aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 My last thread I made was on September 28, 2008. It said how me and my boyfriend of a year and 3 months broke up, he dumped me completely out of no where. Here's what has happened since then... December 25, 2008, he called me. That was the first time we talked in three months. We got back together, 3 weeks later he broke up with me again, once again for no reason. Two weeks he came back, then two weeks later he ended it again. Since March or so, he's been coming back on and off about every two weeks. We just talked on the phone since February, but we had our most serious relationship back on recently. He pulled through and came to see me ( he lives 40 miles away). It wasn't like every other time where he just texted me and called saying he wanted to be with me, he actually came and saw me and made an effort this time. He asked me out again on July 6, 2009 ( our original date is July 7, 2007) so I said yes of course. We dated until July 19, once again he broke up with me for no reason, and out of no where over the phone. I'm so sick of all of this, I just want to be happy. I've been thinking a lot lately, I think I want to be with him... Just not right now. I'm too hurt and distressed right now. We're both sixteen now and I think he doesn't know what he wants, obviously. But he's been coming back to me so much. He said this most recent time, that he isn't going to ever talk to me again. Do you think he's going to stick by this, or come back to me for the 11th time? What should I do about this? Please, help me. Thanks.
smookie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 You know if you take him back you are setting up a relationship pattern. You are telling him that it is ok for hi mto treat you like this and the older you get and the more relationships you get into as you do get older they may get worse due to you not knowing or you not having a good relationship. I broke up with someone. Tonight I as thinking alot about this person. I love him I really do, I care about him but we have hurt each other to much and there is always a time to say STOP. I am stopping myself from contacting him. I am the one that ended it (and trust me I have ended it many times with the same guy). I see that what I am doing to him is so wrong and it is selfish on my part. I am hurting him and I am stopping him from finding a happy woman to be with. I do love him enough to stop hurting him so for that I will not contact him anymore. I will give him the right to be happy again and in turn I will move on too and be happy. Your to young to have to think about this... Your 16 my youngest daughter is 17... I really feel bad or you...
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Yeah, I feel bad for myself. I shouldn't be dealing with all of this. You're older and more mature. He isn't thinking about me trying to be happy with someone else.
Beeotch Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 My last thread I made was on September 28, 2008. It said how me and my boyfriend of a year and 3 months broke up, he dumped me completely out of no where. Here's what has happened since then... December 25, 2008, he called me. That was the first time we talked in three months. We got back together, 3 weeks later he broke up with me again, once again for no reason. Two weeks he came back, then two weeks later he ended it again. Since March or so, he's been coming back on and off about every two weeks. We just talked on the phone since February, but we had our most serious relationship back on recently. He pulled through and came to see me ( he lives 40 miles away). It wasn't like every other time where he just texted me and called saying he wanted to be with me, he actually came and saw me and made an effort this time. He asked me out again on July 6, 2009 ( our original date is July 7, 2007) so I said yes of course. We dated until July 19, once again he broke up with me for no reason, and out of no where over the phone. I'm so sick of all of this, I just want to be happy. I've been thinking a lot lately, I think I want to be with him... Just not right now. I'm too hurt and distressed right now. We're both sixteen now and I think he doesn't know what he wants, obviously. But he's been coming back to me so much. He said this most recent time, that he isn't going to ever talk to me again. Do you think he's going to stick by this, or come back to me for the 11th time? What should I do about this? Please, help me. Thanks. To be blunt: you need to get a backbone about this. He has realized that he can treat you however and leave whenever he wants and you will take him back each time...why should he be serious and change? For what? You give him the easy route...you are always ready and willing to accept him. Effffff him and his indecisiveness! YOU need to make a decision for YOURSELF! YOU are the one who has to decide to take a stand and decide what you will not accept....until then he will keep doing this. I would tell him to KEEP IT MOVING! He either has issues or is playing you...you are the "safe" girl but he does not love you or truly want you. You don't want that....if he is serious he will go above and beyond to change and show he cares. LEAVE HIM ALONE and let him do that and move on with your life.
Peanut9330 Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Trust me dont deal with him anymore smookie is right your setting up a pattern for him basically he thinks he can do whatever he wants cuz you'll always be there to take him back, if he does come back stand up for yourself and tell him no show him that he cant treat you that way and get away with it, and your so young you dont need to deal with that kind of relationship go out and have fun meet someone better who deserves you someone who will put forth the effort to be with you and not take advantage of you.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 So the next time he comes back (if he even does) what should I say to him?
