LisaUk Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I haven't updated because I no longer care. Things are falling apart and I can't handle it. I am weak, I am lost. All I get is negative. My wife isn't going to choose me. She isn't going to come back to me. So what's the use. I just need to move on if I can. Today is horrible. I have gone complete no contact and If I get on this damn computer I will blow it. I have already done everything wrong every single day. I am so deeply in love with my bitch of a wife and I don't know why. She has no heart or soul and everyone has been right and I have been so wrong. It's time for me to just accept that. Maybe in 6 months or never she'll come back. But she hasn't done anything to work on our problems and I have absolutely not control over it. I can't do anything to stop this or make it better. It's in God's hands now. I don't have a job, a phone or future in my eyes' right now. She is suposed to be home on Wednessday to talk to me. The waiting is cruel and unusual punishment. My kids are torn to the gills. I haven't told them anything and I have put on my best act ever for them. But they can't believe what their mother is doing anymore than I can. I have nothing left but to try and salvage my kids lives. And try like hell to stay sain. I haven't slept in 2 days nor eaten much of anything. And my mother is driving me nuts with her absolute me me negative crap. I can't do anything about this. I have read all the books spent hours on the internet looking for some thread of hope. It's gone right now. It's all gone. 28 years in the toilet all my plans shot to **** because my wife decides she "needs to find herself", " I love you, but I'm not in love with you". What a cop out, what a sleezy, cheep excuse to run away. "I don't want to cause you pain". Too FN late for that. Anyway rant over. I don't know what I am going to do. If she won't even give me a chance it's just not worth fighting for it anymore. Who knows by some miracle of God maybe she'll come home to me and want to. It sure doesn't look that way. Unfortunately I am a Keeper of the Covanant. So I get to look forward to what? Raz, most of us on here did exactly what you have done, begged, pleaded, etc. I did. That's how we know what not to do, NOW IN HINDSIGHT. Your w is traeting you like s**t, my ex treated me like c**p too. I still love him, even though I know I shouldn't and now 5 months on, I don't want to love him anymore. You still love your w, you are scared b/c you don't want to make a mistake. That's why you find it so hard to make a stand. You know what? We all did the same, except those on here who did reconcile, namely TIY and Owl. Know what they did? They took a stand, they got on with their lives regardless of their w. We are all here to listen to you, keep posting and please take the advice of the vets. When Wednesday comes, be out!
Smung Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yes, please be out when she gets back!! DONT BE A DOOR MATT!! Keep reading, keep posting, and keep your chin up.
Author razghoul Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Hello All, I am having a better time of it. Thanks lisa. It is exceptionally hard. My wife has finally started to tell me her version of what is going on. Unfortunately there is another man in her heart. However, I am making a dent in that wall. She contacts me daily, and wants to hang out. Funny enough she is still fairly distant but we are working on it. I got a pretty good book from my brother titled "Love Tactics". It's pretty good. The thing is I am practicing the methods on my wife and so far so good. The cool thing is that if she doesn't reconcile then I will know what does and doesn't work on my next love. I have resolved myself to the fact that however nice it is to be chasing my wife if you will like a new love. It may very well be for not. It is making the days go by easier. I have been out a couple of times by myself and with a couple of friends. My oldest son and I went to a local bar on saturday night. It was fun. When I got home my wife had called and wanted to talk. As we talked she said she wanted to see me face to face. So, I waited for her to call me again and basically beg me to come out. It was like 12:30 am. We sat outside and talked and watched the stars. It's something we used to do years ago. It was fun. I stayed for an hour or two and when she started in on her second wind and started flirting I said it was late and had to go. I had church in the morning. She was shocked and asked if I wanted to stay the night with her. I declined for a more appropriete time and suggested our house instead of our friends house where she is staying. She aggreed but still wanted me to stay. Always leave them wanting. It worked pretty well, she has been contacting me daily through text messages. I wait till late afternoon or evening to respond. It may work or it may not but for right now it certainly seems to be. We'll see I am not willing to be hurt anymore and I think that may have been my turning point. Strength is a hard task master. I am back almost to my old self with many improvements. Basically I believe I got comfortable and forgot that my wife was my best friend and I ignored that fact while trying to build our life portfollio. Too bad when you loose what is important to you. Don't loose focus is the only advice I have. If your mate is trully important then pay attention, show the value of the relationship and by all means be yourself. There is a reason they once loved you, change your bad habbits and pay respect to the relationship that it is due. I have already determined that mine is worth saving, that my wife however stupid and selfish she is being now is worth my effort. But if she continues to be selfish then I'll have to let her go. It saddens me to think about that. I am worth loving and and I am a good man. Besides now at 46 I am getting back in shape rather nicely too if I may say, but I am also changing for the better day by day. If she can't see that then well it's her mistake not mine. Thanks for listening all and good luck in whatever you decide.
