LakesideDream Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 Raz, All the advice has been good so far. I went through exactly what you are eight years ago. It was no fun. I was left high and dry with a nasty little house (and mortgage) bills, and $134.00 in the bank. I was scared to death. Things worked out fine though in the long run. It took a long time to stop being angry and bitter. Almost 3 years. Other than deteriorating health, I'm much better off now. In all ways except emotionally. Truth is a marriage like yours, "ours" is something you never get over. The immediate loss of 25 years of friendship and partnership never goes away. There is a reality that your youth, health.. the prime of your life lost most of it's value as soon as it's over. That's something you just have to get through. The really bad and hurtful things you never "get over". At best you live through them and learn how to live with them. Good luck and gawds speed.
LisaUk Posted July 29, 2009 Posted July 29, 2009 I think I understand you Lakeside, I was with my ex 18 years, I guess it is like a death of sorts, it's the length of time, being with one who you thought was your life long companion, your Adam to your Eve or vice versa, family. All that time, suddenly they are gone, but unlike in death they choose to do this. Betrayal, of all those years, all those times, all that life.
Author razghoul Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 Thanks to all and yes the banking bussiness is done. "Go to the mattresses" Busines is business and love is something else. Owl, It's nice to finally hear a success story. Yesterday was a very hard day. Today was fair. Work helped a little. I also am using the MLC website. WOW WOW WOW WOW what an eye opener that is. I seriously was shocked and not only the similarities but the number of them. I am doing my work on myself. The thing is, I don't really know who I am at this point. I have been, daddy, husband, lover and man of the house for sooooo long it's hard to remember. I like motorcycles and if I wasn't so straped I would go get one. Life is funny. I have started walking again, I used to do 5 miles a day before my heart troubles. Now that, I am feeling stronger I have started again. a mile a day isn't bad. Did I mention this hasn't been a good year. My work is moving, had a heart attack, lost my wife (on my birthday), dog died. Kind of sucks to be me right now LOL. You all have been very helpful and your advice is priceless. I was so lost. It helps to be able to write it out, get it out, and figure it out. No contact may kill me, but something has to work. My youngest had a crying attack last night and I tried to help as best I could. He may not feel completely better, but I assured him that however it works out I am always going to love him and be there for him. anyway thanks all. more reading and rebuilding me.
tblucky Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 Welcome to the rollercoaster, my friend. You just took the first loop, and this goddamned ride doesn't stop for a while. The only thing I can tell you is to not push. Don't push. Likely, and nobody wants to hear it, she has found someone who is giving her attention that she thinks she needs. Midlife crisis, emotional affair, etc...these are all possibilities. But I'm not here to guess, I'm here to tell you as someone who has been going through this for a couple of months... ...we are here to listen. Write it out, brother. Talk to us. Listen to the advice you find, listen to Gunny...be strong for your children, and right now there is only one person for you too look out for...it is YOU. Get yourself under control, which I know is ridiculous advice because I'm still struggling, and try to understand the difference between your WANTS and your NEEDS. Also, I want to say I am sorry to hear your pain...this is nothing I would ever wish on another human being. Try to stay strong. good post dude
JamesG Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 My wife of 26 years has recently left me. She says she doesn't want me or need me any more. We have been together for 28 years. It was a love at first site affair and a real story book relationship. We have had our problems in the past but nothing this devestating. She says she doesn't know who she is and that she can't see a future together. I am completely crushed. I don't know how to express what I am feeling except that my whole life has been with her and our family. Our kids are grown up and my youngest will be 20 in a few months. She walked out on us last week and I haven't been able to work, or really much of anything except cry. (alot) I saw my doctor and got some drugs and it's leveling out my emotions to a point. I have seen the "180" plan on this site. And am hopeful that it will work. My wife just isn't herself right now I don't even recognize the cold heartless person I see. We haven't spoken for 2 days now. I just need this to be over with and her to come home. I am lost. It's all so bazare. I finally got the "Right now I just can't come back to you", I don't understand how someone can just not love you anymore without talking about it. I know how you feel it seems like when my wifes best friend told her about her husband my wife decided to do the same thing too me i guess girls dont only go to the bathroom in pairs but also break up togather i wish i had more advice to give but just hang in there and all we can doo is hope for the best or they come around to there senses just hang in there they will find out the grass isn't greener on the other side i clean the house and do all the chores right know and take care of the kids while she goes out and has fun with out me i guess she thinks that is ok but i have seen the light it is bright. Take care
