sxyNYCcpl Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 and your point being....?? My point is that "making love" is an emotional experience that is shared between lovers. And f**king is a physical experience that can be shared between strangers. Same physical act, different emotions.
sxyNYCcpl Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Exactly my point' date=' so what? Nothing special about it. You've seen one naked cooch for the afternoon you have seen them all.[/quote'] And that's bad how?
sxyNYCcpl Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Okay kids, I have genuinely enjoyed this back and forth, but I have to get to bed as I have things I have to do tomorrow. I would welcome an opportunity to continue our conversation then. HAGN, and thank you all for pushing me, God knows I need it!
Jersey Shortie Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I'll just reiterate, I'm not a very confrontational person. On top of that, I really don't want to ahve a serious confrontation now, when I'm about to move to a new city for my bf. I'm already giving up a lot, he's given up NOTHING. Well, I think this is kind of important. It's clear you have some resentment already and I am not saying that isn't normal but if you let resentment fester, it just gets bigger. In all seriousness, does your boyfriend look at other pictures of naked women? Because I would find it a touch insensitive and hypocritical of him to be upset at you posting nude pictures of yourself yet going off to oggle other women who did the same thing. If he isn't doing anything wrong by oggling them, how could you possibly be doing anything wrong by modeling? You really are going to have to talk to him about it. I do understand why a man wouldn't want other men to see his woman naked. However, where my understanding stops is when men hold this opinion yet go off and will go and look at other women. It's basically saying he is allowed to behave in a way that feeds his desires as a man outside of you and the relationship but you are not allowed to behave in away that feeds your desires as a woman outside of the relationship
Author Wakely Posted July 29, 2009 Author Posted July 29, 2009 Thanks for all the input. It's not that I resent giving up my life here to be with him; but I do feel like a lot is changing, and much more so for me than for him. He will be living in the same apartment (that I will help pay for rent and food), the same city, the same job and friends. While all those things are changing for me. Basically all that's changing for him is his last roommate is moving out, and I'm moving in. I'm also moving further away from my daughters, and as little as I see them now, it will be even less often when I move. But, I did say something to my boyfriend about my modeling. He owns a club, and part of his job is to flirt with other women every night. I see that as similar to me modeling nude, except for two differences: he relies on that income; while money and trade for my modeling is not my primary income. Two, flirting is emotional and posing doesn't have the same connections. He disagrees with me, but we're talking about it.
Adunaphel Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 It sounds like the very best thing you could do is discussing the subject over and over again with your bf, until you are both satisfied. While you are at it, it would be great to do the same with other issues... like his work at the club. Any chance tyhe two situations might affect each other? I'd date neither a model nor someone who owns a club, but I am the kind of person who - if in a relationship with someone whose job/hobby makes me feel insecure - would stuck with whatever hobby of mine that would, in my mind, "balance" the situation. I'm just asking, I do not mean to imply you are as immature as me. But I get a feeling that many people need to "balance" relationship issues. Out of curiosity, if his attitude about his job was any different, would you feel differently about his apparent lack of confort? Personally, I am a huge fan of the "if you do not hide anything and talk about everything, the more chances you give yourself to be happy in the relationship" theory. If he really knew about your modeling hobby, it should be even easier. I hope you find comprmises that are reasonable for both... and expecially become aware of other issues that might be lurking behind this one! You do not sound really happy overall... but I hope it's just an impression...and your last post is bugging me.
Jilly Bean Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 He owns a club, and part of his job is to flirt with other women every night. I see that as similar to me modeling nude, except for two differences: he relies on that income; while money and trade for my modeling is not my primary income. Two, flirting is emotional and posing doesn't have the same connections. Ooo - I caution you on trying to build an argument on a tit for tat, Wake. It's not a good road to go down with your guy. If he's a club owner, then his job is to be phony and hospitable. Yes, I suppose that's flirting, but does he capitalize on it? Does he have contact with these women outside of the club? Still, I don't see how this is any way equal to you posing nude for free, and then posting the pics online. I'm just worried you're going to dig your heels in on this one, and it won't go well.
