Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Hi everyone. I found this forum while searching online for some help to my problem. I have been modeling for over 7 years. This includes nude modeling. This is not my day job, and I almost never get paid for my work. I just love modeling, working with photographers and creating art. I am passionate about it. Past boyfriends haven't had an issue with this. Or at least didn't speak up if they did. I have an online portfolio of some of my work. My current boyfriend hinted he didn't like nude pictures of me being online, so I took down my profile so he [and others] couldn't see it. However, I have continued to model (I love it!!). What should I do? How do I help him get over his insecurity? Please help!
2sure Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 What you describe, while certainly it is a valid hobby...is not really what most people think of as modeling. Your bf has an issue with it because its actually more like exhibitionism. Unpaid (and often even paid) modeling for photographers & artists , other than fashion - is usually anonymous. You like posing for nude pictures. You like posting them on the web. You are an exhibitionist. I think this is not necessarily unhealthy...but he may be more comfortable if you dont try to skew what it is.
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Nothing at all wrong with modelling, whether nude or not. Sure, I can see how some men might be a bit nervous about their lady posing naked in front of a bunch of strangers, but hey, it's all about the art, right? (I don't say this with irony, I mean it in all seriousness. But this bugs me:...I almost never get paid for my work.You don't get paid for it? Modelling, nude or otherwise, has value. You should ALWAYS get paid. Money matters.
Sam Spade Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I would not care if my gf modelled as long as she tot paid - a lot. Doing it for free suggests... I don't even know but I wouldn't like it one bit.
Stockalone Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 What should I do? How do I help him get over his insecurity? Please help! The question is if your bf even thinks of it as insecurity. The thought that other men could look at pictures of my naked gf is very unpleasant. It would bother me. And to be honest, that this is an (often unpaid) hobby and not your job would make me feel really uncomfortable. If it were your job, I might be able to handle it. You could invite him to come along to a shooting so he can understand how it all works. How the pictures are done, who takes the pictures, etc.
Author Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 You're right. He may not be insecure, that is more my take on it. The fact is simply that he has a bit of a problem with it. We haven't fought about it, but he casually mentioned something that implied he didn't like my nude photos online, so I took down the portfolio and just continue to model without his knowledge. As far as money is concerned, it's a little complicated. Sometimes I get paid. Paid work is harder to come by atm because of the economy, and because of my height and "look." I get "paid" in other ways: I get prints and/or CDs with the images from the photographer; I get "trade" items (I have a "wish list" of clothing and other items that I will accept for my time); and I'm also a hobbyist photographer, so I also get tutorials, Photoshop retouches, and so on for my time.
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I get "paid" in other ways: I get prints and/or CDs with the images from the photographer; I get "trade" items (I have a "wish list" of clothing and other items that I will accept for my time); and I'm also a hobbyist photographer, so I also get tutorials, Photoshop retouches, and so on for my time.OK, fair enough. Nothing wrong with a barter system as long as you understand that your work has value. And this thread is USELESS without pictures. (j/k)
2sure Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 He may be insulted more than insecure, depends on his perspective. Its possible that the further your relationship goes, the less he wants other guys to see you naked. Since you are now having the pictures taken and just telling him about it....thats a betrayal. These things untold or not, have a way of making a person feel insecure.
boldjack Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 It's your body and you have the right to do what you will with it. Having said that, If you are in a committed relationship, and you are posing nude, AND KEEPING THIS FROM HIM, that constitutes a betrayal of trust. It would be the same as lying to him. If you two are exclusive, then you should consider his feelings and act accordingly. If you were my girl, I would dump you, because I couldn't trust you. IMO.
Jilly Bean Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I agree with 2sure. If you're not getting paid for it, then it does reduce it to an act of exhibitionism. Nothing wrong with that, but... Are you doing the model mayhem thing? OMP? I hope you're being smart about it, as the photogs on these sites are amateurs, and therefore, you can't be certain of their intentions and reputations. If you are signing releases, which I assume they are making you do, then you have no idea when, and where, your nude pics may appear publicly. A lot of these guys keep the pics for their own wanking needs, or trade them with friends, etc. And others will try and sell them to porn sites. Be careful.... Personally, I have NO problem with nude modeling, and am a huge exhibitionist myself. But, no way in hell would I let a stranger take pics of me to keep for his own use.
Ronni_W Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I get "paid" in other ways: Just a thought...have you considered that it is a part-time job and not simply a "hobby"? You seem to be receiving sufficient benefits, in cash or trade, that modeling is adding to your ability to be, do and have. To me, that's a revenue stream or income generating endeavour or "job"...whatever you want to call it. Given the nature of this work, some people will have issues with it; but some of those people you can help get their heads on straight(er) if you also are clear about your tangible/financial benefits. On the other side, you could get a million bucks modeling for Playboy, and some people would STILL have an issue with it. If your b/f is one of these, then options are: 1. You stop doing it. 2. You both decide to call it quits due to irreconcilable differences. 3. He gets over his discomfort about it.
Author Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 How often does BF go with you to shoots? He has never gone. We used to date years ago and recently got back in touch. We live in different states atm but I'm moving to live with him in a few days. If I do shoots when I move, he would be more than welcome to come, from my end. However, he would be considered an "escort" and a lot of photogs don't like or allow that. There really are, quite frequently, issues with jealous boyfriends coming to shoots. They can also be distracting for the model or the photog.