JamesG Posted July 30, 2009 Posted July 30, 2009 My wife of 26 years has recently left me. She says she doesn't want me or need me any more. We have been together for 28 years. It was a love at first site affair and a real story book relationship. We have had our problems in the past but nothing this devestating. She says she doesn't know who she is and that she can't see a future together. I am completely crushed. I don't know how to express what I am feeling except that my whole life has been with her and our family. Our kids are grown up and my youngest will be 20 in a few months. She walked out on us last week and I haven't been able to work, or really much of anything except cry. (alot) I saw my doctor and got some drugs and it's leveling out my emotions to a point. I have seen the "180" plan on this site. And am hopeful that it will work. My wife just isn't herself right now I don't even recognize the cold heartless person I see. We haven't spoken for 2 days now. I just need this to be over with and her to come home. I am lost. It's all so bazare. I finally got the "Right now I just can't come back to you", I don't understand how someone can just not love you anymore without talking about it. It seems like my wife is going threw the samething but hers started when her best friend did it towards her husband i guess woman don't only go to the bathroom togather they break hearsts togather too. All i can say is hang in there and maybe she will come around. The hard thing is my wifes best friend is know staying with us so i have too girls going threw the same thing and i cant get anything out of ethier one of them. So just hang in there, My wife and her friend are taking a trip this weekend for three days by themself hopefully it will hope both of them and her friend will go home to her husband and my wife will have a answer for me i can only pray and wish.
Author razghoul Posted July 30, 2009 Author Posted July 30, 2009 I am so tired of this. I wish it was over. I've made my stand and I may just keel over from exhaustiion. Man my spelling is horrible. She goes the emergency room today with a bulging disc in her kneck and she doesn't want me there. You know it's hard being strong. (&^)^- what a day
Author razghoul Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 This evening isn't going well. I broke every plan I had a lost my cool on the phone. I can't believe the pure ignorance I experianced. I begged, I yelled, I cried. I complete went ugly. D*** it. My heart is in my throat and I am scared. I don't know where my beautiful, kind, and loveing wife has gone. The thing that has taken her place is cold and heartless. I feel like such a pussy right now. What is the marriage busters site? I ordered the Divorce buster book, I hope it gets here in a couple of days. Maybe if I can read some more it will help. Did I blow it completely?
tojaz Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 i have been reading some responses to your OP and you have got the best of the best of LS so far...tojaz, lisaUK Who, me?? You have got to be kidding, I am not even a pimple on the collective LS A$$. Thank you for the complement though. I've gotten quite a bit from your posts as well DELA. This evening isn't going well. I broke every plan I had a lost my cool on the phone. I can't believe the pure ignorance I experianced. I begged, I yelled, I cried. I complete went ugly. D*** it. My heart is in my throat and I am scared. I don't know where my beautiful, kind, and loveing wife has gone. The thing that has taken her place is cold and heartless. I feel like such a pussy right now. What is the marriage busters site? I ordered the Divorce buster book, I hope it gets here in a couple of days. Maybe if I can read some more it will help. Did I blow it completely? First of all, calm down! Panic is not going to help you. You didn't blow it, most of us have done the same thing, I know i did! Rule #1 DON'T PUSH!!!! this is not a race and the more you push, the less shes getting. If your talking and you get one or two points in stop! If she starts to get uncomfortable or angry STOP! If shes not open to what your saying and you keep pushing, the less interaction you will have. Not good for you. Rule #2 DON'T BE A PUSSY!!! At least not in front of her! Mine literally brought me to my knees and once right in front of her. She dosen't care right now. Your pain and needs mean nothing to her, your only hurting yourself. Your looking for Marriage Builders, not marriage Busters (that would be my ex) Try that and look at Plan A and Plan B in the articles section. Also read the threads I told you about, knowing the process is a big advantage. Good luck Raz, I'm watchin. TOJAZ TOJAZ
Smung Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Eveyone has down days! It just shows that you are human and still have feelings. Welcome to the human race my friend! The good news is that you can get right back on track tommorow. Now listen very Carefully here....... DONT CALL AND SAY YOUR SORRY!! All you will do is look weak in her eyes. That also means don't send flowers, get well cards, calling her family, etc. If you need to express yourself come here and write down your thoughts. Also, how did you know she was hurt? Did she call, or maybe the kids told you? Keep in mind that you are not in a great mental state right now and you NEED time to heal and get yourself togeather. You might think about ways to avoid contact with your wife. Not knowing about the day to day stuff that is going on with her can only help you not fall off the wagon. You might also want to think about removing things from your room that directly remind you of her. Pictures, letters, stuffed animals, that kind of stuff. You be the judge as you have kids in the house, but when I was going through my breakup it helped to remove any sign of the her being in my house. Keep updating... I'm proud that you ordered the book as reading about how people act and react in this type of situation is very helpful.... Stay strong and keep your chin up!!