smookie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Say very simple things like I am not a rag doll that you can throw in the closet whenever you decide you are done with me and pull me out for your own fun then toss me aside agin. Tell him to stop treating you this way cuz you are not going to do it anymore. If he calls try not to answer and if you have to say I need time to think about me now sorry gotta go. I have 2 daughters one is 20 and she thought she could never live without her ex... trust me there were tears (she was your age) and she would freek out and cry but now she is a changed girl. she has value in people and more inportantly she values herself as a woman. Trust us it is the best thing for you.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Every time he has came back to me recently, I told him he can't keep doing this and I'm not going to take him back every time because I can't handle it. He promised me last time he wouldn't need anymore chances because he was going to prove that him and he were going to stay together forever, then he did it to me again... So I don't get it.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Every time he has came back to me recently, I told him he can't keep doing this and I'm not going to take him back every time because I can't handle it. He promised me last time he wouldn't need anymore chances because he was going to prove that him and he were going to stay together forever, then he did it to me again... So I don't get it. Sweetheart, this is simple. You don't keep your word, and he has lost all respect for you. Or maybe, to be more on point he never had respect for you to begin with. But you telling him you won't keep taking him back, and continuing to do it, has made him see "Ah, come on! She's not serious!". He treats you terribly and you allow him to. This relationship has become toxic. Here's what you tell him : "This relationship is toxic and I just want to get my **** together so I can start dating real men eventually, but I'm not going to do that with your flaming pile of poop in my way, K?" Then? Then you STICK to that. Ignore all his texts/phone calls/emails. Pretend you have amnesia. Something is going on that you allow people to mal treat you. Can you think of any reason for this?
smookie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Ok, Like it has been stated already. He is playing a game with you and until you decide to stop him he will not stop!! Period!! him breaking the promise like that again to you I would go NC (no contact) and move on. Really at 16 you should be enjoying life not worring and crying about a boy. He is a child and he is playing you. the sad part is you are not imformed and you might let him do it again. We never understand why our ex's do things they do and when it starts to HURT you then only you can stop it
Beeotch Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Ok, Like it has been stated already. He is playing a game with you and until you decide to stop him he will not stop!! Period!! him breaking the promise like that again to you I would go NC (no contact) and move on. Really at 16 you should be enjoying life not worring and crying about a boy. He is a child and he is playing you. the sad part is you are not imformed and you might let him do it again. We never understand why our ex's do things they do and when it starts to HURT you then only you can stop it Precisely. All I can say is...lean these lessons now so that at 35 you are not STILL making these mistakes and still allowing men to treat you like garbage.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Well, 3rd times the charm didn't apply in this relationship I suppose... so maybe opposites apply here. You're at lucky #10, right? Go for three more tries so you're up to 13. If my logic is correct, it should be a happy ending. Ok, time to go into psychology mode. You need to get this guy to really talk to you. Set up some chairs. Two chairs, both facing each other. Sit in one, and have him sit in the other. Look into each others eyes, and take TURNS asking each other questions. DO NOT INTERRUPT EACH OTHER. Make sure that is HEAVILY clarified beforehand. This method can work to fix a LOT of deep rooted issues. Unfortunately, though, because of your ages... the chances of this working out are the same chances that my joke at the beginning of this topic made you laugh.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Sweetheart, this is simple. You don't keep your word, and he has lost all respect for you. Or maybe, to be more on point he never had respect for you to begin with. But you telling him you won't keep taking him back, and continuing to do it, has made him see "Ah, come on! She's not serious!". He treats you terribly and you allow him to. This relationship has become toxic. Here's what you tell him : "This relationship is toxic and I just want to get my **** together so I can start dating real men eventually, but I'm not going to do that with your flaming pile of poop in my way, K?" Then? Then you STICK to that. Ignore all his texts/phone calls/emails. Pretend you have amnesia. Something is going on that you allow people to mal treat you. Can you think of any reason for this? This just made me cry :/ haha, it really got through to me though. I have to move on, he's obviously not "the one" for me, like I want to think. If he does come back to me, I'm going to tell him that him and me aren't going to work. Maybe it will get through to him. But I honestly don't think he's going to come back to me, although I did nothing wrong to him ever. I don't know why I let him treat me like this. Because I thought I loved him more than anything in the world. I need to move on.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Oh, you DON'T want it to work out? Just tell him you have an STD.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Well, 3rd times the charm didn't apply in this relationship I suppose... so maybe opposites apply here. You're at lucky #10, right? Go for three more tries so you're up to 13. If my logic is correct, it should be a happy ending. Ok, time to go into psychology mode. You need to get this guy to really talk to you. Set up some chairs. Two chairs, both facing each other. Sit in one, and have him sit in the other. Look into each others eyes, and take TURNS asking each other questions. DO NOT INTERRUPT EACH OTHER. Make sure that is HEAVILY clarified beforehand. This method can work to fix a LOT of deep rooted issues. Unfortunately, though, because of your ages... the chances of this working out are the same chances that my joke at the beginning of this topic made you laugh. I doubt we'll ever have a "sit down" conversation like that. We've talked plenty in person and everything, but right now we have no contact with each other... And we live 40 miles from each other, it's hard to get around. But if the chance comes around, that's probably what I will do. But the thing is, he changes his mind in a matter of minutes. I slept over his house last weekend, he was telling me how we're gonna make it this time and how much he loves me... The next day we break up because "he isn't interested like he thought" so talking isn't going to cut it, because he'll just change his mind the next day.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Oh, you DON'T want it to work out? Just tell him you have an STD. I do want us to work out... Just not right now, maybe after high school. But either way, nothing matters right now. We broke up a week ago and I don't think he's ever going to contact me again. Right now I'm assuming he's going to talk to me.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'd love to revert to my typical disorder diagnosing ways... So I will. He has... ... ****. This never happens to me. Give me more information about him asap so I can tag this guy.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 I'd love to revert to my typical disorder diagnosing ways... So I will. He has... ... ****. This never happens to me. Give me more information about him asap so I can tag this guy. What kind of information would you like? Because I want to know what's wrong with him too.
