thegoodlife Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well the fact that he hasn't been married at his age is a little concerning, but like other posters have said it is possible to have long-term relationships without marriage. My advice is find out more about this guy and his relationship history before you get involved. The age gap is quite large but if you both felt comfortable moving forward with it, then hey it's your life do what makes you happy.
HsMomma Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Didn't know that so many people would look down on a relationship like this I'm not looking down on the relationship, MissJoness - was simply trying to explain why I felt the age difference was too big for a long-term relationship. If you'll go back & read what I wrote at the end, I said if you're looking for someone to go see movies with or have coffee with or whatever, I thought it was fine. The other thing to remember is, it doesn't matter what I think - it only matters what the people involved think.
bac Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 He's never been married. Lives alone. And doesn't have children. I don't know what to think about that. Is he too old for me? Is he just after sex? Is he too old for you? Only you can say. 1.Try to imagine his face, lips and nude body. Then imagine that you french kiss him for 5 minutes, touch his face and kiss his face. Then let your imagination to picture sexual encounter with him. If you love all this, you can try it in reality. Other words, if you love to do all these things with him, there is a good chance that he is not old for you. 2. Next, if you try to do all these things in reality with him and you still love to do that, there is a good chance that he is not old for you. 3. Finally, to make sure that you are really into old men you should try to compare sex with him to sex with a young guy. According to the science, he is too late to start family successfuly. You may google Erik Erikson stages of human development. But in reality everything can happen. There are many wonderful benefits in dating older men because they are very giving, thankful and helpful in many ways.
Cora Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I am 26 and have never been in a relationship either, and yes it gets pretty lonely. If being lonely and because he seems nice are the only reasons you want to be with this man then you should probably think about things a little more. If you want to be with him because you are REALLY into him then that's a different story. You should never settle just because you are lonely IF it's what you are doing. Do you think it's too big of an age difference? Does it bother you even a little? My guess, if it didn't you wouldn't have asked right? Just ask yourself if you really and truly like this man as a potential dater. Other than that I'm not sure how he feels about you or IF he is just out for sex etc. But, regardless of what he wants, you first have to sort out your feelings for him and determine what you want. I would be very cautious with him though.
dreamergrl Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 What am I supposed to do? It's not like there's some avaiable guy for me to date right around the corner. I never really had a boyfriend and I've been alone for too long. I'm really lonely This is no reason to be with someone, no matter what the age. If you're lonely, it's time to get out and start doing something with yourself. Go meet people. I've been in that boat, and I foced myself to become unonley. Not to mention, are you happy with yourself? Do you like who you are? That could play a big part in why you are lonely. Instead of turning to men, why not dig deep and figure out who you are.
lord alfred douglas Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Do you like the idea of him sagbagging you
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I don't know how I'm going to reject him since I feel like I'm leading him on now OMG. You are exactly the type of woman these guys look for. You do NOT owe him ANYTHING. It does not MATTER what you HAVE done...it matters what you want RIGHT NOW. If you aren't interested, then just tell him so. I wouldn't do it. There was a 15-year age gap with my XH and really, I'm not interested in it again. Our break-up had nothing to do with the age, but I still wouldn't do it again. Another bothersome thing about him never having been married is that when they get on that far in life without having been in a serious LTR, they have a hard time compromising. My most recent xbf is 30, never been married, never lived with anyone. He never wanted to talk about "problems" and compromise was painful.
Thornton Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Is he too old for me? Too old for what? Too old for you to have sex with, to have fun with, to hang out with? No Too old for you to have a serious long term relationship with, to have a family with? Yes Unfortunately, the truth is that he's too old to raise a family - even if you had kids now he'd probably be dead before they even graduated college, and you'd be a 40-ish widow who wasted her youth on a man who was never going to live long enough to spend his life with her. So really it depends what you want from this man. He could probably provide some short term companionship and sex, but he isn't a good candidate for a long-term relationship and raising a family with. Apart from his age, as other posters have pointed out, he probably has commitment issues given that he's reached his 50s without committing to a woman. Is he just after sex? What else could he be after? He's a 50-something year old man who is far too old to have a long term relationship with someone of your age - he's going to pop his clogs just as you reach the halfway point of your life. He's already told you that he thinks having children is "unwise", and he doesn't seem to have demonstrated any commitment to other women in his life in the past. As other posters commented, there is a significant generation gap between you two and it's doubtful how much you would really have in common - although I'd be more concerned about his age tbh. I would say yes, he's probably focused on sex and companionship as the main goal of the relationship - whether it's worth bothering with the relationship depends on what you want from him. If you want sex and short term companionship then go ahead, but if you want serious long term commitment and/or family then look for a man who is young enough to provide it.