Author Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Yes, I'm on both. I haven't updated my OMP in quite awhile; I mostly use(d) MM. Thanks for the warning Do you model? You might understand some of the issues. I agree with 2sure. If you're not getting paid for it, then it does reduce it to an act of exhibitionism. Nothing wrong with that, but... Are you doing the model mayhem thing? OMP? I hope you're being smart about it, as the photogs on these sites are amateurs, and therefore, you can't be certain of their intentions and reputations. If you are signing releases, which I assume they are making you do, then you have no idea when, and where, your nude pics may appear publicly. A lot of these guys keep the pics for their own wanking needs, or trade them with friends, etc. And others will try and sell them to porn sites. Be careful.... Personally, I have NO problem with nude modeling, and am a huge exhibitionist myself. But, no way in hell would I let a stranger take pics of me to keep for his own use.
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 If I do shoots when I move, he would be more than welcome to come, from my end. However, he would be considered an "escort" and a lot of photogs don't like or allow that. There really are, quite frequently, issues with jealous boyfriends coming to shoots. They can also be distracting for the model or the photog.If one photographer doesn't like the idea, just get another one. You and your man come as a "package deal." Another thing you might consider is to do some nude modelling for art classes at a local college. I know they pay, and not in clothes or whatever, but money.
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Is this a moral value difference or an insecurity? To reduce it to an insecurity, especially directly to him, will get his back up, which means nothing gets accomplished. He could easily question your moral judgement, calling them lowly which means, nothing gets accomplished. Both of you have to come to some kind of compromise or both should walk away from this. I can see potential for some serious future dust-ups.
boldjack Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Well I think that you will have better luck with your hobby, than you will with BF's. I would be sure to be honest with your BF, before you move in together. What if he can't/won't agree with this? Will you continue to do it behind his back? I have no problem with nude modeling, but you both need to sit down and discuss this , or it will lead to problems, in the future.
Stockalone Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 You're right. He may not be insecure, that is more my take on it. The fact is simply that he has a bit of a problem with it. We haven't fought about it, but he casually mentioned something that implied he didn't like my nude photos online, so I took down the portfolio and just continue to model without his knowledge. So far, you don't know what exactly it is that bothers him and how much it bothers him. If he want's you to stop modelling nude, you don't have to. That is your decision. On the other hand, he is to blame too. Instead of being vague and only hinting at things, he should speak up about stuff that bothers him. But if he thinks the nude modelling has stopped (because you took the pictures offline), yet you still do, then that is a problem. It's deceiteful. You shouldn't ignore his opinion, even if you think that he is being unreasonable. Why not talk to him? At least you'd know where you stand with him. If he can't accept your hobby (or rather your side job), wouldn't you want to know sooner rather than later? We live in different states atm but I'm moving to live with him in a few days. Are you moving in with him? Then you should definitely talk about the modelling. If you can't work out a compromise, you may want to reconsider the relationship and moving in with him.
Author Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Thanks for all your suggestions. Thaddeus, I really like yours - that might be a good compromise for my bf. Atm, as far as I can tell, his issue is that the pictures are online. But again he never actually brought up the topic, so I am not sure exactly what he is thinking. boldjack, I probably will send him pictures from the last shoot I did that I didn't tell him about and see what his reaction is. The reason I said he is insecure is this, plus sometimes he makes comments if I get attention from guys when we're out. Plus, I used to do this when he and I first dated so it's not like it was a secret or a surprise that he found out about this time around.
samspade Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Can you please share these photos on this thread so we can better advise you? Seriously - insecurity is a relationship-killer. And I'm willing to bet if it weren't this, it would be something else....the photographer in question, other guys checking you out in public, etc. The problem with guys who date women who use their physical assets to make a living is that a lot of them can't mentally accept that they are sharing some part of their girlfriend's body with the world. If you date a model, other guys will see her naked in print. If you date a stripper, other guys will get lap dances from her. If you date an actress, other guys will kiss and make love to her in romantic scenes. And so on. Your bf needs to realize that even if you aren't a model, men will always be checking you out. It's up to him to be the man YOU want instead of all the orbiters out there who want you.
Jilly Bean Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Yes, I'm on both. I haven't updated my OMP in quite awhile; I mostly use(d) MM. Thanks for the warning Do you model? You might understand some of the issues. I have, yes, but not for those sites. One of my instructors did, which is how I learned about it. Though I know that OMP carries a better reputation than MM, which can be a bit seedy. Clothed modeling isn't a concern, but the nude stuff would just worry me too much. You do have to be wary about where it could potentially end up. If you continue to do this, then I suggest writing a line in your release about how you have final say on where any photos get published. Still won't stop them, but if you find something out there you don't approve of, it is your protection to get it removed. If you really like this guy, why not ask HIM to take nude pics of you? He would love it, I'm sure, and you'd still get your groove on.
New Again Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 If your bf only "hinted" that he doesn't like nude photos of you being online, I'm not sure why you deleted your portfolio, but are keeping it a secret that you're still modeling? That's very deceitful, and (apparently) uncalled for given the circumstances. It seems like an overreaction. Why would you put yourself in a position to deceive and lie to your bf at this point? I think you're setting yourself up for a huge trainwreck if you don't work this out before moving in with him.
Bayern Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I wouldn't like it much, but I'd understand it's your choice and there is nothing I could do about it.
Author Wakely Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 I guess I just don't like conflict. My ex husband didn't like this either, he said he doesn't want our daughters to stumble across my pictures. I am also not a fan of compromise really. I love my boyfriend, but I don't think I should have to give this up for him either. I already quit my job here and have one lined up where he lives. I also can't afford rent in his city, I have to live with him.
Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I am also not a fan of compromise really. I love my boyfriend, but I don't think I should have to give this up for him either. I already quit my job here and have one lined up where he lives. I also can't afford rent in his city, I have to live with him.Oh oh. Sorry to say, I predict this will not end well.
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