Gunny376 Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Run silent and run deep! Easily said! Hard to do in your current state of mind! Do the 180's Print them off and read them 3X's daily! They work! But you've got to have the self discipline to make them work! Few do! It takes the concentration of a SEAL or Green Beret to make them work. A dedication of PURPOSE! Do them for yourself ~ not her! The 180's are about your state of mind! Not hers!
Author razghoul Posted July 31, 2009 Author Posted July 31, 2009 I am home today. I just can't seem to get my mind in the game. Got some good news my friend's wife actually mentioned MC to him. Yeah! I hope it works out for them. Maybe Mine will think about the same thing. She says see's never been alone before and maybe this some kind of MLC. She show's so many of the signs. I just don't know. She want's to talk later or at least that's email she sent me. I am ignoring it. 180. She has to come to me for this to work. I noticed today she has taken more of her stuff out of the house. I am going to have to take her keys. Unfortunately, The doors in our house are old and finding replacement locks is impossible. I don't mind that she takes her stuff it just seems so final. God I really hate this. I just wish she would actually talk to me about this. I am going cold and silent. She has to see that I just don't need her. I do but she can't know that. Everyone including my counselor says that I need to work on me. The problem is I don't really know what that means. I am 46 in pretty good shape, I am a good looking man or at least that's what I have been told. Not model quality but I have had enough women hit on me to think I'm not ugly either. I have a good job and I am a pretty good man. I love my kids and my wife and have always provided for them. I just don't understand how this happens. Maybe that's it. I have to achieve an understanding of who I am. I want MC for both of us. I am getting help because I know I don't have all the answers. She could have something wrong physically or mentally that could be causing this. Hell I don't know. I think that's what I hate the most, the not knowing and the extreame feeling of loss and failure. I hope you all have a great day
Smung Posted July 31, 2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Your doing fine, but I would suggest not taking too many days off work. You need some stability and work was part of your routine and should continue to be. I dont see an issue with changing your locks. I would not prevent her from removing her things. However, It's reasonable to require your wife to seek an approprate time to collect her stuff. If you cant handle being strong while she is taking her personal belonging then dont be hanging around. Go do something until she is done. Personally, I wouldn't want a bunch of her stuff around reminding me of the life before the separation. As to not knowing what "working on Me" means When I was going through my break up what "working on Me" meant was Being comfortable being by myself, and knowing that I didn't need to seek others approval in order to be Happy.
Author razghoul Posted August 1, 2009 Author Posted August 1, 2009 Is it normal to have so many bad days? I can't get over this. My W and son stopped by to pick up some clothes for my youngest. They are going of a trip to california tomorrow. It's been one they had planned since before the split. She and her friend are taking her oldest son to the airport in SF to go see his grandmother. She has said to me that "she has never been alone before", and that she needs to find herself. I don't think she realizes she isn't alone. She has had our friends that she is staying with, with her the entire time. She isn't getting the misserable alone time that I am. She has someone with her all the time. Now she may be looking at surgery on her neck for bulging disk. I am so impatient right now. It's been 3 Saturdays now that she has been gone. I am so lonely. I have started to pack up her stuff so I don't have to look at it. I still cry all the time and feel sick. My daughter stops by to check on daddy. She is such a sweat child. Ok she is 25 but she really is a God send. I just really don't want to be the crazy old man. I am eating agian, but I am still losing weight. The 6 pack is back, yea! I wouldn't suggest this diet to anyone. The mental part is unbarible. LOL. You know I need to work on me. But the truth is I was and am a great guy. I am a good husband and father. I have been someone that is a good friend to have. The emotional loss of my soul mate is killing me though. My wife always said I was the alpha wolfe. Too bad wolfes mate for life, how ironic. I refuse to give up. We are good together and will be agian. It is just impossible waiting for her to remember that fact. out.