tojaz Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Hello All, I am having a better time of it. Thanks lisa. It is exceptionally hard. My wife has finally started to tell me her version of what is going on. Unfortunately there is another man in her heart. However, I am making a dent in that wall. She contacts me daily, and wants to hang out. Funny enough she is still fairly distant but we are working on it. I got a pretty good book from my brother titled "Love Tactics". It's pretty good. The thing is I am practicing the methods on my wife and so far so good. The cool thing is that if she doesn't reconcile then I will know what does and doesn't work on my next love. I have resolved myself to the fact that however nice it is to be chasing my wife if you will like a new love. It may very well be for not. It is making the days go by easier. I have been out a couple of times by myself and with a couple of friends. My oldest son and I went to a local bar on saturday night. It was fun. When I got home my wife had called and wanted to talk. As we talked she said she wanted to see me face to face. So, I waited for her to call me again and basically beg me to come out. It was like 12:30 am. We sat outside and talked and watched the stars. It's something we used to do years ago. It was fun. I stayed for an hour or two and when she started in on her second wind and started flirting I said it was late and had to go. I had church in the morning. She was shocked and asked if I wanted to stay the night with her. I declined for a more appropriete time and suggested our house instead of our friends house where she is staying. She aggreed but still wanted me to stay. Always leave them wanting. It worked pretty well, she has been contacting me daily through text messages. I wait till late afternoon or evening to respond. It may work or it may not but for right now it certainly seems to be. We'll see I am not willing to be hurt anymore and I think that may have been my turning point. Strength is a hard task master. I am back almost to my old self with many improvements. Basically I believe I got comfortable and forgot that my wife was my best friend and I ignored that fact while trying to build our life portfollio. Too bad when you loose what is important to you. Don't loose focus is the only advice I have. If your mate is trully important then pay attention, show the value of the relationship and by all means be yourself. There is a reason they once loved you, change your bad habbits and pay respect to the relationship that it is due. I have already determined that mine is worth saving, that my wife however stupid and selfish she is being now is worth my effort. But if she continues to be selfish then I'll have to let her go. It saddens me to think about that. I am worth loving and and I am a good man. Besides now at 46 I am getting back in shape rather nicely too if I may say, but I am also changing for the better day by day. If she can't see that then well it's her mistake not mine. Thanks for listening all and good luck in whatever you decide. Sounds great Raz! You really have the right attitude for this. I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted! TOJAZ
PWSX3 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 sorry I didn't read your hole story but there is something I would like to share & excuse me if I'm not on subject. Today on the radio they said something that really hit home for me. They said; when you hear someone say; I'm sorry & I won't do that again, they are just blowing smoke. If they are sorry they will start doing something to change what they did, not cover it up. If a person/spouse is really serious about getting back together, they will suggest MC or IC, they will go to AA or whatever it is that they are having trouble with. I just thought it was good advice. Your wife is showing interest because she thinks there is something she is missing or "if" there was another person they aren't getting along. I have been in an affair & I know when things are going well then you are not interested in stopping it and only when things are shaky you will start looking back what you had. If you are wanting to get back with your W I wish you the best, I hate divorce & I feel people should try everything they can to keep the marriage.
hopesndreams Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 But if she continues to be selfish then I'll have to let her go Stand by those words, it will save you so much suffering if you do. Unfortunately there is another man in her heart. However, I am making a dent in that wall. Until this OM is out of the picture, permanently, sad to say, you are only fooling yourself. Not being mean, don't want to dash your hopes, but the good feelings you are having about being able to get her back are temporary. It only prolongs the suffering you will have to endure. When she gets on better with OM, your good feelings will fade, she won't text as much or watch the stars with you. Her choice should have consequences and so far she doesn't have any. Her ego is being fully stroked and at your expense. You are only 46, still lots of years left, don't just be happy with a piece of her heart. If you don't get all her heart, it just isn't worth having. The longer you go without laying down the law, the further away she will get from you and then there is no chance of getting her back. She is weaning herself off you right now, that way she doesn't get to experience any of the pain of losing you and she just doesn't care about the agony you are in. It's all about her.
ryepatch Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 selfishness. . . are there really two kinds of people in the world? people who would walk out on a good marriage for selfish reasons, and those who wouldn't? i'd rather be miserable for the rest of my life, and keep the vows i made to my wife, than leave to find 'happiness'. not for religious reasons or anything. . . simply because we made a covenant to stay together through good times and bad. . . and anyway, any relationship problem can be fixed. . .
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