frustrated&sad Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 So I asked this question in another thread, but I thought I would start my own. I figure there are a lot of women out there who might be interested to hear from all the men out there. So here goes: Guys, if I lady wants to pick up on you, flirt with you, or start a conversation, what might you suggest? Put another way, what are some good ways that a girl can let you know that she's attracted to you (whether looks or personality)? I'm not talking about meeting in bars, but in places like cafes and stores or on the street. Places where you aren't necessarily on the prowl, so to speak. Say I saw a cute guy working on his computer across the room in a cafe and I wanted him to notice me. Tips? Now most guys might say, smile. Easier said than done. Or complimenting him on hiw outfit, book, or computer. Some guys might think I were insane. Or bothering them. So I would like to get some answers from guys about what might work, what will NOT, and what is not too aggressive. As someone who will be back in the dating game in the distant future, I am genuinely really interested in getting the male perspective.
mac10688 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 When I had just moved to college I was eating by myself in the cafeteria. Then this girl (Andrea) came down and sat next to me and struck up a conversation. I really felt at ease, even though I'm very shy and introverted. She was on the right track. The bad thing was is that she was telling me about her travels to other countries, how she clepped out of so many classes and the musical instruments she played. I was very insecure by the end of the conversation, and I didn't know how to tell her all I ever did was play video games and work lol. I knew it would be awful if we did date at that time of my life because I had the notion she was out of my league. But it made me realize how easy it was for a confident person to actually meet someone and if I had any confidence I would have got her number. The sad thing is I saw her a week later and she knew my name and I had to ask for hers again. I've never forgotten since then.
monkey00 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well..for starters a girl could just break the ice and have the first word. Guys are always expected to do the ice breakers, would be nice if a girl did it every now and then.
Author frustrated&sad Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Totally agreed, monkey. Tips for how? I am LONG out of the dating game, so any concrete examples are appreciated.
Citizen Drawn Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Both men and women are usually put on the back foot when you cold call them out of the blue. Not suggesting it's a bad idea, but I think you should get used to the shell shock component when you do this which might appear like coldness at first.
monkey00 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Just recall every time when a guy tried to pick you up. Comment on something he's wearing, doing, the situation, ask for help, etc.
crosswordfiend Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'm not talking about meeting in bars, but in places like cafes and stores or on the street. Places where you aren't necessarily on the prowl, so to speak. Say I saw a cute guy working on his computer across the room in a cafe and I wanted him to notice me. Tips? Now most guys might say, smile. Easier said than done. Or complimenting him on hiw outfit, book, or computer. Some guys might think I were insane. Or bothering them. If you see a cute guy in a cafe, you can sit at the table next to him or if it's crowded ask if you can sit at his table. Then, you can walk around a bit and see if he checks you out. There are lots of way of doing this. You can go up to the counter every now and then to get some water, scrounge around for any newspapers lying around, or best yet you can ask him to watch your stuff while you go to the bathroom. After you come back to your seat, you can make some kind of off-hand remark and see if he takes the bait. If he doesn't, he probably has lots of work to do, or isn't interested. If he's a bit farther away it's more difficult. Then, you're going to have to wait for him to go wandering around and intercept. Good luck.
BobSacamento Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I think when women want men to notice them they will attempt to make themselves look as perfect as possible. They'll fix their outfit, fix their hair, stuff like that. When I see women do this I usually pick up on it and tend to take notice. Also if they do the room scan and give you a glance I tend to take that as a good sign. Granted it might mean that their not interested in me but hey it made me notice them.
Author frustrated&sad Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I think when women want men to notice them they will attempt to make themselves look as perfect as possible. They'll fix their outfit, fix their hair, stuff like that. When I see women do this I usually pick up on it and tend to take notice. Also if they do the room scan and give you a glance I tend to take that as a good sign. Granted it might mean that their not interested in me but hey it made me notice them. The room scan. OK. I think I can do that one. I'm guessing meeting someone's eyes for 2-3 seconds, perhaps a smile will also? Would you guys not find it too aggressive for a woman to just ask you out for coffee right there? I'm curious. Sometimes when I feel like life is too short, I find this idea appealing (Even if I might lack the guts to do it).
