screwedup®retful Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I have been NC with my ex for 4 months now and only 1 attempted contact in about the last 6. Recently, I got a phone call from her sister one evening out of the blue telling me she is starting a home based business and wanted me to check out her website. She asked if I had a pen and paper to write down her website, which I did not, and she then said, well can I have your email address then to which I agreed and gave it to her. I got just a plain email from her the next day with the business info in it. Fast Forward 1 week. I am sitting outside a restaurant with an opposite sex friend. Another of my ex's sisters drives by with her husband and waves and I return the wave. Then, they do a u-turn and come back and park and get out and come up to me and my friend and say that we looked like we were enjoying ourselves and decided to stop and have a drink with us. We chatted casually for an hour or so and I bought them a drink. She hugged me as she left. I haven't heard from them in the past week, but I saw my "shrink" yesterday and told him. He indicated that their behavior is very suggestive and that I should remain in contact with the sisters and perhaps even consider reaching out to one of them to SEE if my ex might be at a point where she is ready to speak to me. I'm contemplating sending a letter to one of the sisters that I was closest to while my ex and I were together. We both know how stubborn my ex is and I know that she (the sister) really wanted to see us be together...so, she may be an ally in an attempted reconcilation. Our split was abrupt (I did the dumping) and 2 weeks later tried like heck to apologize and get her back, to no avail. She simply would not speak to me and has stood her ground. There's many more details that complicate things during our early separation, but the bottom line is she has NOT reached out to me and I stopped trying to be in touch with her months ago, but now the sisters contacting me has me puzzled. Has anything similar happened to anyone and/or does anyone have any thoughts?
samspade Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Well - you dumped her, but then you tried to get her back and she rejected you. Therefore, I'd say, the onus is on her, as she is "one up" on you. Fire your shrink, dude. He/she doesn't sound like he has your best interests in mind. Maintain no contact.
Author screwedup®retful Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 ...interesting comment about firing the shrink. What are my best interests?
samspade Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 Your best interests involve moving on with your life and refraining from sending any letters or other correspondence with her, her sisters, or anyone else. Regarding the sisters' behavior, I want to present you with a different perspective from your shrink's. 1. The first sister is starting a new business, and wanted to email you with the website info. She did exactly that; in fact, there doesn't seem to be any other reason for her email, as you described the content being all business. OK, so, new business started, publicity for new business sought, end of story. Although it's odd that she picked up the phone and called you, there isn't much else to read into that. 2. Other sister and her husband spot you out with another girl, pull a U-turn and stop by to say hi and have a drink. Why? You're out with another girl, and her sister decided to gather as much information about your date before going back to your ex with her report. It might have helped you a little if it were a real date and not just a friend, so as it stands, if your ex heard anything about this, it's that you were out hanging with a platonic chick friend. These communiques may be your ex's lame attempt to feel you out, but until you hear from her directly, I recommend you remain focused on your life.
Author screwedup®retful Posted July 28, 2009 Author Posted July 28, 2009 Sam, Your possible assessments are fair. #1 may be very true. What is strange is that she had my #. I don't recall ever giving it to her or her ever having called me ever before. It's an unpublished cell phone and so, the only way I can think of for her to get it would be to call her sister (my ex) and ask for it, at which point, wouldn't she have said, "Why the hell would you call him?" or "I deleted his number long ago and don't even remember it." Neither of those things happened. Perhaps though, as many of us do in this state, I am reading to much into this and "holding on" like a fool, or perhaps I am not. #2 is probably a very likely scenario....but...why would my ex even WANT a report if she's done with me, if she's reject me...why? If it was a date or if I had introduced my friend as my gf...would that have been better or worse and why? I'm new to all of this and the gaming of it all is strangly non-intuitive to me, so I'm curious as to how more experienced folks might think about the handling of this situation. Your bottom line advice is spot on and that is to keep on living my life and remaining focused on me. I intend to do just that. Thanks!
samspade Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I see your point about #1. Regarding #2, look at it this way. Her sister saw you with another chick in public. She would not be doing her due diligence as a woman and a sister if she didn't come back with a full report. Perhaps your ex is done with you and doesn't care. Nevertheless, it drives a woman a little bit crazy to know that you've gotten over her so easily and moved on without you. I suppose if she knows your girl was just a friend, it makes it easier for her....if she found out you had a new GF, that would make it tougher...but either way, your ex would likely still rather know either way than to have heard simply, "Oh, I saw Screwedup®retful with some chick today." Regardless, you shouldn't use her as a motivation for moving on. Do it for yourself and don't worry so much about what your ex thinks. As long as she isn't contacting you directly and overtly, all bets are off.
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