chrissylee Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 But if the relationship is pure, is true, does it need to be exclusive? Because if your spouse truly loves you, is it not true that she/he could have sex with the totality of the Dallas Cowboy's and their Cheerleaders, and regardless of the individual sexual prowess of any given individual, they'd come back home to you? For my relationship to be true then yes it has to be exclusive. I have no desire to share my man with anyone else and I would be offended if he told me he would be ok with sharing me with other people. If my man truly loves me and he did have sex with all the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders then he better never even come near me again. I would hope he would have enough brains to know that he would never be welcome home again if he did that. I don't care if other people feel the need to have sex with others, but for me unless a relationship is exclusive then it isn't true.
tblucky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 I think history matters. Has flirting in the club led to more than flirting? Has these nude photos ever led to a romantic/sexual encounter? If the answer is yes, well there is some justification on both ends to be insecure. If the answer is no, you should trust each other since there's no good reason at this point to not give the benefit of the doubt and give trust.
Author Wakely Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 Just to update, we broke up. Thanks for all the replies!
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Just to update, we broke up. Thanks for all the replies! You don't sound disappointed about it What happened? Incidentally, I wouldn't mind if my g/f was a model and did nude modeling. I would be upset about her NOT GETTING PAID for it though.
Author Wakely Posted August 19, 2009 Author Posted August 19, 2009 You don't sound disappointed about it What happened? Incidentally, I wouldn't mind if my g/f was a model and did nude modeling. I would be upset about her NOT GETTING PAID for it though. I'm not really. Mostly my life is just more difficult, since I gave up my lease here, don't have a place to live there, quit my job here, don't have a job there... The short story of what happened is this: Apparently his only problem was that the pictures were online, not that I actually did it. So the real breaking point was him: As a club owner he works late and has to promote and so on. That's fine; I've managed a strip club, I know what that's like. But on his days off, he claims he has to "promote"....but his "promoting" is all taking girls out and drinking all day/night. Pictures of him with tons of girls all over facebook. So we got into a huge fight that started with this issue, and I left. It was my first night there!
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Posted August 19, 2009 I'm not really. Mostly my life is just more difficult, since I gave up my lease here, don't have a place to live there, quit my job here, don't have a job there... The short story of what happened is this: Apparently his only problem was that the pictures were online, not that I actually did it. So the real breaking point was him: As a club owner he works late and has to promote and so on. That's fine; I've managed a strip club, I know what that's like. But on his days off, he claims he has to "promote"....but his "promoting" is all taking girls out and drinking all day/night. Pictures of him with tons of girls all over facebook. So we got into a huge fight that started with this issue, and I left. It was my first night there! Meh, secretly, I'd be beaming about it if my G/F was "model hot". All I would think are "other guys are jealous" -- but not getting paid for it is an issue. You're essentially working, you should get paid. As for his work vs yours, he's definitely insecure. Be glad it's over now before you got vested emotionally in him.
Author Wakely Posted August 20, 2009 Author Posted August 20, 2009 Meh, secretly, I'd be beaming about it if my G/F was "model hot". All I would think are "other guys are jealous" -- but not getting paid for it is an issue. You're essentially working, you should get paid. As for his work vs yours, he's definitely insecure. Be glad it's over now before you got vested emotionally in him. Lol mostly I just have a particular "look." A lot of it has to do with makeup, lighting and post-processing. Sometimes when I see the finished product I can't believe it's me. It's a lot like when magazines show celebrities without makeup and stuff - some of them have just awful skin and they look not so hot! Anyways, it's all paid assignments now, since I don't have any other form of income at the moment. We had actually dated a few years before...so mostly this was a reminder of why we broke up in the first place.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Lol mostly I just have a particular "look." A lot of it has to do with makeup, lighting and post-processing. Sometimes when I see the finished product I can't believe it's me. It's a lot like when magazines show celebrities without makeup and stuff - some of them have just awful skin and they look not so hot! Anyways, it's all paid assignments now, since I don't have any other form of income at the moment. We had actually dated a few years before...so mostly this was a reminder of why we broke up in the first place. Well at least you're getting paid for it now. And second chances can sometimes work out, but both people must have matured and resolved whatever issues contributed to the demise of the relationship the first time or its: Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on ME! Cheers. Good luck with the modeling stuff!
