lilly83 Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 My now ex boyfriend called things off over the weekend. He said that he is struggling to feel the bond and that he is not sure if a relationship is what he needs right now. He had come out of a long term relationship but seemed to have moved on. He was the one who asked us to be offical etc. I really thought things were going well between us and did not expect this. I know the ex had made contact so I guess that made him realise he is not as ready as he thought. When we was together he use to talk about us in the future quite a lot and said he could feel him self falling for me. He even talked about moving in when we were a lot further down the line. He is new to this area and all his family and friends live over 100 miles away. They knew about me and his mum said to him that she has seen some good changes in him since he has been with me. He always said that we would be friends no matter what. He deleted me off facebook after the break up and ignored any messages I sent. He then txt me early monday morning and said I think I would like to be friends and pehaps see if we can be more in the furture but I can make any promises. We txt a bit yesterday, are now friends and friends on facebook again. I know he does not have a lot of friends around here so I let him know the truth. I said im still here for you as a friend and if you are feeling down, need to or want to talk then you can do at anytime and also said to him that if he would like to get out or go to the cinema etc then let me know as that what friends are for. I then got a message from him later on asking if we can go to Lakeside at the weekend. I replied later and said that should be fine, Saturday? He got back to me this morning and said saturday is good. I really miss him and it hurts so much. I just want to be with him and know that there is a bond. Do you think that there is a second chance and that he just needs some time? Is it good that he wants to spend time with me? How do I show that im still interested but not come acorss as pushy or clingy? This really hurts. Please help. Thank you.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 No, No, No, no and no. The only way you can start to get over this is to block him off completely. Friends doesn't work, where a heart is broken and feelings are still strong. You're fragile, hurt and still in love with him. Go the 'No Contact' route. total, complete and absolute. (A member called Caliguy has the best guide to 'No contact' I've ever come across, in his signature. Read it, and do it.)
georgia girl Posted July 28, 2009 Posted July 28, 2009 I agree. He wants all the benefits of having a relationship - a friend when he wants one, a sexual partner when he feels the need, etc. - with none of the responsibilities. What do you get out of it? I can guarantee that he won't be there for you when you need him - that will be "pressuring him" or "smothering him" and, "after all, we did agree that we were just friends. I'm not your boyfriend." It's a thousand deaths a minute - even though you think it will hurt less. Read all of the posts on here. Those who go no contact feel a whole lot better sooner than those who don't. That's because those who stay in contact get fed crumbs of a relationship and start starving for the real meal that they're missing. Hold out for what you want. As you say, he may miss you enough that he's willing to agree to your terms. He may not and he'll keep bugging you until he gets the message that you're not moving from your terms. But, I can guarantee you that the only sure way to lose him is to have contact with him. It lets him let go without having to feel any pain!
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