digitalwizard Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Men who prey on married women disgust me. My wife, after separating from me, started a phone relationship with a guy over 1000 miles away. She grew closer and closer to him every day while I kept what little of me I could keep in the picture. They call it an 'emotional affair', lol, whatever. I hate when people label **** to sugar coat it. Anyway, she and I are slowly working on things after 3 months and making progress. This is all after she absolutely told me to "Move on! I am not in love with you anymore! You blew it." My story is a little more in depth and complicated than that, but the just of it is that I didn't do NC. Well, not until a week ago. However, I was still making some decent progress (1 step forward, 2 steps back) without going NC. You know your wife better than anyone else! I knew that NC wouldn't work on her b/c of her personality. I wouldn't let up with her. I was at her place every day reminding her of how much I loved her and loving her with ACTIONS as well. I was essentially at her becon call. I'm not recommending that or even suggesting it; it takes a very strong and deep love to be willing to do that. I wanted to prove to her that even if she treated me like absolute ****, I was still there for her and willing to suffer to make her happy. It was demeaning at times, but I sucked up my pride. I was ridiculed by many here for not being a "man" or having "a pair". Truth is, I think it takes more of a man to lower himself than it does to FAKE like everything is okay and ignore his pain. To each their own. She admitted to me just a few days ago that she was so impressed with the changes that she has seen in me. NC is not for you to get back with your spouse; it is for you to get OVER them and get on with your life. If, by some miracle, it brings them back around to you, then great. A woman/man facing NC has things going through their mind...."where is he/she?"...."what is he up to?"...."WHO is he with?" Now, in my situation, these thoughts actually DROVE my W closer to her OM b/c of resentment and anger. I absolutely HAD to stay in the picture if I wanted any chance of reconciliation. She is still struggling with not contacting the OM, but I think in the end she's going to come out strong and relieved. That is not to say that she has contacted him (I do not know), but I can tell that it is on her mind at times. She is a very strong woman, both mentally and spiritually. She will be fine. I didn't expect this part of it to be easy. Anything worth having takes a great deal of work! The bottom line is to follow your heart. These people give great advice, but in the end, YOU are the one that has to live with what you decide. Your heart will guide you, if you let it.
Author razghoul Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Thank you CTA and all. I knew it wasn't a good Idea but my heart and head keep telling me to do everything I can. Ours is a different sittuation only in that I do know my old wife not this new one very well. I am back to myself mostly. I found out through my daughter that my wife is planning a trip to see this guy this weekend. A bus ride from Oregon to Alabama. She didn't fly because she doesn't have my money or the support of her family in this. Go figure. lol. Anyway, I had a meeting with her yesterday where I wanted her to tell me face to face. I was angry upset, and destroyed. But a funny thing happened. I had a clearing of mind if you will. then my brother out of the blue called. He has been very helpful through all of this. To make a long story short. (yeah that'll happen) lol. She came over and we really talked, I was calm, strong and really listened to what she was saying. It was extreamely helpful to me to actually hear and understand finally what she was saying. Her body language, the words she used. It was almost orgasmic in the feeling. I told her that I understood finally. She is still on the fence about going or so she says. I believe she is going to go. I don' like it. But I do know my wife. She has to figure this out. The whole reason she is going is to and in her words. Figure this out once and for all and get it over with. Now what that means is she will either decide that she is in love with this internet loser. (thank you CTA) My wife and I are very niave about the internet dateing and such. My wife is very niave and gullable. But this new wife is strangly focused in her quest. The thing is I realize finally that I can't do anything, I can't make her do anything. Quite frankly, I shouldn't have to nor should I try. I disagree with not having