tojaz Posted August 1, 2009 Posted August 1, 2009 I refuse to give up. We are good together and will be agian. It is just impossible waiting for her to remember that fact. out. Raz, it's remarks like this, that are going to keep you tied in knots. When people leave, they rewrite the relationship to justify their actions. All the good, all the love, gifts, XOXO's don't mean a damn thing right now. All she remembers is the bad, forgetting to put the toilet seat down and eying that waitresses cleavage. Your wife as you know her has left the building, and your not going to like her stand in much! Theres a post deep in my thread titled Chasing Ghosts. That was the moment I realized for myself, I would go read it. I'm not saying give up, or that it's hopeless, I'm just saying that waiting for her to change is just spinning your wheels. Change you, if your already a good guy, try and be a great guy! Every one has weaknesses, find yours and bolster them. This has to be about you, not her. The happy side effect may very well be that she likes what she sees, if not, your still a better man for it. TOJAZ
Smung Posted August 2, 2009 Posted August 2, 2009 Is it normal to have so many bad days? I can't get over this. My W and son stopped by to pick up some clothes for my youngest. They are going of a trip to california tomorrow. It's been one they had planned since before the split. She and her friend are taking her oldest son to the airport in SF to go see his grandmother. Answer: YES... It's normal to have many bad days. The good thing is that the roller coaster ride will start to slow down and at some point become a merry go round, and just like a merry go round, they are much easier to stop and get off!! Also, be strong.. I would not show that your sad that they are leaving on a trip or question it in any way. Just smile and let your son get some cloths....
Author razghoul Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 I didn't say anything about the trip or much of anything else actually. I was cheerful and oblivious. I will be fine. My concerns run deep, but for myself and my children at this point. I think I realized today that I need a break. When I think about the facts and put my desires aside for a moment it kind of makes me mad actually. She has given up on us or is very confused. The point is she is having an EA, whether she realizes it or will admit it. She is the one that left me. She needs counseling just as much as I do. For different reasons but still the need is there. She says she doesn't know who she is, she can't see a future. She also said before she left crying that she wished this was all over and we could just be normal again. To many conflicting stories and if that is what is going on in her head then by all means she needs help. I am concerned for her. But right now I have to be concerned with what I can do for my family. With or without her. If she can't get her S**t together do I really want to be a fall back guy or the second choice. I think not. I need some time myself to come to grips with what I want. I know what I need out of life and right now I have most of it. Food, a house, my kids healthy. Happy will come later for me, but at least it is out there I know that. I am hopeful for my friends situation. I wish I could be more supportive really but I have been so caught up in my own world that I really suck right now. He has had some good news his wife is actually talking about MC or working it out. From what I hear it sounds sincere. The thing is they are good together. A little odd with the play fighting but all in all I think that's just their style. I hope and pray that it works out for them. They both have really great hearts. I just think she may have lost hers for a period of time. Agape is a strange thing. Takes a lot of discipline really. So does this 180. It really is about reverse psycology. (Sorry my spelling is do dependent on spell checker). LOL. Someone wrote about how our realationships have never really evolved passed highschool. I would like to disagree with that really, but for some reason my arguments sound pretty stupid at point. My wife and I were high school sweathearts. I had girlfriends before. We met my senior year. Litterally moved in together halfway through. I had a very liberal mother. Too funny actually. The me that I think I was is showing up, although to be honest I didn't like that person much. I was always affraid of things. Anything new, rejection, I was very much into my comfort zones. I hated my home life as my mom and dad faught all the time and I would hide alot from it. Unfortunately leaving my brother and sister home to fend for themselves. I always envied my brother. He had it all, girl friends and lots of friends. He was adventorous and always seemed to know what he wanted and how to get it. He has been very helpful through this, understanding and mean. The mean really isn't mean it's just he has almost always told me how it is. I think I am going to get away for awhile. It may be the thing I need to wake the f**k up at this point. My counsler thinks I will be fine in time. I know right now I'm not. I keep a strong front up for my kids and infront of the wife. But Tojaz said it. I am in turmoil and unfortunately privately to my self I am lost. It should get better
