MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I recently met a guy who frequents the same inner circle as me. The first time we met, we hit it off and had good conversation. We exchanged numbers. The first night he was calling me constantly and I did not feel like talking. And when I ran into him, he kept saying, "I really want to talk to you. You don't pick up your phone when I call". So I decided to give him a ring. He's much older but it doesn't feel like it from the conversation. But I am also cautious with him. He's never been married. Lives alone. And doesn't have children. I don't know what to think about that. And I worry that my parents will not approve of this. He's the same age as my mother. And my dad is a bit older than him but they are in the same age group. So what do you guys think? Is he too old for me? Is he just after sex?
Jersey Shortie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well, he is getting the better end of the bargin here. 54? I mean, I have dated older men but there is a point when older becomes plain "old". If you like him, you like him. But if you ask me, he sounds a little desperate and slightly creepy the way he kept calling you and said " you don't pick up your phone". I also question the maturity of a man that was never married by 54 and is now chasing someone your age. I changed alot between 21-26. I suspect you still have some changing to do yourself. Exactly what kind of social circle did you guys meet in? You can't help who you like but keep in mind that there is a huge amount of ego for him to be invovled with someone your age. And he might not be just using you for sex but you also can't rule out the fact that your age might be the reason he is after you, in part at least. Do you have any detials of his previous dating history? That will tell you alot about a man.
gopher Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I recently met a guy who frequents the same inner circle as me. The first time we met, we hit it off and had good conversation. We exchanged numbers. The first night he was calling me constantly and I did not feel like talking. And when I ran into him, he kept saying, "I really want to talk to you. You don't pick up your phone when I call". So I decided to give him a ring. He's much older but it doesn't feel like it from the conversation. But I am also cautious with him. He's never been married. Lives alone. And doesn't have children. I don't know what to think about that. And I worry that my parents will not approve of this. He's the same age as my mother. And my dad is a bit older than him but they are in the same age group. So what do you guys think? Is he too old for me? Is he just after sex? Too old? Yes...Just after sex? Absolutely
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Well, he is getting the better end of the bargin here. 54? I mean, I have dated older men but there is a point when older becomes plain "old". If you like him, you like him. But if you ask me, he sounds a little desperate and slightly creepy the way he kept calling you and said " you don't pick up your phone". I also question the maturity of a man that was never married by 54 and is now chasing someone your age. I changed alot between 21-26. I suspect you still have some changing to do yourself. Exactly what kind of social circle did you guys meet in? You can't help who you like but keep in mind that there is a huge amount of ego for him to be invovled with someone your age. And he might not be just using you for sex but you also can't rule out the fact that your age might be the reason he is after you, in part at least. Do you have any detials of his previous dating history? That will tell you alot about a man. I really don't want to say what circle we met in, you never know he may stumble across this site and think I'm talking about him He doesn't really talk very much about his personal life. He strictly talks about hobbies that he likes and educational things. He seems to do a lot of the talking, and every now and then I get a chance to insert a question. I did ask him why he never had children and he just said that he was "wise". And that was it. I never got a chance to ask about past relationshisp or anything because he immediately goes back to talking about his hobbies and things that he likes to do and what he wants to achieve. I'd hate to think that he is only after me because of my age and not because he thinks I am a cool person. I don't want to be used.
Teslacoil Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 YES TOO OLD. 54? Never been married? Unless he's been doing research in Antarctica for the last 30 years, stay friends.
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Why is it bad that he's never been married?
anne1707 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Why is it bad that he's never been married? Because it indicates an inability to commit to a relationship. At his age, you would expect there to have been at least one serious long term relationship but if that is not the case then it would make me question his emotional capacity and desire to have a serious relationship. The fact that he avoids talking about personal details would also make me worry - he's maintaining barriers.
whichwayisup Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I never got a chance to ask about past relationshisp or anything because he immediately goes back to talking about his hobbies and things that he likes to do and what he wants to achieve. Run..He's never been married, no kids, and he talks alot..About himself - BORING. And selfish.. Don't bother with him..That and since you know your folks probably won't approve, just close the door and forget him. You don't seem that into him..Being curious is one thing but it's not like you're inlove.. Again, run!
samspade Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 So what do you guys think? Is he too old for me? No. If you like him, don't concern yourself with society's dubious standards. Just have fun, you're two grown adults.
