monkey00 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 So anyway, I heard from someone or some place on the web that it's a bad idea for a guy to play games with a girl. However it's alright vice versa. I have to say the majority of the times I've found this to be true. Just recently last weekend I went on an amazing first date with a girl. Then every other time I've called her - whether to see how she was doing or to set up a date she never picks up the phone. And would call back 2-4 hours later. I kind of picked up that there's a little power struggle going on between us, but seemingly we find equal balance. So I thought I'd play a little by not being too available, she called to confirm a date but I didn't get back to her as soon as she had hoped. She wound up canceling on our date. I guess in essence she rejected me first to avoid me rejecting her. I learned my lesson. I think we're still square though. Why is it okay for women to play games, be less available - but a guy can't do the same or she'll think he's not interested?
carhill Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Not all women are game players. In fact, IME, most are not. Seek them out. This one is incompatible (or not really interested)
utterer of lies Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I guess in essence she rejected me first to avoid me rejecting her. I learned my lesson. I think we're still square though. Yeah, because a sample size of one is enough for generalizations. Why is it okay for women to play games, be less available - but a guy can't do the same or she'll think he's not interested? Bull****.
samspade Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Why is it okay for women to play games, be less available - but a guy can't do the same or she'll think he's not interested? You have it backwards (sort of). The less available a man is, the more a woman will chase him. It's not "playing a game" if you actually have a life outside of women, and have the self-respect to be patient and enjoy the ride. As for women playing games with you - they can't unless you let them. If a woman engages in flaky, or immature behavior, you NEXT her and find another one. There are plenty of women that you shouldn't need to tolerate crap.
lofi_tokyo Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Some girls (like myself) don't check their phones often. So it may seem like shes playing games even when shes not actually. On the other hand, if you are really getting the impression she's playing a game with you, I'd steer clear. My female friends that have acted like that are usually the needy type - they need constant reassurance that the man in their sights will always chase them, and more than that, those kinds of girls are usually trying to prove to themselves that they're not as hung up on the guy as they actually are. I don't know... it just sounds a bit immature to me. As for girls not liking when guys play games? I don't mind if a guy toys with me as long as its all in good humor - and doesn't go on too long. If a guy keeps playing around I eventually lose interest. I'd imagine this is the same for men that have women in their lives that keep playing around.
Nemoralis Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Get real, everything is a game. People only get upset when the game is not going their way. Girls scare guys away when they move to fast and get emotional quickly because they are not playing the game right. Of course it can happen vice versa, too. The right way to play is to be appropriately hard too reach without letting the other person lose interest. Anyone who denies that the initial dating phase of a relationship is a game is delusional. Even a long term relationship is a game - the only difference is that it has by that point (hopefully) become non-adversarial and non-zero sum. It's all game theory :/ EDIT: IMO, you have on your hands a girl who knows how to play the dating game. Her only miss was in letting you pick up on it. And returning a call in 2-4 hours is more than completely reasonable. Just my $.02
Trialbyfire Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I hold both genders responsible. If someone is going to take the risk of rejection by pursuing you, the least you can do is to pick up your phone if you're available, or respond within reasonable time. There are flirty and fun games, and then there are negative power struggle games. As a woman, if you're interested in a man who's pursuing you, give him the big, green light. If he loses interest, he's not for you, for whatever reason.
Author monkey00 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Get real, everything is a game. People only get upset when the game is not going their way. Girls scare guys away when they move to fast and get emotional quickly because they are not playing the game right. Of course it can happen vice versa, too. The right way to play is to be appropriately hard too reach without letting the other person lose interest. Anyone who denies that the initial dating phase of a relationship is a game is delusional. Even a long term relationship is a game - the only difference is that it has by that point (hopefully) become non-adversarial and non-zero sum. It's all game theory :/ I have to agree with this. During the courting phase there often is one party or both parties playing a little tug of war game. It's all good and exciting as long as one doesn't take it too seriously or gives up at the first sign. Worst case scenario would be one party being flakey, which is an obvious red flag. EDIT: IMO, you have on your hands a girl who knows how to play the dating game. Her only miss was in letting you pick up on it. And returning a call in 2-4 hours is more than completely reasonable. Just my $.02 I admit as much as I hate her being less available than I'd like or even these little games, I kind of secretly like it deep down...the chase that is. I do respect her more actually because of it. Damn.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I kind of secretly like it deep down...the chase that is. I do respect her more actually because of it. Damn. Ah, but with time and life experience, you'll learn the answer as to why that is, and that answer might surprise you. It's not about her ..
Jimmy's_Brother Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Hmm... I think it's necessary for both parties to be cool at the initial stages of dating, but I do not in any way endorse game-playing. It builds a mutual confusion and resentment that often leads to the end of the would-be relatiohship. As far as double standards, I think that women most often get away with games because of the multitude of men waiting in their wings. Guys can't get away with it, because simply put, we are not the Gatekeepers.
gypsy_nicky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Ah, but with time and life experience, you'll learn the answer as to why that is, and that answer might surprise you. It's not about her .. whats it about then?
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 It's about how life and experience impact your psychology. You have complete control over how you interact with the world and the choices you make. Choose wisely
gypsy_nicky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Some girls (like myself) don't check their phones often. So it may seem like shes playing games even when shes not actually. On the other hand, if you are really getting the impression she's playing a game with you, I'd steer clear. My female friends that have acted like that are usually the needy type - they need constant reassurance that the man in their sights will always chase them, and more than that, those kinds of girls are usually trying to prove to themselves that they're not as hung up on the guy as they actually are. I don't know... it just sounds a bit immature to me. As for girls not liking when guys play games? I don't mind if a guy toys with me as long as its all in good humor - and doesn't go on too long. If a guy keeps playing around I eventually lose interest. I'd imagine this is the same for men that have women in their lives that keep playing around. are you saying that the "game playing" women youve known are really interested in a guy when they start game playing? I'm taking it from your post- "trying to prove to themselves that they're not as hung up on the guy as they actually are".
gypsy_nicky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 It's about how life and experience impact your psychology. You have complete control over how you interact with the world and the choices you make. Choose wisely your still too cryptic. How can this relate to the OP's thread of mind games?
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Sorry, that's all you get this morning. Sometimes, revelation takes time
Sam Spade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 your still too cryptic. How can this relate to the OP's thread of mind games? Carhil's posts sensibly stop at the point where you start thinking, since that's all any sage can do for you. Any elaboration, while it will provide immediate gratification will probably just go through your system like junk food without much benefit, since you're not in position to use it properly. And if you've thought long long enough on the issue, you'll reach the answer anyway, so you'll not need any elaboration. Classic. Let it go, young hombres like us need to have their asses kicked, feathers ruffled, etc. until one day hopefully we too are in the position of dispensing cryptic sage advice to the next generation.
lovers69 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Women play games with us(men), they're just unconscious that they're doing it.
carhill Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Any elaboration, while it will provide immediate gratification will probably just go through your system like junk food without much benefit, since you're not in position to use it properly The OP will find his own unique answer, just as you and I find ours. My only goal is to stimulate thought and reflection. It's a tool our psych taught me in MC, by example
bac Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 If we play games, it is good to know the rules of the game. Other words, for both to be on the same page. As for me, if my man is unavailable for a few times, I really do not know what his game is about. In general, I think that he is not so much into me. Then I reject him. Then he asks me why?
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