2sunny Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 i believe that sexy is a matter of attitude. the energy we put out is either appreciated by the recipient or it's not. a firm way of flirting is eye contact and a great relaxed smile. the follow up if he/she is in close range is whether or not it is followed with other body language indications of flirting.... light touching, hair tossing, bodies turned toward each other when interacting etc...
2sunny Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 i do believe that a person can enjoy the company of another without the NEED to have sex with them. it is called healthy balance. just because a person is in a committed relationship doesn't mean they can't enjoy the presence and company of other people. i would never have expected my husband to be everything to me... i never expected to be everything to him. i am a gal that can enjoy people which includes the company of men without the need to work them for my desires. it is called a healthy boundary and understanding the commitment of marriage. just because i was married didn't mean i can't speak to the male population. my husband never wondered about me cheating.
boldjack Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My wife is a professional woman and has had men buy her drinks before, and I don't object. She has gone to dinner with men and it isn't a problem. She has never cheated on me, and I don't her. We both know the results, from past experience. We both have boundaries, and never step over them.
boldjack Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 My wife has never sent a man a drink, so I don't know. If I'm mistaken, I apologize , in advance, but you seem to have trust and maturity issues. Perhaps, you should examine your own motives, and not be so rude, as to assign ulterior motives to others that you don't even know. You seem to be saying that attractive people have no morals, and cannot enjoy each others company, without playing sex games. I am mature enough to control my own sexuality, even if you can't control yours.
Mariat Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Guys, if I lady wants to pick up on you, flirt with you, or start a conversation, what might you suggest? Put another way, what are some good ways that a girl can let you know that she's attracted to you (whether looks or personality)? I'd say: be straight and just don't give some signals and wait till the guy does the thing, b'cause e.x. unexperienced men (like me;)) just don't get it... they may be timid or just don't think that a girl really is attracted to them and just wishes to play with'im.
boldjack Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Once again you are projecting your own motives onto a given situation. IF my wife bought a man a drink, I would know that it was a meaningless gesture, and so would be fine with it. Or the situation called for it. You are assuming that if my wife bought a man a drink, her motive was sexual, which is insulting to me and her. What if the situation was different? What if my wife and some of her male collegues were at a convention and were buying rounds? You see, different situation. What if it was one of their birthdays.? What if it was a stranger, that had done her a favor, or a client, or any number of different scenerios. You make sweeping, all-encompasing generalizations, and attach your own morality to it. You are one of those people who must win am argument at all costs. If the facts disagree with your pre-conceived ideas, you alter the facts to fit.
Ariadne Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I am mature enough to realize that my dick belongs to me , not the other way round. (I got excited thinking you were going to say it belongs to your wife)
boldjack Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Who are you? To insult me? You question my intelligence and morals and behavior. I have tried to be pleasant, but you will not have it, apparently. I think that I would prefer not to have you comment on my posts. Unless you can be civil. I'm finished.
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 You didn't finish the story, Curious-One. How did things turn out? Did you ask her out? Are you dating and in love now? Or is she still chasing you while you are still wishing you could talk to the beautiful girls for whom you were already developing your plans on how to talk to them? Last point i want to make is that your statement about girl going up to a guy and striking up a conversation is a turnoff and should not be done. That is so not true because ive had this same thing happen to me at university. I was sitting in the back and talking to this realy cute girl pretty much trying to get with her. After about 2 weeks of classes this random girl cames and sat next to me and just started talking to me like she knew me. I have never even noticed this girl in class before and the first thing i do when i go in the class is find girls i think are attractive and make a plan on how i will start talking to them. Anyway she Offered me some of her candy and offered me graphing paper when the instructor started draving a graph (it was economics class). She told me she hates sitting in the back but someone took her seat in the front. I looked at front of the class and there was atleast 3-4 seats available in the front row where she could have sat. I imiddiatly knew she liked me and gave her a chance. Anyway even though she was not the cutest girl in the class i started liking her and started ignoring the good looking girl that sat next to me. I liked how she was very confident and went after what she wanted. Furthermore she gave herself a big chance becaise of she didnt come talk to me i would not have noticed her truly based on her looks.
norajane Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I am mature enough to realize that my dick belongs to me , not the other way round. (I got excited thinking you were going to say it belongs to your wife) Wouldn't that have been awesome??
Ariadne Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 Wouldn't that have been awesome?? I know, how sexy.