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Run..He's never been married, no kids, and he talks alot..About himself - BORING. And selfish.. Don't bother with him..That and since you know your folks probably won't approve, just close the door and forget him. You don't seem that into him..Being curious is one thing but it's not like you're inlove.. Again, run! Okay. The thing is that I see him around, and he'll start to ask me "why didn't you call me" I already agreed to go out with him. I called him because everytime we ran into each other he gave me heat for not picking up the phone the very day he called. I didn't want to just be mean and blow him off so I called him and the conversation went pretty good. I don't know how I'm going to reject him since I feel like I'm leading him on now
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I agree that independent of his age specifically, the fact that he's never been able to comitt says a lot about his emotional maturity. I agree also that he is just after sex.
samspade Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Marriage is not indicative of maturity, emotional or otherwise. Take a look at the Marriage threads around here and you will see that there is no shame in a man or a woman abstaining from a long-term contract if he/she has not found the right mate for it. I'd say it's MORE mature for a man to have avoided it, rather than get married because it's what society expects him to do. Since more than half of marriages end in divorce, I'd say it's a rational, mature decision to err on the side of staying single rather than tie the knot with the wrong woman. If you don't want to date him, make sure it's because YOU aren't into him, and not because of some other bitter single woman's perception of "emotional maturity."
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Marriage is not indicative of maturity, emotional or otherwise. Take a look at the Marriage threads around here and you will see that there is no shame in a man or a woman abstaining from a long-term contract if he/she has not found the right mate for it. I'd say it's MORE mature for a man to have avoided it, rather than get married because it's what society expects him to do. Since more than half of marriages end in divorce, I'd say it's a rational, mature decision to err on the side of staying single rather than tie the knot with the wrong woman. If you don't want to date him, make sure it's because YOU aren't into him, and not because of some other bitter single woman's perception of "emotional maturity." LMAO. First, your first point is valid. I actually agree it's better to wait instead of not marrying the wrong one. But in 54 years the guy couldn't have found ONE suitable partner? Come on. Second, a woman doesn't have to be "bitter" to come to the conclusion there may be some comittment issues there.
gopher Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Okay. The thing is that I see him around, and he'll start to ask me "why didn't you call me" I already agreed to go out with him. I called him because everytime we ran into each other he gave me heat for not picking up the phone the very day he called. I didn't want to just be mean and blow him off so I called him and the conversation went pretty good. I don't know how I'm going to reject him since I feel like I'm leading him on now Go out with him, and in conversation drop the "how cool is it that we are friends" and trust me, he'll "get it";)
utterer of lies Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'm 23 years old and he's 54, is this too big of an age gap? Reply to Thread Only you can answer that. He's never been married. Lives alone. And doesn't have children. I don't know what to think about that. People can still have meaningful long-term relationships without getting married.
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 LMAO. First, your first point is valid. I actually agree it's better to wait instead of not marrying the wrong one. But in 54 years the guy couldn't have found ONE suitable partner? Come on. Second, a woman doesn't have to be "bitter" to come to the conclusion there may be some comittment issues there. Well, I know he has never been married, but I'm not sure if he has never been in a long term relationship. I never got a chance to get to that, he just immediately went back to talking about other things, like his hobbies and passion in life when I asked about his relationship history. Next time I talk to him, I'll ask if he has ever been in a long term relationship. I know he lives alone by himself. Sometimes he talks as if he doesn't have a long history behind him, maybe he wants to be able to relate on my level.
anne1707 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Sometimes he talks as if he doesn't have a long history behind him, maybe he wants to be able to relate on my level. Or maybe he is trying to hide his inability to commit. It really does not sound good to me.