tojaz Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Raz, You are not nearly as lost as you would believe. You know what you need and your going for it. Your thoughts are clearer then they have been. You, my man, have a plan. If you need a break, take one. Don't just take one from here or from your home, take one from your situation. Push it aside and look at the rest of the world around you. Comeback with a clear head and fresh eyes. She is conflicted as well. Remember that. Though it seems that way to you as it does to everyone left behind including myself. To her, it is what is best and right and healthy for her life in her mind, and only she, and time, can truly answer that. Any arguments or tit for tat will be contradicting her core beliefs at this moment.That is why there is nothing you can do to change her mind other then give her the opportunity to find the answers for herself. NC TOJAZ I didn't say anything about the trip or much of anything else actually. I was cheerful and oblivious. I will be fine. My concerns run deep, but for myself and my children at this point. I think I realized today that I need a break. When I think about the facts and put my desires aside for a moment it kind of makes me mad actually. She has given up on us or is very confused. The point is she is having an EA, whether she realizes it or will admit it. She is the one that left me. She needs counseling just as much as I do. For different reasons but still the need is there. She says she doesn't know who she is, she can't see a future. She also said before she left crying that she wished this was all over and we could just be normal again. To many conflicting stories and if that is what is going on in her head then by all means she needs help. I am concerned for her. But right now I have to be concerned with what I can do for my family. With or without her. If she can't get her S**t together do I really want to be a fall back guy or the second choice. I think not. I need some time myself to come to grips with what I want. I know what I need out of life and right now I have most of it. Food, a house, my kids healthy. Happy will come later for me, but at least it is out there I know that. I am hopeful for my friends situation. I wish I could be more supportive really but I have been so caught up in my own world that I really suck right now. He has had some good news his wife is actually talking about MC or working it out. From what I hear it sounds sincere. The thing is they are good together. A little odd with the play fighting but all in all I think that's just their style. I hope and pray that it works out for them. They both have really great hearts. I just think she may have lost hers for a period of time. Agape is a strange thing. Takes a lot of discipline really. So does this 180. It really is about reverse psycology. (Sorry my spelling is do dependent on spell checker). LOL. Someone wrote about how our realationships have never really evolved passed highschool. I would like to disagree with that really, but for some reason my arguments sound pretty stupid at point. My wife and I were high school sweathearts. I had girlfriends before. We met my senior year. Litterally moved in together halfway through. I had a very liberal mother. Too funny actually. The me that I think I was is showing up, although to be honest I didn't like that person much. I was always affraid of things. Anything new, rejection, I was very much into my comfort zones. I hated my home life as my mom and dad faught all the time and I would hide alot from it. Unfortunately leaving my brother and sister home to fend for themselves. I always envied my brother. He had it all, girl friends and lots of friends. He was adventorous and always seemed to know what he wanted and how to get it. He has been very helpful through this, understanding and mean. The mean really isn't mean it's just he has almost always told me how it is. I think I am going to get away for awhile. It may be the thing I need to wake the f**k up at this point. My counsler thinks I will be fine in time. I know right now I'm not. I keep a strong front up for my kids and infront of the wife. But Tojaz said it. I am in turmoil and unfortunately privately to my self I am lost. It should get better
Author razghoul Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Well, I just got let go at work. Isn't that just the best. The hits just keep comming. Well unemployed is certainly an attractive choice. I am so numb right now. They have been moving my factory to the site in CO. And I Guess I became too much of a risk. How the hell do tell the W that and expect any kind of reconciliation. I finally got her to go to MC. Well or at least talk about it. Sorry too fresh to make any sense right now.
tojaz Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 :eek:Sorry to hear that Raz, Isn't it odd how the world always seems to kick you while your down. Try and keep your head up bud. Post some more when you can sort your thoughts out. TOJAZ
Author razghoul Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I need some advice please. I am strugling with contacting the OM. He needs to stop contact. My family is falling apart and he's not helping by scamming on my wife. What should I do?
