Surfer Girl Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 After being in an on again off again relationship for 6 years.... I feel I need to give up the addiction and hope that comes with reconcilliation. A year into the relationship He had OW, an ex girlfriend, I was clueless and he left me for her. I was in shock and needed anti-depressents to cope. He was the love of my life. After some time, he would vow never to see her and he wanted me.... Then he would go back to her.... This went on for 4 years. After him being in therapy, research and recognizing certain aspects of his childhood made him a victim in a manipulators vice of someone that knew how to push his buttons, he walked away for good.... It has been two years with NC with her. We have a chemistry and love for the same hobbies, food, ideas. We are very compatable, great sex life, can look each other in the eyes and have great history and memories Here is the painful experience I have been enduring.... When he is not with me he wants me and then when we are together for a period of time, he doesn't want me..... He is a very conflicted person and when the passion, love, communication turns into a mature relationship that becomes day to day, he distances himself and runs.... He has broke my heart to many times I always had hope for us, because I felt we connected and were attached to each other in a way I feel alot of relationships never get to... Once again he broke my heart and you would think I would learn, but I beleive he wanted me as much as I wanted him, at the time we do.... yet in time we are unable to communicate on a deeper level... I am beginning to think this is a pattern of addiction and endorphins of getting back together and then crashing when the high subsides.... Any one else experience this? I consider myself a very loving person and would like to reach the emotional mature level of staying together for a long time.... I just don't know he is both capable of that.... Before I would always believe we will get back together... We were never apart for more than 4 months.... I have done NC everytime and he always comes back to me. He realizes he can't live without me.... and I feel the same, yet here we go again and honestly I am just tired of it.... I don't want to live like this anymore because it is still painful everytime.... I am once again doing NC and really hoping I can overcome this painful addiction and that he will leave me alone so that hope can turn into f-u...... Needed to vent 10 days NC
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