missdependant Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 People, this is how models usually start out. They don't often start out getting paid, they start off doing work like what she described to build a portfolio.. and get paid later down the road. How long have you been together? If you've been together a couple years and the two of you haven't found a compromise that BOTH of you can live with, maybe it's time to start looking at ultimatums. Sucks when it comes down to that, but it might be best to start thinking about which you love more; nude modeling or your boyfriend.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 OP, sorry it came to a break-up but he wasn't playing fair and I am glad you didn't let him dictate everything in giving up stuff while he ran around "promoting". Meh, secretly, I'd be beaming about it if my G/F was "model hot". All I would think are "other guys are jealous" -- If that's how a guy would think isn't that still insecure thinking? His validation is dependent on the opinions of what other men think of his girlfriend. That seems weak.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 If that's how a guy would think isn't that still insecure thinking? His validation is dependent on the opinions of what other men think of his girlfriend. That seems weak. Not sure I follow you. If my g/f was a model and I told her "I don't want you doing this or that or taking this job or that..." then that's sparked by jealousy. If secretly, to myself, I'm like "Hah, that's all mine!" then I don't see how that could possibly be seen as insecure thinking. Insecurity says "I'm afraid I'll lose this person." That's not what I am saying at all. I'm saying "she's hot, ain't she?!" Whenever I am out with an attractive woman and guys gawk at my date, I simply smile. I don't see how that is insecure at all.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Because you feel validated by the approvel of other men for what you have. Having a beautiful woman on your arm and knowing she is beautiful is one thing. Taking pleasure in other men validating your choice (just from the way someone looks not knowing if she is reallly even a good person or not) through approvel, is insecurity ... and some parts shallow.
CaliGuy Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Because you feel validated by the approvel of other men for what you have. That's not it at all. I am not LOOKING for their validation. But if they do make a remark or drool at her, I am confident and secure enough in myself that I can smile and say "Yep, she's hot!" and not get angry or jealous. Having a beautiful woman on your arm and knowing she is beautiful is one thing. That's exactly why I smile. Taking pleasure in other men validating your choice (just from the way someone looks not knowing if she is reallly even a good person or not) through approvel, is insecurity ... and some parts shallow. Disagree, because that's not my motivation, but everyone has an opinion
Jersey Shortie Posted August 20, 2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Fo Shizzle... and I think men that feel validated by what other men think are insecure.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I guess I just don't like conflict. My ex husband doesn't want our daughters to stumble across my pictures. I am also not a fan of compromise really. I love my boyfriend, but I don't think I should have to give this up for him either. Yep, this doesn't sound promising at all. Nobody says you "have to" give up nude modeling for this boyfriend... well, nobody except common sense that is. Furthermore, you're presently sneaking around and continuing the nude modeling unbeknownst to your boyfriend. You seem perfectly willing and eager to go and take what you can from the budding relationship but won't give (up) much of anything to assure him and everyone else that the relationship is your priority. In addition to all that, your "nude modeling" shots are truly no different than had you posed for smarmy x-rated pictures which were posted at every other porn site all over the internet. With daughters, an ex husband, and a new boyfriend, the idea that you still can't get it right spells doom for at least the new relationship.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 If my g/f was a model and I told her "I don't want you doing this or that or taking this job or that..." then that's sparked by jealousy. There's brain-dead thinking at its finest. When the subject is nude modeling on the internet, and not modeling parkas on the playground at your old elementary school, then it is common sense, and not "jealousy" which is the backbone of the sentiment. The model is certainly free to take whatever jobs she wants, but the so-called boyfriend should in turn just walk away from someone so inconsiderate and clueless. (of course the model type usually isn't working with a full deck of logic, and she probably wouldn't even understand why first one, and then another boyfriend just walked away...)
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Apparently his only problem was that the pictures were online, not that I actually did it. No toots, the other problem was that you couldn't figure this out, first with the daughters, and the ex-husband... Back in the 1970's or 1980's it was good fortune to find a porn magazine abandoned/discarded along the curbside of a random street. One could take it home, and enjoy the fact that somebody's daughters were pictured in there. But the number of reproductions of those photos, once they reached the consumer, were almost zero. These days, anybody with a computer has the opportunity to reproduce and distribute your nude photos to thousands/millions of people you don't even know. Now you are entirely free to take-on that risk as a single entity with nobody to answer to but yourself, but once you subject a significant other, or daughters(heaven forbid) to your own foolishness, then you've crossed a line.
CaliGuy Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Fo Shizzle... and I think men that feel validated by what other men think are insecure. Only if they are SEEKING it. Then and only then would I agree. Cheers
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