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Its not hard, trying to do it the passive way isnt going to work on a guy who isnt used to approaching women cold. Waiting for a guy to notice you is not the way to go. You have to risk the rejection. You will get used to it after a few tries. Guys arent approached 20 times a day like women are, so women dont have to have clever lines to make them stand out, all women have to do is say hi. Walk up to him say "hi, Im (frustrated&sad), so youre fixing your computer eh?" Or "Hi there, have you ever tried the carmel macchiato?" If he likes you, he will smile and keep the conversation going. If he doesnt, you walk away. Thats it. Same situation anywhere. You will sit in a cafe forever before a guy notices you there. You cant control the situation, you have to accept that if you walk up to someone they might not like you. You cant make them like you or notice you no matter what you do or how you dress. Finding out he doesnt like you with the passive approach takes too long and is a waste of time, and that time lost will prevent you from approaching the guy who will be interested.
Author frustrated&sad Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I agree that the passive approach is not the most effective. But you guys must agree that it is not easy to make the first move. I think even more so for us ladies because we aren't ever expected to. Once I get to a better place, I'm going to try it out, even if it is only to share my experience(s) with everyone on these boards. More suggestions most welcome!
Crimson Tide Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Being a flirt - it's either you have it or you don't. If you try to act like someone, people can see that you're faking it. Just be yourself. Smile and don't be afraid to approach someone you're interested in. If he or she doesn't feel the same way, there are other mangoes on the tree.
tinklebell Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I've realized that some guys don't like to be approached and asked out in almost the same breath. I haven't tried approaching them, chatting for a while and asking them out but I think that might have worked better. Do tell us what works after you've tried it, f&s.
utterer of lies Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 So I asked this question in another thread, but I thought I would start my own. I figure there are a lot of women out there who might be interested to hear from all the men out there. So here goes: Guys, if I lady wants to pick up on you, flirt with you, or start a conversation, what might you suggest? Put another way, what are some good ways that a girl can let you know that she's attracted to you (whether looks or personality)? Eye contact and attention shift towards him. If he's interested, he'll come talk to you. I'm not talking about meeting in bars, but in places like cafes and stores or on the street. Places where you aren't necessarily on the prowl, so to speak. Say I saw a cute guy working on his computer across the room in a cafe and I wanted him to notice me. Tips? Now most guys might say, smile. Easier said than done. Or complimenting him on hiw outfit, book, or computer. Some guys might think I were insane. Or bothering them. So I would like to get some answers from guys about what might work, what will NOT, and what is not too aggressive. Don't worry about bothering anyone, or about them thinking you are insane. Ok, I might be biased because I like my women to be (slightly) insane. In the cafe...complimenting him is bad, but you could ask him if he wants to invite you for a coffee?
utterer of lies Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I agree that the passive approach is not the most effective. But you guys must agree that it is not easy to make the first move. I think even more so for us ladies because we aren't ever expected to. Once I get to a better place, I'm going to try it out, even if it is only to share my experience(s) with everyone on these boards. More suggestions most welcome! Well, if he doesn't notice you by himself, it's either you making the first step, which takes like 30 seconds in the worst case (him brushing you off), or hours of thinking you should have done it afterwards (...and don't tell me you're not like this, overanalyzing everything... ).
boogieboy Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well, if he doesn't notice you by himself, it's either you making the first step, which takes like 30 seconds in the worst case (him brushing you off), or hours of thinking you should have done it afterwards (...and don't tell me you're not like this, overanalyzing everything... ). F&S this is the bottom line right here^^^^ Think about this when you approach a guy for the first time. UOL, Ive never seen the helpful side of you...I knew it was there..
Author frustrated&sad Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Yes! These are great tips. And I will totally admit to being a person who after passing by an opportunity will kick myself afterwards. I guess the fear of humiliation holds me back. That and being out of the dating loop for almost 9 years. Yikes! My goal is to approach someone in the next week, if only to strike up a conversation. We'll see what happens!