Author MissJoness Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Do you like the idea of him sagbagging you What the heck is that? So, what do I tell him the next time I run into him? I know he'll spot me somewhere and try to get me to go out with him.
dreamergrl Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 What the heck is that? So, what do I tell him the next time I run into him? I know he'll spot me somewhere and try to get me to go out with him. Umm thanks, but you're not interested.
Author MissJoness Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 To those who thinks that a 50 something year old man is old and gross to look at...well are there any members here in their 50s? Do you think you're old and gross? What about those who have been married for awhile and your partner is that age, do you think of them in that way?
GorillaTheater Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 To those who thinks that a 50 something year old man is old and gross to look at...well are there any members here in their 50s? Do you think you're old and gross? What about those who have been married for awhile and your partner is that age, do you think of them in that way? I'm close to 50 and am WAY hot. I'm also WAY too old for you.
HsMomma Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 To those who thinks that a 50 something year old man is old and gross to look at...well are there any members here in their 50s? Do you think you're old and gross? What about those who have been married for awhile and your partner is that age, do you think of them in that way? Whoa, Sparky...I don't recall reading anywhere where someone stated that a 50-something year old man is old & "gross to look at". I think people were trying to get you to compare what it would be like to have a physical relationship with someone that age vs. someone your age. I take great offense at the "old & gross" stuff, as my husband is 55. We have been together for over 10 years & trust me, there is NOTHING old or gross about him.
HsMomma Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm close to 50 and am WAY hot. I'm also WAY too old for you. Hee hee, GT - I agree completely with your last sentence (might agree with the first one, too, but I wouldn't know you in a line-up of two!).
Shygirl15 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I think so... especially when you're in your 20s...
donnamaybe Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 That is a big age gap now, but think about if you two were together 20 years from now? You'll be in your prime, and he'd be ready for a nursing home.
rod_in_gtown Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Judging by your age, I'm just going to assume that you don't want to get married anytime soon either, if that's not the case, then you should probably look for someone closer to your age. He's the poster child for eternal bachelor, just in it for the kicks. If you just want to have some fun and maybe a sugar daddy, then by all means, date him. If you're looking for love and a meaningful adult relationship (where you won't be his nurse when you're 50) then go find someone around your own age.
Adunaphel Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 The age gap *is* big... enough to have a huge impact on a long-term relationship. But it is his approach that I find bothersome. All that calling and complaining you did not pick up the phone... from a guy of your age it would be okay... from a 30 years older guy it sounds a little creepy. And not very respectful. Just do not allow him to push you into seeing him or dating him if you are not 100% sure it is what you want.
HsMomma Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 But it is his approach that I find bothersome. All that calling and complaining you did not pick up the phone... from a guy of your age it would be okay... from a 30 years older guy it sounds a little creepy. And not very respectful. Basically, I find the whole thought of a 54 year old man so aggressively pursuing a 23 year old girl creepy...like I said before, to put it in perspective of my age group, that would be like me pursuing a 12 year old!
