unhappychappy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well after having a blow out and trying to sort things out it would seem I/we are back at the same place. Secret communications with the other man and talk of leaving. The focus has changed now and she wants HIM to relocate across country so that she does not lose the kids and it is possible for her to move her things out without having again to ship cross country. Seems the custody issues discussed may have hit home and she wants to make sure that she remains around the kids even if she does leave - she plans to take the kids it would seem but at least remain local. I don't want this and want my kids no matter where she decides to go. Here is the issue. In VA and other states I presume you have to have (depending on circumstances) 6 months or a year separated BEFORE you can file for divorce. I/we are so much in debt that there is no way she or I could move out. How do people do this? Surely I am not the only person to be in this kind of situation - how do people handle the situation. I just now want to file papers and be done with the whole relationship. Can anyone offer any advice from experience/talks with lawyers, etc. Thanks all, unhappychappy
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 The OM should NOT be around your kids! If she wants to leave, let her go, but she can't take them with her. She wants to see them, she can comeby the house and visit WITHOUT the OM in the picture. Do you have a lawyer? If not, get one asap!
2sure Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 One of you needs to have another address, whether you actually reside at it or not. Use one of your parents. Change your license, your voter registration, and your employee records. Have one of the utility bills at the other address put in your name. For 6 months or whatever the requirement. Be aware however that should one spouse contest this, they would probably be able to prove that you in fact did not meet the separation requirement. The courts really dont care as long as it isnt challenged.
Author unhappychappy Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Thing is I want her to leave of her own accord, that way I can file for divorce (can't remember the latin) but relates to left bed and board - this can then be 'flipped' to full divorce when the time comes. I need her to leave preferably go off across the country but don't know how to make this happen. I have a lawyer I saw but know that without the separation I cannot make anything happen. People talk 'full-on' about ha go serve her the divorce papers but how? Without the separation you cannot get a divorce? What are people serving exactly? I guess it is probably different by state and by situation. I cannot prove adultery BUT heavily suspect it from inferred emails but have no witnesses and nothing concrete to present. I know I want out now and no longer want to act married when I know we are not and I am constantly being betrayed. I don't want my kids hurt, I want to protect them as much as possible as it is not their fault. I just feel stuck without direction or definitive steps towards ending this predicament.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Then you need to do what must be done UC. If you file for divorce isnt there a way to get her out of the house? You need to end this... The OM aint coming to be with her. he'd be the most dumbest thing on the earth if he did that. I think the OM just wanted a piece of free ass, not to be a fulltime step daddy, your ex is an idiot. Because she doesnt want to loose the kids, is fine with cheating on her husband but sees no problem to have the OM move all the way cross country to be with her so she wont loose the kids in court??!!? WTF this is where her priorities are!!?!? Some women she is!
Author unhappychappy Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 He is also married, there is more to it, I guess you would have to have read my original post, maybe I will find and link it. Bottom line is though can't file a divorce without separation, can't afford to move out and she needs to do so without my influence to get things the way I need i.e. her deserting the marriage/marital home. I wish it was like people say on here - file the papers show her who is boss or kick her out, etc. Legally this does not seem possible or in anyway help my case. Does anyone have any positive experience rather than 'as seen on TV' type responses. EDIT: Original thread posting: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t192269/
Owl Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Have you talked with a lawyer about having her removed from the home once you file for divorce? Some states have laws to accomplish this....we've had posters come here before who have indicated that they have effectively been 'kicked out' by the police when their spouse filed. You might consider seeing if that's possible. My other question is this...if the two of you are so in debt that you can't afford to seperate...how on Earth do you intend to survive divorced? There's no difference...you're still going to have debt, and still going to have to pay your own seperate bills. Personally, I say see what your state says about having her removed from the home when you file for D/seperation. She may not have any choice if you're the one filing.
Author unhappychappy Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I have the major salary, pay the mortgage and most bills. I cannot, neither can she on her own, afford rent on a room/property to make the separation. The only way I see it is she has to go but from what my initial appointment with the lawyer seemed to give me was that she could do it under her own initiative - desert the family home - i.e. I guess go across country, stay with family or he leave his wife and pays for them to shack up. What do I file though, separation is up to us not involving any paperwork/lawyers right? Just a case of proving we have been apart, separate addresses for the required period. Am I not understanding this correctly? Do you file for separation and shove papers in her face? I have been emotionally messed up from all this and not gotten too focussed in the researching, now I am trying to pull myself together and sort this out for me and my kids.
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