mad1817 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I found out about my wife cheating on me last week. The cheating happened 4 years ago November 2005... I am not sure what and how I should feel. It happened while we lived together, but before we got married. We lived together for about 7 years before we got married in 2006. She claims it to be a one tome occurrence, and the evidence I have supports her claim. It happened while I was working out of town for 6 weeks, which is normal for me. She met the guy online, chatted for a few days, then decided to meet for a drink. She claims to have drank too much, ended up back at this place, and she sucked him off a couple times. She says she didn't **** him, and the evidence I have also supports her claim here. I am angry with her because of the years of deceit she had us living under, we got married, had 2 kids, and I knew nothing of this prior escapade. Weird thing is, I often told her, that if she was curious about other guys, that we could do it together, I could join or watch, but we should be honest and open about our curiosities and experiences. She showed some interest, but always found an excuse to not make it a reality. So I don't even know how to take learning of the news.... one minute it excites the hell out of me to think about her sucking this guys thick 8" cock(I am 4.5"), and making him unload at least 2 different times in her face/mouth. The next I am sick to my stomach thinking my wife and partner of many years could deceive me so easily and for such a long period of time... Advice or comments appreciated... thanks.
GorillaTheater Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Well, assuming you're serious and not trolling, my take from reading your post is that the "cuck" thing turns you on alot more than the "cheating" thing disgusts you. Being a cuckold is absolutely unfathomable to me, but maybe you and your wife can work out some mutally satisfactory arrangement. Good luck man.
Darth Vader Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Really, 8 inches oral? No way in this world that she only did oral. She saddled up and rode that 8 inch long thing, long and hard! If you believe that she only did oral, then you really are Mad! She's doing damage control, and feeding you a line of crap! I think she's just lying to you to not hurt your feelings. Something's just not adding up!
Author mad1817 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Really, 8 inches oral? No way in this world that she only did oral. She saddled up and rode that 8 inch long thing, long and hard! If you believe that she only did oral, then you really are Mad! She's doing damage control, and feeding you a line of crap! I think she's just lying to you to not hurt your feelings. Something's just not adding up! Darth, The way I discovered the infidelity was by way of her yahoo messenger archive. I snooped through her chat sessions with her closest girlfriend, she surely would have admitted to her if she had intercourse or not. The reason she didn't according to the archive, was she was on her period at the time of the meeting with the other guy. Thanks.
Author mad1817 Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Well, assuming you're serious and not trolling, my take from reading your post is that the "cuck" thing turns you on alot more than the "cheating" thing disgusts you. Being a cuckold is absolutely unfathomable to me, but maybe you and your wife can work out some mutally satisfactory arrangement. Good luck man. Gorilla, I am knowledgeable of the Cuckold lifestyle, and I have some tendencies/fantasies that involve some of those aspects. This is why I stand at the dilemma I am at. Thanks.
Gamine Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I found out about my wife cheating on me last week. The cheating happened 4 years ago November 2005... I am not sure what and how I should feel. It happened while we lived together, but before we got married. We lived together for about 7 years before we got married in 2006. She claims it to be a one tome occurrence, and the evidence I have supports her claim. It happened while I was working out of town for 6 weeks, which is normal for me. She met the guy online, chatted for a few days, then decided to meet for a drink. She claims to have drank too much, ended up back at this place, and she sucked him off a couple times. She says she didn't **** him, and the evidence I have also supports her claim here. I am angry with her because of the years of deceit she had us living under, we got married, had 2 kids, and I knew nothing of this prior escapade. Weird thing is, I often told her, that if she was curious about other guys, that we could do it together, I could join or watch, but we should be honest and open about our curiosities and experiences. She showed some interest, but always found an excuse to not make it a reality. So I don't even know how to take learning of the news.... one minute it excites the hell out of me to think about her sucking this guys thick 8" cock(I am 4.5"), and making him unload at least 2 different times in her face/mouth. The next I am sick to my stomach thinking my wife and partner of many years could deceive me so easily and for such a long period of time... Advice or comments appreciated... thanks. This is so disgusting and disrespectful to your wife and to women in general I don't even know where to begin. If you have fantasies about your wife doing a three way with another guy and you, and/or you watching her with another man, you are one sick puppy. No wonder God cursed you with 4.5".