Billy Bob Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Did I mention this hasn't been a good year. My work is moving, had a heart attack, lost my wife (on my birthday), dog died. Kind of sucks to be me right now LOL. My ex-wife of 13 years pulled all this similar crud on me with two young children at home (4 & 6), right after my cancer diagnosis.. Fast forward 3 years and I have full custody of my kids, limited contact with the (miserable) ex-wife, a hot, smart new wife and another baby due this month (not sure that was the best decision).. but life is really good (and so far I have kicked the cancer)! Karma.. I can tell you how this could play out.. Your wife will remain distant in her affair fog.. you will go through months of trying to "win" her back, she will get nastier and nastier.. you will finally throw in the towell, file divorce papers.. she will run off to be with this guy she hardly knows... six months later she will want to talk as her life falls apart and this internet guy doesn't turn out to be the prince she thought he was.. At this point if your smart you will realize that no matter the history you had with this woman, she really isn't committed and your better off finding someone that wants you, not just uses you as a fallback. You have to realize how little your wife cares for you right now. She is doing this voluntarily and could give a rats ass about your feelings or history together.. she is imagining a life post-you.. she is planning a life post you. She will be nice at times and send you mixed signals because she is testing the waters, to see if she still has you on the hook.. just in case this affair doesn't work out. It's scarey to be alone (financially especially). Truth is she is done with you. I'd file seperation or divorce papers and go off and do your own thing. Human nature is hard to stop, most here waste months pleading with their WAS, trying to get them to understand how important their marriage is.. their life together is, etc.. Right now it's only important to you! You trying to convince her otherwise is like someone trying to push a new religion on you. Save yourself all the pain.. file.. You can always get remarried.. save yourself the months of trying to win back a non-committed partner.
Billy Bob Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 I need some advice please. I am strugling with contacting the OM. He needs to stop contact. My family is falling apart and he's not helping by scamming on my wife. What should I do? The other man isn't the problem.. it's your wife. There will be a thousand other men out there to take his place (especially on the internet). Don't confront the other man.., it never works. Your wife (and you) sound a bit naive about internet dating and the such.. I understand.. I was with my wife for 13 years and didn't hardly think about another woman. Your wife is chatting with some loser from another state (who is probably lying to her about numerous things).. If he's single he wouldn't be trying to establish a long distance relationship with a woman in another state (unless there is something really wrong with him).. think about it... I did a lot of online dating after I was divorced and let me tell you.. a person's online presentation is usually way off from reality. usually the chicks send the guys old pictures of them 50 lbs lighter and the guys send old pics with all their hair. It's all a game. I usually got all excited chatting with a gal online and exchanging a few pics.. when reality occurred and I actually met them on a date it was .. ewww! Or yuck! Didn't call back (My reaction, not theirs - I'm wonderful, just look at my pic.) Just let her keep chatting with the OM, I can almost guarantee that if they actually met it would be a letdown. And right now, if you want your wife back or not, you're not going to be able to control her and any attempt to interfere with her new private life with just fuel the fire and drive her further away. You really don't have any right to interfere in her affairs.. just saying.. 50% of all marriages fail (or is it higher?) and those people survive and (many) lead happy lives!
LisaUk Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Hi Raz Really sorry to hear about your job, another blow, you so did not need. Don't contact the OM, is worse thing you could do, like cta said, the OM is not the problem here, he is not the variable your w is! (By the way cta, commitment phobes like the long distance thing, if he is one this women is in for a world of pain). I know right now you are fighting with yourself internally, you want to gain some control over your situation, you need to find a way to get her back, you want this pain, this terrible ache of longing to stop. I get it, really I do, I was the same 5 months ago. The hard truth is, you can't control this, you can't make her do anything, you can only control what you do. Reverse psychology, the 180 or NC is the only way to go, for your sake as much as giving your relationship a chance. If it gets her to sit up and take notice, great, if not, it will have allowed you to distance yourself and start feeling better for you. It's win win either way.
tojaz Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Raz, Listen to them! I confronted OM! I found them in a bar together. We had a chat outside and I emphasized my point by kicking a hole in my car. He about wet himself, but it did nothing but draw her closer to him. Guess whos sitting in my seat now! I know it's an internet thing, but it will have the same effect. You can't control what shes going to do, and she is the one who betrayed you not him! Men who go after married women get theres eventually, let someone else deal with it. TOJAZ
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