any right to. I am old school to a point when it comes to marriage and a husband and wife. You do have certain rights but making them think a certain way or do certain things isn't part of that equation. As a man I can only really protect, love and provide. And add share and feel to that. I hope she doesn't go, but in a way it may be a God send. I have faith that this guy has been lying about himself and his sittuation. I have a feeling there is a reason he is divorced if he really is. Who knows. What worries me is her safety, and what she is so blindly walking into. I am working on us. I know I want us to be strong and together again. However, before anyone jumps in the middle of my forhead for this. I am also ready to accept her verdict and then move on. Also, if she choses to come back there are going to be rules. I will not tolerate this vacation from reality again. I am not a second choice, I am not a fall back guy. I know who I am and what I want there is a difference. Counceling, and some serious us time. This will take time to resolve if she comes back. I also know that I am a strong person and that I will not only survive through the second phase of pain if it comes, but I will come out stronger and wiser. She kissed me yesterday and I buckeled her knees. She made and excuse to come back and kiss me some more. It is dangerous but you know I liked it and it was a nice release. Then last night she wanted me to bring over a couple of her boxes of clothes that I had packed. She had seen that I redid our room and packed up all her stuff earlier. Nice move by the way a little shock and awe. She said she would give me a kiss. I didn't mind the "Mover" title. Hell another kiss, hell ya. I am a great kisser according to my wife. Well we started kissing and well let's just say it was a good couple of hours. Then we went outside and talked as friends. Again a calm straight forward talk. No begging, no crying, no outword emotion. (From me) The point is that I purposely poured on my charm. I am a good looking guy and very charming. (and modest lol) The thing is that I got in her head and it was a good feeling to actually feel a positive response from her. It's something that I haven't felt for awhile during this crisis. She mentioned how good I looked, how she really likes the positive changes I've made. She was very smiley and she looked at me the way she used to and giggled and so on. I sure didn't seem fake. Rest assured I am aware that it may all be an act to justify in her mind what she is doing. But understanding my wife and how she feels now makes it much clearer. She may well say ok it's done when she gets back, she may also finally realized exactly how wrong she was. Either way right now in this last 18 hours or so I feel good, I have hope, I have a plan for myself to move on if I have to. I am ok with what she decides. I can't change or do anything to help her or make her come back. It is entirely up to her. The question becomes how long will I wait and will I wait. A good marriage is worth saving and with who I am for myself, I have to be able to know that I did what I could to save it. Ok, be kind, but understand I have appreciated all of your support and advice through this and look forward to more. Thank you, Raz.
phineas Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 usually the chicks send the guys old pictures of them 50 lbs lighter and the guys send old pics with all their hair. It's all a game. I usually got all excited chatting with a gal online and exchanging a few pics.. when reality occurred and I actually met them on a date it was .. ewww! Or yuck! Didn't call back (My reaction, not theirs - I'm wonderful, just look at my pic.) Funny you should mention this. I was curious & started cruising match.com in my area & saw 3 women I knew from work. All I gotta say is them chicks is lying. LOL!
phineas Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Raz, Listen to them! I confronted OM! I found them in a bar together. We had a chat outside and I emphasized my point by kicking a hole in my car. He about wet himself, but it did nothing but draw her closer to him. Guess whos sitting in my seat now! I know it's an internet thing, but it will have the same effect. You can't control what shes going to do, and she is the one who betrayed you not him! Men who go after married women get theres eventually, let someone else deal with it. TOJAZ Yes they do. OM got the rug pulled out from underhim when he found out my wife was lying to him. and umm still sleeping with me. I almost asked him how I tasted but decided to take the high road & show i no longer cared.