True2form Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Unfortunately I feel you only really have the upper hand when you're just doing it for the thrill and not because you really like someone. I have a really fun technique I used on a guy once. It was once used on me by a guy! It's called the negative comment and it invokes in everyone that need to get back in there and impress which is what drives them. It only really works if you're not that bothered by the outcome and you say it very lightheartedly with a cheeky smile. My friend and I met this group of guys out one night who were visiting the city and we recommended they came with us to our favourite club. One of them was a guy called Luke and he was a little cocky but quite good looking so I made it my personal mission just to prove I could get him interested in me. I gave him a very broad smile and I said, "Oh wow Luke, I like your trousers ("pants" if you're american XD)" "Thanks" he said "Yeah my dad has a pair just like them" I grinned. He looked mortified. I started giggling and all his friends did the whole "OOOOOOH!!!" and were absolutely killing themselves laughing. However, I somehow played the game right, because by the end of the evening this Luke guy would not leave me alone, was complaining that I was the most hard to get girl he'd ever met and begged for my number. It was just a bit of fun because he was cocky and arrogant anyway, I wasn't interested further than knocking him down a few pegs and having some fun. I echoed this method from a guy I met once who I really found attractive and in a backhanded complimentary way was trying to get me interested in him by playing this silly game. he said "I really like your perfume, my mum has the same one!" I was like....OMG, how embarrassing! So I made more of an effort to appear cute to him. Which is what he wanted!! haha...he told me about it later for some reason though a magician should never reveal his tricks... So yeah, this is literally for the thrill of dating, not meeting someone who means something - you don't play games when you want to meet someone special. It's silly and exciting and there's something quite pumped about the feeling of being "on a roll" and this is only a small part. I can impart more wisdom if my strange methods aren't shot down XD
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Yes! These are great tips. And I will totally admit to being a person who after passing by an opportunity will kick myself afterwards. I guess the fear of humiliation holds me back. That and being out of the dating loop for almost 9 years. Yikes! My goal is to approach someone in the next week, if only to strike up a conversation. We'll see what happens! Yeah but just do it. Dont build up to it, or else it will hurt if you get scoffed off. Approaching someone is like ripping off a band aid, you dont put too much thought into it so that you dont care if you dont get a positive outcome.
PrincessOfDarkness Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I really do not think that approaching random men in public places is a good idea. It IS kind of desperate and people do not react well when being approached cold. I think that this will do nothing but put a big dent in your self-esteem.
Sam Spade Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Walk up to him, and say (with a grumpy voice - this is very important and cannot be emphasized enough!): "The only reason I'm still drinking this crappy coffee is because you're super cute" :love:
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Lately, I have been making penetrating eye contact with men I find alluring. Accompanied with a subtle, sexy smile, it seems to have a pretty powerful effect. It's almost as if they can't believe a woman is being so ballsy as to sustain eye contact for that long. I'm loving it.
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Lately, I have been making penetrating eye contact with men I find alluring. Accompanied with a subtle, sexy smile, it seems to have a pretty powerful effect. It's almost as if they can't believe a woman is being so ballsy as to sustain eye contact for that long. I'm loving it. Whats your percentage of guys that approach you compared to those that dont when you do this?
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Whats your percentage of guys that approach you compared to those that dont when you do this? I haven't tried this much in a "datey" scene yet -- it's been mostly while out taking walks in my neighborhood or on the lake, while passing by, at stores, on the train when I'm about to get off, that kind of thing. I do it in situations in which I don't intend for it to go anywhere. I am just having fun being a little bit flirtatious in a direct way. It's new for me. In the past, I have always been very subtle in showing any signals of interest. I am playing around with the idea of showing it in a more obvious way. In the past, when I have made strong eye contact out at a bar or club or something, 60% of them or more started chattin' me up.
stepka Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Whats your percentage of guys that approach you compared to those that dont when you do this? Right I want to know too. Also, are you looking for a real relationship or just to have a bit of fun?
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