bean1 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 My mom told me today that she is leaving my dad and getting a divorce after 30+ years of marriage. They were only 18 & 19 when they got married. Is it strange for me to be HAPPY? My poor mom has worked to the bone for a good 15-20 years because my dad is a major alcoholic, and now apparently, addicted to pills. He also stole money from her family (my mother doesn't know that I know this!) and has no license. She's just turning 50 this year and has gone out with a couple girlfriends, gone back to school, and realized that there is a lot of life out there for her. Anyways, any adults here had this situation? I'm 25 and have my own family, so it isn't going to disrupt my life dramatically (except I might never see my father again - he has chosen a life that does not include his family)
Ronni_W Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Is it strange for me to be HAPPY? Not in my view, no. Given the circumstances you've outlined, your response appears to be coming from a place of understanding, compassion and love for your mom, and desire for her to be genuinely happy, too. And those qualities are not "strange" at all Best wishes to your mom as she begins her new life. And also to your dad, really...perhaps this will even be the 'wake up call' that will lead him to reevaluate how he's been doing his own life.
Author bean1 Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks for the support Ronnie. Unfortunately, it's turned to anger. Apparently she has a "boyfriend" in Africa who is one year older than myself (26!). Absolutely stupid. It's obviously a scam. She's gone off the deep end. I told her to call me when her papers were signed. I don't want any part of this garbage. I am fine with them separating but I am her daughter, NOT her friend and I am not going to hear that crap.
Ronni_W Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Drats! That does make it difficult for you I do admire you for setting your own boundaries, and not just allowing yourself to get sucked where you have no desire to go. Hopefully it is just the catalyst that she needed, and she'll have a change of heart once the divorce is behind her. But that's the thing, though, right? -- her 15+ years of maybe not feeling so loved and cherished does mean she was vulnerable/susceptible. I'll continue to keep good thoughts and hope that things turn out well.
doushenka Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 It's not at all unusual to be happy when a bad relationship ends, and children (adult or otherwise) are in a unique position when it comes to that -- uniquely stuck! I've had "Gods, just divorce already" moments while watching my own parents. I wish everyone in the situation well, including you.
SunRays20 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Thanks for the support Ronnie. Unfortunately, it's turned to anger. Apparently she has a "boyfriend" in Africa who is one year older than myself (26!). Absolutely stupid. It's obviously a scam. She's gone off the deep end. I told her to call me when her papers were signed. I don't want any part of this garbage. I am fine with them separating but I am her daughter, NOT her friend and I am not going to hear that crap. Are you sure your dad is the one who's on drugs and not your mom?
Montclair0011 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Hey I'm 51 and still feel young! I can't beleive I'm old enough to have a 25 year old kid, though. I'd never date a 26 year old, however. That sounds like a scam (although I have a 43 year old friend that just married a 26 year old). Get your mom on LS. We will straighten her out.
SunRays20 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Get your mom on LS. We will straighten her out. When she does come here, please allow me to do that.
Athos Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Now now, just because of the age difference, it doesn't mean they can't fall in love.
Mary3 Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 With your dad having a drinking / drug problem , no license , no job ( ? ) How easy is it going to be for your mom to get away from this ?
aznprincess Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 you cannot be a hypocrite saying that you feel sad. I totally get what you are pointing out and if I were in your place I would be happy too because atleast your mom would breathe easier.. Dont try and get in the middle of everything.
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