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Posted

So my ex texts me today to see if I can get her tickets to a concert. I work at a magazine, so I always got us into ****. Apparently, it sold out, so she actually had the nerve to ask me. She breaks my heart, plays with it for months after, and then wants me to hook her up? I can't believe it. She also said at the start how she "knows I probably don't want to talk to her"...

 

I was fed up.

 

I wrote back telling her basically, what you think I'm gonna get you and your new boyfriend into a concert? are you kidding? don't say i don't want to talk to you, i didn't choose all this. you broke my heart, played with it after, and now want me to do you a favor? **** you, you selfish *******.

 

this was then followed by like 7 text messages and a phone call attempt. in the messages she said she "didn't mean to upset me" and didn't know I'd "take it this way". she also mentioned that "no one wants to go with her" so the tickets are for her (as if that's the point). she also went into our relationship saying that I "broke her heart months before she had to take the steps to end it. it just wasn't working. it sucks, but we tried. you can't fit a square peg into a round hole".

 

i don't know how I broke HER heart? because I wasn't who she wanted me to be? i didn't do anything to break her heart, I was always there. she doesn't understand that. i'm all alone, she LEFT me. she WALKED away.

 

I texted her back, saying just that.

 

then she tried calling me again. i texted her saying - stop. i'm at work.

 

geezus.

Posted

Stop responding. She's only doing it to keep you on the hook and to buff up her ego. (Female egos are extraordinarily fragile things, which is why they often resort to such tactics.)

 

If you can - and I don't know if it's possible, it may depend on your provider - block her number so you can't receive text or cellphone calls from her, and block her email address. You don't need this drama in your life.

Posted

The tough question you have to ask yourself is, "would she have called you if she didn't want tickets to this concert?" If the answer is no, ignore her calls (you probably should anyway). Fundamentally, what you want she's not willing to offer. Therefore, walk away and let it go. You'll just end up beating each other up and no one will win.

 

Good luck. It's tough ignoring an ex, but it's the best thing in the world for you.

  • Author
Posted

yeah, she sent lots more messages. essentially saying that she tried so hard and i was emotionally distant and she did what she had to do. and she's sorry i'm angry and hurt, but so was she. and she hopes this is a learning experience.

 

i went back with saying that i loved her and was willing to give her forever. she wanted to bolt at the first sign of a problem. how was looking for the door going to help if she thought i was distant? i told her i didn't want it to be a learning lesson. all we put into this. all our energy. i don't know how she can just walk away. i was willing to work on it, to really fix whatever issues we had. but it wasn't enough. it was easier to bolt.

 

i feel bad i even responded to most of her points. this is what she wanted. she always wants the upper hand. and i feel like i always give it to her.

 

why is she even bothering to go into all this if she's so happy and over it? why even bother to explain it all and keep texting me and calling long after i stopped responding.

 

this sucks.

Posted

Just stop responding to any contact.

Posted

There is always a pattern with couples (ex couples) that eachother knows. She is doing it maybe because this is what she is use to doing?

She is maybe wanting your attention (might be having a bad day)

She is giving you more flack because thats the real reason she contacted you . the ticket thing might have been a excuse to break the ice. you came back on her (not saying anything wrong with that at all) and she went full speed ahead. I would ignore her, she is getting what she wants from you right now.

Not everyone is just seeking positive attention some negitive attention is also ok.

 

Best luck

  • Author
Posted

thanks. after some more texts she sent, i finally said, "look there isn't enough space in texts to get out all i could say to you".

 

she responded with "so call me then."

 

after thinking it over, i realized this is what she wants. there was probably more to this than concert tickets.

 

so, i just wrote back "i'd love to, but we both know, no matter what i say, it won't matter to you. maybe it never did, i dunno. but my heart can't take it right now."

 

i'm now going to ignore it and leave it be.

 

i'm preparing for more texts/calls to come...

Posted

Screw the drama already, and stop responding to this girl.

Posted

Well i am glad that you had said no to her but no more... Trust me it hurts later when you might not have anything to do and might feel like texting...

I broke it off with my ex but I really do hurt at first i texted him with something stupied just to see if he would respond and he did only because I had a different number after I broke it off I moved out of the city for a new job. When he found out it was me he would not text me back. It is a hard thing for me but I have to now see what I did. For me I know it is best that we remain broken up as we really did try and it just never worked out.

if you do love her and if you are even considering going back make her feel, make her miss you, then have a awesome converstion before even considering it.