Billy Bob Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I can't change or do anything to help her or make her come back. It is entirely up to her. The question becomes how long will I wait and will I wait. A good marriage is worth saving and with who I am for myself, I have to be able to know that I did what I could to save it. Someday you will look back on your words and shake your head! A good marriage may be worth saving.. but this is not that. In a good healthy marriage there would be no other man and your spouse wouldn't put you through any of this.. She's playing games with you.. Kissing you, toying with your emotions, planning to run off and see where her heart leads her.. and maybe if this guy is a real loser, she'll come back and use you for a while. Can you imagine flipping the coin? Can you imaging telling your wife the things she has told you? Can you imagine kissing her and telling her your plans to run to another state to be with another woman? How pathetic would she be if she sat at home and waited and hoped that the new woman didn't turn out to be what you hoped. You imagine that she has real feelings of love for you and will wake up from this fog and come running back? This is called being a doormat. A marriage should never degrade to this point, you deserve better. You deserve someone that will stand by you through thick and thin, someone who loves you with all their heart, someone who would never do the things your wife is doing to you now. Let me tell you that girl is out there waiting for you and she is not your wife! Your wife doesn't want you. You are hanging on to the past. Move on - file for divorce, find someone else and be happy. Don't waste your time "fighting" for her love. You need to tell yourself that you are worth more than this. You are not a piece of garbage to be cast aside. Many of us have been in the same place as you.. I know it takes time to see the truth, but I wish I could have saved myself the trouble of fighting for a crappy marriage. For me it took about 8 months of emotional abuse, counceling, wishy-washy reconciliations.. Quite often the WAS will throw you a bone, telling you how great you are, or how screwed up they are.. all it does is mess with your head. She's treating you like crap and you are taking it! If I were you I would immediately file for divorce/legal seperation and get the process moving. This would also get her off the fence.. right now she loves having you pining for her while she makes plans to see the other man.. It feeds her ego and reinforces that you are not what she wants.
Billy Bob Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 Ok, be kind, but understand I have appreciated all of your support and advice through this and look forward to more. The best way to move on (as well as get your wife back if you still wanted her) would be to file for divorce and go NC. Completely cut her off and not interact with her. Would probably take 6 months before she turned around (mine came crawling back after 6 months or so).. Of course that goes against most people's instincts and hardly anyone does this.. but I think most people who finally filed paperwork and walked away in similar situations will agree.. they come crawling back AFTER you give up on them and move on. As long as you sit around pining for them.. they can have their cake and eat it too! But..you won't believe this.. maybe in a year you will understand..
MrMayI Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 cta is giving you good, experienced advice. i'm absorbing it. i have yet to file as well, but i see the changes and am fully prepared to. i'm not going to watch her in the fog, and pine for her. **** that. if she is willing to take a bus cross country to visit a man, do you really think she gives a damn about you? that's a hellacious journey she's embarking on. i'd burn every remnant of my wife's memory in the time she was gone like that.
hopesndreams Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 My ex-wife of 13 years pulled all this similar crud on me with two young children at home (4 & 6), right after my cancer diagnosis.. Fast forward 3 years and I have full custody of my kids, limited contact with the (miserable) ex-wife, a hot, smart new wife and another baby due this month (not sure that was the best decision).. but life is really good (and so far I have kicked the cancer)! Karma.. I can tell you how this could play out.. Your wife will remain distant in her affair fog.. you will go through months of trying to "win" her back, she will get nastier and nastier.. you will finally throw in the towell, file divorce papers.. she will run off to be with this guy she hardly knows... six months later she will want to talk as her life falls apart and this internet guy doesn't turn out to be the prince she thought he was.. At this point if your smart you will realize that no matter the history you had with this woman, she really isn't committed and your better off finding someone that wants you, not just uses you as a fallback. You have to realize how little your wife cares for you right now. She is doing this voluntarily and could give a rats ass about your feelings or history together.. she is imagining a life post-you.. she is planning a life post you. She will be nice at times and send you mixed signals because she is testing the waters, to see if she still has you on the hook.. just in case this affair doesn't work out. It's scarey to be alone (financially especially). Truth is she is done with you. I'd file seperation or divorce papers and go off and do your own thing. Human nature is hard to stop, most here waste months pleading with their WAS, trying to get them to understand how important their marriage is.. their life together is, etc.. Right now it's only important to you! You trying to convince her otherwise is like someone trying to push a new religion on you. Save yourself all the pain.. file.. You can always get remarried.. save yourself the months of trying to win back a non-committed partner. Great post! 100% correct! All of this post is true. Truth hurts. Get your head out of the sand, quit fooling around with the W, let her go....really let her go, and when you do, she'll be back but you would have moved on and then you can tell her to f off.
