KitWalker Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 I know theres a lot of sadness through the forum here with people broken up with their loved ones and needing advice etc, but wondering if there's someone out there who's been down this road (broken up) and then gotten things back on track and is now happy???? Maybe you can give the rest of us some inspiration of how you broke up, were devastated and then reconciled with your loved one??? I think it would be good for us all! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 Met, engaged for two years, married. Sex stopped after 3rd year of marriage. Fighting. Separation. Counseling. Reconcile. Still no sex and major, devastating financial problems -- we were homeless for a while. Finances improved - sex life did not. Separation. Counseling. Reconcile. Counseling. Better job, better relationship. Closer. Better, stronger love for each other. Still no sex. Counseling. I accepted celibacy as a way of life. He became more romantic - got my hopes up. Finances improved. Bought a house. He became disabled and unable to have sex. Our children died (daughter in '99, son in '01) we survived the deaths together. Counseling to deal with it and help relationship. He can't work. I lost my job in May. Finances not quite in dire straits now -- at least if we lose the house we have a mini-van to live in instead of a '73 VW Bug. Relationship closer than ever. Don't miss the sex -- been way too long now anyway. Couldn't imaging loving anyone more then him, and he feels the same way. Going thru very trying financial times but that's okay -- we are also facing some more major health problems now. But still happy and content with each other and love each other more now than we ever even dreamed of when we first got married. Ready to face all of these challenges together. Still act silly in public sometimes - embarasses younger couples & grosses out teenages. Love to do that! Still sneak into movies sometimes. Cuddling is great. Hold hands while watching TV. Still fight sometimes but no longer afraid a fight will end in a split. We both learned how to apologize. I wish everyone could have as strong a marriage as I have. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 10, 2003 Share Posted November 10, 2003 at least if we lose the house we have a mini-van to live in instead of a '73 VW Bug I'm guessing a great sense of humour has only helped Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted November 11, 2003 Author Share Posted November 11, 2003 Geeez Hokey, here I was thinking that some of us had it hard??????? My hats off to the both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted November 12, 2003 Author Share Posted November 12, 2003 what.....only 1 person with a happy ending????? Link to post Share on other sites
mr_roggger Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I hope to have one in a couple of months...if I do get back with her, i'll probably be too excited to remember to post here, but I will try Link to post Share on other sites
AnOrdinaryCynic Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I dated a girl for a couple years. She seemed nice and innocent. WRONGO! Cheated on me (once), tried to kill herself (twice), and lied to me (uncountable amount of times, and on many topics ranging from big deal, to nothing). In the end, she was totally the opposite person i thought she was when we started dating, and i was too niave to see it, and once i did, i was too loyal to end it. Several things went horribly wrong, she was spoiled rotten by her rich dad, and she treated everybody else like they were worse than her. She was a ***** to my friends and family, and she tried to rule my life. The straw that broke the donkey's back was she got pregnant (which was funny because every time we used condoms, as well as the pill). The pregnant thing wasnt the big deal though, it was the fact that she waited 3 months to tell me, and she decided to spill the beans the day before she got an abortion. I couldnt take being lied to anymore. I ended it, and we fought horribly for about six months (guilt concerning our dead baby girl). Finally i said "Thats it! Get out!" and we left each others life. No communication for several months. That was May. Suddenly, October i get an instant message. Its her. She APOLOGIZES for everything. So do i. We're both incredibly happy that we're on good terms again and we're doing ok. She had one hell of a summer. She grew up about 10 years (she acted like a spoiled ten year old) her dad completely cut her off from all money, and so she has learned responsibility, humility, and how to treat people civilly. She finally figured out she isnt any better than anybody else. Her personality did a 180. So we're not dating now. God no. But we are great friends. Really great friends. We console each other when we get flashbacks and stuff, and we hang out and have fun together. It's really great because its like having all the comfortableness of a really deep relationship, without any of that making out, kissing, romantic crap. Good stuff. I love her to death. Happy end. Yayy. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I'm hoping for a good outcome for my break but it's looking less and less every day. Been almost two weeks since I've heard from her. Guess she doesn't want to work on it. <sigh> Link to post Share on other sites
shopgrl Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I have several posts on this forum about my break up so I won't get into the whole story. In short, my boyfriend and I broke up (after 2 1/2 years) b/c he needed some time and space to "figure things out". He intiated the break up but I agreed (reluctantly). I think it was a stressful time in both of our lives and we began taking each other for granted and "neglecting" each other, if that makes sense. Anyway, I was horribly devestated. I couldn't eat, sleep or think of anything but him for days. We spoke a few days after the break-up and once again he told me we need this breakup and maybe in a few months we'd get back together. I told him to forget about it, over means over (even though deep in my heart I didn't want it to be over). So that was it, we we were done. I began going out with friends and trying to have a good time without him. Although, there was always that void in my heart. Then about 1 1/2 months after our break up, we ran into each other. We talked about everything and answered each other's concerns. Currently, we are back together and doing great! I never thought I'd be saying this but I'm happy we broke up. I think it really helped us realize what we had together and how much we meant to each other. So you see, sometimes a break up can be a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 Originally posted by KitWalker Geeez Hokey, here I was thinking that some of us had it hard??????? My hats off to the both of you! NO NO NO! :D It IS a happy ending! Or rather - a happy continuence My "story" hopefully illustrates that while there may be heartbreak and struggles and hurt - there are positives to everything and within all the pain real happiness can be found. And even with happiness - there are periods of time and events that do still hurt and can be VERY stressful, but with each of these events we draw on our past and learn and