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 This just made me cry :/ haha, it really got through to me though. I have to move on, he's obviously not "the one" for me, like I want to think. If he does come back to me, I'm going to tell him that him and me aren't going to work. Maybe it will get through to him. But I honestly don't think he's going to come back to me, although I did nothing wrong to him ever. I don't know why I let him treat me like this. Because I thought I loved him more than anything in the world. I need to move on. Honey, you're going to be okay. You're young, very pretty. Just a little too impressionable right now. It could be that you're young, or there could be other factors. What I meant when I asked for a reason you allow others to treat you so badly was, is there anything you've gone through? People who have come from an abusive environment often will tolerate a very high level of mal treatment from others, because it's so familiar there is no little light that goes off and says "Hey, this is wrong". It isn't always the case, but that's why I asked rather than assumed.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Ok, let's see. Any history of physical or emotional abuse? What's his relationship with his parents? What's their relationship with each other? Tell me about his personality. How does he treat you? Is he selfish? Tell me about him. And I concur with hope that you're very pretty. Too bad you're 16 and live in Florida.
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Honey, you're going to be okay. You're young, very pretty. Just a little too impressionable right now. It could be that you're young, or there could be other factors. What I meant when I asked for a reason you allow others to treat you so badly was, is there anything you've gone through? People who have come from an abusive environment often will tolerate a very high level of mal treatment from others, because it's so familiar there is no little light that goes off and says "Hey, this is wrong". It isn't always the case, but that's why I asked rather than assumed. No, I've never been through anything abusive. The only two major things that have happened to me within this time period of him coming back and forth with me is that 1, I was in a car accident, in the hospital for 8 days, and very lonely and vulnerable. 2, my baby sister did which also kept me very vulnerable and lonely. I might of seen him as the only one out there for me through that, I'm not really sure. I hope I'll be okay, I wish I could see the future though. Everything is so ridiculously difficult for me.
Thomas X Forever Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'm sorry, but Tom you're hilarious. Don't be sorry, this sounds like a compliment! Unless you're laughing AT me
Author aimeeg Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Ok, let's see. Any history of physical or emotional abuse? What's his relationship with his parents? What's their relationship with each other? Tell me about his personality. How does he treat you? Is he selfish? Tell me about him. And I concur with hope that you're very pretty. Too bad you're 16 and live in Florida. I've always thought his parents were a factor. Okay, I'm going to get detailed into this. No, he was never physically or emotionally abusive with me, nor was anyone else to me or him. He has a good relationship with his mom, but he doesn't talk to his real dad. His mom has been through probably 10 or more relationships within the last 6 years. My ex (his name is Orlando) , so Orlando was actually beaten by one of his step fathers back in 2007. Orlando was beaten with a krobar (spell check?) and he was ran over by his step dad's car... I actually went to court with Orlando when his step-dad was sentenced to 15 years of jail. His sister also was in a 4 year bad on/off relationship, so his mom and sister's relationship might of worried him with him and me. His personality... When we were together, he always treated me good, he wasn't selfish.. He did everything a boyfriend did, I guess. He's been careless, you could say, in the last couple of months. He's changed, I can't really describe how though. And yeah, unfortunately I'm jailbait and in Florida
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Don't be sorry, this sounds like a compliment! Unless you're laughing AT me I laughed at a couple of your compliments and thought "hey, he's funny". But then, I noticed your thing with always diagnosing people, and it just cracks me up. Not in an insulting way, like oh what a weirdo. I don't know I'm having a hard time describing this, I did mean it to be complimentary, I think I was apologizing for laughing in the middle of the thread or something? reer, comments NOT compliments
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