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Insult you? Why because I ask you a simple question you won't answer? Have you read the things you have been writing about me? Wanna talk about insulting...!! I asked you a simple question you refuse to answer. The answer is clear. The implication of what it means when a woman sends a stranger a drink at hotel bar is universally the same. That was my point all long. End of story. And thank you for proving my point. I am not sure why the answer to this question eludes you. 1) Boldjack wouldn't know the answer because his wife has never said to him "honey, I sent someone a drink because I found him attractive and wanted to have sex with him". Since Boldjack and his wife have a mature, very loving, completely trusting relationship, he does not believe his wife has ever sent a drink to any man because of wanting to have sex. Otherwise, he would have known about it because she would have told him. 2) it is not universal, although not uncommon. But as one woman poster have mentioned before, she too have bought men drinks but did not expect or want to have sex. How do you know that the woman who sent boldjack a drink wanted to have sex? maybe she just didn't want to be sitting at the table all by herself that night and why not meet and converse with other people who are alone in the bar? It is not always about sex. It is only universal to narrow-minded people.
norajane Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 2) it is not universal, although not uncommon. But as one woman poster have mentioned before, she too have bought men drinks but did not expect or want to have sex. How do you know that the woman who sent boldjack a drink wanted to have sex? maybe she just didn't want to be sitting at the table all by herself that night and why not meet and converse with other people who are alone in the bar? It is not always about sex. It is only universal to narrow-minded people. You're right in that it's not universal that a woman sending a stranger a drink means that she wants to have sex. At the same time, it's not something that most, or even some, women do on a regular basis. So by virtue of it being uncommon, it does send a strong statement that can be interpreted by men as an invitation, whether that was the intention or not. As a flirting technique (which is the point of this thread, right?), it's a much stronger statement than, for example, a woman walking up to a stranger at a bar and smiling and saying hello.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Flirting update: I have been kicking it up a notch lately, wearing cute summery skirts and sandals, taking more time with my hair, throwing on a dash of makeup to go run my errands, sashaying around like I own this town. I made eye contact and smiled at lots of men today, and pretty much all of them lit up like Christmas trees, eyes twinkling and grinning like fools. The double takes are the best. Why have I been so serious all my life?! I am really having fun with this.
Isolde Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Flirting update: I have been kicking it up a notch lately, wearing cute summery skirts and sandals, taking more time with my hair, throwing on a dash of makeup to go run my errands, sashaying around like I own this town. I made eye contact and smiled at lots of men today, and pretty much all of them lit up like Christmas trees, eyes twinkling and grinning like fools. The double takes are the best. Why have I been so serious all my life?! I am really having fun with this. It's fun, isn't it? DEFINITELY one of the best things about being single!
caramel c Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Flirting update: I have been kicking it up a notch lately, wearing cute summery skirts and sandals, taking more time with my hair, throwing on a dash of makeup to go run my errands, sashaying around like I own this town. I made eye contact and smiled at lots of men today, and pretty much all of them lit up like Christmas trees, eyes twinkling and grinning like fools. The double takes are the best. Why have I been so serious all my life?! I am really having fun with this. See now thats what I'm talkin about! Getting all done up and giving off a fun & friendly vibe is the way to go.
Author frustrated&sad Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Wow! My thread has turned out to be quite interesting. Thanks to everyone who has posted comments. They are all helpful. Well, some are confusing, I must admit. But here's my update. I've tried a few different things to experiment. 1. I was in a cafe. I was dressed nicely, reading and writing in my journal. A very good looking man walked in. I smiled and caught his eye. He sat a few tables away from me. I kept trying to make eye contact, but no luck. I even walked by him to get the newspaper from a different table. Caught his eye again. BUT NOTHING. He made no move. Now I realize he could have been married (no ring though) or together with someone. But still. No response. 2. Out last night, also wearing a cute dress and heels. I sat at the bar for 15 minutes by myself while waiting for a friend. Smiled at a few cute guys who smiled back. Nothing. Later that night when my friend and I were out on the street I saw a cute guy walking by. I was feeling rather bold after 2 margaritas and said "Hi, how is your night going, handsome?" Got a response there. He smiled. He was definitely in shock. We ended up talking for a bit. He offered to buy me a drink somewhere. I declined. But he asked for my number. SO--thoughts??? responses? I get the impression that a lot of guys are actually not as courageous as we ladies might hope or expect--no offense guys. I mean, I feel bad for y'all. someone posted in another thread that how is a guy supposed to know if the girl is really interested or just playing games with you? I hate playing games with people. Can't help it. That's why I posted this thread initially. I would rather just be a straight shooter. Many posters here seem to disagree though, believing men should make all the first moves. So I'm still confused. But will continue to try out some other methods. Keep postin'!
BobSacamento Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I feel way worse for women. At least guys can get a definite answer if they want to/ have the balls. Men can just step up and get rejected. Women, even if they do everything right, still have to rely on the guy having the courage to step up.