LisaUk Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I hate to say this, because I feel like I am destroying someones hope that really wants to hope right now, but they are all correct. I've seen it so many times right here on this board, they act like they are interested, keeping you on the hook, all the while off to check out OM. Just stop for one moment and think seriously about this if it were the other way round. You are planning to go see another women, you have left your w, you go over to her house to collect some things and sit kissing her for 2 hours, then say, "righty ho, I'm off to see if the OW is any good now, don't worry hunny, if she turns out to be c**p I'll be back". HUH??????????? Felt bad saying that, I now you want to cling on, look for hope. Sorry.
digitalwizard Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 My man, I hate to say it but I went through the same roller coaster ride. Hell, it still continues now. It is one ride that I wish I could get off of! I would go over to her place one day and she would be cold and heartless and give me the most hateful look I had ever seen from her and then a few days later I would be stroking her while she lay her head in my lap. Then shortly after, she'd be vile again. It was an endless cycle that never ends. It is horrible. It plays with your mind; it plays with your heart; it plays with your emotions! We would get so close that I thought for sure had her back and then later that night or the next day, "nope" wrong again. And the worst part is, I seriously don't think it is intentional. I think they (our wives) simply want BOTH men. They can't make up their minds, so they try to have them both. Cake and eating it. The thing is as long as she has another man in the picture, you will always be on this roller coaster ride. And it sucks! My god it sucks! I have never been such an emotional wreck as I have these past few months. Heed the warnings. I'm still not sure about NC myself. It's so damn hard. It's so completely not natural. In my mind it will work, but in my heart and my feelings, I can't bear the thought of doing it. In the past, I have begged my wife with tears pouring down my face, on my knees, to give me another chance, and she is still on the fence. What hurts the most is that if the roles were reversed, I would drop any woman I was seeing if she had come crawling back to me. I guess women are different than men. Anyway, I know what you are going through. Except that I haven't been with my wife but 9 years vs how long you have. Inside, though she is being so cold, I still would do anything for her. I don't feel like I want her or need her or even love her. Those words aren't strong enough to describe it. It's almost like I literally can't exist or breathe without her. I realize that's probably laying it on pretty thick, but I am not exhagerating. When I cry/cried over her, it comes from somewhere deep inside and is extremely painful. I feel like I'm crying out my life or something. Like each sob is one step closer to my demise. I have gotten advice from these folks for about 2 months now and I've followed some of it, but some of it I just can't do yet. I moved back in with my wife and we were talking about working things out just a few days ago and life was good...I mean, things were really looking up, but....as before, a few nights ago after several days of positives, she just tripped. I've been sleeping in the same bed with her and that night, for no real reason, she said she didn't want to sleep with me. I had done NOTHING other than what I had been doing. Well, last night, I sobbed in the bed while she slept. This morning, I woke up and she was cuddled up to me and even holding my hand. For some reason in the middle of the night, when she is sleepy and her GUARD is down, I can find my old wife, but other times, it's almost impossible. It's like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. No joke. Well, I have thoroughly depressed myself after writing this. My intentions were to warn you about getting too close and thinking that sex and candy mean she's coming around.....unfortunately, it doesn't. I truly am sorry. I don't wish this agony on anyone. If only cursing god really brought death, I'd be dead by now. Wiz
Billy Bob Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 In the past, I have begged my wife with tears pouring down my face, on my knees, to give me another chance, and she is still on the fence. What hurts the most is that if the roles were reversed, I would drop any woman I was seeing if she had come crawling back to me. I guess women are different than men. The big difference is that your still in-love with your wife. I'm sure she "cares" about you, she just doesn't want you. That's what you have to beat into your head... Your wife doesn't hate you, she doesn't want you dead, and she probably doesn't enjoy hurting you. But she wants to move on, she wants someone else, she's trying to figure out how to let you down easy.. That's where all the "I need to find myself" or "It's not you, it's me" crap comes from.. they are trying to let you down easy.. instead of saying.. "you don't do it for me anymore", or "I can do better"...