doushenka Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 In other words, if he's a "typical" 54 year old, that puts him in my husband's generation - this is the generation who remembers exactly where they were when the announcement was made that John Kennedy had been assassinated. These are the people who grew up on music like Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead, Jethro Tull. They are the generation who know about shows like "Leave it to Beaver," "The Dick Van Dyke Show," who Phil Donahue is, etc. Do any of these names/events mean anything to you other than what you may have seen on either the History Channel or Nick at Nite? Funny you should mention the cultural differences! I may be the exception here, but... I grew up more oriented to my parents' generation than to my own, so when I met a man twenty-six years my senior, I finally felt understood in that respect. Irony of ironies? My love knows more about my generation's culture than I do! ("Honey, who's Kim Kardashian?") Heck, when I was learning the flute, Dad would play me Jethro Tull, because he wanted me to know what was possible. I prefer Ray Thomas, myself, especially on the Moody Blues' "Dear Diary". He's the reason I wanted to try an alto flute. I tend to like my men older because I do have that disconnect; I've had it since I was small and always the new girl (love that military life!). I never really connected with people my age, so I developed a different set of values, ideals, and needs. That said, I am rather an exception, so the questions you've posed are great. Just remember that some of us can answer "Yes!" -- the girl who thinks Justin Hayward is hotter than Justin Timberlake
HsMomma Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Funny you should mention the cultural differences! I may be the exception here, but... I grew up more oriented to my parents' generation than to my own, so when I met a man twenty-six years my senior, I finally felt understood in that respect. Irony of ironies? My love knows more about my generation's culture than I do! ("Honey, who's Kim Kardashian?") Heck, when I was learning the flute, Dad would play me Jethro Tull, because he wanted me to know what was possible. I prefer Ray Thomas, myself, especially on the Moody Blues' "Dear Diary". He's the reason I wanted to try an alto flute. I tend to like my men older because I do have that disconnect; I've had it since I was small and always the new girl (love that military life!). I never really connected with people my age, so I developed a different set of values, ideals, and needs. That said, I am rather an exception, so the questions you've posed are great. Just remember that some of us can answer "Yes!" -- the girl who thinks Justin Hayward is hotter than Justin Timberlake Understood & agreed. I just have the impression from the OP that she's not one of those exceptions. Good for you, finding someone you're compatible with - hard to do when you feel "different," I know.
Adunaphel Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Basically, I find the whole thought of a 54 year old man so aggressively pursuing a 23 year old girl creepy...like I said before, to put it in perspective of my age group, that would be like me pursuing a 12 year old! I find the thought generically creepy too... but I think I could make some exceptions. If he was aware of the age gap, very respectful, treated and considered her as his equal (there are a few 23 years old that have the maturity of very mature 40 years old), I guess I would find it acceptable (with some reservations). If he was the first one to worry about the age gap, it would also be a good sign. Which does not sound like the case of MissJoness'friend. Unless... we are just all jumping to conclusions, and he is not really after anything else than friendship. Perhaps he just really likes the OP as a person and is a bit socially awkward - enough not to realize that he might sound like he is after a relaionship or sex with someone much younger. Perhaps he is not discussing his past relationship because he does not find it appropriate? MissJoness... do you think there are any chances he might be *not* trying to hit on you?
primed7 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I usually don't post but here it goes; OP, please don't do it..whatever it is. You're ONLY 23 and there's plenty of time to find other guys. You're not already head over heels with this guy so you still have time to get out & find someone more appropriate for your age. You said he was your mom's age? Please don't let your temporary loneliness make the decision. I don't mind age differences between couples, but you're so young and he could be your dad. If he cared about you any deeper than just physical, he wouldn't suggest anything other than a friendship. I'm 25 at the moment and last year, a guy with a 16yrs old son expressed his interest in me....I have to say I lost all respect for him and run really fast in the other direction. It's just wrong on so many levels I can't even explain.
trahn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 It's not too old....if you're MORGAN FREEMAN. lol....this guy just dumped his wife for his step Granddaughter who is like 23. That guy is in his mid 70's, so he's got 20 years or so on your relationship. lol "I really want to talk to you. You don't pick up your phone when I call". So I decided to give him a ring. Wow, and this didn't CREEEEEP you out.......I say that jokingly with all this ridiculous "creep" stuff....I mean certain things are certainly creepy but I would think that would be a lot more creepy then a ton of other stuff i've read on here that some women claim is "creepy."
Montclair0011 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Hey, I'm 51 and I'm not got one foot in the grave. That said, I will not be dating 23 year olds. That's too much of an age difference. Do you want to end up a nusemaid? You could end up taking care of your parents, your kids and your husband. Don't go there. The guy has something wrong with him. Believe me, I know. I've been around. Avoid like the plague. Join a club instead. You need to get out and make some friends (not just dates) and see the world a bit. You need to have some experiences, but not with 50+ guys. You sound like someone who is dangerously naive. I'm worried about you.
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