conquer and hold on to the happiness we find. I AM scared right now. We have not only a financial crisis on our backs, but pending and potentially serious health concerns. THAT is what I'm dreading getting through and why I'm leaning on humor and on what happiness I can find now. Because my husband and I are together. When he does pass away I don't know that I will have the strength on my own to go on. There will be no point anymore. But I will have to and hope that even then I will be able to find some happiness somewhere. I can't dwell on that - but it does make me realize that even if we live in a van we will be okay as long as we are together. I'd rather cry in his arms, then cry alone. So we hold on to that and even that brings us the happiness or comfort that is most important to both of us. I don't think I have it any harder than anyone else, and in fact, I think I am much more fortunate than most. I don't mean to gloat about it - we work hard every day. I can well remember the feelings I had when we did split up and I guess if we had split permanently I would have found some way to go on, and maybe some other happiness - but I can't really imagine how. It IS devastating to lose someone you love so much. I don't know how long the denial phase lasts -- different for everyone I guess. I was never out of the denial phase -- somewhere in my mind and heart I just knew it couldn't be over. How very VERY lucky we are that it wasn't over and that we overcame the struggles of the time. Our youth helped us then and our past helps us now. Yes, I have developed a rather twisted sense of humor -- it's my best defense against what could be tragedy. Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 My boyfriend and the love of my life went through a major mental breakdown a few weeks ago. The longest weeks of my life. His family, my family, my friends, his friends, my coworkers, his coworkers were bugging him as to when we were going to get hitched...something kicked in and he realised that he wasn't ready for marriage...nor was I. Plus he was working 40 hour work weeks at a demanding job repairing critical lifesaving medical equipment, plus taking 16 credit hours of physic's and math at the local university here. He decided one day, without noticed, we'd go on "hold" and date slowly, then a couple days later, we were just friends, a week later, we were "dating" again. So the entire time, I wasn't sure what was going on, and I don't think he did either. We went out a few times in the middle of this whole "dating" thing within the past week...but I was starting to feel a little weird about the whole deal. He started telling me he loved me again, and such, even tho he had told me when we broke up that he wasn't sure that he even loved me...so with all this, are we dating are we not, why are we having sex if you don't love me...now you love me but you didn't....so I wasn't sure where we stood. We'll last night, I called him to see if he wanted to take a break from his homework and go look at the stars as that's something that we used to do...as a couple, plus the stars were actually out instead of being blocked by the clouds. He decided that we'd go out...get something to eat...and watch the stars. Long story short, we were talking while looking at the stars and I mentioned how I missed doing this as his "girlfriend". He then replied "babe, you've always been my girlfriend in my heart and mind." I reply..not for the past couple weeks (trying not to sound rude, but yet concerned as to when/if I would get this "title" back). He then replies..."you've got it back babe...you've always had it...sorry I hurt you." Kiss and make up...nah...but he did stay the night, as he had done for several months prior to freaking out. Nothing sexual happened, just a **** load of cuddeling. I woke up several times during the night to his snorning, watching him breathe, playing with his hair, he woke up to me stealing the blankets and just gazing at him realising how much I loved him...and this morning, when it was time to get up...there was more snuggeling and he goes..."I missed this...I want to do this forever..." I could have cried, but I was so happy to have him back in my life....all I could say was..."one day babe...one day" I'm not sure if this is what you want...but I have learned this in my 23 1/2 years and my relationship with my BOYFRIEND .... Take time to get to know each other...we rushed into things to quickly. We were planning getting a place TOGETHER only a little over a year in...but neither one of us knew the little things...ie..where each other was born..blah blah blah. Give each other space....we were spending EVERY DAY / NIGHT together...from date 1. Each needs to have their own friends....we spent so much time together that we were both neglecting our friends and taking each other for granted. When we broke up...neither one of us knew what to do or where to go. I ended up going home to my family, he ended up driving for hours on end trying to clear his head as we only talked to each other and the people at work (we work in the same facility, so talking to them really wasn't an option as news travels quick). If people start talking marriage, and it isn't you two as a couple, put a stop to it. Let them know that hey, when and if we do decide to get married, we'll let you know, but for now, we're doing OUR thing, not what you want, so keep your grubby noses out of it. If they think your relationship is on the rocks...let them... As my friend I hadn't really "talked" to in 5 months said to me in the middle of our breakup... True love will find it's way...it always does. I think she was right...my boyfriend said last night these words..."It's so glad to be home"...and it really hit home... Anyways, thanks for everyone for their support...and I hope those relationships that are ment to be...work out soon! ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 Your boyfriend talks like he's in an action movie. Anyway...very heartwarming story. I know that if I got back with my ex, I'd probably want to cry too. I hope and pray every second of the day that it'll happen but...I know in my heart and my mind that it won't. Link to post Share on other sites
imjustagirl Posted November 12, 2003 Share Posted November 12, 2003 I know, he's such a goon like that. One of the reasons I love him so..big strong guy who can talk like an actor and make me weak in the knees...but from what my friends tell me...love is like that. I hope the best for you kevin. I know it's devistating and I can't imagine going through what you're going through with your ex. If you ever need anybody to talk to...laugh or otherwise, give me a buzz. ~justa~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author KitWalker Posted November 13, 2003 Author Share Posted November 13, 2003 WOW! Thanks guys! NIce to see a bit of "activity" in this thread....I know that I've taken to some hope in my situation! Its been a month and 2 weeks so far, if things dont get 'fixed' prior to my ex leaving in Feb 04, I guess it'll be another year added on! It may sound selfish, but I guess Im happier that she's going around the world for a year than staying here, less chance of her meeting someone on the move huh? Link to post Share on other sites
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