Darth Vader Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Darth, The way I discovered the infidelity was by way of her yahoo messenger archive. I snooped through her chat sessions with her closest girlfriend, she surely would have admitted to her if she had intercourse or not. The reason she didn't according to the archive, was she was on her period at the time of the meeting with the other guy. Thanks. Still, the way you found out about it! EWWW! You had to catch her, otherwise you still wouldn't know about it! But, it really makes you think doesn't it? Assuming that she was being honest with her GF, and wasn't with you all of these years ought to tell you something. Another thing, if she wasn't having her monthly thing, you know she would've ridden! I know you know that. What I don't know is, why you want to still be with her, and please don't say it because of love, did she love you when she did this to you? This is the thing that gets me.
Author mad1817 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Still, the way you found out about it! EWWW! You had to catch her, otherwise you still wouldn't know about it! But, it really makes you think doesn't it? Assuming that she was being honest with her GF, and wasn't with you all of these years ought to tell you something. Another thing, if she wasn't having her monthly thing, you know she would've ridden! I know you know that. What I don't know is, why you want to still be with her, and please don't say it because of love, did she love you when she did this to you? This is the thing that gets me. I asked her if I hadn't found out, would she have ever told me, she said "most likely not. It is not something I was proud of doing, it happened once, and I am a different person now than I was then. I take my marriage to you seriously, and had a lapse in judgment that night and learned my lesson. I have not done anything like that since, and I do not plan to." Why am I still with her, well that is why I am posting here, to get some other perceptions and possible advice/opinions. I DO love her, I don't love this about her, I think that we all have some indiscretions or skeletons our significant others do not know of us, maybe not at this extreme... but. It was 4 years ago, I have no evidence of anything like this since that time, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. She is the mother of my children, and I do love being a father and involved in their lives daily. Thanks...
pkn06002 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Ask yourself have the last five years been good? Does she meet your emotional needs? Do you meet hers? If so you have a good marriage, let it go.
stuckinoz Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Why am I still with her, well that is why I am posting here, to get some other perceptions and possible advice/opinions. ... Most here will tell you LEAVE HER! Ditch her @ss & they (a lot here in LS) don't even think twice about telling most everyone that is in your shoes to do just that...PRONTO!! I say ~ if you do love her ....then stick it out. It CAN work Also, this may sound a bit flip - Not really meant to be~~But it happened before you got married...What's the big deal? We all have a past.
seibert253 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I asked her if I hadn't found out, would she have ever told me, she said "most likely not. It is not something I was proud of doing, it happened once, and I am a different person now than I was then. I take my marriage to you seriously, and had a lapse in judgment that night and learned my lesson. I have not done anything like that since, and I do not plan to." Why am I still with her, well that is why I am posting here, to get some other perceptions and possible advice/opinions. I DO love her, I don't love this about her, I think that we all have some indiscretions or skeletons our significant others do not know of us, maybe not at this extreme... but. It was 4 years ago, I have no evidence of anything like this since that time, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. She is the mother of my children, and I do love being a father and involved in their lives daily. Thanks... Have you sat down and told her just what you've told us? She needs to see how this is bothering you and may affect your marriage. She needs to know you will not "just get over it". This is a serious violation of trust which spans many years. In many instances, as probably with yours, the initial infidelity is one thing, but the years of lying and covering up is another. I imagine you find it extremely hard to trust and believe anything she says after learning of this. I know I would. I think I could forgive the initial infidelity, but the years of lies and coverups is a different animal. She's already proved she's a lier, how do you truly know this was the only time something like this happened? You don't. You only have her word, and she's proved that doesn't mean much. Is she remorseful and sorry for what occurred, or is she sorry she got caught?
pkn06002 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Here is something to add. Those that say divorce her right now in general did not even follow that path. Most of they tried to work it out before they did the divorce route, those are people that dealt with an ongoing affair.