P.S went back and forth for 7 years ,,, lol I know a bit about it...lol

Posted

Block her number. I know in some way, you're liking the attention. Even when it hurts, subconsciously you're glad that she's at least taking the time to write those texts instead of just not thinking about you at all. This might upset you now, and it will upset you even more when she stops. So at least take some pride in knowing that YOU made it stop, under YOUR terms, not hers. Tell her to stop contacting you and block her number, just to be safe.

 

What she did was extremely selfish. What does she think, you two are buddies?

Posted

lol im waiting for the day my ex pulls into work because she crashed her car and needs it fixed. haha

Posted

Screw her. I can't stand people who use others for their own benefits. Block her already!

Posted
So my ex texts me today to see if I can get her tickets to a concert. I work at a magazine, so I always got us into ****. Apparently, it sold out, so she actually had the nerve to ask me. She breaks my heart, plays with it for months after, and then wants me to hook her up? I can't believe it. She also said at the start how she "knows I probably don't want to talk to her"...

 

I was fed up.

 

I wrote back telling her basically, what you think I'm gonna get you and your new boyfriend into a concert? are you kidding? don't say i don't want to talk to you, i didn't choose all this. you broke my heart, played with it after, and now want me to do you a favor? **** you, you selfish *******.

 

this was then followed by like 7 text messages and a phone call attempt. in the messages she said she "didn't mean to upset me" and didn't know I'd "take it this way". she also mentioned that "no one wants to go with her" so the tickets are for her (as if that's the point). she also went into our relationship saying that I "broke her heart months before she had to take the steps to end it. it just wasn't working. it sucks, but we tried. you can't fit a square peg into a round hole".

 

i don't know how I broke HER heart? because I wasn't who she wanted me to be? i didn't do anything to break her heart, I was always there. she doesn't understand that. i'm all alone, she LEFT me. she WALKED away.

 

I texted her back, saying just that.

 

then she tried calling me again. i texted her saying - stop. i'm at work.

 

geezus.

 

Do not answer any of her calls or text.

 

She walked away, let her "FEEL" the repercussions for her actions.

 

Any time you answer her or get angry when you do, you are VALIDATING her and making her feel better.

 

Don't take the bait.

Posted
Do not answer any of her calls or text.

 

She walked away, let her "FEEL" the repercussions for her actions.

 

Any time you answer her or get angry when you do, you are VALIDATING her and making her feel better.

 

Don't take the bait.

 

Why not, he obviously prefers to have contact with her and suffer instead of healing. So what, it's his life.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone, you're absolutely right.

 

This actually spiraled into several phone calls later in the evening. Of which, I caved and spoke to her. And the next day I felt terrible. We talked on three seperate calls, one of them until 2am.

 

We essentially did nothing but debate our relationship all over again. And basically she tried to blame me for her leaving me. She said I broke her heart because she had to break up with me. I always admit what I did or didn't do, but she still can't own her part of it. She'll say something she did, and then say "but you should've stopped me".

 

Most of it was all about her, and Caliguy is so right - it was all about making herself feel better and validating what she did. I allowed her to dump all her guilt back on to me.

 

As for what the last person said - which may have been reverse pyschology, i DONT enjoy this. I just let love blind the truth and it's hard for me to be strong when she does this. I want to be able to do it, and I'm going to try.

 

A female friend of mine told me that I need to make it clear that her security blanket is gone. She ****ed up and obviously her life isn't so awesome or she wouldn't spend all day debating something she claims to be past. But she knows I'm here. And she'll keep ****ting on me because there's no reason not to. You guys are right. If there's any hope at all for her to respect me (and I know that may not occur), I have to make her feel what I feel - missing her. She has to know that when her life sucks or when she wants things, she can't just expect to use me anymore. If she wants ME, then she needs to stop being a baby and grow up.

 

That's the thing. In listening to her, I can see she's not over it at all. She doesn't understand that relationships are a balance, there's compromise. She thinks she knows everything about what happened and talks over me. It's not a two way road with her. I feel like in a way, she wonders why we may have had communication issues? Maybe because she never really listened to me or what I wanted. It was just when the relationship didn't fit her standards, then it wasn't working and it was all my fault.

 

She's a lost soul who's completely out of touch right now. But it's not my job anymore to be there. She lost that when she walked out on me. I would've loved to have always been there.

 

I need to realize that I'm worth more than that. And with my esteem so low, I think I let myself be used as a security blanket / canvas for her to put her frustrations onto.

 

What's odd is that the only times the conversation became fair is when I would call her out on things or stand up for myself. Like when she texted me last month about some dumb ****, I was civil, and it fizzled out. This time, I told her to **** off, and she came running. She got all worried that I would think badly of her and not be there.