digitalwizard Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 About a week ago, we were discussing it civilized and she said the words that let me know the whole story. She looked down and said something to the effect of "Dammit! I wish I could just have both of you!" I said, "You can. Me as your husband, him as your FRIEND." But that isn't what she wanted. She wants us both as lovers or whatever. I told her this morning around 4am when we were having YET ANOTHER discussion about this that the only way this **** is going to be over is if he is gone or I am gone. The flip-flopping will never end unless one of the two happens. I can't believe she could choose a 3-month phone relationship over a 9 year marriage. You see, this guy is a SMOOTH talker. I mean, one of the GOOD ones. Before they started their phone relationship, I played with him and her together on Rock Band. He is very good with his words. But up until now, THAT is all he has to offer her...WORDS!!! He has taken NO action whatsoever to show his love for her. While I do day in and day out! Yet, she still goes back to him. I don't get it. It blows my mind and breaks my heart at the same time. His role is so ****ing easy....talk to her and make her purr. He doesn't have a job and lives with his brother. Can you say "bum"? My role is...manage finances, get groceries, feed the cat and kittens, help clean up, take a shower, go to WORK, be a parent, be a friend/lover/husband (depends which day it is), cry, attempt to convince wife that deadbeat bum is going to let her down, repeat.... -Wiz
digitalwizard Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 I'm not asking for advice, so please, people don't respond telling me to go NC and stuff. I already know the deal. I am just venting. Read it or don't; it's for me, really. Anyway, I have actually made some progress with her each time the roller coaster went down the hill. Each time around the cycle, I get closer to her. She allows me in a little bit further. The problem is that after that closeness, the other side is so much harder to bear. To go from lovers in the night, laughing and flirting, to strangers in the day, silence and tension is almost impossible to bear. She's even gone as far as to cut her time with him very short and come to be with me for the night. The problem is, at least I feel, that every single time she gets closer to me and starts to fall for me again, when she goes back to talk to him at a later time it completely makes it all disappear until sometime later. One thing is consistent, though, every night. When she is almost asleep or had fallen asleep already and wakes up, she--at least in those moments or hours--is in love with me again. There is no tension; there is no coldness; there is only devotion and compassion. Unfortunately, this really ****s with my sleep cycle b/c I want to cherish every moment of her being like that which can sometimes go until 6 or so in the morning. Some nights I can't even sleep at all. I just lay there next to her, enjoying for that little bit what was once so real and permanent. I've even brought it up to her during the day. I explained to her that the reason she is like that at night, while she is sleepy, is because her guard is down completely. She isn't afraid that I'm going to hurt her again. She isn't lacking trust in me. She isn't awake enough to have any reservations. The other night, it was almost like we were in sync. I would roll over and instantly she would too, then visa versa. She swears she wasn't awake, but she was clinging to me practically the entire night. I know b/c I didn't sleep at all. In fact, at one point I felt so close to her that I started to cry a bit. It was actually a good cry, not a sad one. I can't get her to be like that during the day for any real period of time, though. Here and there, but mostly no. It is absolutely frustrating. To know she is in love with me at night, but during the day, it's just friends again. Talk about a mind ****. I don't blame her, though; at least not entirely. I guess I'll keep riding the coaster until it levels out and I'm either on it still or I've been pushed off while going over one of the hills. Whenever I pressure her into making a decision, she says that I'm pushing her away. I try to explain to her, "Baby, if there wasn't another guy in the picture, I could be as patient as need be. However, the other guy talks to you over and over and each time you get a little closer. I am up against TIME. It is urgent that I reach you now before it really IS too late." I can't even count anymore how many times we've rehashed the same statements and the same discussions. It truly is just repetitive cycle that never ends. I just realized that I have stolen this guy's thread. I'm sorry about that. I'm through venting in this thread. I apologize to the Thread author. -Wiz
phineas Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 I hate to say this, because I feel like I am destroying someones hope that really wants to hope right now, but they are all correct. I've seen it so many times right here on this board, they act like they are interested, keeping you on the hook, all the while off to check out OM. Just stop for one moment and think seriously about this if it were the other way round. You are planning to go see another women, you have left your w, you go over to her house to collect some things and sit kissing her for 2 hours, then say, "righty ho, I'm off to see if the OW is any good now, don't worry hunny, if she turns out to be c**p I'll be back". HUH??????????? Felt bad saying that, I now you want to cling on, look for hope. Sorry. For some reason i'm imagining Wilson from Home Improvement. LOL!