Author mad1817 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Ask yourself have the last five years been good? Does she meet your emotional needs? Do you meet hers? If so you have a good marriage, let it go. It has been good, I feel like up until this point we have made progress as people and a couple. She meets my emotional needs the majority of the time, I have never south for those needs to be met elsewhere. I am not sure... this situation obviously leaves me with my own personal doubts...
Author mad1817 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Most here will tell you LEAVE HER! Ditch her @ss & they (a lot here in LS) don't even think twice about telling most everyone that is in your shoes to do just that...PRONTO!! I say ~ if you do love her ....then stick it out. It CAN work Also, this may sound a bit flip - Not really meant to be~~But it happened before you got married...What's the big deal? We all have a past. I do love her, and I am sticking it out for the time being, a grace period if you will. Even thought it happened before we were married, I was under the assumption that we were in a committed relationship. We had lived together for 7 years before the incident occurred, bought a home together, etc. Maybe I am mistaken, but the before we were married excuse doesn't hold a hell of a lot of water with me...
Author mad1817 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Is she remorseful and sorry for what occurred, or is she sorry she got caught? Why do you think I am here...? How does one ever truly tell the difference? Other than investing more time into the relationship to get your proof?
Author mad1817 Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Here is something to add. Those that say divorce her right now in general did not even follow that path. Most of they tried to work it out before they did the divorce route, those are people that dealt with an ongoing affair. All the evidence I have and what I know is that this was a single event...
boldjack Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I'm with GT, you may be trolling.In case you're not, you must realize that she is far sorrier that she got caught,than she is remorseful for cheating, or SHE would have been the one to tell you, many years ago. I also agree with Gamine, any man who would allow his woman to be with another man, or "share", her like a dirty wash cloth, has many more problems than one episode, that happened before you were married.
Darth Vader Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 I asked her if I hadn't found out, would she have ever told me, she said "most likely not. It is not something I was proud of doing, it happened once, and I am a different person now than I was then. I take my marriage to you seriously, and had a lapse in judgment that night and learned my lesson. I have not done anything like that since, and I do not plan to." Why am I still with her, well that is why I am posting here, to get some other perceptions and possible advice/opinions. I DO love her, I don't love this about her, I think that we all have some indiscretions or skeletons our significant others do not know of us, maybe not at this extreme... but. It was 4 years ago, I have no evidence of anything like this since that time, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. She is the mother of my children, and I do love being a father and involved in their lives daily. Thanks... That bolded part, Translation: NO! She would never have told you. BTW, you were in a commited relationship, although you weren't married, you both agreed not to see or rather sleep with anyone else, huh? So, what was her reation when you found out about her, whatever? I take my marriage to you seriously, and had a lapse in judgment that night and learned my lesson Translation: She doesn't want to lose you, what she has with you, (Possibly and/or until someone better comes along). BTW, I'm not saying leave her, (I would to be honest), but, I am saying that be prepared for the "trickle truth" that's all. Don't be too surprised if you find out more later, perhaps years later!
Author mad1817 Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Darth, Yea, the trickle down truth is happening... thanks for the kind words.
fakobako Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 wow, thats kinda funny. youve told her that you would be open to adding another guy or maybe just watching, but than youre getting mad cause she decided to go off on her own and not include you. kinda seems like your more upset about that than her cheating on you. trust me, ive done enough cheating to know that she prob was bored, lonely with you being gone and saw the opportunity and took it. but, it was a long time ago and if she says she hasnt done it since and never will again, just believe her and move on. but get over the whole option of her being with someone else while you watch, its the same thing, shes cheating on you, even if youre there watching or not.
Recommended Posts