utterer of lies Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 btw, utterer, i realize your goal is to play the role of "reality check," but i think, as most of us here know, it's not always so easy to be so cut and dry. just sayin. Of course. Your own case is always the exception to the rule.
Author jlr Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 ok, captain sarcasm. i wasn't trying to be confrontational. i was just saying it's hard to do what's right sometimes, you know? it's not just so simple, that's all.
utterer of lies Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 ok, captain sarcasm. i wasn't trying to be confrontational. i was just saying it's hard to do what's right sometimes, you know? it's not just so simple, that's all. It's easy to give advice. It's hard to follow it. I know.
LakesideDream Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Jlr, Most of us have gone through something like what you have. What everybody here is trying to tell is that by responding to your ex's communications you are playing into her hands, doing what she wants you to do. You wrote that you asked her to stop texting you, and she ignored you, continuing with her tactics. This should have been your first clue that she has no respect for you. The continuing communications throughout the evening reinforce that reality. In one form or another the same thing has happened to all of us. With me, it ended when my ex of a year was literally stranded in the middle of the desert in California with a broken timing belt while on her way to see her OM. Phone rings, I ended up putting it on my plastic. Regardless of the promises made, I was ****e out of luck for the $800.00 . That was a year after the divorce! I'm a sucker too. My advice? Same as everyone else's. Block her numbers and be careful answering "private" phone calls. Unless you have expectations of getting back together, refuse her communications. Allowing her to continue to manipulate you won't do you any good, and can only lead to more emotional strife for you.
Peanut9330 Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Yea wow u just need to ignore her who cares that's her problem that the concert is sold out and she cant get tickets you dont worry about it try to forget it and be happy. How selfish of her to even ask!!!
BW007 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 So what did you two have for breakfast after the concert?
boldjack Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Op, Tasmanian Devil is right, and you are wrong. You should never tell your ex that you are going NC, that defeats the purpose of it. Forget what she said about being "relieved', a couple of months of NC will change that, without you doing a thing. If you contact her before NC, you will never keep it.
Author jlr Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 Well I appreciate the advice. And I haven't made a decision yet. I've heard pros and cons for both ways to handle this part, so I'm gonna sit on it for a few days. As for the above - we didn't have breakfast, aha. I didn't get her the tickets. I probably could have. But I didn't because I told her that was absurd and wrong.
Author jlr Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 An update: So I hadn't talked to her since that night we had all those conversations. She tried to call me about a week later, and I never picked up. I did write the letter I talked about. The one where I finally call her out for things and stand up for myself. I worked on it for weeks. On the 7th, I left for tour (I'm a musician), and I sent it the morning I left. I texted her later that day - I was in Chicago - telling her to check her email at some point (she doesn't do it often). We went back and forth just casually, her asking what I was up to. I told her Chicago was hard because the last time I was there was with her. She said some generic stuff like "make new memories with your friends and try to have fun." I told her it's hard when she acts so casual with me. She responded by saying she didn't mean it like that and that me and her "will always have memories together", and that "they're good memories". Whatever. I told her to just read the letter. I haven't heard anything since. I know I will hear from her again. Perhaps this time she's doing what I asked - to read it, soak it in, and to not just react right away. Or, she doesn't care, and is thinking "**** you." Either way, the things I said needed to be said. It sucks to think in October it will be a year since we broke up. Sometimes I'm not sure I'm any better, sometimes I feel like I'm worse. But, there are times I feel ok. I dunno. Just an update...
kizik Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I did write the letter I talked about. The one where I finally call her out for things and stand up for myself. I worked on it for weeks. ... I told her to just read the letter. And I hope that's the last time to ever try to contact her. You should have listened to the people here, and spared yourself some pain. But hey, people do what they feel like. My guess is that this latest contact will make you think twice before ever contacting her again. I haven't heard anything since. Of course you haven't. You gave her the power when you poured your heart out and contacted her last. Now she knows she is the "winner." I know I will hear from her again. No, you don't. You hope she does. Perhaps this time she's doing what I asked - to read it, soak it in, and to not just react right away. Or, she doesn't care... This. She does not care. She checked out months ago. Look, I am sorry for what you are going through. I went through it about 18 months ago, and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. I spent a lot of dark days fantasizing about killing myself. But I made it through. Do you know how I made it through? A big reason was not contacting her. She was a toxic beast in my life, and I let that bitch go. Rather, she let ME go, but I accepted it. Which is what you need to do, too. DUDE! You're a touring musician? What the hell are you worried about? Your GF just lost a talented musician boyfriend. That's how you need to think of it. You are not going to even begin getting over this girl until you get ANGRY. Spend an entire day remembering the ways she treated you. All the rudeness, selfishness and neglect. Remember it and embrace it, because that's reality. You need to get into reality. You need to accept what happened, man up, tour, and bang some groupies. -kiz
Author jlr Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Thanks for the support here. Just a couple points though - I'm not the one who keeps contacting her. Any contacting on my part has been in reaction to hers. Of course, I realize that I should ignore, so that's my bad for sure. I'm not unrealistic here. The letter is certainly not some letter telling her to come back or some kind of a love letter. She's the one who keeps coming to me from time to time, always with lame excuses for doing so. My letter essentially says to stop doing that, and calls her out on things that I've allowed her to do to me. Things that were wrong and unfair. I actually talked it over with my therapist, as he knows the whole story. He told me the letter was a good idea, as long as I didn't expect it to change her, which I certainly don't. It was for me, not for her. When I said I know I'll hear from her again - that's not hope, it's the truth. It's been happening for some time now. This time I'm gearing myself to react differently than in the past. I do appreciate everyone's opinion. I can easily see why people don't think I should've sent it. But I honestly felt worse knowing I didn't say what needed to be said.
Author jlr Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Also, I do tour. Not all the time. I have a day job. But I'm lucky to get to do it a few times a year. Music is the only thing that keeps me going. As for groupies - that's not my style. I'm not into the one night stand thing. Never have been. Also, touring isn't as glamourous as it's made out to be. Aha.
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