 

Well, she needs to feel that all the time right now. She has no idea what that feels like - to know that I'm not there. I need to start making her responsible for what she did, and not be an enabler to her selfish, self-centered behavior.

 

Wow, that felt good. I need to get that out to her. I think that's the problem. I never have.

Posted

Touche!!!

 

Well said :)

Thats exactly how i feel too

well written, and VERY well analysed

Posted
I need to get that out to her. I think that's the problem. I never have.

 

Wrong. You need to ignore her and live your life without her.

Posted
Touche!!!

 

Well said :)

Thats exactly how i feel too

well written, and VERY well analysed

 

Err, no.

 

He still contacted her, wants to do it again, and came to the wrong conclusion. Nice try, but FAIL.

Posted
Err, no.

 

He still contacted her, wants to do it again, and came to the wrong conclusion. Nice try, but FAIL.

 

 

are u reading the same thing as everyone else? he came to a good conclusion and is finally starting to see that hes just being used.

Posted

The way I read it is he is NOT going to contact her...

When he said ''i need to get that out to her'' i interpreted that as going NC so she can feel what its like to not have him around and start moving on and doing his own dog n pony show.

 

Well, she needs to feel that all the time right now. She has no idea what that feels like - to know that I'm not there. I need to start making her responsible for what she did, and not be an enabler to her selfish, self-centered behavior.

 

Wow, that felt good. I need to get that out to her. I think that's the problem. I never have.

 

But just incase im wrong, silence speaks volumes louder than words my friend, although im sure that is what you are getting at. Dont explain your going NC, just do it :)

  • Author
Posted

I think I should clarify.

 

I AM going NC.

 

Also, I wasn't the one who broke it. And in all but one case, I'm not.

 

My problem is the response thing, yes.

 

However, I do want to explain my reasons for going NC now. Only for a few reasons. I've let her run this show. I've let her be the one to keep me at bay. I've let her think that despite of how she treated me, I'm here when she needs it. The other day, I allowed her to transfer her guilt back on to me by continuing to listen to her all day and have conversations.

 

I need to stand up for myself for once. I want her to know that I care about myself enough to stop this. I've never done this. Or if I have begun to, I don't stick to it.

 

My plan is to send an email - where she can't manipulate the conversation or get me so emotional that I cave - stating these things that I said to you. And then I'm going to stop. I'm not going to respond after to anything.

 

The thing is, she contacts me, and then leaves me with these emotions and feelings. I want to leave HER with those and then disapear.

 

I realize some would advise just ignoring her from her. But I feel like she needs someone to call her out on this bull****, selfish behavior. And then she needs to sit with it.

 

I welcome any opinions.

 

But I do think I'm being smart here. I'm realizing I'm being used, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Posted
I think I should clarify.

 

I AM going NC.

 

Also, I wasn't the one who broke it. And in all but one case, I'm not.

 

My problem is the response thing, yes.

 

However, I do want to explain my reasons for going NC now. Only for a few reasons. I've let her run this show. I've let her be the one to keep me at bay. I've let her think that despite of how she treated me, I'm here when she needs it. The other day, I allowed her to transfer her guilt back on to me by continuing to listen to her all day and have conversations.

 

I need to stand up for myself for once. I want her to know that I care about myself enough to stop this. I've never done this. Or if I have begun to, I don't stick to it.

 

My plan is to send an email - where she can't manipulate the conversation or get me so emotional that I cave - stating these things that I said to you. And then I'm going to stop. I'm not going to respond after to anything.

 

The thing is, she contacts me, and then leaves me with these emotions and feelings. I want to leave HER with those and then disapear.

 

I realize some would advise just ignoring her from her. But I feel like she needs someone to call her out on this bull****, selfish behavior. And then she needs to sit with it.

 

I welcome any opinions.

 

But I do think I'm being smart here. I'm realizing I'm being used, and I'm not going to take it anymore.

 

 

Don't contact her. Don't send an email. Don't send a text. Don't read her mails. Don't read her texts. Don't take her calls.

 

Informing targets of NC of the NC is breaking NC before it began. And weak.

  • Author
Posted

I guess. But since she left our conversation feeling "relieved" - as she said - I really don't want to leave her with that satisfaction. She sees me as weak now because I allowed her to put that guilt off on me.

 

So, for me, I think this is what I want to do.

 

But you make valid points.

  • Author
Posted

btw, utterer, i realize your goal is to play the role of "reality check," but i think, as most of us here know, it's not always so easy to be so cut and dry.

 

just sayin.

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