Author frustrated&sad Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I feel way worse for women. At least guys can get a definite answer if they want to/ have the balls. Men can just step up and get rejected. Women, even if they do everything right, still have to rely on the guy having the courage to step up. OK, good point!
butcher's hook Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well, just because you put the signals out there it doesn't mean you are what the guy you are flirting with is looking for. OR he may not even be looking like the guy at the coffee shop. It's not going to be instant boyfriend hook up. You just keep putting out the signs, when the right guy comes along you will know he will have the cojones to step up to you, he will actually WANT to. I think you are on the right track just as you are... Again, if you feel it's better for you to chase after men and do all the pursuing then go right ahead who are we to tell you how to be? To me that smacks of desperation and I have had this discussion with my guy friends and they say that typically it's the type of women "they don't want hitting on them" who are the ones doing all the hitting on them. YIKES! I would hate to be "that" unsuspecting girl so personally I'd rather err on the side of being feminine and letting nature take its course, but that may not be what you want for you so.... Patience really is a virtue.
mammax3 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Even though it didn't work out for your first scenario, f&s, I've found smiling and eye contact to be a good technique. Especially if there is something to smile about. Running around with my youngest today, I was feeling all flirty and summery. A running toddler causes lots of looks, and I was able to catch eyes and smile at a number of people - men do perk up and sparkle. It's amazing. The smile-recipient and I had something in common to smile about - my toddler. That's the best thing, IMO, finding something in the environment on which to smile about, or strike up a convo. Smiling and trying to catch eyes for 15 mins ... people like to have it drawn out for them. If a man just smiled at you, would you approach him? You may smile and keep walking. Approaching the coffee guy and saying something about the coffee shop - like another poster said. It's great hearing about your experiences!
Author frustrated&sad Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Well, just because you put the signals out there it doesn't mean you are what the guy you are flirting with is looking for. OR he may not even be looking like the guy at the coffee shop. It's not going to be instant boyfriend hook up. You just keep putting out the signs, when the right guy comes along you will know he will have the cojones to step up to you, he will actually WANT to. I think you are on the right track just as you are... Again, if you feel it's better for you to chase after men and do all the pursuing then go right ahead who are we to tell you how to be? To me that smacks of desperation and I have had this discussion with my guy friends and they say that typically it's the type of women "they don't want hitting on them" who are the ones doing all the hitting on them. YIKES! I would hate to be "that" unsuspecting girl so personally I'd rather err on the side of being feminine and letting nature take its course, but that may not be what you want for you so.... Patience really is a virtue. It's funny, butcher's hook, because I really have always felt this way too. Patience and just being a lady. But lately I've been wonderding if maybe all that is just gender construction. I definitely am NOT desperate. I guess I was just thinking about being more experimental. I'm not really on the market for anything. So, my perspective on the shole thing is rather confused I guess! But thanks for your advice and support! I appreciate it.
tinklebell Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Wow! My thread has turned out to be quite interesting. Thanks to everyone who has posted comments. They are all helpful. Well, some are confusing, I must admit. But here's my update. I've tried a few different things to experiment. 1. I was in a cafe. I was dressed nicely, reading and writing in my journal. A very good looking man walked in. I smiled and caught his eye. He sat a few tables away from me. I kept trying to make eye contact, but no luck. I even walked by him to get the newspaper from a different table. Caught his eye again. BUT NOTHING. He made no move. Now I realize he could have been married (no ring though) or together with someone. But still. No response. 2. Out last night, also wearing a cute dress and heels. I sat at the bar for 15 minutes by myself while waiting for a friend. Smiled at a few cute guys who smiled back. Nothing. Later that night when my friend and I were out on the street I saw a cute guy walking by. I was feeling rather bold after 2 margaritas and said "Hi, how is your night going, handsome?" Got a response there. He smiled. He was definitely in shock. We ended up talking for a bit. He offered to buy me a drink somewhere. I declined. But he asked for my number. SO--thoughts??? responses? I get the impression that a lot of guys are actually not as courageous as we ladies might hope or expect--no offense guys. I mean, I feel bad for y'all. someone posted in another thread that how is a guy supposed to know if the girl is really interested or just playing games with you? I hate playing games with people. Can't help it. That's why I posted this thread initially. I would rather just be a straight shooter. Many posters here seem to disagree though, believing men should make all the first moves. So I'm still confused. But will continue to try out some other methods. Keep postin'! This is great! You've inspired me. I hope to hear more of your experiences and hope they end up good!
tami-chan Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Excuse me' date=' the answer didn't "elude" me he simply never gave a straight answer to the specific question asked. [/quote'] Yes it did. This was bodljack's answer: IF my wife bought a man a drink, I would know that it was a meaningless gesture, and so would be fine with it. If I ask you were would you travel to if you could travel to any place in the world all expenses paid? Would your answer be "gee I don't know because I've never had that happen to me? " Silly comparison. Totally different categories. For the purpose of this thread and the question the OP asked, I would strongly recommend against a woman making such a strong and unnecessarily overt gesture when with more subtle cues of flirtation a woman can still get what she wants and MUCH more than if she sends a stranger a drink at a bar, which is always going to be interpreted as a much heavier and louder gesture than using her feminine charm to get his attention. Unless you are a married man at a bar in which case you might find that as a good stroke to the ego. Come to think of it a single guy might find that a good stroke to the ego, that still doesn't mean he is interested in the woman. Men typically don't need a lot of coaxing when they see someone they like, and if they are available, especially if she is alone and putting out the right signs. You mean like allowing men to pick you up late at night on the street and steering the conversation back to having a drink later on even when the man has clearly backed off? Capiche? Si, Capisce. But do you?
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