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 A bus ride from Oregon to Alabama. She didn't fly because she doesn't have my money or the support of her family in this. Go figure. lol. :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: She won't do that more than once! Once to get here! And once to get back! She won't be able to handle the heat and humidity! You have to be Southern born and breed to deal with it! All I did was walk from the lab to the plant and broke out in a sweat! Jobs for women in Alabama? HA! You better have yourself a man! A PhD or something! I know of plenty of women that have a BS, BA, even law degrees working jobs in Alabama working jobs they could have gotten ~ would have gotten had they never gone to college. Here? Its not what you know? What college you went to? What degree you have? Its who you know or what family your married into or were born into! Its who your family is, who your Mama and Daddy are and 'is' If you move from Oregon to Alabama? If you weren't born, raised, went to elementary school, junior high school, high school in whatever town you settled in? You will never be accepted! If you moved from Oregon to here! You just as well be from Mars or Venus! People from Alabama are of or the most part from English/Scottish/Irish descent ~ and are very 'clannish'. They are of and for the "Clan" Alabama is sixth in the nation for murder, and sixth in the nation for divorce. We bottom out on things like high school graduation rates, STD's etc. (In the county of 30,000 ~only 31% of the population ~ 25 years or older hold a HS degree! )
LisaUk Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 For some reason i'm imagining Wilson from Home Improvement. LOL! What's home improvement and who's Wilson?
Gunny376 Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 What's home improvement and who's Wilson? An American SitCom
tojaz Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 What's home improvement and who's Wilson? It's not exactly Little Britain, but it's not bad.
LisaUk Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Thanks, I remember it now, it was on here years ago, watched it for a while, forgotton about it!
Loxx Posted August 9, 2009 Posted August 9, 2009 I have a question. The 180 doesn't speak about banking and bills. We have a joint account where both our paychecks are auto-deposited. I am affraid if I close my piece or the account that it only hurt things. Is it too early to close the account. My wife always took care of our bills and such. I know, my brother says I should, but honestly what message does that send and how much damage does it do? from a financial perspective: i would do two things 1. Get proof of the affair. 2. close and secure all finances. In Ga, if she leaves for an affair then she cannot get alimony, and you kids are too grown for Child support. Man get a lawyer and start shutting down anything joint. I made this mistake and pretty much my accounts were sucked dry.
Smung Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Raz, why no update? I would like to hear the latest on what is going on.