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 All right. Well, I don't exactly have that many options. Haven't had the best luck with guys and thought I'd give him a chance. I've been very lonely. Most of the time he sees me I am by myself
lord alfred douglas Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 All right. Well, I don't exactly have that many options. Haven't had the best luck with guys and thought I'd give him a chance. I've been very lonely. Most of the time he sees me I am by myself A 53 year old man who genuinely cared about you would never try and start a romantic relationship with you He probably knows youre lonley and hes probably lonley too, but that isnt love and it isnt even basic human decency really
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 What am I supposed to do? It's not like there's some avaiable guy for me to date right around the corner. I never really had a boyfriend and I've been alone for too long. I'm really lonely
Jersey Shortie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 MissJones, this sounds like a matter of him being available then it does you really being interested in him. The thing for me that is an even bigger indicator of lack of emotional maturity is the fact that he doesn't even want to talk about his personal life or previous dating history. Okay so maybe a man that age never got married but was in committed monogmous relationships. But the fact that he doesn't even want to talk about it is not good. Alot of the men here are going to "encourage" you because of their own deluded ideals about male desirablity as they age. It's funny when we get to these threads that they are all about looking on the "inside" when it's clear that the man is certainly looking at the outside package. You need to put in a little effort if you want to meet other people. Coffee houses, bookstores..heck you could even try a dating site. A little nerve racking at first but you have to put yourself out there.
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Allright): We are also of a different race, I'm black and he's White. So maybe he has some kind of fetish or something for black women
Jersey Shortie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Are you really interested in this guy or are you just lonely and he is making himself very easy and avilable?
HsMomma Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I have to chime in here. OP, I know you said there aren't a whole bunch of guys around right now for you to date, but I do have this observation: This guy is WAY old enough to be your father. If you were to get together, and say you decided down the road you want to have kids...well, he's got 31 years on you. I also can't help but think that if you two are able to converse, really talk, on a level beyond hobbies, etc., somebody's maturity level is off for the age. In other words, if he's a "typical" 54 year old, that puts him in my husband's generation - this is the generation who remembers exactly where they were when the announcement was made that John Kennedy had been assassinated. These are the people who grew up on music like Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead, Jethro Tull. They are the generation who know about shows like "Leave it to Beaver," "The Dick Van Dyke Show," who Phil Donahue is, etc. Do any of these names/events mean anything to you other than what you may have seen on either the History Channel or Nick at Nite? I'm not trying to be a smarta$$ - truly - I just think that that big an age difference is a real impediment to any kind of true relationship. Having said that, if you want to have someone to go see movies with, have a cup of coffee with or that type thing, that would be understandable. I just can't for the life of me picture someone his age really wanting a long-lasting relationship with someone that much his junior. To put it in perspective, it would be like me wanting to date a 12 year old (since I'm 45).
Author MissJoness Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I have to chime in here. OP, I know you said there aren't a whole bunch of guys around right now for you to date, but I do have this observation: This guy is WAY old enough to be your father. If you were to get together, and say you decided down the road you want to have kids...well, he's got 31 years on you. I also can't help but think that if you two are able to converse, really talk, on a level beyond hobbies, etc., somebody's maturity level is off for the age. In other words, if he's a "typical" 54 year old, that puts him in my husband's generation - this is the generation who remembers exactly where they were when the announcement was made that John Kennedy had been assassinated. These are the people who grew up on music like Jimi Hendrix, the Grateful Dead, Jethro Tull. They are the generation who know about shows like "Leave it to Beaver," "The Dick Van Dyke Show," who Phil Donahue is, etc. Do any of these names/events mean anything to you other than what you may have seen on either the History Channel or Nick at Nite? I'm not trying to be a smarta$$ - truly - I just think that that big an age difference is a real impediment to any kind of true relationship. Having said that, if you want to have someone to go see movies with, have a cup of coffee with or that type thing, that would be understandable. I just can't for the life of me picture someone his age really wanting a long-lasting relationship with someone that much his junior. To put it in perspective, it would be like me wanting to date a 12 year old (since I'm 45). I've always had a great interest in History and I even listen to old classics like marvin gaye, smokey robinsons, the temptations, etc. I've always had a bit of an old soul and i have a great appreciaton for things like that. So I can relate to an older person in that aspect even though I don't have much experience with life Are you really interested in this guy or are you just lonely and he is making himself very easy and avilable? He seemed like a really nice person, and yes I was lonely but who wouldn't be if they've never had a relationship before and spend most of their time alone? I thought I'd give him a chance despite the age difference. Didn't know that so many people would look down on a relationship like this
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