relationship moves from casual to serious. A few obvious questions come to mind. Is your age a majority of the reason that he's into you? Does this suggest he doesn't have a well-formed identity or sense of self? If he's never been married or in a long term relationship by his age, why?
grogster Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Another May-Dec relationship I personally know. A friend of my mother's is a psychiatrist in his early sixties who left his ex wife for one of his late twenties students. That was four years ago and now they're married. We were all kind of shocked at the time, because he's a really nice guy. His ex wife was very controlling, and his new wife is pretty submissive. I asked my mother (a therapist) what she thought of it, and she said "Nothing shocks me anymore. People will do strange, terrible things when they're unhappy." Does the old coot have any kids with the trophy babe? I'll always remeber a 55 year old lawyer, who left his 50-something wife for a 20-something damsel, bitching to me years ago about having to change diapers at his age. Young women, however, often want to have babies.It's not always about sex. And your mother is wise, SP. People "will do strange, terrible things when they're unhappy." This forum is a testament to that observation. As am I.
MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I suspect that the age differences become more pronounced as you get to know the person better, once the relationship moves from casual to serious. A few obvious questions come to mind. Is your age a majority of the reason that he's into you? Does this suggest he doesn't have a well-formed identity or sense of self? If he's never been married or in a long term relationship by his age, why? I thought he was into me because he thought I was pretty, smart and a very nice girl. I really don't think age is playing a factor but other people seem to think so. I really can't answer all of your questions because we are still getting to know each other. I know he's never been married but I never got around to asking if he's been in a long term relationship before
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