Author razghoul Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 I haven't updated because I no longer care. Things are falling apart and I can't handle it. I am weak, I am lost. All I get is negative. My wife isn't going to choose me. She isn't going to come back to me. So what's the use. I just need to move on if I can. Today is horrible. I have gone complete no contact and If I get on this damn computer I will blow it. I have already done everything wrong every single day. I am so deeply in love with my bitch of a wife and I don't know why. She has no heart or soul and everyone has been right and I have been so wrong. It's time for me to just accept that. Maybe in 6 months or never she'll come back. But she hasn't done anything to work on our problems and I have absolutely not control over it. I can't do anything to stop this or make it better. It's in God's hands now. I don't have a job, a phone or future in my eyes' right now. She is suposed to be home on Wednessday to talk to me. The waiting is cruel and unusual punishment. My kids are torn to the gills. I haven't told them anything and I have put on my best act ever for them. But they can't believe what their mother is doing anymore than I can. I have nothing left but to try and salvage my kids lives. And try like hell to stay sain. I haven't slept in 2 days nor eaten much of anything. And my mother is driving me nuts with her absolute me me negative crap. I can't do anything about this. I have read all the books spent hours on the internet looking for some thread of hope. It's gone right now. It's all gone. 28 years in the toilet all my plans shot to **** because my wife decides she "needs to find herself", " I love you, but I'm not in love with you". What a cop out, what a sleezy, cheep excuse to run away. "I don't want to cause you pain". Too FN late for that. Anyway rant over. I don't know what I am going to do. If she won't even give me a chance it's just not worth fighting for it anymore. Who knows by some miracle of God maybe she'll come home to me and want to. It sure doesn't look that way. Unfortunately I am a Keeper of the Covanant. So I get to look forward to what?
TrustInYourself Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I haven't updated because I no longer care. Things are falling apart and I can't handle it. I am weak, I am lost. All I get is negative. My wife isn't going to choose me. She isn't going to come back to me. So what's the use. I just need to move on if I can. Today is horrible. I have gone complete no contact and If I get on this damn computer I will blow it. I have already done everything wrong every single day. I am so deeply in love with my bitch of a wife and I don't know why. She has no heart or soul and everyone has been right and I have been so wrong. It's time for me to just accept that. Maybe in 6 months or never she'll come back. But she hasn't done anything to work on our problems and I have absolutely not control over it. I can't do anything to stop this or make it better. It's in God's hands now. I don't have a job, a phone or future in my eyes' right now. She is suposed to be home on Wednessday to talk to me. The waiting is cruel and unusual punishment. My kids are torn to the gills. I haven't told them anything and I have put on my best act ever for them. But they can't believe what their mother is doing anymore than I can. I have nothing left but to try and salvage my kids lives. And try like hell to stay sain. I haven't slept in 2 days nor eaten much of anything. And my mother is driving me nuts with her absolute me me negative crap. I can't do anything about this. I have read all the books spent hours on the internet looking for some thread of hope. It's gone right now. It's all gone. 28 years in the toilet all my plans shot to **** because my wife decides she "needs to find herself", " I love you, but I'm not in love with you". What a cop out, what a sleezy, cheep excuse to run away. "I don't want to cause you pain". Too FN late for that. Anyway rant over. I don't know what I am going to do. If she won't even give me a chance it's just not worth fighting for it anymore. Who knows by some miracle of God maybe she'll come home to me and want to. It sure doesn't look that way. Unfortunately I am a Keeper of the Covanant. So I get to look forward to what? She's gone, but so what? Did you lose or did you win by her deciding to leave?
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I know right! get your F-ing head outta your ass and cheer the F up! you get a new lease on life while she's still finding herself! Let's call a spade a spade it isnt you it's her! it's all on her! detach and file! you font need the heartbreak and when wedsneday come around be gone. Go out to a movie, or the mall, hang out, go to the bar. dont listen to whatever she has to say, it no longer matters, Get a lawyer and file. Forget her. All she's gonna do is be nice to you while she seeks other dicks inside her. That's what spouses that cheat do. That's why they say they need to find themselves. and 90% of the time. They figure it's on someone else's dick or vag. that's the bottom line. So forget her detox and kick her to the curb. Expose and be happy.
TrustInYourself Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 I think the main problem here is you're deep in the emotional throes of loss and regret. You're like a puppy that just got kicked in the face by it's master. You want to chase her and yelp at her ankles, when you should be off running in pastures chasing butterflies and eating shoes. You catch my drift? Have you ever skydived before? Go try that. Or start training for a half marathon. Do something insane that just opens your eyes to the possibilities of life.
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